


Today is Monday

by karasel



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Sexual Content, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-14
Updated: 2012-08-26
Packaged: 2017-11-12 03:48:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 138,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/486356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karasel/pseuds/karasel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alt. Ending to EatG where John does NOT escape the exploding hive ship and all mourn his loss.  Teyla begins to have strange and realistic dreams of him.  Meanwhile The Trust enjoy their newest acquisition and his unique skills.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

disclaimer:  Not mine, why aren't they mine? I want them to be mine but I am only allowed to play with them and then I must put them back where I found them.

Ratings and warnings:  M for violence/torture and sexual situations

A/N: The title **_Today is Monday_** is the title of a children's book and no offense is meant whatsoever to the incredibly talented Eric Carle.  This book is a favorite of mine and all children everywhere.

This was written for the Het Big Bang Challenge and has some beautiful pieces of art that were done especially for it by the very talented  ** _Twisted_Slinky._** These can be seen on AO3 or my LJ page.

[Today is Monday, by Twisted Slinky](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Het_Big_Little_Bang_2012/works/492737)

.

thanks:  to  ** _puerta de las estrelles_**  for her wonderful Beta, and to  ** _wisconsinrocks_**  for all the great medical advice and corrections. And to my darling  ** _Sara-Lee_** , because you are the absolute BEST!

* * *

**Today Is Monday**

by  _karasel_

.

"Come on, baby. Come on! Come on!" John Sheppard yelled as he tried to coax the controls of the 302 out of the spiral he had been thrown into after a lucky shot from a dart winged one of his engines.

The craft was now in a nose dive and John seriously wondered if this would be it. Would he end up splattered all over the Nevada desert and be dismissed along with all the other anomalies of Area 51?

As the ground rushed up to meet him at an alarming rate, John gave a little prayer that Atlantis would be able to get here in time to save Earth from the Wraith super hive ship that was approaching the planet. But he had his doubts since they had expected it would take the hive ship at least another week to reach the Milky Way. He didn't think Atlantis could travel fast enough to get here in time unless McKay or Zalenka pulled a miracle out of their asses.

John tugged as hard as he could in a last ditch attempt to get the ship under control and right as he thought he'd be squished like a bug against a windshield he felt the craft straighten out and respond to his commands.

John pulled the nose up and released a huge breath of relief as he looked around at his current location. To his dismay he saw a massive plume of smoke rising in the nearby sky. His stomach plummeted again as he realized what it had to be.

"Stargate Command, this is Sheppard. Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?"

" _It was a nice try, John_ ," came Samantha Carter's voice through his radio. " _There were just too many of them. The Chair's been destroyed."_

John closed his eyes and processed the news then pulled the stick again to take his 302 into a steep climb.

.

Carter watched the monitor at the SGC and saw his movements.

"Sheppard, what are you doing?"

" _I've got an idea_."

Major Davis watched the monitor as well and noted, "He's climbing rapidly. He's heading into the upper atmosphere!"

"Sheppard, your orders are to return to the base," Sam's voice rang out with authority though she knew John Sheppard didn't always respond to authority very well. But they had gotten along just fine when she had lead the Atlantis Expedition and she hoped John would listen to her now.

" _I've still got a nuke. I'm gonna finish this mission_ ," John stated firmly.

Carter shook her head even though John certainly couldn't see her. "You don't have enough fuel. You'll never make it to the Hive."

" _He got what he wanted. He's gonna come to us_."

Davis pointed at the monitor. "He's right. The Hive ship has changed course. They're on their way."

" _I've got enough fuel to establish orbit, then I'll shut everything down except basic life support. That way he won't detect me 'til it's too late_."

Sam felt her stomach drop. She didn't like the idea of John going after this hive ship on his own without back up. "Even if that  _does_ work, given what we know about this ship, one nuke is not gonna be enough."

John's voice remained calm but Sam could hear the steel resolve in his tone.  _"No, not from the outside. I'll wait for him to enter orbit, I'll fire up my systems, shoot my way through the Dart Bay door and fly the damned bomb right down his throat. Then I'll detonate it from the inside."_

John, I can't ask you to do that." Sam knew Sheppard was well known for being a daredevil and he'd done more than his share of suicide missions but this time there didn't seem as if there would be some miracle to save him.

" _Well, you're not asking. I'm volunteering. Look, without that Chair, Earth is basically defenseless, right?"_

Sam looked over at Major Davis and neither one of them said anything. They knew he was right. But Sam certainly couldn't advocate his doing this but it seemed they had no choice. If this worked they would lose one very good man. If it didn't, then the entire planet could be lost. Sam didn't know what to say. But John didn't seem to need her to say anything.

" _Right. Commencing radio silence. Sheppard out_."

Sam looked back at Davis and then had to look away. She really hated this part of the job. She knew that people made sacrifices all the time but John Sheppard was a good friend and an excellent leader. The SGC would be hard pressed to find too many others who had the courage, knowledge, and loyalty that John possessed. And she knew Atlantis wouldn't be the same without him.

.

* * *

.

" _Stargate Command, this is Sheppard. Come in_."

Carter hurried over to the console after a far too long period of quiet and answered, "Sheppard, where are you?"

" _I made it inside. Look, I don't have much time before this place is swarming with Wraith, so I'm arming the nuke_."

Sam really hated that he was doing this. But how many times had she and her team done things that were just as crazy and dangerous? Many times. But they had always somehow managed to come back. John was on a hive ship about to explode with no way off. What she wouldn't give for the Asgard to still be around and available to beam him off.

She didn't know what to say but she tried anyway. "John ... "

" _Just do me a favor_ ," John interrupted her. Sam could hear the edge in his voice and couldn't even begin to imagine what he was feeling right now. " _When Atlantis shows up_  ..." she heard him give a big sigh,  _"... tell 'em I said goodbye_."

Sam wanted to say more but she heard the definitive click of his radio. She knew he didn't want to hear platitudes and she was never very good at giving them anyway. She glanced over at Davis then turned to the monitors. The man had a compassionate expression on his face but since he'd only just met Sheppard he couldn't truly know how much John would be missed.

Sam walked around the room pretending to look at the monitors and screens projecting deep space images and sensor readings on them. Davis did the same although he at least was really studying them.

"The Hive has completed surface scans," he announced as he checked a few more bits of data coming in.

"They'll target military installations first," Sam theorized, "then the power grid – send the population into a panic. Then they'll launch the Darts."

Davis looked closer at one of the screens. "Looks like a hyperspace window or something is opening near the ship. Can't be another hive ship, can it?"

Carter swiftly shook her head. "No, we were told this was the only ship that got the information and had a ZPM to get here this fast."

She pressed a few keys to bring up more data on her screen then her eyes widened. "It's Atlantis! I don't know how they got here so fast but maybe they can do something about this hive ship before John detonates the nuke."

Davis pursed his lips as his mouth twisted. "There's no way we can contact him since he shut his radio off."

Sam just nodded sadly.

.

.

"Sir, the Hive is returning fire," Amelia Banks announced to Richard Woolsey as they entered orbit around the Earth and sent a few drones out to try and take them out.

The city shuddered as they were hit by the force of the Wraith weapons. A few consoles started to ignite and send out sparks. More impacts were felt and the city started to shake.

"Shields are down, seventy percent."

Woolsey looked around at the chaos and wondered how much good they would be if the city was falling apart from the journey. But he knew they had to defend Earth at all costs. He just wasn't sure it would be enough.

"Keep firing, Doctor Beckett!" he yelled into the comm knowing the Scottish doctor was doing the best he could. What they really needed was Colonel Sheppard. That man could get the city to do most anything he wanted it to. Woolsey sometimes wondered if Atlantis wasn't a little in love with him.

He shook his head at his little flight of fancy and kept his eyes glued to the screens.

After a few more hits Woolsey thought they were goners but suddenly Chuck got a weird look on his face and shouted, "There's a strange power surge coming from the hive ship."

Zalenka and McKay ran to their laptops and started punching buttons. But they never got very far in their analysis because the hive ship had little explosions emanating from inside.

"Carson," McKay screamed over his radio, "Try and move Atlantis away from the hive ship. It's about to blow."

And no sooner had they edged away then the hive ship exploded into a fiery mass sending the shock waves tumbling into the city to push it around even more.

Zalenka looked around frantically and called out to Woolsey, "The force of enemy blast has pushed us into a lower orbit! We're skimming the atmosphere!"

Amelia looked up. "It's draining the shield, sir!"

"Doctor Beckett, can you adjust our course?"

"I'll do what I can," Carson answered frantically. "But I've lost a lot of power. I'll be lucky just to land this thing without killing us all."

Woolsey nodded his head. "Do what you can, Doctor."  
.

.

Davis watched the monitors and noticed a slight power surge just seconds before the hive ship exploded into oblivion. The entire operations room in the SGC burst into applause.

Davis grinned and laughed in relief. "They did it! The Hive has been destroyed!"

He looked at Colonel Carter and noticed her smile wasn't quite reaching her eyes. Obviously she was relieved that Earth had been saved from a terrible fate but he also knew she had liked and deeply respected John Sheppard. Davis had read enough about him to know he had done amazing things though in a very unorthodox way. But he had been very successful in his position over the last five years and it was a shame it had to end this way for him.

Walter Harriman walked into the room and crossed to Carter distracting him from his thoughts.

"Colonel, we've been monitoring radio chatter. Several commercial vessels in the north Pacific have reported a giant fireball streaking across the sky."

Davis lowered his face into his hands. They may have been saved for now but this mess would be a nightmare to clean up.

He watched as Carter had a small conversation with Woolsey assuring everyone that Atlantis was still in one piece and heading over open water. Davis followed their trajectory.

"We are tracking them again. We should be able to project co-ordinates for splashdown."

They looked at the screen indicating that the city should be landing in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

"Walter," Sam directed, "you'd better get me the President. It looks like Atlantis is coming home."

Her smile widened then she closed her eyes and gave a deep sigh and added, "And get me some quick transportation out to them. Someone needs to tell them what happened."

.

* * *

.

"Sir, Colonel Carter's chopper just set down on the East Pier," Chuck looked up and informed Woolsey as he got the information over his radio.

"Thank you, Che… uh, … thank you."

Richard sighed and smiled back at him. "Can you inform the other senior staff and let them know we'll be meeting in the conference room?"

"Right away, sir."

Richard walked to his office, picked up his planner and laptop and walked slowly back to the conference room. It would be a few minutes before Carter got to the Control Tower so he actually poured himself some hot water, added his favorite Earl Grey and sat down to see if he could get a few sips before they needed to begin.

Soon people began to wander in but Woolsey merely greeted them and continued to sip his tea. He'd need to stop soon enough. He looked at Teyla and Ronon who sat further down the table, having left Sheppard's usual seat empty for him. Woolsey wondered if the Colonel would be with Carter or if he was still in Antarctica with the Chair. He knew it could take a while to get him back to this part of the world.

Dr. McKay and Dr. Zalenka made their entrance arguing about one of the city's systems that had been compromised during their journey here and he just smiled. Some things never changed. Dr. Keller strolled in next with Carson Beckett. Woolsey knew Beckett wasn't really senior staff anymore but after managing to get them here and landed in one piece he certainly wouldn't begrudge the man listening to the information on exactly what had happened to destroy the hive ship.

But he honestly didn't care  _how_  they had done it. It had worked and now Earth was no longer in danger of having their inhabitants sucked dry and lifeless. Yes, the facts weren't all that important in his mind right now. Funny how things changed in just one short year.

It was another ten minutes before Major Lorne walked in accompanying Colonel Carter. Lorne turned to leave but she waved him in and motioned for him to sit. Perhaps to take notes for Colonel Sheppard. Woolsey was very aware of how much of Sheppard's paperwork the Major actually did for him.

"Colonel Carter," Woolsey said and shook her hand as he stood up to greet her. "I have to say it's certainly lovely to see you and a bit surprising that we're all around to actually do it."

He motioned for her to have a seat right next to him and she did, her eyes taking in all the people around her.

"Why don't you fill us in on what happened here."

"Well," Carter began as she took a deep breath in. "The hive ship arrived long before we were expecting it. We figured it would be another week but apparently the ZPMs it had allowed it to travel much faster."

"Yes, well, we know how to do that too," McKay almost boasted. "It's how you people sent the Daedalus to us in our first year so quickly."

Sam nodded patiently as Woolsey scowled at him to let her give her report.

"Once it got close enough, it sent darts out and they headed straight for Area 51."

"But Sheppard took them out with the chair from the Ancient Outpost, right?" McKay interrupted again.

"Not exactly," Sam said and filled them in on why the Chair had been moved away from there.

"So, wait," Rodney started once more. "If Sheppard wasn't in Antarctica in the Chair, why isn't he here now? Where is he? Taking time off already?"

"Dr. McKay," Woolsey chastised, "Would you kindly let Colonel Carter finish with her report without interrupting her every minute."

Rodney sat back in his chair with a huff but stayed quiet.

"Colonel Sheppard took a fleet of 302's up and tried to defend the complex but they were outnumbered and the Chair was destroyed."

McKay started to butt in again but Woolsey gave him the evil eye and he sank back into his seat.

"Colonel Sheppard had made provisions to have the 302's outfitted with nukes before they took off and so he took  _his_  into the atmosphere and waited, powered down, until the Hive Ship got closer."

"The drones from Atlantis were barely doing any damage at all," McKay argued vehemently. "There is no way a nuke could have made a dent in the shield protecting that ship,"

Sam shook her head sadly. "No, not from the outside. John blasted through the Dart Bay doors and detonated the nuke from inside the ship."

"So if he detonated from inside the ship," Ronon scowled, "Then how did he get out before it blew?"

Sam sat quietly and took another deep breath. She didn't quite know how to answer that one. She found she didn't really need to.

"Oh my God!" McKay jumped up from his seat and shouted. "He didn't! That stupid, idiotic, brainless hero-loving fool went on another of his crazy suicide missions again, didn't he?" Rodney looked straight at Sam. "And you let him do this?"

Sam tried her best to remain calm but dealing with a hysterical McKay was not always easy. She gritted her teeth and replied, ""I ordered him to come back when he first started heading into the atmosphere. But I'm not sure we really had any other choice."

"Of course we had a choice!" Rodney howled in rage. "Atlantis would have taken care of the ship and he could have been down here drinking all my coffee on me right now."

"Rodney," Carson spoke softly trying to calm the man down. "I know you're upset but really think about it. The city wasn't in the best shape after our trip here. Could we have truly taken down the Hive Ship with the extra ZPM's and upgrades it had? Especially as our orbit started to deteriorate shortly after we got here."

"Yeah," Rodney rounded on his friend. "We, we … could have … I mean I would have … thought of something. Right Zalenka?"

Radek looked up from where he had been staring at his hands, deep in thought. "I suppose it is possible. But we did not expect Hive Ship to already be here. We thought we would arrive before and have time to make adaptations and be ready when they did. Truthfully we are lucky we did not take on more damage in their attack on us."

"But, but …" McKay stammered obviously distressed.

"I'm sorry, Rodney," Sam commiserated. "I know John was a good friend of yours. I'm sorry to all of you. I wouldn't have wanted him to do this either but you know John, he always did what he thought was right. And in this instance I'm not sure I could say he was wrong. The hive ship had already powered up their weapons to target major cities. John blew it up just in time."

"And he went out with  _honor,_ " Ronon said loud and clear though his voice had a tinge of sadness to it. "That's the right way to do it. You should be proud of him, McKay for saving your sorry ass instead of whining because he's not here anymore."

Rodney seemed to deflate and slumped back in his chair. "I know. I just …"

"Yes, Rodney," Teyla's emotion filled voice spoke up now. "We are all saddened and devastated at his loss but Ronon is correct. It is how John would have wanted it. It was his job to protect all that he served and that is what he did."

Sam cleared her throat and tried to get past the lump in it. "I spoke with the President earlier to inform him of the possible consequences of Atlantis hurtling though the sky not to mention the fact that the explosion from the Hive Ship was apparent in quite a few places in the world. Once I told him what John had done, he recommended he receive the Medal of Honor for his bravery and sacrifice."

"Whole lot of good that's gonna do him," McKay mumbled under his breath then folded his arms in front of him.

"It's what he deserves," Major Lorne now piped in. He had been sitting quietly alongside everyone else but hadn't said anything. "That medal is for people who have  _'distinguished themselves through conspicuous gallantry at the risk of their life above and beyond the call of duty while engaged in an action against an enemy of the United States_ '. I don't think anyone could argue that Colonel Sheppard not only gave his life for his country but for the lives of everyone on this planet."

The only answer he got was silence. No one would dare argue with those facts.

Sam looked around at the assembled group and took a deep breath. "In his last communication … John told me … to say goodbye to all of you."

More silence fell over the room then Woolsey started to ask Carter questions regarding the President and Teyla decided she would make her escape. She did not think she could sit here any longer and listen to the politics of this planet. She knew they were certainly of great consequence but right now she had more important things to do.

"If you will excuse me, Mr. Woolsey, Colonel Carter, I need to see to Torren. I …" she couldn't finish her sentence but no one really expected her to. They all knew how she felt.

Sam and Woolsey both nodded and she quietly slipped out of the room. She walked past the smiling faces of the techs in the control room who had no idea of the enormity of the news they had just received. To them Atlantis was safe and Earth had been saved. She would not be the one to tell them their Military Commander had been the one who was responsible for the safety of this planet but that he had died while doing it.

She moved quietly down the stairs and continued down the hallway as her mind tried to process the fact that John would no longer be around. She stopped to lean against the wall, her strength leaving her momentarily. Her eyes filled with tears and she took in a few shaky breaths. She did not want to believe it but she had witnessed the explosion of the Hive Ship and knew no one could have survived that if they had been on board. And Colonel Carter said the nuclear weapon had been attached to the ship that John had flown inside.

After many minutes of wandering, Teyla found herself in the crews quarters atrium heading down the hall where John's room was. She glanced around and saw the hallway empty so she waved her hand and entered his room. She knew she had said she needed to see to Torren but she also knew that she needed a little time to cope with her grief before she saw her child. He could sense her feelings and right now they were extremely strong and filled with sorrow.

Teyla allowed the door to close behind her and she stood just inside and looked around. It had been barely a day ago that she had stood right here as John packed for his trip to Earth. He had been given a half hour to grab a few things before he left and Teyla had sought him out during this time.

He had greeted her as usual and continued throwing things in his bag for a moment then had stood up and looked at her with a half smile.

"Atlantis is leaving the Pegasus Galaxy for Earth in a little while," he had told her. "You should get Kanaan and Torren and make sure you get to New Athos before they leave."

She had stood proudly before him and replied, "I am not leaving and Kanaan is already there. Torren will stay in the city with me. I do not wish to be separated from him if Atlantis is not able to return immediately."

John had taken a few steps and placed his hands on her arms. "Teyla, it might not be safe here for Torren. I know you don't want anything to happen to him and I don't either. I've gotten used to having the little rugrat around."

Teyla had smiled at John's nickname for her son but argued for his staying. "Dr. Spencer in the biology department has told me if it seems unsafe for us, she will take us in a cloaked jumper and leave the city to be safe. I hope it will not come to that but I will not leave Atlantis when for so long she and her inhabitants have fought bravely for us. But I also will not be without my son."

John's thumbs had moved in a gentle caress up and down her arms. "What about Kanaan? Doesn't he have any say in what you do?"

Teyla's eyebrows had risen when John asked this question and she had suddenly realized that John thought that she and Kanaan were a couple. She knew it had been time to explain otherwise.

"Kanaan is Torren's father and as such has certain rights, however he does not have any right to tell  _me_ what to do. We simply share a child and friendship, nothing more."

John's eyes had narrowed at this information and she knew they did not have much time before he left. "So you and Kanaan … you aren't … you know … together?"

"No, John," she had responded. "I am sorry I did not make this more clear to you but I did not think it truly mattered."

John's eyes had grown dark and intense and his hands held her more firmly. He took a deep breath and sighed. "Maybe it would have."

Teyla had thrilled at these words but before she could respond to them John had turned his head and she heard him called over his radio. They were ready to send him to Earth.

"I've got to go, Teyla," John apologized as his hands reluctantly left her arms. "We should talk about this more when everything is settled, okay?"

Teyla had nodded sadly then reached for John. "Please be careful and safe, John."

John gave a crooked smile and said, "I'll try. You, too."

But he had actually allowed her to glide into his arms and hug him without flinching or stiffening up as he usually did. She had in fact felt his arms tighten on her in comfort and reassurance. And she had felt his lips in her hair. But then he had left her standing there alone as he trotted down the hall to the gate room.

Just as she was standing alone here right now.

She moved around the room and finally sat down on the bed. Her eyes roamed and settled on the many items John had brought to this place to make it more of a home to him. She still did not understand this game of golf that he liked to play and she truly wondered how he managed to stay upright on the small wheeled board in the corner.

Her glance landed on his guitar and she smiled when she remembered the many times she had brought Torren here and John had played this instrument and sung a silly tune to make him laugh. She knew John did not let others see him play this but she had felt honored that he had allowed her and her son to receive this gift of his music.

She remembered that he had promised that someday they would do a song together where he played and she sang. Teyla knew he was only speaking in jest as he was far too reserved and awkward in public situations for something like that. But she had hoped that perhaps some day they would do this even if it was just here in his room.

But now that would never happen. His guitar would sit here, silent and still and Torren would not get to hear John's low voice warbling out ridiculous lyrics that made absolutely no sense but which made the child giggle hysterically. She wondered if John had made up some of these songs or if they did indeed exist.

Teyla moved to the instrument and strummed her fingers down over the strings. John had offered to teach her how to play it at one point but she usually had Torren in her arms or was attempting to keep him from chewing on everything in John's room, so it had not been feasible. Perhaps there was someone else on Atlantis who could show her. She did not think John would mind if she borrowed his guitar to learn.

She strummed a few more times then lowered it to its stand and wandered around the room. She looked out the window and was surprised at how different the scene was from their previous location. It was still filled with ocean but John's room faced the sparkling Earth city and she could see many of the fascinating sights from here.

But she did not wish to think about being here on this planet without John to show her all the places he had described to her over the years. She turned and moved throughout the room looking at all that belonged to John. She opened his closet and touched his clothes hanging in there then took a shirt from his hamper and pressed it to her face. It still had a strong odor of John, his soap and deodorant mixing with his sweat and general earthy scent. But it was all too much.

She kept the shirt in her hands and moved back to the bed where she collapsed against it, still holding the fabric to her face. Tears began to flow and she found no matter how hard she tried to stem them, they would not stop. And she knew she should not try to. She needed to mourn and it was best to do it here where no one could see her. Out in public she needed to be strong and stoic but in here she could allow her feelings and emotions to come out in full force.

She adjusted herself and lay on John's pillow though the scent on that filled her with even more memories of him. Her tears continued to fall in earnest and she did not even attempt to stem them anymore.

She was not sure how long she lay there wallowing in grief but eventually she felt another presence and opened her eyes and raised her head to see Ronon lowering himself to sit beside her. His hand reached out and stroked her arm and he gave her a tiny smile.

"Figured I'd find you here," he said softly as Teyla sat up and wiped the moisture from her eyes.

Ronon handed her a box of tissues and she gratefully took a few and cleaned herself up. "Thank you, Ronon. I … uh …"

"You don't have to say anything. I know how you feel. I spent the last hour punching that big bag thing in the gym and McKay locked himself in his lab and won't let anyone else come in, even Keller."

Teyla took in a wobbly breath and responded, "I know I should go get Torren but I do not wish him to see me this way. He will be very upset if he knows I am upset. I thought by coming here I could perhaps find some perspective and get through my grief. But I am finding all of John's belongings are causing more pain and misery than anything else because they remind me of everything that was so good and decent about him and knowing we will no longer have that is unbearable."

Ronon didn't reply to this just pulled her to him and held her close. Teyla could feel the misery and despair radiating from him and so she leaned against him and held him close to try and assist each other with their grief.

.

* * *

.

She walked down the hallway, her blonde hair swinging with the rhythm of her steps, and took note of the damp, cool air that permeated this part of the old building. Her office a few floors above, though still built with brick walls, was considerably more comfortable.

She turned to the man beside her and asked, "Has our guest been made comfortable since he arrived here?"

The tall, dark skinned man smiled though there was no warmth in that either. "He's about as comfortable as he's gonna get. I've seen you work. I don't imagine this will be a vacation for him."

Her own smile mimicked his, though had a wicked twist to it. "That is true. I do have plans for him. This really was a lucky catch. Remind me to reward the one who got this information to us."

He merely nodded and stopped at a large wooden door halfway down the hallway. He inserted a key and twisted the knob then pulled the thick wood open. A small room maybe twelve by twelve was illuminated only with light coming through a tiny, high window on the back wall. A rough commode and sink were inserted into a little alcove on the right while two more doors lined the left side.

Her eyes took in all the details and smiled when she saw the bar overhead with the thick chains hanging down to just a few feet above her head.  _This would do perfectly_.

"Open it up!" she ordered her associate then took a step through the door closest to her.

This room was even smaller, no bigger than perhaps six by six and aside from the door she had just walked through, there was nothing but stone surrounding the four walls. Though now one of those walls had a very nice decoration.

"Hello," she greeted and saw narrowed eyes glare at her in the dim light. "I hope you like our hospitality so far. I can't tell you how excited I am to have you come and visit with us. You're exactly what we needed around here to spice things up."

"Sorry to disappoint you," the low voice of her prisoner rumbled as his mouth crooked sideways. "But I'm usually a bit of a party pooper myself. Not sure I'll be spicing anything up. You might want to look for someone a bit livelier than me."

She gave a wider smile and her eyes glowed, literally. That made the man sit up straighter and she saw his Adam's apple move up and down nervously. But he didn't say anything else.

"I am Athena," her tone echoed in the small room as she stared at the anxious man sitting on the floor. "Do not worry, I am sure you will give me many hours of entertainment. I believe we will become very good friends."

He rattled the chains holding his hands about a foot above his shoulders. "I'd get up and shake your hand but as you can see I'm a little tied up right now. But if you want to let me out of these I'd be happy to greet you properly."

Her eyebrow rose. "Oh, you will be removed from them daily, do not worry. You will see I am a very precise and methodical person. I like organization and structure and so we will quickly fall into a systematic routine. You will always know what day it is and what to expect."

"What is it you  _want_  from me?" he said as he pulled on the chains binding his wrists once again. "Not that I don't appreciate your pulling my bacon out of the fire like you did, but I'm wondering  _why_  you did and how you even knew I was there?"

She looked at the man standing near the door and nodded. "We have many associates who keep their eyes open for  _unexpected_  opportunities that could possibly benefit our organization. We were monitoring the situation that you found yourself in and were prepared to act if you had not been successful. We couldn't take the chance of this planet being attacked while we have a base set up here."

" _We_ being The Trust," he said astutely. "I recognize you, you're Charlotte Mayfield, former Vice President of Farrow-Marshall Aeronautics. You've got a nice little file going at the SGC."

"Very impressive," she answered. "I see you've done your homework. Unfortunately many of my former associates had the misfortune of meeting up with some of  _your_  associates. I've been trying to rebuild this little empire and now with you here, I have a much greater chance."

The chained man just stared, unsure where she was going with this. She signaled for the man behind her and he left the room. She then took a step closer and lowered herself to run her hand through the unruly dark hair.

"You are very handsome and have a certain charm about you. I do believe I will have fun playing with you."

"Playing? Sure," he quipped. "Maybe we could begin with Hide and Seek. I'll start. You close your eyes and count to … say… a million. Then you can come look for me. What do you say?"

She chuckled and her eyes glowed yet again. "I do not think that will be our first game. I have several others in mind. I am sure you will come to appreciate them."

The door behind them creaked a bit and she stood and moved aside. Her dark skinned friend had returned with two other very large men, one of them holding a hand gun.

"Yes," she said at the questioning look of her prisoner. "That is your weapon that we  _borrowed_  from you when we first brought you here. We wouldn't want you to hurt yourself with it so we'll just hold it for now."

She stepped back and watched as the three men unchained her guest and attempted to pull off his outer button down shirt. When she saw how much he struggled it pleased her. There was nothing more boring than a complacent playmate. She moved to the outer room and reached inside the box that had been brought in behind her.

When she had chosen her toy for the day she turned and watched some more as the green t-shirt was removed as well and her visitor was attached to the chains hanging from the beam across the low ceiling. And he was still struggling valiantly.

She moved around the room until she was facing him and held his gaze. "There are a few reasons you've been brought here and I assure you very soon you'll know what they are. But first we have to make you understand that we have certain ways of doing things around here. Like I said earlier, I'm very organized and methodical so we need to establish some routines from the start. Once you understand them, we can begin to move toward your true purpose in being brought here."

She held up the leather whip so he could see and his jaw clenched and his green eyes grew darker. She could see his handsome chest rise and fall in trepidation and she could feel her own excitement rise.

She walked slowly around him again and stroked her finger down his back. She felt him flinch at the contact and an evil chuckle escaped from her lips.

"Do not worry, Colonel Sheppard, this is your first day here. I'll be very gentle with you."

And with that she let the leather fly and tear across his skin. She saw him arch his back and grunt but he didn't cry out.

"This is just the first of many games I like to play. And so you'll remember  _when_  we play this one, I'll let you know …"

She let the whip fly again and taunted, "Today is Monday."

.

 


	2. Two

**Chapter 2**

.

"David, while you were picking up Scotty from Little League, Don Riverton called again. Have you had a chance to speak with him yet?"

Dave Sheppard looked up at his wife from his desk in his office and replied, "No, Amy, I haven't. I know I need to talk to him but I still don't have an answer from John. In his last e-mail he said he would get the papers back to me as soon as he could but he also said it could be a few months before they travelled to him and back again. I wish I knew where the heck he was so I could just fly there myself and get him to sign them finally."

Amy moved behind her husband and began to rub his shoulders. "I don't know that I want you where  _he_  is. My guess is it's somewhere very dangerous. Do you think he's stalling because he doesn't want the money? He told you that right after the funeral."

"Who wouldn't want a big chunk of money and a few houses?" Dave groused back. Dave didn't want to believe that John didn't want his inheritance because then he would feel even guiltier for basically accusing John of being greedy at the wake. But in all honesty he now thought John really could care less about it. It had been well over a year and John had done absolutely nothing to try and get any of what he had inherited.

And it had been substantial. He knew he had insinuated to John that he thought  _he_  would be getting most of it but in reality, John had gotten his share. Yes, Dave had gotten controlling interest in the company and a larger portion of the money but John had been left with several of their houses, a good amount of cash and enough stocks to make him second largest stockholder. It was nothing to sneeze at.

But the few e-mails he had gotten from his brother had indicated John was in no hurry to claim any of it. Dave couldn't understand him sometimes. He seemed happy to be playing soldier in some God knows where forsaken part of the world.

"I'll call Don tomorrow morning from work. Did Kristy's costume for the recital fit okay? You were doing that this afternoon, weren't you?" Dave tried to change the subject. Talking about his brother always got him in a bad mood. He didn't know why and he certainly didn't want to analyze it. Because if he did he knew it would all stem back to how guilty he felt that he and John hadn't remained as close as they had been when they were younger.

"Yes, it fit fine and she looks adorable," Amy answered. "She is so excited about being on stage Sunday afternoon. I just hope she remembers her choreography."

Dave chuckled. "She's not even four, isn't part of the fun having them all forget what they're doing on stage so the parents can get it on tape and blackmail them when they're older?"

"David!" Amy chastised jokingly as she swatted his shoulder. Just then the doorbell rang and they both looked up.

"Are you expecting someone?" Dave asked as he looked at his watch and saw it was after eight.

Amy shook her head but indicated she would get it. She quickly walked through the hallway to the front door and opened it. The sight greeting her made her pause for a second. Two figures in military blues stood there, faces grim.

"Can I help you?" she asked cautiously.

The blond female gave her a tight smile and said, "Is David Sheppard home? We'd like to speak with him, please."

Amy nodded and stood back to invite them in. "Why don't you wait in here, I'll go get him." She left them in the living room right off the front hall and almost ran to her husband's home office.

"David," she said breathlessly as she stuck her head in the room. "It's two military people and they want to speak with you."

"Oh God!" Dave groaned and closed his eyes for a second. He knew it had to be about John. His company had military contracts but they always met him at work. He hoped he was wrong though. He got up and swiftly followed Amy back to the living room. A distinguished gentleman with gray cropped hair and a slightly younger woman with her blond hair pulled back in a braid stood looking out the front window. They were both in what John called dress blues.

"What can I do for you?" Dave called out softly so as not to startle them.

"Mr. Sheppard," the man, who Dave now saw from the stars on his shoulders, was a general. "I'm General Jack O'Neill and this is Colonel Samantha Carter from the United States Air Force."

Dave reluctantly shook their hands. He really didn't want them to be here. He eyed them warily.

The general took a deep breath then began, "I'm sorry, Mr. Sheppard, it is with deep regret that I inform you that your brother, Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, was killed in action yesterday. You have the condolences of the United States Air Force and the United States government."

Even though Dave had suspected that was why they were here it didn't hurt any less to hear it out loud. He took another deep breath and moved a foot back to sit on the couch. Amy sat next to him and her hand slid into his right away. He wasn't even sure what to think or how to react. He had only seen his brother a few times in the last five years and even before that it had been sporadic. He and John had been close as brothers when they were little but as they had grown older they had grown apart.

David knew much of that was his fault and he was readily able to admit it now. He'd done a lot of thinking over the past year or so since their father had died. Not that John had been completely innocent in the whole thing. But Dave knew when he had sided with their Dad regarding John's going into the military and not joining the company, their relationship had gone downhill. Now it seemed he had as many regrets as their father had. He had hoped that he and John could someday regain their old camaraderie and closeness if John ever came home long enough for them to connect again. But now that would never happen. And it left him with a hole deep inside him.

Dave took a minute to regain his composure then looked up and held out his hand to the chairs opposite. "Do you have a minute? I'd like to ask some questions."

They glanced at each other then sat on the chairs. "Your brother's work was highly classified so we really can't give you too much information in that regards," Colonel Carter informed him.

Dave nodded. He had figured that out during their father's funeral when John had gone running off to do something work related. A few days later he had shown up at the house to talk and Dave had noticed more than a few bruises and some tenderness when he moved. But John had tried to hide it and Dave hadn't bothered to ask since he knew John would never tell him anyway.

"How was he killed? I know you can't give me details and I'm not sure I want them anyway. But was he in an aircraft?" Dave gave a dry chuckle. "He loved flying. That's how he would have wanted to go."

Carter nodded and simply said, "Yes, he was."

"Was it sudden or did he know it was coming?"

O'Neill and Carter seemed to shift restlessly then O'Neill gave an almost indecipherable nod as if allowing the woman to say something.

"Mr. Sheppard," she began though he could tell she was uncomfortable with what she about to say, "John was on a mission of vital importance. The sacrifice that he made potentially saved the lives of millions of people. He knew what he was doing. It was his idea in fact."

"Sacrifice?" Dave questioned. "Are you telling me that John got himself killed on purpose? It was a suicide mission. And his commanding officer allowed him to do this?"

Carter's jaw clenched and her eyes grew sad. "Actually John's orders were to return to base after his first mission failed but he didn't listen. He changed objectives and I honestly couldn't argue with him. We all knew what was at stake. And he was successful with that objective."

O'Neill now cleared his throat. "Just so you know, Mr. Sheppard, the President of the United States himself knows exactly what John did for this country and beyond. He plans on posthumously awarding John the Medal of Honor for his bravery and sacrifice."

Dave looked curiously at them both. "You keep calling him John, did you know him personally?"

"Yeah," O'Neill replied. "He was a royal pain in the ass most of the time but he saved mine a few times and he was damn good at his job. It'll be damn near impossible to replace him."

Carter looked at O'Neill and frowned slightly. "John may have been a bit  _unorthodox_  in his leadership style, like others I know, but his troops were loyal and supportive of him and they all respected him immensely."

"His troops?" Dave looked confused. "I thought he flew helicopters and fighters. He led troops, too?"

"He was a Lt. Colonel in the Air Force and he had a great deal of responsibility in his job," Carter supplied. "He commanded a base of over a hundred troops. But John also liked to stay in the action so he went on many of the missions himself. And truthfully he was always the best pilot we had."

Dave took in all this information and wondered why his brother had risked his life when he had so many men working under him. But then their father had always told them to never just hand off the hard work to others. In order to stay sharp you needed to stay skilled at what you did. John apparently kept that ideal in his head even though he wasn't in the same business.

"Mr. Sheppard," Carter got his attention as he sat with his memories. "We'd like to know if you want anything special planned for John. He's earned the right to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery unless you have a family plot that you'd prefer."

Dave felt a tug near his heart, thinking of John resting next to his parents but then a thought came to him. "Is there even anything to bury?"

O'Neill grimaced a tiny bit. "No. It would just be ceremonial. But I know many of his troops are hoping to attend but that wouldn't be possible at a family plot. But you certainly have that option."

Dave looked down at Amy who gave him a watery smile. She had liked John even though they hadn't spent a great deal of time together. He knew John should be buried with the family but then it really wasn't John. It would just be an empty casket. And he knew John would most likely be thrilled to have a ceremony at Arlington. The military had been his life.

"I know John would be honored to have his name at Arlington. Do you need us to do anything for the service? And when would it be?"

"Well, the President has an opening in his schedule to present the Medal of Honor on Friday morning this week. I know he was thinking of doing it at the service so he could present it to John's family. Would that work for you?"

Dave's mind was spinning with things that needed to be done at work but in the end he knew it didn't matter. He looked down and Amy nodded at him.

"That's fine. If you let me know what time, we'll be there."

"The government owes John a great deal and so we'll have a hotel room for your family plus fly you there and back. You shouldn't incur any expenses for this," Carter offered.

Dave knew he had a private plane and should probably use that but he'd let these people do what they thought they should for John. Even though he was hurting, he could tell these two were also affected by John's loss as well.

They all stood and O'Neill shook his hand again. "We'll be in touch with the details and see you in a few days. Again, I'm very sorry for your loss. John was a good man and he'll be missed."

Carter just nodded and Dave saw her eyes gloss over with moisture as she shook his hand. He squeezed it and thanked her.

"I appreciate your coming personally to let me know instead of sending someone who didn't know John. And thank you for the little bit of information you were able to give me. I  _am_  proud of John and what he did for this country. I just wish it hadn't been him."

He walked them to the door then closed it and leaned his head against the hard wood. He felt Amy walk up behind him and lay her head against his back.

"I am so sorry, honey," she sniffed and he could tell she was crying. Her arms slid around him and he turned so she was facing him and he slid his own arms around her as well. He held on tight for a few minutes just allowing her love and warmth to give him strength. He knew he'd need it in the days to come just as he had when his Dad had died.

He finally lifted his head from where it had been resting on hers and he leaned down to give her a small kiss. "Thank you for being here, Amy. I don't know what I would do without you. But right now there are a few phone calls I need to make. Some of them are work related if I need to be off on Friday but there are a few people I should call too."

Amy stepped back and lifted her hand to caress his cheek. "I'll be right here if you need me."

Dave kissed her again and smiled. He knew she would be there for him. She always was. But right now he had a belly full of regret. John had needed him at times and he knew he hadn't been there for  _him_.

.

* * *

.

"How are you enjoying your stay here, Colonel Sheppard?"

John reluctantly lifted his head and still had a hard time thinking that this beautiful woman had a slimy snake in her head. Until she gave him the glowy eyes. He had to admit that freaked him out. And she always did it right as she was about to strike.

He took a deep breath wondering what today's little treat would be. It had been something different the last few days. Monday he had been lucky enough to get whipped. He still couldn't lean all the way back against the stone wall without the tender skin burning in agony. But she had been truthful when she said she would go easy on him. She had only struck him ten times. He knew it could have been far worse. But the ten she had given him had hardly been light and easy.

When they had unchained him he had barely been able to stand. They had then left him alone on the cold stone floor and slid a bowl with some oatmeal like substance in it next to him. He hadn't realized it would only stay around for a short time. Less than an hour later they had come back and dumped the bowl in the sink and dragged him back into the dark, little room and chained him to the wall again.

He pulled at the chains and felt his shoulders twinge at the weird angle they had needed to stay in over the past few days. It was hardly comfortable. Especially after yesterday's little games.

Mayfield or Athena or whoever she was at the moment had pulled a long wooden stick from her box of tricks and had smacked him around as he'd hung like a side of beef from the chains overhead. He still could barely move his left leg where she had likely fractured a bone. But if he looked on the bright side of things, they hadn't stripped his shirts off for that bit of fun. He wasn't sure his t-shirt would have come off all that easily anyway since he was pretty sure the dried blood from the whip marks had glued the thing to his back.

Now it was Wednesday as he was sure she would tell him. She seemed to get a kick out of informing him what day it was and he wasn't sure what her reason for it was. He honestly didn't think he wanted to know. He'd never really had a whole lot of contact with these snake heads but he could tell he didn't like them already.

The two jumbo guards who had ' _assisted_ ' him yesterday and the day before entered the dark room he had been calling home for two days and reached to undo his chains though they kept the metal cuffs attached to his wrists. He put his best effort into struggling against them but he already knew it would be futile. They outweighed him by at least fifty pounds each and he wasn't in optimum shape with his body screaming from the bruises all over and the slices down his back. And he hadn't had anything to eat or drink since he'd been here. He'd missed yesterday's bowl of mush too.

Once his cuffs were hooked onto the overhead bar, he heard Athena/Mayfield walk over. He was facing the small window and she ran her hand over his back as she had the last few days. He tried not to flinch as she did this but his back was still on fire and the thought of her touching him more than freaked him out. He sometimes wondered if that thing could escape from her head and go inside him. He'd heard that had happened to Carter and he couldn't think of much worse. Okay, maybe being sucked dry by a Wraith was pretty darn close.

"I have something special today for you, Colonel," she purred as she moved around to his front and he saw her holding a long metal staff with two pointed prongs on the end. John didn't like the looks of it.

"This is called the Rod of Anguish by my people," her voice echoed in the room and John tried to look away as her eyes glowed in the dim light. "Often it is used as a means to procure information but many use it simply for enjoyment. I will admit to a fondness for this device for both of those reasons. Today I am not asking you any questions so it is simply for pleasure. Unfortunately it will be my pleasure, Colonel Sheppard, not yours."

John stared at the rod and wondered what kind of anguish it would inflict though he didn't doubt it would be bad. The Goau'ld weren't really known for their mercy. Too soon he found out.

Athena moved around him some more and touched the tip of this rod to his hip. John felt an electric shock course through him and he arched his back and a scream was ripped from his throat. He immediately clamped his lips together and gritted his teeth. He didn't want to give this bitch the pleasure of hearing him yell. He wasn't sure he would have a choice though.

And sure enough when she touched it to his already sensitive back, another howl came out as the metal dug into his wrists when his legs gave out and he found himself dangling. He tried to push himself back onto his feet but she pressed the rod again to his stomach this time and he bucked and writhed in agony as bolts of energy shot through him. She barely gave him a few seconds before she touched him again this time on his neck.

John started coughing wondering if his lungs still worked as they felt like they were on fire. His whole body was twitching and he couldn't stop it. But she didn't stop either. A dozen more times she gently touched him with the stick but it didn't take more than a light touch for the energy bolt to race through his insides and steal his breath away.

Finally she stopped and John felt his hands being released. He honestly couldn't see and he wondered if his eyes were permanently welded shut. He was unceremoniously dropped to the floor and he curled up in a ball hoping they would just leave him alone to die. He wasn't sure he had any other options right now he was in so much pain.

"I do hope you'll eat something today, Colonel," snake lady hissed at him and he heard her heels click on the hard floor near his head. "You know I only give you one meal each day and you've missed the last two. You need to keep your strength up so you can continue to play these games with me."

Her footsteps got further away. "You also should use the facilities while you're in this room. Your own little room isn't equipped with much else."

John tried to laugh but only ended up coughing which sent him into more spasms of pain as his bruises, back and now twitching muscles protested. His little room as she called it not only had nothing else in it but he was chained to the wall. He couldn't use any 'facility' even if there was one in there.

"I'll send someone back in about an hour to help you back to your room. Enjoy your freedom until then. Oh and by the way, I'm sure you're interested in knowing, today is Wednesday."

John heard the door close and lock behind him but knew it was too soon to actually move any part of his abused body. The last two days hadn't been fun but he had to admit today's little torture session had been even worse. He could still feel the electric shock causing his muscles to tighten and spasm and twitch. He wondered how long it would last.

He allowed himself more than a few minutes then pried open his eyes to see where they had left the bowl of food today. To his relief it was barely a foot away. He used his elbows to pull his agonized body closer then tried to prop himself up on one elbow. He pulled the bowl closer and stuck his face down to the rim. He tipped it just slightly so the mushy liquid flowed to the edge and John was able to pour it into his open mouth.

It was the consistency of watery oatmeal but John hated to admit it wasn't half bad. He'd tasted worse, including some tuttle root soup that Teyla had made for him once. He wasn't sure he could get  _that_ down every day. This would be doable.

As he drained the last of the mush, he thought about his friends on Atlantis and wondered what had happened. He was pretty sure he had blown up the hive ship. Athena had said as much. But where had the city gone once the hive had been taken care of? Had it landed on Earth or had it gone back to Pegasus?

Thinking it through he knew his friends must think he was dead. Carter would have told them what he had done and no one knew that Athena had somehow beamed him off the hive and onto one of their cloaked ships. Come to think of it he wondered how many ships she had or if it was just the one. He hadn't seen much of it, just a cargo hold for a few seconds then he had been stunned. He had woken up in this lovely place.

And he didn't know where  _here_  was either. His little cell had no windows and this room only had the tiny one that he hadn't been in any shape to try to look out of. He wasn't sure he would be able to today either. But he was guessing that it wasn't someplace tropical as it was fairly chilly, though he figured the window was high in the wall because the rest of the room was underground. It had that damp cold basement feel about it.

John closed his eyes and placed his cheek against the cold floor hoping it would wake him up a bit. His bladder was crying out to him and he knew too soon the goon twins would be back and he'd spend the next twenty three hours chained in his little dark cell.

After several attempts and his legs completely giving out from under him, he finally managed to crawl to the small alcove and relieve himself. Then he turned on the faucet and stuck his head under the spigot to take a drink. The water was very cold but John thought it had a funny smell to it. He drank it anyway. He didn't know when he would next get a chance to drink something. And he needed to keep up his strength if he was ever to figure out a way to get out of here.

And he knew he would have to be the one to do it since everyone in the world, except Athena and her crew, thought he was dead. He thought about that for a while and took some more water as he heard the door open. Within seconds he was back to his dank wall chained with his hands slightly above his shoulders.

As the door closed and darkness enveloped him, he wished this door had a little window in it too. While he was hardly afraid of the dark, this pitch black was starting to get to him. Although not enough to want snake lady Medusa to come and bring him next door again.

He arched his back to keep it from pressing right against the wall and thought about Atlantis again. He wondered who was crying, if anyone, and who was celebrating his demise. He liked to think that there wouldn't be too many celebrating. He thought he'd been a very fair commander though certainly not exactly what you would expect from someone military.

He missed everyone there. He missed Rodney's whining and complaining and constant one upsmanship. He missed Ronon's solid presence and companionship. And he missed Teyla. He couldn't name any one thing that he missed about Teyla. She had too many good qualities about her and he knew it would be impossible to make a full list.

He hoped Torren had been okay while Atlantis had traveled through space to this galaxy. He then stopped to wonder if it had actually even gotten here. What if something had happened like before and they had been stuck in the middle of nowhere with nowhere to go? But he knew Rodney was there and would think of something or find some way to contact others for help. They'd be okay, he knew it. He had to believe that or he'd drive himself crazy thinking he was just sitting here unable to help them in any way.

John leaned his head back against the hard stone and closed his eyes. Not that it looked any different than when he had them open but he was exhausted and they didn't want to remain open if they didn't have to. He thought back to the little scene when Teyla had come to say goodbye before he gated back to Earth.

He knew she had just come to say farewell and wish him luck but something had happened and the moment had come to mean so much more, at least to him. Teyla had told him that she and Kanaan were  _not_  an item. He still didn't know how he had missed that. Did other people know or had he been the only obtuse one?

But as he thought back to the last year he came to realize that all the signs pointed in that direction. Kanaan had spent the first month or so after being rescued on the mainland. But when he and the other Athosians had been given the okay, he had been given his own quarters. John had thought it was just so he and Teyla had more room for Torren, their rooms were close to each other. But then when many of the Athosians had decided to go back to New Athos, Kanaan had gone with them to help rebuild their settlement.

Again, John had figured that it was a temporary thing and Teyla had also gone to spend some time with them and assist them in their resettlement. He had even seen Teyla and Kanaan go into the same tent when he had been there to deliver supplies. But in hindsight he now knew Teyla usually came back to Atlantis each night with him and never really stayed with Kanaan.

And many nights John had been the one to read Torren a bedtime story. He thought back to those times and remembered how great it was seeing the boy laugh and giggle, making his sweet little sound. John let out a huge sigh as he realized he missed Torren as well. He'd really gotten used to being around him and holding him and playing with him. And now Torren would grow up and never even know who he was. Not if he couldn't get out of here alive.

John pulled at his bindings again though he knew they were too secure for him to actually get free. He had spent the better part of the last few days trying to loosen them. It hadn't worked then and he didn't imagine it would work now especially with his muscles quivering like he'd spent the past week lifting weights all day long.

His thoughts moved back to Teyla and how she had hugged him before he left. And he had actually hugged her back. Not that he hadn't held her before, he had. But he had always been a bit uncomfortable with touching her. Mostly because when he did, it always brought into focus the immediate effect she had upon him.

But too soon he had been called to the gate and had needed to release her. He hadn't wanted to. He had wanted to spend more time talking about her and the fact that she and Kanaan were not together like he'd thought for so long. But there hadn't been time. There was never time for things like that. And discussing feelings wasn't something he liked doing any way. Teyla was very aware of that. But maybe this time he would have made an exception.

He knew finding out she was pregnant had hit him like a ton of bricks and he also knew he had been a bit unfair to her at first. But he'd been hurt that she had gone off and done it with some other guy. Of course he also knew that was stupid since he'd never had a hold on her or told her in any way that he wanted her. Maybe if he had earlier, Torren might have been his instead.

Sitting here in the dark, John wouldn't lie to himself and say he'd never entertained thoughts of Torren being his. Each time he had looked at Teyla's swollen belly he had been green with envy for the man who had put that child there. He had wished fervently that it had been him. And with that knowledge came the knowledge that Teyla meant more to him than even he had ever admitted.

Well, he knew that maybe he had admitted it once though in a somewhat roundabout way. His little run in with Thalen had brought that information to light. He had thanked his lucky stars at the time that Teyla had never pushed that and asked for more explanation. But now sitting here in the inky blackness, he wished she had. Wished she had asked him to explain what Thalen meant and had it been true. Because it  _had_  been true and even though John had never said it out loud he couldn't lie to Teyla either. Then maybe they would have been together and she never would have turned to Kanaan.

But none of that would matter if he couldn't find a way out of this. And Medusa still hadn't told him why she had brought him here. He knew she got her jollies from torturing him but he figured there were plenty of people she could torture, she hadn't needed to pluck him out of a ship ready to explode. There must be some other reason. He'd just have to wait and see what it was.

While he waited he thought about his training and all he had been told about resisting torture. He knew much of it was mental and so he set about creating a little place to go whenever things got bad. And he knew right away that the one person who could help him more than any other was Teyla. She was about the strongest person he knew, physically and emotionally. And he knew if he got out of this, or he should say  _when_ , just to be positive, he would make it a point to finish that conversation with Teyla.

He settled back against the cold stone and worked out in his head exactly what he would say to her.

.


	3. Three

**Chapter 3**

.

"Daddy, do I look pwetty?"

Dave raised his eyes from the mirror where he was adjusting his tie and looked at his daughter who was twirling around in the dress she had gotten for Easter.

Dave smiled as big as he could manage today and replied, "You look beautiful, Kristy, just like your Mom."

Amy threw him a grateful look and checked to see that Scotty was all ready. They had stayed in the hotel last night as the service for John was at ten and it would have been tight flying in this morning and getting there on time. And the limo would be picking them up any minute.

Dave wasn't really looking forward to this as he would know practically no one. He was thankful Amy and the kids were here but aside from a few cousins and a great aunt, they didn't have much in the way of family. And they'd be saying goodbye to his brother, one he hadn't seen in over a year. One he had barely known anymore. And that was the worst part of this whole thing.

He wasn't even sure exactly what would be happening as he hadn't planned any of it. And that made him feel even more guilty. He should have done this for John but he had no contacts at Arlington and he knew nothing about military funerals. He'd have to trust the people in charge. And he readily admitted giving up control was a difficult thing for him.

The phone rang by the bed and he picked it up then placed it back down. The message was simple. Their ride was waiting for them.

"Okay, let's go. Are we all set?"

Amy nodded and guided Kristy and Scotty out the door as Dave trailed behind them. There were a few other people in the hallway and Dave watched amused as a young woman raced after a wobbly toddler who had just escaped from their hotel room.

"Torren John, you must get back here immediately," she scolded as she ran out after him, her feet as bare as his.

The tottering child stopped and looked at his mother with a mischievous grin then took a few more steps. As the woman approached him she bent down to pick him up and he squirmed to get free. Dave saw her face fall and tears come to her eyes as she pleaded with the child.

"Please do not give me any trouble right now. Today will be hard enough without you being difficult."

The boy managed to squirm free and David scooped him up to return him to his mom. "Everything okay, miss?" he asked as she gave him a watery smile.

"Thank you," she replied as she got a better grip of her son. "We are already late and he refuses to put his shoes on. Thank you again for your assistance."

"No problem," Dave returned and looked to where Amy stood with their children, Kristy twirling in her dress. "I completely understand."

The woman gave a regal bow of her head and moved back to her doorway while Dave joined his wife and they took the elevator down to where the limo was waiting for them. There were actually a few sitting at the curb and he wondered what other dignitaries would be going with them. John had been a high ranking officer after all.

It wasn't long to reach the cemetery and Dave and his family were directed right where to go and settled into the few chairs that had been setup. He looked around and saw a scattering of people military and civilian behind them. O'Neill had said that some of John's troops had wanted to come but maybe it hadn't been possible to accommodate them all.

A few minutes later another limo pulled up and Dave was surprised to see the woman from the hotel and her son getting out. And right behind her was the man who had come with John to their father's funeral, Ronon, the one John had introduced as a ' _civilian contractor'_. A few more people got out after them, then proceeded to the chairs right next to him and his family.

The woman bowed her head in recognition and he saw her say something to one of the men beside her. Dave was curious as to who she was. She was dressed in a simple but flattering black dress so he assumed she wasn't military but neither were any of her companions. But they were apparently close enough to John to warrant sitting in what would be family seats.

They didn't have long to wait until Dave saw a procession coming down the long drive. He had seen the ritual before on TV for other dignitaries but he had to confess it hadn't done it justice. But then this processional had over a hundred soldiers parading before and after the caisson and horses, almost as if protecting it from harm. These must be John's troops.

As the service started and continued Dave looked around at all who had gathered and was amazed at how many people were here. And only half of them were military. And he was a bit confused that half of the military contingent that were here were Marines. John was in the Air Force. He'd have to ask O'Neill or Carter about that. They were standing right behind the woman with the baby and her friends.

As Dave looked at the woman he suddenly remembered that she had called the child Torren John. She was sitting in the front row with what should be family and she seemed quite upset about the loss of John. That was one more mystery that he needed to solve. Was this child named after his brother and who was this child's father? Several of the men surrounding her had taken a turn entertaining the boy but the child only held out his arms for his mom.

Could this possibly be John's child? He'd never mentioned it before but then most of their e-mails in the last year and a half had been regarding the will and John's inheritance. Now he wished he had asked John more personal questions. If he had a nephew he would have liked to have known about him.

Several high ranking officers got up and spoke eloquently and glowingly of John and his career in the military and Dave listened intently to everything they said. For the longest time his father had ranted endlessly about John wasting his time in the service of their country when he should have been serving the family business. Dave had always gone along with him but toward the end he knew Dad had regretted the constant fighting and had only wished to have John home again. The separation had been hard on him. But  _in the end_  Dad hadn't contacted John to tell him he wanted to see him and John had thought Dad had wanted him to stay away. And now John was away, permanently.

Maybe now their father and John could find a way to make peace, if they were both in the same place. Dave gave an inward chuckle though deep inside his heart was bleeding at the loss of his last few family members. He again gave thanks for Amy and the kids but knew it wouldn't make the pain of losing his father and brother go away.

"Dad, look at the jets!" Scotty whispered as a formation of fighters flew over head.

Dave nodded and said, "Your Uncle John used to fly those. They said he was the best."

"Really! I wish I had seen him do it. That would have been so cool."

Scotty looked up at him and his face fell. "You look really sad, Daddy. Do you miss Uncle John?"

Dave tried to swallow but felt a lump in his throat and had to clear it first. He slowly nodded. "Yeah, Scotty, I do. I wish I had been able to spend more time with him."

Scotty slipped his hand into his Dad's but the sound of a helicopter took everyone's attention. Soon a large group of men in black suits approached and Dave saw it was the President of the United States. He'd met some pretty important people in his time but he had to admit this topped them all.

He stood taller and straighter and he saw Amy's eyes open wide. She had known he was coming but it was still pretty impressive.

General O'Neill walked over and greeted him and Dave was awed at how casual the exchange was, as if O'Neil spoke with him every day. And that made Dave wonder again what John had been involved in that he was on a first name basis with people who knew the President.

The entourage now moved closer and stood right in front of him.

"Mr. Sheppard," the President began and reached out to shake Dave's hand then Amy's. He even reached down and patted Scotty and Kristy on the head. "I can't tell you how sorry I am about your brother. Though I never met him, I read his reports weekly and have to tell you he was one hell of a good soldier and commander. He was well thought of by his fellow officers and admired and respected by those he commanded. He always put forth one hundred and fifty percent and was willing to give everything he had for the cause."

He reached behind him and opened a box General O'Neill was now holding. He pulled out a medal and held it up for all to see.

"I present this Medal of Honor to Lt. Colonel John Sheppard of the United States Air Force from a grateful nation. He served his country faithfully and with honor and made the greatest sacrifice we could ask for. This medal is for servicemen who have distinguished themselves through conspicuous gallantry at the risk of their life above and beyond the call of duty while engaged in an action against an enemy of the United States. You have our most grateful thanks and our most sincere condolences at your loss. The government of this country has also lost a very important member and for that we grieve."

He took a step back and waited while a squadron of men fired off a twenty-one gun salute. Once this was done he nodded at Dave and his family, then moved over to say his condolences to the woman and the men with her. Dave again wondered who they were that even the President of the United States felt the need to say he was sorry.

The President departed along with his team of Secret Service agents. The flag was then taken from the empty casket and folded in military ceremony then presented to Dave. He held the flag but wasn't sure he truly deserved to be the one taking this. He again looked at the woman and the child she held. She was also gazing at him and she gave a tiny smile. Her face was filled with sorrow and she held the child as if her life depended on it.

General O'Neill and Colonel Carter now approached and greeted them.

"Mr. Sheppard, Mrs. Sheppard, may I say again how sorry I am for your loss." General O'Neill looked distinctly uncomfortable as he finished, "John was one of a kind and there's no way we'll ever be able to replace him. His absence will be very noticeable. I know that doesn't help you in your grief but just know that John was well respected by all who served under him."

"And all that served  _with_  him, military or civilian," Carter added as she looked back at the hundreds of people milling around, though the soldiers were still standing strictly at attention.

"There are a lot more civilians here than I thought there would be," Dave commented. "And I have to admit to being a bit confused as to why half of the military here seem to be Marines."

Carter answered this. "John was the Military Commander of a base that housed scientific research as well as a military contingent. And many of the troops there are Marines. I know it seems unusual but honestly  _unusual_ is what John did best. He definitely knew how to think outside the box."

Dave smiled at this. Their father had actually loved that quality about John, until his out of the box thinking had led him to joining the service.

"Excuse me," a tiny voice inserted and Carter took a step aside for the diminutive woman Dave had met in the hotel. She had the child in her arms and he seemed to be fast asleep on her shoulder.

"Mr. Sheppard, I did not realize you were John's brother when you assisted me in the hallway earlier. I wish to extend my condolences to you on your loss. John will be greatly missed by all."

Dave couldn't help but notice the crack in her voice as she said this last sentence. Colonel Carter tilted her head and made the introductions.

"Mr. Sheppard, this is Teyla Emmagen, she's a member of John's team." She turned to where the other men were moving closer and added, "And this is Ronon Dex and Dr. Rodney McKay."

"Ronon," Dave nodded and said, "So  _not_  a civilian contractor." He looked at Carter's puzzled face and said, "We met at my father's funeral."

"As I said before," Carter reiterated, "There are many civilians who work on base. John made sure to choose his team so they had a variety of skills at their disposal."

Dave nodded his head and stuck his hand out for the shorter man's. " _Doctor_  McKay? John had a medical doctor on his team?"

"Medical doctor?" McKay sneered then looked guiltily at the other woman who had been standing next to him during the service. "No, I'm a scientist."

He looked like he was about to say more then decided against it and just finished with, "John was the best. You couldn't have asked for a better leader or friend. He was amazing at being both."

Dave saw some moisture gather in this man's eyes as well and had a hard time imagining him as John's friend. But then he hadn't really had a chance to have any kind of decent conversation with his brother in years so what did he know about John's friends.

"You know," Dave began curiously, "I was looking back on all the news reports around the time of John's death and there was a big hullabaloo about explosions in the sky and even possible firefights in the south western part of the country. I was wondering if that had anything to do with John. The timing seemed right."

Carter and O'Neill remained straight faced though they did sneak a glance at each other. McKay's face was the one that gave Dave his answer. He looked extremely guilty and his eyes darted all over the place.

"That's all classified information, Mr. Sheppard, I'm sorry," O'Neill responded though Dave did think he sounded sorry.

Dave had actually viewed the footage some of the news shows had of the fireball in the sky streaking overhead and of the massive explosion that had happened right before. He wondered if John had been part of that explosion. And the thought sickened him. Carter had said John had sacrificed his life to save millions. He had pondered for quite a while trying to figure out what exactly it had been.

He had come up with a few scenarios but actually wondered if there had been some sort of a large meteor that had been headed for Earth. Carter had said John's first mission had failed. Had he been sent out to shoot missiles at it to try and break it up? And since that hadn't worked had John decided to put his fighter in the direct path of it to keep it from reaching Earth intact? That would have explained why people had seen a fireball streaking through the sky shortly after. The meteor would have been slowed down but smaller parts of it would have still managed to get through. But why would they have felt the need to keep that a secret? He hated to think it had been a nuclear warhead from another country.

But he would never know what had really happened as the government had decided to cover it up. They had taken footage of the President giving him the Medal of Honor for John and had asked if they could do a very small news report on it. He had given his permission. He figured if John had made the sacrifice people should know about it. But since they couldn't really divulge why he was getting it, he figured the report wouldn't be all that large.

A few more military people came over as well as a balding man with glasses and said he had been the expedition leader and that John had been instrumental in helping him learn the ropes during his first year on base. He seemed beside himself at the thought that he'd have to go on without John's knowledgeable advice.

Dave shook his hand and nodded but didn't really know how to respond to all these people who had thought so highly of his brother. But he was glad they had and equally as proud. Now it was time to leave and they all moved back to the limos. Dave wished he could talk to some of these people a bit more but knew most of them needed to get back to the base they had been at. He thought it was very generous of the Air Force to allow so many to come home to honor John.

An hour later Dave was setting some of the luggage outside the hotel room door, thankful General O'Neill had made arrangements for a late checkout, when he saw the woman, Teyla. She was by herself and carrying the empty ice bucket. As she passed his room he made it a point to stop her.

"Ms. Emmagen," he said hoping he had remembered her name correctly.

"Mr. Sheppard, I hope you and your family have a safe journey back home. I did not get a chance to say it earlier but your family is lovely. Under different circumstances I would have loved to get to know them better. I am sure Torren would have enjoyed playing with your beautiful children. He does not get to interact with many children where we are."

"Thank you. Your son is named Torren  _John_. I heard you call after him earlier. I was wondering if …"

"Yes," her smile was pleasant but sad. "He is named after your brother. John gave me trust and friendship and many other things during our many years of working together. I could think of no one better to name him after. If Torren has only a handful of John's qualities then he will grow to be a remarkable person."

She looked as if she wanted to say more but her bottom lip began to tremble and her eyes filled with tears. She squeezed them shut and took a shuddering breath. "I am sorry, it has been most difficult since we learned of … that John would not be coming back to us. I am attempting to be strong because I know it is what he would expect of me but … I am finding it almost impossible."

Dave reached out and patted her on the shoulder, uncomfortable with her display of emotion, though he completely understood. "I did want to ask you something and please tell me if I'm out of line or completely off base. I know you were a part of John's team but the way you speak of him and … I don't know … just a feeling I have … were you … in love with John?"

Her eyes widened in surprise and she squeaked, "Could you sense this from my actions?"

Dave shook his head. "I didn't mean to imply … like I said if I'm out of line or completely wrong …"

Teyla reached out and placed her hand on his arm then checked the hallway for anyone else around. She leaned in close and confessed, "Yes, you are correct. But I thought I had hidden my feelings well. I do not think John even knew, though I had hoped for many years that he would."

"And was John in love with you?" Dave had the nerve to ask but only because she had confided in him what her feelings were.

Her eyes teared up again and she shrugged. "I do not know for sure. There were many times his actions gave me an indication that he felt more than friendship but we never spoke of it. Though right before he left for his last mission we had … decided to talk when he got back. But that will not happen now."

Dave felt his hand squeeze her arm where it had rested and he swallowed hard at her grief. "I'm sorry. Listen I know you work for the government and they probably take care of everything for you but if you ever need anything, please call me."

He pulled out a business card and handed it to her. "Seriously, if ever you need anything, I'd like to help. John obviously meant a great deal to you and he meant a great deal to me even though I never really got a chance to tell him that lately."

Teyla gave him a brief nod. "It seems we had much in common then. Thank you. I will remember. Please have a safe journey."

"You too,"

As he watched her walk to the ice machine, Dave still wondered about the child. She had implied that she and John hadn't been in a romantic relationship but he still wondered who the father was and what the situation was. She had never actually said John  _wasn't_ the father, though. He hadn't dared to ask. He knew lots of people who had sexual relationships without actual commitment. He then went back inside to find Amy zipping the last bag up and shutting off the TV the children had been watching. He picked up the bag Amy had just finished and looked around.

"Do we have everything now?"

"Yeah," she responded then reached to touch his face. "Are you going to be all right, David?"

Dave felt a few bits of moisture start to gather behind his eyes and pushed them back as much as he could. But he knew Amy had seen. She always saw behind his façade. It was why he loved her so much.

He merely nodded knowing he couldn't speak right now if he tried. The kids each grabbed the stuffed animals they had brought and they moved out the door. He saw Teyla just entering her room and his heart almost split in two at the thought of this woman and her love for John cut short. As they descended to the ground floor in the elevator he knew he wasn't the only one with regrets where John was concerned.

.

* * *

.

Teyla softly closed the door behind her and saw that Torren was still sleeping peacefully on the bed. She had taken a bit longer than she had first thought due to her brief conversation with David Sheppard. John had never said much about him other than a few thoughts after he had come back from his father's funeral. And those had been more about contacting him regarding legal issues.

But she had found him to be pleasant and helpful when Torren had run loose before the service. And he had seemed genuinely distressed at losing his brother. John himself was not a demonstrative person and she saw that David Sheppard kept his emotions in check in much the same fashion. And his attempt at comfort had been so similar to what John would have done that she had almost felt as if John had been right there with her. But she knew he was not and it hurt far more than she ever thought anything could.

She placed the bucket of ice in the cooler that held Torren's juice and quietly slipped onto the bed near him. She lowered her head to the pillow and gazed at her beautiful son. This child was her life and her reason for living and for fighting. And she knew she would gladly give her life for him to be safe and unharmed. She also knew that is exactly what John had done for them and for all of the people on his planet. But it did not make his absence any easier to accept.

There were no immediate plans for Atlantis to return to Pegasus and she had heard from many of the military on base that it could be months before any final decisions were made. But for right now she was content with the city staying where it was. For some reason this planet made her feel more connected to John and right now she needed that. Although what she really needed was him.

She thought back to the conversation they'd had right before he left on his fatal mission and she wished now that they had finished it. She really wished that she had known John would feel differently about her if he knew she and Kanaan were not together. She had longed for him to care for her in a romantic way but after Torren was born he seemed to drift further away from that though he still remained her best friend. Now she realized it was because of his thoughts regarding Kanaan.

If only she had told him earlier … She had so many regrets but she knew they did not matter now. John was gone and nothing would bring him back. She would have to get by with her memories. And she knew she had many of those. She kissed her son's head then closed her eyes and drifted off remembering the many times that she and John had been together and happy.

.


	4. Four

**Chapter 4**

.

"Colonel, we've got something exciting planned for you today," Athena gushed as she opened the door to John's tiny cell.

John blinked even though the light coming in was minimal. It had been twenty three hours since he had seen any. And he seriously doubted what she had in mind would excite him. The last few days had been more than enough. And yesterday had been just downright cruel.

A few men in military fatigues had come in and unlocked his wrist chains claiming to be rescuing him. A small scuffle at the door had John getting some blue light in the chest and he had woken in a nice soft hospital bed with a young doctor placing a stethoscope to his chest. His hopes had risen and he had felt like doing a dance. Well if his possibly fractured leg would hold him he would have.

He had enjoyed the soft mattress and pillow while a few people popped in and out taking blood and checking his pulse. He had tried to ask a ton of questions but all he got for answers was that his team would be coming for him soon and then they'd fill him in. He'd almost wanted to cry knowing he would be seeing them again and that they knew he was alive.

But an hour had gone by and aside from the constant tubes and wires nothing was really being done. And he meant nothing. It had dawned on him that a real hospital would have at least cleaned the wounds on his back or taken x-rays or scans or changed him into clean scrubs instead of allowing him to lie here in his dirty flight pants and shirt. And whatever they were pumping into his veins was making him a little woozy and disoriented.

He had finally closed his eyes and pretended to sleep and that was when he saw it; the doctor had spoken to the nurse and his eyes had glowed. John had thought at first that he was just imagining it; he was a little lightheaded after all. But the more he watched them the more suspicious he got.

And when he had asked if they had cleaned his back, they had said yes, he was all set but that it might still be painful for a while. He had known then these were no medical staff. His shirt was still glued to his back in a few spots and he was sure no one had even attempted to do anything about it.

When there was only the nurse in the room he had pretended to waken and asked if he could use the bathroom. She had seemed a bit nervous at that but had agreed and helped him to sit up. He had used the bathroom and looked inside the medicine cabinet but had found it completely empty, which hadn't pleased him since he figured he needed something to use to help him escape.

But he came out slowly like he was still weak then pushed the woman aside, ripped his IV out and grabbed for the door. It was unlocked but he found that his two favorite goons were stationed right outside. Definitely not a real hospital. And they hadn't been too happy to see him trying to escape. He tried for a few swings in each direction but as he got one to go down the other one managed to grab him from behind and hold him around the neck in a choke hold.

It had been all over at that point. Athena had strolled by and shaken her dainty head while her eyes had turned yellow. She had scolded him for ruining her fun and told him they could have so much  _more_ fun if he would just play along.

He had struggled a bit more and managed to kick out at his captors and he had even managed to get one right where it really hurt. It had only resulted in them taking his boots away and leaving him with nothing on his feet. That had really sucked since it had gotten more than a little chilly last night.

So now here she was with just one more fun thing up her sleeve and he could barely muster up the energy to sneer at her.

"Not sure I can handle any more of your kind of excitement, Medusa. We can just take a day off and you can go and relax."

"Yes, well, I will relax for this one. My associates here will be doing the work today and they plan on taking you on a little field trip." Her smile was as warped as her mind, John thought.

"But we went on a field trip yesterday, didn't we? To Fantasyland?" John quipped. "And I'm pretty sure my mother didn't sign the permission slip for this one either."

Athena merely chuckled and motioned for the goons to unlock his chains. They picked him up from his slumped position on the ground and hauled him to his feet. John's left leg was still throbbing most of the time and it gave out as he tried to put any weight on it.

They didn't seem to care. They just dragged him along as they walked with him struggling all the way. And by the time they had crossed a few hallways, gone up a set of stairs and through a set of doors John's leg was aching and he was limping badly. But he had made sure to memorize the route as it seemed they were actually going outside.

And sure enough Athena waved at him with a "Have fun!" as he was hauled out the door to a large stretch of concrete. He looked around to see exactly where he was and it seemed it was a kind of a courtyard but he didn't see any fences. He thought his luck had changed and he started having visions of getting away from these two and heading into the woods he saw in the distance.

As they moved a bit further into the middle of the area, John saw that the edges of the concrete dropped away though he couldn't tell how far the drop was. He hoped it wasn't far, though he didn't really care at this point. He'd do anything to get away from this place.

But before they got anywhere near the edge he was stopped and shoved to his knees where they proceeded to attach his metal wrist bands to a pole that was about three feet tall and sticking out of the concrete.

"Have fun. You actually get a few hours out here today. Athena must be feeling extra generous."

And then they left him and went back inside. John couldn't believe his luck. They had actually left him alone outside with no fence or guards. Of course he was chained to a pole but still, how long would it take him to get this thing out of the ground?

He wrapped his hands around the pole and began to push and pull and that's when he realized it might take a bit longer than he thought. It might take a bit longer than the two hours they were giving him out here. The pole was in the ground really tight.

He looked around some more and tried to figure out exactly where he was. The building he'd been in was huge and looked like it might have actually been a hospital or some other type of institution at some point. That would explain the little cells in the basement. The worst patients could have been left there. But he saw no other signs of life and many of the windows were broken or shuttered up.

He knew it was April but here it was still very cold out. And it had been especially chilly at night. His little cell had no heat. It also had very little in the way of circulation and he had found the air very stale by the time Medusa and the twins showed up. Of course that left quite a few places but if this was The Trust he'd hazard a guess that he was somewhere in Russia. That would make escaping just a little bit harder. The closest town might be miles from here and he didn't have any shoes.

After tugging at the damn pole for the better part of an hour John grew tired and twisted himself around so he was leaning his back against the pole and his hands were hanging above his head. Not the most comfortable position but it was better than kneeling in front of it for another hour.

He should look at the bright side. He wasn't being used as a punching bag, whipping boy or being barbequed. He was getting some nice fresh air and that was something he hadn't really had in five days. Yeah, it was cold but he'd lived in Antarctica for a year, this was nothing.

He closed his eyes and thought of himself in front of a cozy fire, Teyla by his side and Torren toddling nearby. He actually felt warmer. Yeah, this might be one of the better days. He thought back to what Athena had called to him as he'd been brought out to her.

"Enjoy yourself, Colonel, today is Friday."

.

* * *

.

"Colonel Sheppard, we need to celebrate," Athena called out as John squinted up at her and the soft light she brought in with her. "You've been here with us for a whole week. It doesn't seem like it's been that long."

John tried not to groan as he shifted his aching shoulders and glared at her. "No, seems more like a few  _months_. We starting over today or do you have another whole bag of tricks to lay on me this week?"

He really wasn't looking forward to anything new but then he remembered last Monday was ' _whipping'_  and he sure as heck didn't want a repeat of that either. He'd take the weekend though. Saturday and Sunday hadn't been half bad, although they certainly hadn't been great.

Saturday apparently was Bath Day. And as much as John appreciated that he didn't smell like blood, sweat and urine anymore, he usually preferred to take a solo shower. But these people had simply stripped him of his shirts first and hung him up again. Then they'd removed his pants and shorts and his bare feet hadn't done a whole lot of good when he'd tried to kick them.

Athena hadn't done much of the work for this one either, she allowed her goons to do it for her as she stood back and watched. And John was pretty sure one of them was more into men as he had been a little too handsy when cleaning around John's privates. But he'd had little choice as he'd hung there buck naked and let them pour water on him, soap him up, wash his hair then rinse him again.

Athena had made sure to come closer and 'inspect' him. She practically did the white glove test though she wasn't actually wearing white gloves or any gloves for that matter. And it creeped him out to think of  _Her Snakiness_  getting off on touching him that way. So he'd closed his eyes and pictured himself in a big tub full of bubbles and Teyla scrubbing his back.

But once he was clean, they had released him and given him about an hour to dry and had even provided warm air flowing from the vents above his head. He had quickly sucked down his mushy oatmeal and used the facilities and drank as much as he could. He had felt weird walking around with nothing on but as they had taken his clothes he hadn't really had much choice. He had checked out the room and realized that there was a camera in one corner and he hated the thought that someone was watching him. He had then awkwardly wondered if they would actually give him anything else to wear or if this was the new torture.

And they had an hour later. They had thrown his freshly washed and dried clothes at him, given him less than a minute to put them on and then hauled him back to his dark little room to be chained up again. He had decided Saturday was definitely one of the better days.

Then Sunday had come along and he wondered if the snakes had all gone on vacation. They had come in early, unchained him and left the door open to the bigger room. He had been apprehensive at first about what they would do to him if he went in there but after a few minutes of no sound, he had ventured out. There was no one around except there was a larger bowl of what looked like soup waiting on the floor for him.

John had lifted it to his face and almost cried when he realized it was some sort of stew. And there were actual bits of vegetables and beef inside, limited as they were. It wasn't nouvelle cuisine but it had tasted like heaven after the week of watery oatmeal. He had eaten it quickly wondering if they would come in and try and take it from him before he finished but no one bothered him.

And they had stayed away until the sun had begun to set and the dim lighting that filtered in through the small window was even dimmer. Apparently Sunday was a day of rest, for everyone.

Though John had hardly rested. He had spent a good portion of the day trying to figure a way out of the room then had spent more time trying to unhook the camera from the wall but it had been recessed right inside the stones and he couldn't get to it. Then he had done some exercises to try and keep his strength and endurance up. Being chained to the wall for twenty three hours each day had really put a crimp into his typical fitness routine.

But it looked like today he was right back to the old schedule, or was it a brand new one with more and different fun and games?

"I have something for you to actually play with today? And if  _you_  play nice, you may very well be rewarded with skipping  _my_  play time."

She cocked her head and John was unchained and walked out to the bigger room. The goons stood next to him as they placed him in the center of the room and Athena pushed a large cart over that held a piece of equipment that was the size of a boom box. But as soon as she brought it closer he knew it was Ancient tech. He could feel the power source still humming inside and it was very strong. Rodney would wet his pants for something like this.

"Here's your little toy, Colonel. Why don't you touch it and see how it works," Athena invited sweetly.

John knew she was anything but sweet. And he knew better than to touch anything the Ancients made without a twenty page instruction manual. They'd had more than a few mishaps on Atlantis because of just this type of thing.

"You know, I don't think that's a very good idea. I gotta tell you, the Ancients were brilliant but they also invented some pretty scary things that didn't always work the way they intended them to. I could touch this thing and the whole building could implode or I could turn invisible and then slit your throat. You want to take that chance?"

"Yes, I do Colonel Sheppard. And we did translate some text that was found with this and I think I have a fairly good idea what it's supposed to do. I promise, it won't hurt you. I just want you to turn it on so that I can use it. Simple enough."

John didn't trust her as far as he could throw her and he certainly wasn't stupid enough to actually give her access to some Ancient tech but he also knew she could just knock him out and press his hands to the surface and it could turn on itself just from the contact. But if  _he_ did it he might have a chance to sabotage things.

He took a step forward and reached out his hands, which were still cuffed together, and before his skin even made contact with the hand sized pads, the device lit up and several buttons glowed. He noticed Medusa's eyes lit up too at how quickly it came to life.

"You know not all Ancient tech can be run by anyone. Some of it you need the gene to actually use it."

John figured she already knew that or she wouldn't be asking him to turn it on. But what she probably didn't know was that most Ancient tech had an internal switch that could be shut off so that no one  _without_  the gene  _could_  use it. And the switch was a mental switch. He didn't think McKay even knew about them or could find them to do it. And he'd never told anyone. He had liked being the only one to discover this little secret.

John knew he needed to act fast before Athena decided to step in and use the device so he dug deep and quickly found the switch and sure enough one little thought and this baby wouldn't work for anyone except an Ancient, or him.  _Let's see how that frustrates Snake Lady_.

"It's on," John announced and stepped back again noticing that it immediately turned off. He tried to hide his smile but Athena narrowed her eyes at him and ordered, "Turn it back on again. And keep it on this time."

John turned it back on then left his hands there. "What's it supposed to do?"

Athena glared at the lights and buttons on the machine and he thought she was attempting to see if she could figure things out while it was on. Then she quickly shoved him back and the machine stopped glowing again. Her frown was immediate.

"Are you sure you can't somehow keep it on even after you stop touching it?"

John shrugged and touched it again. He dug inside and actually attempted to break the switch that would allow others to use it. If she wanted her hands on this then he knew it must be something dangerous. He finally managed to encode his thoughts deep enough in the device that he would now be the only one able to use it. Even if they somehow managed to get another gene carrier, it wouldn't work for them. For some reason this device seemed to remember DNA and mind prints. He still didn't know what it did.

He picked his hands up from the plate and again it shut down. Athena gave a heavy sigh.

"Keep your hands there and think of …" she stopped and looked thoughtful for a few seconds. "…Mr. Woolsey. Close your eyes and concentrate on Richard Woolsey. Tell me if you feel or see anything."

John looked at her strangely. "This is supposed to read people's minds? Aren't we a little far away for that? Not to mention how the heck would it know who to connect to?"

"According to the text I translated this was designed to infiltrate the mind of your enemy. It let you know what they were thinking so you could plan your strategy against them. Now do as I say! Concentrate on Richard Woolsey. I want to see if it works."

John did actually concentrate and think of Woolsey but only because he too was curious if that was what it truly did. After a few minutes he opened his eyes and asked, "Am I supposed to feel something because I'm not really getting anything?"

"Maybe you aren't really trying," she suggested viciously. "Perhaps you need some incentive to do better."

She tipped her head at the goons and they started pulling at John's shirt. He had a bad feeling about what her incentive was so he began to struggle in earnest. "Uh, maybe he's just asleep. Are we in another time zone?"

By the time she got around to answering him, one hand had been undone from the cuff and his shirt had been slipped over his head. Next they strung him up and she walked around to face him.

"I suppose he could be but personally I don't think you were really trying. I think you want me to  _not_ have access to this device. So if I can't do that then I guess I'll just have to go back to my regular routine."

"Uh, no you don't," John insisted as he saw her push the device outside the door and come back in with the whip. "I swear, it was on. You saw the thing light up. I can't help it if it didn't do what you thought it would. Those Ancient instruction manuals weren't always accurate I've found."

The goons stood aside as Athena stroked his back with her fingers and John tried not to flinch. He knew what was coming. And his back hadn't even recovered from the lashing a week ago. He attempted to brace himself but when she let the whip fly and it tore through his barely healing skin, a small groan escaped from between his lips.

"I went easy on you last week, Colonel, I hope you remembered. Now that you've been here a while you won't have that luxury. I'm sure you understand."

What John understood was that his back was being ripped apart and the pain was greater than it had been last time. And he knew he needed to do something about it or he wouldn't be able to get through this.

He squeezed his eyes shut and focused on the pain in his back but his mind took over and it became much more bearable.

" _Oh, Teyla, that feels incredible," John moaned as she raked her nails down his back from her position above him. He'd been leaning against the sink as he finished shaving and Teyla had come up behind him. He loved it when she did little things like this. She had scratched his back then they had quickly moved to the bed. Then John had lain down on his stomach while Teyla straddled his hips and continued scratching his back._

_Her touch remained and John moaned again in ecstasy. He knew he would never get enough of her touching him. Her fingers then lightened to a caress but he felt her lips and teeth begin to nibble a path down from his shoulder to his hip and back up again._

_As she leaned over him, he could feel her hair sweep across his back tickling his sensitive skin along the way. When he groaned, she flicked her head to brush it over him once more._

" _Do you like that sensation, John?" Teyla teased as she did it again and got the same reaction._

" _I like everything you do to me, Teyla," John replied his voice muffled by the pillow under his head. "So whatever you want, I'm game."_

_A feminine chuckle had floated over his shoulder and he felt her teeth nibble down his back again, nipping and sucking as it went along. John thought he had died and gone to heaven when her lips and teeth moved lower and snuck under his shorts. She pressed her nails into his bottom and kneaded then she nibbled and sucked where her hands had just been._

_John could feel himself grow hard as she rubbed herself against his back. Finally he could stand it no longer and quickly rolled over to pull her to him. Only he ended up rolling them both on the floor. Luckily he had landed underneath and taken the brunt of the fall. The hard floor was cold against his back but he had Teyla pressed to his front so he honestly didn't care._

_He pulled her beautiful face closer and tasted her lips with his as her hands started exploring his front. He allowed his own hands to explore her curves as well while his lips devoured her mouth and then migrated south to traverse the mountains and scale the peeks._

_Teyla grabbed his head and held tight as he sucked on her nipples and the cold floor was all but forgotten._

Athena pulled on Sheppard's hair to see his eyes closed tight and his lips pursed then she dropped it unceremoniously on the hard floor. His back was striped with gashes and blood pooled under him but he seemed oblivious to it. He lay there with tiny moans coming from his lips but otherwise didn't make a sound.

He was strong, this one, though he had only been here for a week. Once the weeks stretched into months, he might not be so obstinate. She hoped not, though she did like the fight in him. But she wanted the device to work. It was all part of her plan. She signaled for his bowl of porridge to be placed nearby then she left, locking the room behind her. Her assistants would be back in an hour. She hoped he knew better than to dilly dally. There was only one opportunity each day for eating and such. He best take advantage of it.

But as she left he was still lying on the cold stone floor, a partial smile on his beautiful full lips.

John heard the door close and could feel he was finally alone. But his back was in agony and he had no desire to even try to get up. He knew they'd make him soon enough. He relaxed against the floor again and went back into his dream. He didn't know why but this time it had been so real and he almost had believed he had actually been there.

_He lifted his head from Teyla's chest and dragged his mouth down her torso until it moved past her navel then nuzzled in her soft curls. His tongue snuck out of his mouth and into her delectable core and she whimpered with delight. Life was so sweet and he knew he could stay here forever…_

.

* * *

.

The whimper came from Teyla's mouth and she opened her eyes swiftly as it woke her up. Her breathing was rushed and her heart was beating rapidly. She tried to remember what had woken her but before she could think she felt the desire curled like a flame inside her center. Then she remembered.

She had been dreaming about John. But as she closed her eyes she could still feel it as if it had actually happened. Tears filled her eyes when she realized it had not. John was not here and he would not be again.

But in her dream he had not only been with her, he had been kissing her and touching her quite intimately and she had been reciprocating. She ran her hands over her sensitive body and could still feel where his lips and hands had been. It had felt so real.

But she and John had never actually done any of the things she had just dreamed of although she herself had longed and hoped for them for many years. Why was it now that she experienced what she just had? Could it be her subconscious letting her know that she had lost all her chances at having a romantic relationship with him?

She slipped out of bed and padded across the room to check on Torren. He was still sleeping soundly, as he did most nights. She was glad of this. It was difficult enough dealing with John's absence without being wakened each night with her child. He was such a good baby and she knew she was very lucky in that respect. But John had gotten in the habit of reading a story or singing a silly song to Torren each night and that had not happened in the last week.

Teyla thought of the date and realized it had been one week since John had … been gone. She still could not bring herself to call it anything other than that. She knew she was deluding herself and that she would need to admit his fate at some point. But she knew it would not be today.

She moved back through the room and pulled open a dresser and slid her hand in the back. She touched the garment she was looking for and sheepishly smiled as she brought it back with her as she returned to her bed. She laid her head against the soft pillow and brought the fabric to her face and inhaled. John's scent stimulated her senses and memories of him swam through her mind.

She knew it was silly of her to still have the shirt she had found in his quarters last week but John's scent still remained and she did not ever want to forget the man that was John Sheppard. Although she knew she never would. He was not the type of person one could ever forget.

She closed her eyes and pressed the shirt against her cheek once again. She could still feel the lingering sensation of John's hands on her body and the scent of him merely intensified that feeling. She allowed herself to be sucked back into that dream and knew it would most likely break her heart into further pieces when morning came but for now she would take every little bit of him she could.

.

 


	5. Five

**Chapter 5**

.

John's shoulders ached as his arms were hauled above his head yet again and he was chained to the overhead pipe. Today was Saturday, bath day and even though he knew he wouldn't be beaten, whipped or shocked, it still would be very uncomfortable and demeaning.

His shirts already lay near the door and he attempted to kick Guido, what he'd named the big guy with the too-friendly hands, where it might hurt him. He managed to get his foot right in the guy's windpipe and he staggered back and grabbed at his throat. But the look on his face let John know it had been a mistake. But John wasn't planning on just hanging here without at least putting up some sort of a fight.

"Colonel," Athena scolded as she sauntered closer. "I don't understand this resistance of yours. You should embrace all the attention you're getting from so many people. And you have to admit by the end of the week your scent is far from pleasing to be around."

John just scowled as Guido recovered and pulled on the snap and then the waistband of his pants. "Maybe if you didn't chain me up every night, I might be able to use the facilities to keep myself better smelling. Or better yet, let me run home and get a change of clothes."

Athena chuckled at the witty comment then gave John a wicked smile. "Oh, I don't think I'll be doing that. And it would deprive my associates here of all the pleasure they get from  _assisting_  you."

John just glared at her as Bruno, the name he'd given the other assistant, poured a bucket of cold water over his head. He shivered as the liquid cascaded over his skin and then cringed when the two gorillas began soaping him up with wash cloths. Guido started immediately on his nether regions while Bruno scrubbed his back quite vigorously. John just squeezed his eyes closed as the lacerations on his back that had barely begun to scab, were pulled open again. He squeezed his eyes tighter and focused inward.

_The water splashed out of the big tub as Teyla smiled up at John. He walked toward the beautiful woman and wished he could be in there with her right now. But their little guy needed to have a bath first._

" _What do you think, Pal," John asked the little boy snuggled in his arms, "You want to have a nice tubby with Mommy?"_

" _Tub!" the boy managed to say then held out his arms and attempted to dive in. John slowed his descent and kneeled next to the large basin Teyla was immersed in. She held out her arms and John peeked at her golden orbs that rose briefly above the surface._

" _Hello, Precious," Teyla cooed to the child, "Let's get you cleaned before you go to bed, okay?"_

_John smiled as Teyla turned him around to sit in her lap and he picked up a wash cloth and began to run it through the bubbles then over the boy's skin._

Today is Saturday. Bath time.

_The words rang through John's head but he pushed them away as they caused him some distress. He focused back on the little boy and gorgeous woman sitting here in front of him, soaking away their cares._

_John took one tiny foot from beneath the bubbles and cleaned between the toes and up the leg. As he did this he thought of something his mother had always done when he was little and had taken a bath._

" _This little piggy went to market," he said as he wiggled Torren's big toe back and forth. Then he reached for the next. "This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef and this little piggy had none. And this little piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home."_

_John ran his fingers up the little boy's leg and tickled his belly at the last few words. The child, as expected, squealed in delight and wiggled in his mother's lap. But as soon as John had removed his hand, he lifted his foot and demanded, "Wee wee!"_

_John laughed and saw how pleased Teyla was at their antics. He rubbed his finger down the middle of the child's foot then pushed it back in the water. He reached for the other._

" _How about we clean the other one now?"_

_John began the little rhyme again and felt warmth creep through him at the joy and pleasure Torren was getting from his little game. He loved this child and was so happy he could be part of his life. John continued to scrub the child and sing him silly little songs as he washed. When he was all shiny and clean, he lifted him and wrapped him in a fluffy towel._

" _Say good night to Mommy," John instructed and lowered him to right in front of Teyla's face._

_Teyla reached soapy hands and pressed kisses to the freshly scrubbed cheeks and whispered, "I love you, Torren. Have pleasant dreams, little one."_

" _I'll put him down and be back shortly," John promised his eyebrows raising. "Just lean back and relax."_

" _I will be waiting right here, John," Teyla promised and John heard the seductive tone to her voice. He stared at her long thin arms resting on the side of the tub and closed his eyes for a second when he saw her lay her head back exposing her slim neck. It was far too tempting so he quickly shook his head and walked out of the bathroom._

" _Let's get you ready for bed, TJ," John suggested to the squirming child in his arms. "Then maybe I could go and scrub your Mom's back. I think that's a kind of hard place to reach. And if I'm really lucky maybe she'll scrub my back too."_

_John rubbed the towel over the boy and dried him well. As he wrestled him into a diaper and then pajamas, the child pointed and babbled some words. "Boot! Ea Up!"_

_John laughed when he realized exactly what book he wanted him to read. It was a favorite of them both. He finished dressing the boy then sat in the rocking chair next to the crib and opened up the book that held pictures of animals on it._

_John flipped through the pages singing the words and Torren clapped along with each page. He was fairly close to the end when he noticed Torren was beginning to droop. He finished off this page._

" _Today is Saturday, Today is Saturday, Saturday,_ bath time _," he shook his head and knew that wasn't right so he looked at the page and tried again. "Saturday, chicken. Friday, fresh fish. Thursday, roast beef. Wednesday, zooooooop! Tuesday, spaghetti. Monday, string beans, all you hungry children come and eat it up. Come and eat it up. Come … and … eat … it … up!"_

_He looked down and Torren's thumb was firmly in his mouth and so instead of doing the last page he simply closed the book and gently moved toward his crib. He pressed a few soft kisses to the child's cheek and the top of his head then lowered him to the mattress. He stood staring at the precious child for a few moments then headed back to the bathroom where Teyla was hopefully waiting._

_And to his pleasure she was. Her head was resting on the edge of the tub and her eyes were closed peacefully. John toed off his shoes and pulled his t-shirt over his head then padded quietly to kneel by the large tub. He ran his hand through the water and realized Teyla must have added some more hot water to it while he was gone._

" _Do you plan on joining me, John?" Teyla asked quietly her eyes still closed. "I assume Torren is sleeping now."_

" _Yeah, he's asleep," John replied, his own voice rough with desire. "I was hoping for an invitation."_

_Teyla opened her eyes and her saucy look made John's stomach clench and passion curl inside. She reached for his belt buckle and began to undo it. John helped her and soon he was standing with nothing on. Teyla ran her hand over his hip and one eyebrow lifted sensuously._

_John took that as the invitation and stepped into the warm frothy water. As he kneeled down in front of Teyla, her legs widened and made room for him and he almost lost it right then. He leaned toward her and touched his forehead to hers._

" _Hey gorgeous, come here often?" he teased in a gruff tone._

_Teyla's lips twitched at his playful banter. "Fairly often," she teased right back, playing along casually._

_John's nose nuzzled into her neck and blew at the few soft tendrils that hung down from her upswept and clipped hair. "Doing anything special?"_

_Teyla looked around the room and John noticed she had lit a few candles while he had been putting TJ to bed. "I was hoping to find someone to wash my back for me. It is very hard to reach."_

_John looked around too and queried, "Any takers?"_

" _No," Teyla breathed out on a long sigh. "It appears a bit slow in here tonight. Perhaps someone will come along soon, though."_

_John's smirked at the exchange between them. "Well, I suppose … if no one else comes along … maybe … I could help you out. You know … just … if no one else comes along."_

_Teyla lifted one eyebrow. "Do you have experience in this area?"_

_John's mouth now twitched. "I've scrubbed a few backs here and there. I just finished a young gentleman and was extremely careful and gentle. I could give you his name as a reference."_

_Teyla looked amused as she replied, "No, I will take your word for it. You appear to be a responsible person. I suppose you will have to do … for now."_

" _Do you have a wash cloth?" John said as he looked around on the edge of the tub._

_Teyla shrugged one elegant shoulder. "It was around here earlier. Perhaps you will need to find it."_

_John smiled wide and leaned forward so his mouth was touching Teyla's shoulder as his hands slipped around her back to feel under the water. He searched on the bottom of the tub and his fingers touched against her back and hips and then moved around to follow the lines of her legs down to the back of the tub. They moved to the inside of her thighs until they touched the wash cloth resting against her womanly mound._

_John's eyes flashed as the backs of his fingers touched her curls and rubbed softly against her. Teyla let out a tiny moan and her eyes fluttered closed for a second before opening again with an intense look. John rubbed again and Teyla shivered in reaction._

" _Oh, I was just supposed to be doing your back, wasn't I?" John clarified his eyes filled with devilment. He moved back so he was closer to the other end of the tub and motioned for Teyla to scoot forward._

_Teyla gazed curiously at him but moved to the center of the tub and felt John's long legs slide by her hips. He then reached for her ankles and dragged her so they were behind him and their chests were very close._

" _I need to be able to reach your back," he shrugged in answer to her silent question. He then picked up the washcloth and proceeded to pass it over her back, his arms around her as he did. Teyla lifted her arms and rested them on his trimly muscular shoulders, her fingers playing with the short hair that rested on the back of his head._

" _Please make sure you do a good job," Teyla instructed as the cloth glided over her skin._

_John moved the cloth from her shoulders to the water again then up her back again to under the water to her lower back. The fabric was thin and he could feel her curves and shape under his fingers and he loved when he touched someplace sensitive and she shivered. He continued this for a while and soon her head was resting on his shoulder and he knew she could feel his arousal pressing against her lower belly._

_But he wanted this time to last forever so he took her hips and moved her slightly away from him. Her frown let him know she had liked what he was doing and where it was going. And he still planned on having it go in that direction, he just wanted a longer travel time._

_He now ran the cloth along her collar bone and then over her shoulder. He picked up her arm and ran it down the length all while her eyes followed his movements. Her free hand slipped to his hip and caressed the wet skin there. When John picked up her other arm, Teyla shifted hands also._

" _Just so you know… I'm not charging you extra for the arms."_

_Teyla smiled. "So generous. Thank you."_

_John's grin also grew. "No problem, all part of the service. If you're gonna do a job well, then you need to do it right."_

_He now lifted the wash cloth to her neck and then ran it down to her chest, over her rounded breasts and back up again. His eyes grew intense as he stared at her golden orbs bobbing in the water and rising and falling with her increasingly heavy breathing. He lifted each breast and allowed the weight to fill his hands and tried to control himself from taking one in his mouth. It was so tempting._

_When he was finished washing her front he scooted even further back and started on her leg. Teyla leaned back a bit and swirled her hands in the water. A slight frown appeared on her face._

" _The bubbles are all gone."_

_John looked at her beautiful form reclining in the clear water and leered at her. "The better to see you with, my dear."_

_Teyla chuckled at his saying from one of Torren's favorite stories. "So you are the big bad wolf. Have you come to gobble me up?"_

_John moved the cloth to Teyla's foot and rubbed around her cute toes then pressed his mouth to her largest toe. "Hmmm, maybe I have."_

_He took her toe into his mouth and sucked on it and heard Teyla's indrawn breath. He then moved his lips and tongue to the others and nibbled._

_As he did he mumbled, "This little piggy went to market …"_

_At Teyla's laugh, he dropped her foot and began to scrub her other leg and foot in the same sensuous manner. As his hands approached her upper thigh, he heard Teyla's breath hitch. His breath was beginning to quicken also._

_He now dropped the washcloth and all pretense at trying to clean Teyla and simply pulled her hips toward his. His hands held tight and kept going until she was pressed up close to his chest, her legs wrapping around his waist. He couldn't imagine a nicer position._

" _And now it's time to cry wee wee wee all the way home," John rasped into her hair as his lips attached themselves to her neck._

_Teyla let her head drop back and held John's head close to her as his lips assaulted her. They whispered across from her shoulder to her chin then over to the other shoulder. He pulled her in tight and moved his face right up next to hers, their noses touching._

" _I think I'm really beginning to like bath time," John sighed as his tongue poked out and traced the outline of her lips. Teyla's mouth opened in response and John groaned as her tongue also peeked out to run over her lips._

_Their tongues shyly met and touched and their breath blew softly against the other as they stared into each other's eyes. John had never been so aroused in his life. Teyla was so wonderful to be with and he knew he never wanted to be anywhere else but right here by her side, holding her close._

" _God, Teyla, you are so beautiful! What did I ever do to deserve being here with you?"_

_Teyla gave a tiny smile and ran her hand down the side of his face. Her lips pressed against his softly and she answered, "You have just been you. And I could think of no other I would rather spend time with. I cherish every minute we have together, here alone or with Torren."_

_John framed her face with his hands and pressed light kisses to every part of her face he could, his lips barely touching her skin. Teyla's hands caressed the side of his neck then lowered to run through the hair on his chest and follow its path down below the water._

_John sucked in a big breath as her hand reached his erection and found it hard and firm and quivering with readiness. His mouth pressed harder to hers and assaulted her senses as his tongue drove inside her mouth and explored._

_He felt Teyla shift so she was more firmly in his lap and her opening was right over his shaft. His hands roamed her curvaceous body and he lowered his lips to allow his tongue to now lick at one of her erect peaks. Teyla moaned and her hips wiggled until he felt her accept him inside. She rose and fell and moved from side to side arousing her folds as she stimulated him._

_John's head was spinning from the desire coursing through him and he held on tight as she thrust her hips back and forth in a rhythmic motion. The pounding in his ears got louder and John knew soon he would explode with his release._

The pounding continued and John looked around then quickly realized the noise he had heard were footsteps coming down the hall and the door being unlocked.

"Shit!" he swore as he saw that his bowl of mush was still sitting on the floor untouched. He had fallen asleep after his little bath and had forgotten to eat and use the facilities.

He quickly pushed himself up, grabbed the bowl and started drinking it as best he could while he took care of business. It would be far too uncomfortable if he didn't and today was the day they did his laundry. He hated to think of sitting in soiled clothes for another whole week.

"Time's up!" Guido called out as he grabbed the bowl from John and dumped the last drops into the sink. "Here, put these on, quick or you'll be without them until next week."

John had his shorts, pants and t-shirt thrown at him and in seconds had them on and fastened. He knew they weren't kidding. He gave a pitiful look at Bruno and asked, "Any way I could get a quick drink before you chain me up again?"

The man just scowled and grabbed for his arm. But John was quicker and threw a swift punch into his face then kicked out at Guido again and made for the door. It was locked! Damn! He turned around to face his punishment and wasn't surprised when he got a fist in his face and a knee in his gut. He went down hard and curled into a ball coughing.

"I guess that's a no," he attempted to quip, his face contorting in agony. The knee had landed right on the ribs that had been severely bruised on Tuesday, beating day. He wondered if they were now still only bruised.

Hands grabbed at him and hauled him through the heavy door and soon he was chained with his hands near his shoulders again. The door was closed and locked and darkness crept inside the small space.

John closed his eyes then opened them again knowing it would look the same either way. He had never been afraid of the dark, and he knew he still wasn't. At least when he was in here, they weren't beating the crap out of him but after almost two weeks of absolute darkness twenty-three hours a day, it was starting to get to him. And this space was so small he could almost feel the walls closing in on him.

He took a deep breath and tried to get his heart to stop racing. He had to think positively, think of good things. He thought back to the little daydream he had been having during his hour break and knew those memories could get him through quite a bit.

"Teyla," he whispered as he tried to settle into a comfortable position on the hard floor, "God, I need you here with me."

.

* * *

.

The water splashed on Teyla's face and she threw a mock angry look at her son. "What are you doing, splashing Mommy? Do you think I need a bath as well?"

Torren just giggled his little baby giggle and slapped his hands in the tub some more. Teyla smiled and vigorously rubbed the cloth over his little toes. She thought back to the dream she had had last night and a sob escaped from her throat. Torren looked up at her with a pout so Teyla pasted a large smile to her face and gave him a light kiss on his head. He turned back and began playing in the water again.

Teyla had been having dreams of John for almost a week now and she wasn't sure what to do about them. She knew they were because of her grief and misery at missing her friend but she had never had dreams that had felt so real before. She would wake and feel as if John had truly been with her. She could almost feel his presence.

She had heard many of the people in the city speak of spirits and she herself had seen several movies about what they called ghosts and she wondered if indeed John's spirit was coming to her and haunting her dreams. She was not sure she believed in such things but she had no other explanation for the intensity of her memories.

And she was not sure she wished for them to stop. She knew at some point she would need to convince herself that he was not coming back to them but for right now, she still needed his strength and comfort. Last night's manifestation had been so heart wrenchingly beautiful she did not wish to relinquish the memories of it. John had been so loving and warm to both she and Torren and it was as if he was back here again, helping her with her child. She wished it were so.

Very soon she needed to drain the water and dry off her son. It was a new day and she had work to do. But the work was never enough to keep her mind from the loss they had all just faced. She and Ronon spent much time sparring and training Marines just to keep busy and to keep their mind off their missing team member. Rodney stayed locked in his lab saying he needed to explore all the unknown parts of the city's computer system while they still had no missions to go on. She knew he also was trying to fill the gap where John had been.

With Torren dressed and in her arms as she walked down the hall, Teyla knew today would be no different. She would meet with Mr. Woolsey and discuss protocols and ambassadorial duties and she would move from mundane task to mundane task. She would visit with Torren several times throughout the day and spend much cherished time with him at night.

And she looked forward to the time that she spent with her son but she knew she was also looking forward to after he went down for the night. Then Teyla could go to sleep and she hoped her dreams were filled with John again. She knew she should not cling to him in this way but for now, it was all she had of him and she did not wish to give it up.

.


	6. Chapter 6

.

** Chapter 6 **

.

The fog started to dissipate and John heard voices somewhere nearby. He tried to take note of where he was but his mind was incredibly fuzzy for some reason. But even with the fuzz he still could ascertain that he was in a comfortable bed. Most days he woke chained to the wall in his tiny, dark cell.

His tongue poked out and wet his lips as he tried to unglue his eyelids and open them. It was very difficult and he wondered why he was feeling this way. Of course it couldn't be the three weeks of beatings and torture he'd had here or the lack of food and water and good rest.

But now he was in a bed, although that had certainly happened before. It must be Thursday _, tricking_. Twice before they had tried to convince him that he had been rescued and was in a hospital being treated but they had never actually treated him and so the ruse had been over very quickly.

He lifted his hand and was happy to feel that there was no chain or cuff around his chafed wrists. He touched his face and his fingers rubbed the growth that hadn't been scraped away in weeks. He finally got the eyes open but had to blink a few times as his sight was more than blurry. He waved his hand in front of his face and could see the shape move but he sure couldn't tell how many fingers he was holding up. A few more blinks and he realized that this wasn't going away.

He thought back to the last thing he remembered and knew he had been stunned while still chained to the wall. They had obviously brought him here. He wondered what the game would be today. He'd play along for a while even if just to have a soft surface under him for a short time.

He turned his head and saw some figures moving across the room and noticed the room seemed a bit different from usual, although he couldn't really see it clearly so that could be it. The figures seemed to notice that he was awake and moved closer.

"Colonel, you're awake," a female voice said though _it_ also seemed somewhat cloudy. "Your friends have been waiting for you for a while."

"Friends?" John croaked out, his mouth like sawdust.

"Yes, Colonel," said a voice that could possibly have been familiar. "It's me, Dr. McKay. I'm here with Ronon and boy are we glad to see you. We've been looking for you for a while."

"McKay…" John muttered and tried to wet his lips again. Within seconds a straw was placed between his lips and he felt moisture as soon as he sucked in.

John squinted his eyes and tried to focus. "What happened? Why can't I see you too well? Is Ronon really here?"

John didn't want to get his hopes up but was he really and truly rescued? He took another draw on the straw and no one stopped him. The last two times they tricked him, they hadn't allowed him anything to drink.

"The Trust had you prisoner," the voice who had claimed he was McKay answered. "We got word from an operative who has been keeping an eye on them for a while. But they did a real number on you. Doc says you've got a concussion and that's probably what is affecting your eye sight. It'll get better. Don't worry."

"Just rest, Colonel," said another voice, a deeper one and John looked in the direction of that voice and saw a large blurry figure with lots of hair standing nearby.

"Ronon?"

"Yeah, it's me. You're gonna be fine. The concussion has you a bit confused. A few days of rest and you'll be right as rain."

John was more baffled than ever and his mind and thoughts were all scrambled. He couldn't have been rescued, could he? He wanted this more than anything but nothing had been as it seemed and what were the chances that rescue came on the day they usually tricked him. If Medusa was nothing else, she was predictable.

John closed his eyes and relaxed against the very soft pillow. He really could use the rest and figured even if this was a trick, he would enjoy it while it lasted. And maybe get something out of it.

"Hey, guys," he addressed the two shadowy people he could still see the outlines of. "Any food around here? I'm starving. How about getting me something to eat?"

"Oh, uh …" _Rodney_ stumbled on his words. "I don't think the doctor wants you eating anything yet. Something to do with your stomach not being able to process it … you know some medical reason. But you've got an IV which should help."

But as he lay there he wondered what exactly was in the IV. He felt for the tubing connected to his arm and tried to see the bag attached to it. It was still all a blur. He moved on to his side and stated, "Back's a little sore. I'm just going to lay this way, okay?"

No one stopped him and so he draped one hand over the tubing and squeezed tight, stopping the drip from flowing into his blood stream. He hoped no one would notice. Then he closed his eyes and enjoyed the soft mattress.

He wasn't sure how long he lay there but after a while he started feeling a bit more lucid and thought about Ronon and Rodney being there. He could still hear them talking to each other and what they were saying was just general stuff about Atlantis and Earth but something niggled at the back of his mind and he tried to figure out what it was.

"Colonel," the voice of _Ronon_ spoke up, "are you feeling any better? I know there are a few things we wanted to ask you."

That's when John realized what had been bothering him. Ronon had called him _Colonel_. Not once but several times. Ronon _never_ called him Colonel. And he had also said the term ' _right as rain'_. How would Ronon have known that Earth saying? He knew he had never said it and it wasn't the type of thing he could imagine Ronon picking up and using.

"Still kind of weak and tired, Buddy," John whimpered to see if he could get some more time in this bed before they started on whatever they had planned for him.

"Well, how about you just lie there," the voice of _Rodney_ came back. "But we do have a few questions. One of them is about this machine we came across when we found you. It's definitely Ancient and we were wondering if you knew what it did."

John looked in his direction but things were still foggy. He did see the shape of a person moving toward him. He didn't want them to see him squeezing the tube closed so he pulled the needle out of his arm and then pressed the tape that was holding it there back down against his skin to hide the fact. He had a feeling whatever was being pumped into him could be the cause of his blurry vision and muddled thoughts.

"So this is the machine," Rodney told him and John saw a small square rolled up next to him. "Can you just touch it and maybe I can figure out what it does."

"Why don't you do it, McKay," John argued back in a very tired tone. "You've got the artificial gene."

Now if this were truly McKay, John knew he would make some snarky reply about being a gene snob but no such rejoinder came back. A heavy sigh was all he heard as the man tried to convince him he needed to do it.

"Well, I can't very well look at the device and run it, can I? Come on, just touch the thing so I can figure this out."

John knew exactly what machine they were talking about since Medusa had asked him to play with it every day for the last few weeks. And he never actually felt it do anything. He had tried to contact Woolsey and McKay and heck, even his brother. He didn't know if you could only connect to someone with a true ATA gene and if so his brother must have a strong one too. Although that was only a guess. He really didn't know for sure.

But none of that had actually worked. Aside from his little fantasy dreams of Teyla, he hadn't felt connected to anyone. So now Athena was trying some other way to get him to use it correctly.

John reached out with his free hand, keeping the hand with the now disconnected IV under him, and touched the machine. As usual he felt it turn on but not much else happened.

"You know, I think this must be broken," John complained as he felt _McKay_ bustle around near him. Then he got a whiff of Athena's scent and knew she was in the room too. But she wasn't making any noise or demanding he make the device work as she usually did. She wanted this bad enough to jump through all sorts of hoops. He'd see what she was willing to give him to have him cooperate.

"Not sure I have the energy to do much without some food in me. My mind keeps wandering and I can't concentrate enough to figure this thing out."

"Here's some more water, Colonel," _Ronon_ answered and John felt a straw pushed between his lips again. He took a few drags and then a few more but knew water was not the only thing he needed. He needed food.

The last three Sundays had been great and he had gotten some watery stew but the rest of the time it was a small bowl of mush. And there were times, especially Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday when he got whipped, beaten and shocked that he didn't always remain conscious long enough to eat the mush. If he passed out from the pain for the whole hour break, they just chained him to the wall again without eating. And that had happened a few times.

"Thanks, Pal, but I really need something a bit more substantial than that. Not sure I've actually chewed anything in the past three weeks. My teeth need a little practice."

"Let me see what I can get for you, Colonel," the voice of the ' _doctor_ ' answered and he heard the door open and close.

He relaxed against the pillows again and pretended to sleep. He heard Athena moving around and _McKay_ and _Ronon_ whispering to her asking what else they should do. She never answered them verbally but John knew they must be getting instructions somehow.

It was at least ten or fifteen minutes before the door opened and he heard the _doctor_ again. "Here you go, Colonel Sheppard, I'm going to allow you a small piece of bread but really you shouldn't have too much more due to possible complications with your concussion and some of the medications we're giving you to counter any infections you might have."

John thought the medical jargon was fairly appropriate but he'd had enough concussions to know he really didn't have one. They'd beat him in plenty of locations but never the head, though Guido had punched his face a few times. And he seriously doubted there was any good medication in the IV they were feeding him. He was beginning to see a bit clearer and his thoughts were much more lucid as time went by. A hallucinogenic was more likely.

"Sure," he agreed and reached out pretending he still couldn't see very clearly. He felt a small roll put in his hand and brought it to his lips. He smelled it first and it smelled like it was okay. He took a tiny bite and even though it was obviously just a plain roll, it still tasted like heaven. He nibbled a bit more and chewed slowly and enjoyed every bite. He made sure to take his time so he could stay here longer instead of being thrust back into his little, dark dungeon.

But as he was licking every last crumb off his fingers, they started with the questions again.

"So, Colonel," it was _McKay_ , "have you used this machine before? Did they try and force you to turn it on?"

"I don't know if it was _this_ machine," John tried to play dumb. "I can't really see what this is. But there _was_ a machine they asked me to get going almost every day. But honestly, the thing must have been broken because I couldn't get it to actually do anything."

As John said the words he realized admitting this could get him thrown right back into his cell. So he gave his head a small shake and said, "Not sure this was the machine though. And it's possible I wasn't doing it right."

John felt rather than heard the shuffling of feet in the room and then McKay said, "Well why don't you give this one a try and see if it does anything for you."

John reached out his hand and felt the machine hum to life again and actually saw the lights glow on the front panel. He really did want to know what it was supposed to do though he was a little afraid since some of the Ancient tech they had encountered had resulted in disastrous outcomes. But so far he hadn't felt this do much. Athena had said it was supposed to get in the mind of your enemy. Well the Wraith were pretty far away and he hadn't connected to them yet. Obviously there was a distance factor.

He thought about some of the factions in the Middle East and wondered if he could use this to bring some of them down but as he sat and concentrated, nothing came to his mind except that he wanted to be back on Atlantis and have Teyla in his arms again. He almost chuckled when he realized she hadn't really been in them except for briefly before he left. But he'd dreamed of her so often the last few weeks that it had felt as if she had been.

He saw Athena move closer and he could actually tell it was her now; his vision had become much clearer. She tried to be sly about it but he saw her hand touch the pad where his other hand would have gone if he hadn't still been hiding his lack of an attached IV. He saw her close her eyes and concentrate and almost laughed because he knew he had completely disabled the ability for anyone but him to access this device.

He closed his eyes again and enjoyed what he figured would be the last remaining minutes of his so called freedom. Athena was not known for her patience and soon she would have him hauled back to the darkness that awaited him.

But it was quite a few minutes before he heard McKay demand, "Concentrate, Colonel."

"I am," he insisted though he really only concentrated on Teyla and how much he wanted to be back with her and the real McKay and Ronon. He wished they knew he was still alive but he understood that was just a dream, just like most of his thoughts these days.

"Maybe if I wasn't in so much pain from all the beatings and torture I had I might be able to concentrate more." John wondered if they'd buy that he still hadn't figured out what was going on. "Give me a few days of rest and it might be easier for me to activate this machine."

A disdainful snort sounded right near him and he saw Athena smirk. The jig was up. "I don't think so, Colonel, and deprive me of all my pleasure."

Her tone grew cold and she ordered Guido and Bruno, who now stood near the door, clear to John's improved vision, "Take him back."

The two brutes hefted him by the arms and dragged him from the room, unsurprised when the IV just pulled away. John tried to get his feet under him and limped back along the corridor, watching the way as they went. He thought he was starting to get the lay of the building a bit though only from his cell to this _infirmary_ and to the outside door.

As they entered the larger anteroom where he got his daily treatment of ' _pleasure_ ' from Medusa, he pushed back against his captors.

"How about you let me use the toilet first, huh? I didn't get a chance to earlier during our little 'let's pretend' session. And how about my food?"

Guido leered at him and grabbed at his crotch. "I don't think so, sweet stuff, though I'll be happy to help you with that tomorrow during your bath."

John thrust his knee into _Guido's_ crotch and replied, "I don't think so sweet stuff," and he managed to pull away for a few seconds. But three weeks of torture and very little food and water had made him slower than typical and before he had even gotten through the big wooden door, he felt a large meaty hand wrap around his throat. He was pulled back and roughly dragged then thrown on the ground inside his tiny cell. They spent a few minutes kicking him before they finally chained his sore wrists back to the wall. The door was unceremoniously slammed shut and darkness descended.

John knew it was useless to struggle, he'd never win in this situation but he was damned if he would just give up without a fight. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction of seeing him beaten and defeated. On that day he might as well just close his eyes for good and not wake up because then he would have given up all hope of ever escaping. And he knew he would need to be the one to escape since no one except the crew here even knew he was alive.

He leaned his head back against the hard stone wall and attempted to rest some more. But after the soft comfortable bed they'd just had him in, this was a letdown. He looked around the damp enclosure and waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark. He knew eventually they would and slight shadows would appear but for the most part it was always pitch black.

He focused on the slight shadows and allowed his imagination to take him to a place where everything was so much nicer.

.

.

" _Hey sweetie, you coming to join us?" John asked as Teyla strolled into the room and saw him reclined on the bed with Torren John asleep on his chest._

" _Is it permitted or is this a boy's only club?" Teyla asked saucily and paused by the side of the bed._

_ John reached out his hand and took hers in his then pulled her down to the wide space beside him. "Nope, you're always welcome. And you can keep me company. This little guy is out cold but every time I try and move he seems to wake up. Looks like I'm here for the duration unless we want a cranky baby at dinnertime tonight." _

_ Teyla propped a few pillows next to John and relaxed against them. "I would prefer _ __ not _to have a cranky baby at dinnertime if it is all the same to you."_

_ John grinned. "That's what I figured so I stayed right here. He's only been asleep for about ten minutes so it could be a while. You don't mind do you? Did you have something you were supposed to do today?" _

" _There is nothing more important than spending time with my two most beloved men. Everything else will just have to wait."_

_ John slid his hand across the few inches to grab her hand and squeeze tight in appreciation. "Beloved, huh? And I fit into that category?" _

_ Teyla leaned sideways and moved her face closer to his. "Of course you do. Why do you think I spend so much time with you?" _

_ John quirked his head and impishly replied, "Oh I don't know, maybe to have a regular babysitter for TJ." _

_ Now it was Teyla's turn to be impish. "I suppose that is one reason to keep you around. But I have also grown fond of your company and many of your positive attributes." _

" _Like my rakish good looks and charming wit," John teased back at her._

_ Teyla ran her hand down John's cheek and tilted her head from side to side. "You certainly are pleasing to look at and I will admit I enjoy your humorous banter. But mostly I was speaking of other skills you possess." _

_ And she pressed her lips to his in a light but passionate kiss. _

_ John smiled in understanding as he kissed her back. "Oh, those attributes. Yeah, I try and keep those skills sharpened but when you aren't around, it's a bit difficult. I have to go looking for others to practice on." _

_ Teyla's eyes narrowed and she eased away from him. "You best not be finding others to practice with or you will be finding someplace else to sleep at night." _

_ John pasted on a potent pout and lifted his hand to caress her cheek. "You know I'd never really find someone other than you, Teyla. You mean everything to me. I couldn't survive without you." _

" _I believe you could, John. You are extremely strong. But I appreciate the sentiment. I know it would be very difficult without you in my life also."_

" _Glad we agree on that one," John answered and put pressure on her head to lower to his again for another kiss._

_ Teyla settled on the pillow next to his and allowed John to slip his arm under her shoulder. He turned his head so his face was right next to hers. _

" _Thanks for hanging out, Teyla," John said with gratitude. "I love spending time with you and TJ even if all we do is sit here while he sleeps."_

" _I concur with you on that, John. Watching Torren sleep is a pleasant activity especially when we get to rest while we do it. There is so much that needs to be done on so many occasions and I feel that his life is passing us by and we are missing it. So being here with you this way provides me with some of that much needed time for watching him grow. I sometimes fear he will get so big and I will miss it completely."_

" _I know, Teyla, I'm afraid of that too. I get so scared that I won't be around when he needs me and then he'll actually forget who I am. I don't ever want him to forget me."_

" _Then we must make sure to have more time like this where we are here for each other and for this child."_

_ John kissed Teyla again then rubbed Torren's back in comfort. The child shifted slightly then snuggled deeper into John's chest. John felt his heart almost burst with the love he felt for him. Holding him so close to his heart reminded him of how much he loved this child. And this child's mother. _

_ Teyla's hand now joined John's to rest on top of the boy. They both stared at him and twin smiles lit up their faces. "We have been blessed, John, to have a child such as this. He is perfect in every way. And I am thankful to have you here with me so we can raise him together and give him all the love he needs to grow strong and wise and good." _

_ John's arm pulled her closer to his shoulder and Teyla felt a cloak of warmth and love cover her from head to toe. This man meant so much to her and she was blessed to have him in her life, providing her with his warmth and love. She knew she would cherish it as long as it lasted. _

_. _

_. _

Teyla's eyes opened slowly and she snuggled into the covers as the memories of her dream washed over her. She could still feel the strong emotion of lying next to John while they glanced at the sleeping child nestled between them. It had been wonderful.

She turned and reached out but the spot next to her was empty and cold. As reality came back to her, she also felt empty and cold. She remembered that John was not coming back, not tomorrow or next month or ever. The feeling of warmth and love flew away to be replaced by despair and misery.

She wondered if these dreams were a blessing or a curse. They brought back the feeling of John's presence to her so vividly that she felt as if he were truly there. But then the cold harsh light of day dawned and she had to once again accept the fact that John was not around.

Her hand caressed the pillow next to her face and she felt dampness. She knew she could not hold back the tears any longer. During the day, she was strong and stoic and put on a brave front for all to see. But here in the privacy of her own room, she could allow herself to mourn.

The tears flowed and Teyla curled into a ball to hold herself tight, trying to keep the pain from overwhelming her. She knew if she was lucky, she would exhaust herself and fall back into a dream filled sleep and be reunited with John for however long she slept.

.


	7. Seven

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**Chapter 7**

.

"What's the little smile for?" Jennifer Keller asked as she approached Teyla sitting at a table by the ocean. She had noticed that Teyla had been acting strange lately. She would seem bereft at times, and that was understandable considering the Colonel's death but then she had seen these private little smiles on occasion too and wondered what was causing them. Though she had to admit she liked the smiles because it meant something was pleasing to Teyla and Lord knew the woman could use something pleasing in her life.

Teyla looked up and seemed surprised that anyone was standing near her. She had definitely been lost in her own little world. "Oh, I am sorry, Jennifer, I did not realize that you were there. I must have been preoccupied with my thoughts."

Jennifer pointed to the chair silently asking if she could join her. Teyla nodded and Jennifer settled her tray on the table and took note of the small amount of food on Teyla's tray. Perhaps she had already finished much of it but she knew Teyla had not been eating as well lately. Unfortunately Rodney had gone in the opposite direction with his grief and was eating larger amounts than typical.

"Not having lunch with Torren today?" Jennifer restarted the conversation.

Teyla shook her head and replied, "No, I have many things to do and he was still napping when I checked. But I do not have time to eat later as I have several meetings with Mr. Woolsey. I will make sure to stop in and see him later this afternoon. And then of course we will be together all evening until he goes to sleep."

"So what was that little smile you were wearing a few minutes ago? Something good happen?"

Teyla actually blushed and lowered her gaze as if embarrassed. She then looked around at the empty tables nearby and then back at Jennifer.

"I was just remembering a very nice dream I had last night. It was so real and pleasant and I was wishing I could go back there."

Jennifer raised an eyebrow. "Want to tell me about it. Was there someone special in it?"

Teyla's affable expression changed immediately and grew forlorn. She took a deep breath in and schooled her features. "Colonel Sheppard was in it."

Jennifer now took in a deep breath. "But it was a happy dream you said, right?"

Teyla nodded. "Yes, it was lovely. He and I were in a large field of flowers and we had Torren with us. Torren was toddling between the high grasses and trying to play Hide and Seek with us. John, of course was being quite silly and pretending to lose him. Then Torren would giggle giving away his position although we always knew exactly where he was. Torren was not aware that we could see him behind the thin blades of grass."

Jennifer watched as Teyla's eyes misted over and she felt hers grow damp as well. The loss of Colonel Sheppard had been felt by all on base and even though it had been a month since he had been gone, his absence was still very apparent to all.

"Just be thankful it was a nice dream," Jennifer said as she took a sip of her water. "Rodney's had a few dreams where he wakes up screaming. When I asked him about them, he says they're about the Colonel blowing up on the hive ship and Rodney can't get to him in time. He still feels so guilty that Atlantis wasn't able to get here before that happened."

Teyla took another deep breath and closed her eyes for a few seconds. "I suppose I should be thankful then that my dreams have been much more pleasant."

"Dreams?" Jennifer clarified. "You've had more than the one last night?"

Teyla looked guilty and took a bite of her salad to keep from answering. Jennifer noticed this and kept her curious gaze on her friend. Teyla glanced back then nodded.

"Yes, I have dreamt of him every night for the past three weeks." She looked around again to make sure no one was listening in on their conversation and added, "And they have felt so real, Jennifer. I wake and it is as if he had been lying right there next to me in my bed."

Jennifer's eyes widened. "So are these dreams … sexual in nature. You and the Colonel weren't … well you know, … before?"

"We were not," Teyla assured her. "But right before he left I informed him that Kanaan and I have merely been friends. He had not known this and it seemed to … make a difference. He said we would need to discuss it once he got back from his mission. Obviously you know that did not happen."

Jennifer sighed at the unfortunate turn of events, saddened for her friend and her lost opportunity at love. But she wondered what was causing Teyla to have all these dreams. Her guilt at not letting the Colonel know about her feelings earlier?

"So the dream you had last night was the three of you. But have there been some that are only you and Colonel Sheppard?"

"Yes," Teyla answered and blushed again. "Some have been very intimate. But what is perplexing is how unbelievably real they seem. And maybe I will sound like I am crazy, but there are times during the day where I almost feel John's presence near me."

Teyla looked up at the doctor and her eyes filled again. "Am I going crazy, Jennifer? Why is it so often I sense him here with me? I know he is not and I am very aware that he will not be coming back but when I feel his presence it calms me and allows me to push through the day. Is it because I still do not wish to accept his loss?"

"It could be," Jennifer responded though she too was puzzled. Having dreams was not uncommon after someone passed away but to have them be realistic and for Teyla to feel the Colonel's presence during the day, that was odd. But Teyla had always been very intuitive and could read people better than most. It was what made her a great diplomat. Was she now able to connect to those who had passed from this world as well?

"You know when my Mom passed away, my Dad used to say he could still feel her around the house. I used to think he meant all the little things she had left behind. He kept much of the house the same way she had always kept it. But I remember one day when I was almost thinking of quitting Med School, I went into her old sewing room and just wrapped myself in a quilt that she had made. It was the weirdest thing but I honestly felt her presence in that room telling me that I could do it. I felt her warmth and love and encouragement and knew that whatever decision I made she would be okay with it. But I also knew that being a doctor was what was right for me. It only happened that one time when I was desperately in need but to this day, I swear she was there in that room with me."

Teyla gazed at Jennifer thoughtfully. "So you believe that John's spirit is visiting me to help me in some way."

"I don't know, Teyla," Jennifer replied honestly. "But the Colonel cared for you deeply, both you and Torren. Maybe he just needs to make sure you're both okay before he can move on to another realm of existence."

Teyla wiped away a stray tear that had escaped from the corner of her eye. "John always did feel very protective of everyone. It would be just like him to think he still needed to protect Torren and me."

"He was especially protective of you, Teyla," Jennifer pointed out. "I can name a few times he went a little over and above to get you away from some danger. It wouldn't surprise me to think he's just continuing with that mission. But do the dreams bother you? Because I'm sure I can give you something to help you sleep better without dreaming."

"No," Teyla replied quickly. "Though I wake up with such sadness when I remember his fate, I welcome the beauty of the dreams and the special times we share in them. I am not sure I am ready to give them up just yet."

"Are the dreams always the same or are they different each time?"

Teyla looked pensive and tilted her head at the question. "They are not exactly the same yet there have been a few that are perhaps similar in nature. Do you think that means anything?"

Jennifer shrugged. "I'm not a dream analyst but they say sometimes your dreams mean something. Maybe you should start keeping a journal of what they are. Then you can go over them and look for a pattern or some hidden meaning in them. It certainly wouldn't hurt."

"That is a good idea. I think I will do that," Teyla agreed then got a funny expression on her face. "Jennifer, you do not think that perhaps John ascended right before the hive ship blew up and is now visiting me to assure that I am well?"

Jennifer's eyes lit up and she gave a crooked smile. "If you had asked me that years ago, I would have thought you were nuts but after all I've seen and read about the Ancients, it's very possible. And the Colonel had the strongest Ancient gene we know of. He also spent the equivalent of six months meditating with those Ancients who did ascend. I guess you can't rule it out."

Teyla nodded and took a few more bites of her salad as she thought about what Jennifer had said. If John had ascended then it would explain why she felt his presence so strongly at times. But remembering back to when they had finally rescued him from the cloister she also remembered the woman who had seemed to want John to join her in ascension. He had not been ready at the time and Teyla had been relieved. But now, had John finally followed her and been reunited?

That thought brought a tiny stab of jealousy to her stomach and she knew she was being silly. But if John was now an ascended Ancient and with Teer, why was he coming back to be with  _her_? The little smile she had been wearing when Jennifer first arrived, returned.

.

* * *

.

 _John felt the pain radiate across his back and stifled the groan that threatened to flow from his mouth._   _He took a few steps away and looked at the woman who had just caused it._

" _You have not been practicing, John," Teyla accused in her sweet but stern voice._

_John narrowed his eyes as he lifted his sticks defensively. "I'm practicing now with you, aren't I?_

_Teyla sighed and swung her bantos rods around a few times then struck out at him once again. "If you wish to advance then you must practice."_

_John defended her thrusts and their sticks clicked a few more times in battle. "Who said I wished to advance? Maybe I just like watching you prance around in that outfit. I have to admit you look pretty hot in it."_

" _It is very warm in here with all the movement," Teyla pretended to misunderstand his meaning. John could tell by the mischievous look in her eyes that she knew exactly what he meant._

_Another blow landed on his shoulder and he took a few steps back. He raised his arm and lowered his head to wipe the sweat from his face with his sleeve. He was happy to see Teyla was glistening with moisture too. But he knew on her it simply looked amazing and sexy as hell._

" _Just warm?" John teased as he went on the offensive but was blocked at every turn by her parries. "I'll bet we could get it to be really hot in here if we actually tried."_

_Teyla struck out at him again and he managed to block this time and they ended with their sticks pressed against the others and their faces within inches of each other._

" _Interested in making things really hot?" John's mouth twisted into a smirk and his eyes danced with mischief._

_Teyla lifted one eyebrow and replied softly, "What did you have in mind, John? There are many things that could cause us to become really hot."_

_Teyla pushed him away and twirled her sticks in preparation to strike again. John spun his sticks too then attempted to thwart her moves. He managed for a few moments then she spun around and he felt a hard hit to his backside then the back of his legs that caused him to stumble to his knees. Teyla moved in quickly and pressed her rod against his throat to hold him securely against her heaving chest. John could think of no better place he'd like to be._

_Well maybe having her against his front might be better. He leaned back and tilted his head up at her and gave her a dazzling smile. One intended to charm her exclusively. She simply chuckled and rolled her eyes at his attempts._

" _You are hopeless," Teyla muttered as she pushed him away though her tone held amusement. "If you truly wish to win in battle, you must put in a greater effort."_

_John just laughed as he fell to the floor. He'd put in a better effort but it wouldn't be in stick fighting._

_._

_._

"Release him," Athena ordered as she placed the wooden stick back in her box of tricks.

She watched as the handsome Colonel was freed from his shackles and fell to the floor. He lay there unmoving and soundless however she knew he was still conscious. He baffled her, this one. He was determined not to cry out or beg for her to stop, yet he was obviously in much pain as she abused his body. She marveled at the control he seemed to have.

She saw him curl into himself and cradle his stomach. She had intentionally concentrated on this area today to see if she could get some sort of a response from him; more than the few whimpers that were typical. But it seemed the longer he was here, the less of a response she got. She wondered if he was becoming immune to the stimulus of pain. Perhaps she would need to ramp up his program. But she did not want him permanently damaged. She still needed him to get the Ancient device working. She had plans once it did.

She would continue as before and knew eventually he would break and beg to help her in her plans. An evil smile crossed her features as she thought about tomorrow. The Rod of Anguish always got the best response from the Colonel. His muscles would twitch and his face would twist into a grimace and she always managed to get a few screams from him when she first started using it.

She waved at her associates and followed them out the door. Her guest was still lying on the floor but she noticed a tiny smile cross his face and wondered what he could possibly have to smile about.

.

.

_John looked up as Teyla sat astride him, having knocked him down yet again with her sticks. Her weight pressed onto his stomach and her bantos rod lay across his neck._

_Her eyes narrowed as she accused, "I believe you enjoy being in this position, John."_

_John grinned. "What's not to like?" And he moved his hands to rest on her hips._

_Teyla took a deep breath and shook her head. "You are incorrigible. I should not encourage this behavior."_

" _Yes, you should," he nodded with a devilish smirk. "You should encourage it a lot."_

_Teyla felt him raise his knees behind her and it pushed her forward as his hands slid up her back and pulled her closer to his chest. She gave in to the inevitable and slid the stick away from his neck to place her hands on either side of his head. John lifted his head and nuzzled his nose into her neck._

" _I am all sweaty, John," Teyla complained as she felt his hands caress the skin between her top and bottom._

" _Yeah, I know," he wiggled his eyebrows at her. "I'm hoping I can get you even sweatier. Maybe get me even sweatier."_

_Teyla laughed but allowed his lips to nibble along her neck as she ran her fingers through his disheveled hair and held his head close to her. She had to admit he was very talented with his lips. And the hands certainly knew what to do also._

_Right now they were attempting to slide under her snug top but were being frustrated at the close fit. They gave up for the moment but then doubled their efforts as they glided up her legs and slipped under the panels of her skirt where they kneaded her behind._

_Teyla's indrawn breath put a smile on John's face and Teyla had to admit she was enjoying the ending of their session. She moved her head and pressed her lips to John's and he continued to caress her backside. His tongue came out and infiltrated her mouth and Teyla didn't even try and defend it. She rushed into the fray and battled so her own tongue was inside his mouth. Her hands continued to push through his hair as her chest rested against his._

_They kissed and touched for a while longer then John pushed himself to a sitting position with Teyla in his lap still facing him._

" _I think I may need a little help figuring out this top, Teyla."_

" _Perhaps you are not worthy to remove it if you cannot figure it out yourself." Her eyes shown with merriment at the perplexed look he gave her and the aforementioned top._

_But he moved his hands to the straps on her shoulders and undid those first. They fell exposing the tops of her bronzed globes and his lips dipped to take a little taste of the silky skin. Teyla closed her eyes in bliss at the feel of his lips against her breasts but wished the top was a bit looser so more of her was exposed._

" _I do not think that qualifies as being completely successful, John," she challenged knowing he would take the bait. "Most of the garment is still on me."_

_John narrowed his eyes and ran his hands over the back and found the hidden hooks that kept the fabric so tight. His mouth twisted as he managed first one then the rest of the hooks and Teyla's beautiful mounds fell right into his waiting hands. He swept the garment aside and stroked from her shoulders to her waist. Teyla leaned back against his knees which were bent behind her and raised her head to the ceiling as he worked his magic on her front._

_John couldn't believe he was sitting here with Teyla in his lap and her naked top glistening with moisture for his eyes and hands to enjoy. And he was enjoying. Very much. The weight of her in his hands was just perfect and exquisitely sensual. He squeezed and released and caressed and then stroked further down her abdomen as she arched her back._

_She opened her eyes as John paused and knew she was getting the better end of the deal. She reached her own hands out and grasped the bottom of his damp t-shirt and tugged upward. John assisted by taking the neck and pulling it over his head. Teyla smiled her thanks and allowed her hands to linger on his muscular shoulders then glide down his pectorals to play with the chain around his neck._

" _Do you ever take these off, John?" Teyla asked curiously. He had been wearing them in all their physical encounters lately._

" _Not usually," John responded as his hands ran over Teyla's back while she played with his front. "Sometimes if I'm in the infirmary they might remove them but typically they're for identifying a soldier who's been injured or killed so you really don't want to take them off if you don't have to."_

_Teyla merely nodded and continued to move her fingers down his torso, following the line of hair that arrowed south. John saw where she was going and knew he didn't want to move too fast. He had a lot he wanted to do to her first._

_He pressed her back against his knees and dropped tiny kisses along her neck and throat then moved lower to stroke his tongue across her breasts and then surround the erect nipples that were becoming tighter with each little kiss he gave them._

_Teyla's back arched some more and a small groan escaped her lips as he pulled her hard nub into his mouth and suckled. He rubbed and massaged the other mound as he assaulted the first. He could feel Teyla begin to wiggle her hips and knew the desire was building inside her. He wanted to build it even higher._

_He grabbed Teyla's ass and pushed until she was kneeling higher and his mouth was parallel to her navel. He outlined it with his tongue then snuck it inside. Teyla's hands held his head tight as her hips swayed from side to side and tiny whimpers left her throat. His hands moved back up and caressed her perfect orbs yet again and Teyla guided his lips back to their centers for more gratification._

_John took his fingers and caressed the edge of her sparring skirt and was just about to lower it when he heard voices coming from the hallway. The door was shut but they hadn't locked it. He jumped to his feet and threw his t-shirt at her, indicating she should put it on quick. There wasn't time for her to finagle her way into her complicated Athosian garment. John pulled a towel from his gym bag and draped it around his neck._

_He picked up her top and thrust it inside his bag while Teyla stuffed her rods inside hers. By the time the door opened they were standing near it and swiftly rushed through with a quick greeting. Luckily it was Ronon and Amelia who threw them knowing looks as they sauntered past to the nearest transporter._

_Teyla breathed a huge sigh of relief and let out a chuckle as they entered the small room. John's stare was intense as he devoured her with his eyes. He took a fast glance at the display and touched it. When the doors shut he rapidly closed the distance and began ravishing Teyla's mouth and body with his lips and hands once again._

" _John!" Teyla admonished breathlessly. "The doors will be opening again momentarily and we will be seen by all who are in the vicinity. I am still wearing your t-shirt and you are not wearing any shirt. I think people will figure out what we were doing."_

_John spun her around to face the display and sidled up close behind her. "I sent us to one of the balconies on the other side of the city. This place has a great view."_

_And the doors opened and Teyla saw that they were on a small balcony overlooking much of the city and the ocean surrounding it. John slid his arms around her and took the few steps to remove them from the transporter. He dropped the gym bags they had been carrying and slid his hand under her loose shirt to caress her curves again._

_Teyla's head tilted back to rest on his shoulder and she reached up to pull his head down to nuzzle her neck as his hands continued arousing her flesh. John happily complied and took little nibbles and bites along her neck and the part of her shoulder that was exposed by the too big shirt she now wore._

_His hands drifted south after a while and soon they were slipping under the skirt around her hips and moving even lower. Teyla leaned further against him and more whimpers sounded as her stomach clenched and retracted allowing him more room to slide in his hands. He ground his manhood into her bottom and felt himself grow with anticipation._

_Soon his fingers were swirling through the curls that protected her womanly center then pushing even further. John spent a few more minutes teasing along her folds then one brave finger entered her core finding it moist and slick and ready for him. It was almost his undoing. This time the groan was from him._

" _God, Teyla, I can't believe you're so wet already. I don't even have to do anything. I could slide right into you and we'd be all set to go."_

_Teyla's hands covered his arms and she nodded. "Yes, we would be."_

_John didn't need an engraved invitation; Teyla's words were enough for him. He slipped his thumbs in the waistband of her skirt and pulled down enough to expose her gorgeous backside to his view. He rubbed his hands over that for only a short time then tugged on his waistband enough to allow his arousal to pop free. He gave it a quick stroking then slid it between Teyla's curvaceous cheeks sending him into ecstasy._

_He bent over her, causing her to bend as well then he slid his shaft inside her warm folds, her walls tightening around him. Their moans mingled together as John stilled to relish the feel of him encased tightly inside her. She leaned against the railing with her head resting on her arms as she also reveled in his fulfillment of her._

_John slipped his hands under her shirt again and caressed her breasts as he began to slowly slide in and out of her center. He kept it slow at first, wanting to delight in every second of being where he was but soon he found the desire inside him began to spike and his thrusts grew quicker and more powerful. His breathing picked up and he could feel Teyla's chest heaving as well._

_Soon her cries were being carried away in the breeze and he was glad he had chosen this remote location in which to finish their earlier activities. No sense advertising what they were doing, especially not in this semi-public area. Though looking around, John knew no one could actually get to this balcony unless they used the transporter and specifically chose here._

_John felt Teyla shudder and shake and her gratification made his own desire crank up a notch and he drove further and deeper inside then felt his own release. He tightened his arms around her and pressed his lips to her neck while whispering words of caring and love to her._

_Once they both were able to get their breathing under control John eased himself away from her and tucked his now replete manhood back inside his running pants. Teyla took another few moments to sag against the railing and John just absorbed the amazing sight of her curvaceous rear end on view for his pleasure. And seeing it sure did give him pleasure. Though he had to admit the closer contact had been mind-blowing._

_Teyla suddenly turned around and slid her skirt back into place. Her eyes looked frantic._

" _John, you must quickly eat or you will not get anything today. Please leave before they come again."_

_John looked at her puzzled then something inside him nudged him back to another world. One he had no desire to go back to. This reality was so much more pleasant. But Teyla was right, it wouldn't do him any good to hang around here too long. Soon enough he could slip back here without their noticing but now he had to make sure he was set for the night._

_He kissed Teyla's sweet lips and promised, "I'll be back soon. Don't go anywhere."_

_Teyla just smiled and her smile held a promise for him._

_._

_._

John opened his eyes and saw the bowl of mush on the floor and quickly grabbed it to start eating what he could. He limped over to the alcove, his injured leg twinging more than usual. He relieved himself just as he heard the door being unlocked. He slipped the bowl under the faucet and managed a small amount of water before he was roughly hauled back to his inky blackness.

But as the door closed and the darkness enveloped him, his smile returned. "I'm back, Teyla. I told you I wouldn't be gone long."

.

 


	8. Eight

**Chapter 8**

.

"I still do not quite understand the purpose of this meeting, Mr. Woolsey," Teyla said as she walked beside the man down the hall of the building they had just entered. Ronon and Rodney walked just behind them. "And why I would need to attend? Would not John's possessions just be given to his next of kin?"

"If he didn't have a Last Will and Testament, yes, they would," answered Richard Woolsey. "But Colonel Sheppard had me draw up this amendment quite a few months ago and attach it to the will he made up when he first went on active duty many years ago. And you, as well as Dr. McKay and Ronon, are here because Colonel Sheppard left you things in his will."

"I hate this!" Ronon muttered under his breath as Woolsey led them into the lawyer's office who had allowed them to use their conference room for this legal transaction. "Sheppard should still be here with us."

Teyla placed her hand on Ronon's arm in agreement and comfort. She knew Ronon had stated that John had died honorably in battle, saving others but she also knew the man was missing his best friend as well.

"I know, Ronon," Teyla nodded at him. "And he is with us; he will always be with us, in our memories and in our hearts." And Teyla yet again felt John's presence as if he were standing alongside her as they spoke. It had felt unsettling for a while but after so many weeks of the feeling she was getting very used to having it there.

Woolsey was greeting his lawyer friend and gathering papers and documents to be witnessed and signed.

"Al, these are some of my associates," Woolsey introduced the middle aged man who was much taller and broader shouldered than Woolsey and had a full head of thick dark hair. "Teyla Emmagen, Ronon Dex and Dr. Rodney McKay. This is an old college buddy of mine, Albert Franklin. Al, I appreciate your letting us use your conference room and being here to witness some of this."

The man started shaking everyone's hands and they heard the door open again. Teyla turned and saw David Sheppard walk in, dressed in a sharp business suit and impeccably manicured. Teyla still had a hard time picturing this man related to John. John was extremely handsome, there was no doubt, but more often than not he looked as if he had just rolled out of bed and she did not believe his hair had ever stayed as flat and styled as this man's. But he was John's brother and that made her feel closer to him.

She walked toward him and saw his eyes immediately light up. "Teyla, it's great to see you again. I wish it wasn't under these circumstances though. How've you been?"

The question was a simple one of courtesy but Teyla saw the underlying meaning in his eyes as he asked and knew he was showing concern. John had a similar way of expressing sympathy. And this man was aware of how deep her feelings for John were. He would know she was still mourning his loss. As would he.

"I am as well as can be expected," Teyla replied with a tiny smile as she reached out her hands to grasp his. She held them firmly and squeezed as one eyebrow raised and she returned the inquiry. "How have you been faring?"

A sliver of pain crossed his handsome face but he quickly got it under control. He gave a crooked smile reminiscent of John and repeated, "As well as can be expected."

Woolsey walked over now and extended his hand. "Mr. Sheppard, I'm glad you could make it. I know it was a bit of a trip for you but I appreciate your taking the time from your busy schedule."

"Not a problem, Mr. Woolsey."

David took a few steps and greeted Ronon, Rodney and then Woolsey and Franklin gestured for them to head into the conference room. Once seated, Woolsey got straight to business.

"First off, I believe these papers are for you, Mr. Sheppard," Woolsey said as he pulled out a few sheets from a large folder he had brought with him. "Colonel Sheppard had me notarize them several months ago but they somehow never got put on the mail transport back to the States. They're the inheritance papers from your father's will. I assume you'll find them all in order. Unfortunately Colonel Sheppard never really had the opportunity to enjoy any of his inheritance. But he did have the foresight to include his new gains in his own Will and Testament."

Dave accepted the papers from the man and had to swallow a large lump that had formed in his throat.  _Damn John for getting himself killed_! He took a deep breath and got his emotions under control and gave a nod to allow Woolsey to continue.

He saw Teyla watching him and her sad smile affected him more than he thought it would. Then she reached over and touched his arm, bringing him some comfort at the gesture. Woolsey was already starting with the preliminary information and David didn't feel the need to listen too closely as he'd heard it all before and it was mostly legal mumbo jumbo. He continued onto the main part of the will.

"To Ronon Dex, I leave the beach house in Maui and my surfboard. Use it well, my friend. You've got real potential as a surfer."

Ronon looked confused. "What's a Maui?"

Rodney rolled his eyes and looked frustrated. "It's a place in Hawaii. I can't believe Sheppard left you a house in Hawaii. And his surfboard. Ha, what'd he leave me, his skateboard?"

"Rodney!" Teyla scolded and the scientist looked properly chastised. She knew he was still very heartbroken at the loss of his friend and being what John called ' _snarky'_  was his way of dealing with the pain.

Woolsey just gave a patient look in his direction and continued, "To Dr. Rodney McKay, I leave the chalet in Aspen. It was the only place that wasn't in the hot sun and I know how much you burn."

Teyla actually saw Rodney's eyes grow moist at the gesture. He knew how much John had always teased him about his skin tone and the fact that John thought of that in his Will had Rodney forgetting all his snide comments.

"Next, Teyla," Woolsey looked through several sheets of paper. "To Teyla Emmagen, I leave the cottage in Nantucket. You'll love it, Teyla, it's quiet and peaceful and Torren will have a blast playing in the ocean waves."

Teyla merely nodded her head knowing she would have enjoyed it so much more if John had taken them there. Now David placed his hand on her arm and smiled. "You  _will_  love it. John and I couldn't get enough of the beach when we were kids. I brought Amy and the kids there a few years ago and we had a great time."

"Then perhaps you should …" Teyla began but David shook her off knowing she was offering to give it to him. She amended, "Then perhaps you and your family would join us there someday."

Dave nodded at this, knowing John would be pleased if they did. "That would be very nice. I think we'd enjoy that immensely."

"Teyla," Woolsey continued, "Colonel Sheppard also left you a considerable amount of money and some stock in Sheppard Industries. He knew you might not wish to live in the States but he wanted you to have the choice to live here and have enough to get by on if you did choose that."

Teyla took in a deep breath at the generosity of the man she had fallen in love with. And it was not just his generosity, it was his caring and concern for her future and safety. But he had made it a choice, not an obligation and she appreciated that John had known she might not wish to remain on this planet.

"And one last thing, Teyla," Woolsey went on and Teyla wondered what else he could possibly have to say. "Colonel Sheppard set up a trust fund for Torren. There's enough in it right now so that if your son wishes to go to college here in this … country, he can go without worrying about the cost. With the interest it will build over the next seventeen years there's also enough for him to get by for quite a few years after that."

Teyla sat there stunned. She did not know how to respond. John had ensured that she and Torren both would be able to stay here in this Wraith free world and live comfortably. It was just like him to offer her this choice. It was just one more way he had of protecting those he cared about and it made her heart ache painfully knowing he would not be there to share this world with her.

Woolsey now moved on and addressed David Sheppard. "Mr. Sheppard, your brother seemed to realize you had more than enough to live on and certainly didn't need any of his resources. However he felt you might appreciate a few more shares of stock in the company and so he left you enough to give you fifty-one percent, thereby assuring your complete control over the company. He had faith that you would and I quote, ' _Use your power for good and not evil'_. He said you would understand what that meant."

Dave gave an emotional snort at John's whimsy. They had used those words often as kids when they had played superheroes and villains. He chuckled now that John would actually write that into his will.

"The one last thing Colonel Sheppard requested, Mr. Sheppard, was for  _you_  to be the executor of the trust fund for Torren John Emmagen. If you choose not to accept that responsibility then he gave me legal authority to choose someone else."

Dave looked at Teyla sitting next to him and knew it was something he could actually do for John. And for the woman who loved him. He had a feeling that John had been in love with her too. And with all that John had left for Teyla and the boy, his confusion as to the child's parentage became stronger. He nodded at Woolsey and said, "It would be my pleasure."

Woolsey went on to name off a few of John's smaller items, like his golf clubs and skateboard and the people he planned on leaving them to but Teyla was uninterested. She wished for this dissection of John's property to be over. She did not like to dwell on his absence.

Soon enough Woolsey was done and his friend had helped notarize and authorize whatever needed to be done and they found themselves out on the sidewalk getting ready to leave.

David had followed them out and shook hands with the men. But as he approached Teyla, she enveloped him in a big hug. Teyla felt his reluctance at first and it reminded her so much of John that she felt tears fill her eyes. But he gave her a quick squeeze and then said, "I'll be looking forward to that invitation to Nantucket, Teyla. Just let me know when and we'll start packing."

Teyla nodded as she took a step back but she kept her hands in his. "Thank you, David, I will not forget. I still have the card you gave me. I will need to make arrangements with my superior," and she looked pointedly at Woolsey, "but I am hoping it will be before I am required to go back home."

The Town Car that had brought them there pulled up to the sidewalk and Teyla followed her friends inside. As it drove away she saw David still standing there looking at her. She lifted her hand and gave a small wave. It would be nice to get to know John's brother better. She thought that John would like that.

.

* * *

.

" _Uncle John, look what I found!" Scotty came running over to where John was sitting building a sand castle with Torren and Kristy._

_John looked up at his six year old nephew and smiled. He adjusted the sunglasses that were perched on his nose and watched as Scotty came closer, something held in his hand._

" _It's a crab, Uncle John, and I caught it all by myself," the young boy enthused as he knelt by his uncle. "It was over by the rocks in a little pool of water."_

" _Those are tidal pools, Scotty," John informed him. "Even after the tide goes back out, there's still a little bit of water that stays there and quite a few animals like to hang out in them. Now this guy would make a tasty little snack. We could fry him up on the grill right in his shell…"_

_John hid his chuckle at Scotty's horrified look. "We can't eat him!" Scotty cried and stood up with the crab held away from John. "Uncle John, you wouldn't …"_

_John did finally laugh. "No, Scotty, we won't eat him, I promise. He's a bit too small actually to make a meal for anyone except maybe a few seagulls. But you know that people do eat crabs and other ocean animals, right? Those crab cakes you were sucking down that your Mom made yesterday … those were made with one of these guys."_

_Scotty's face grew disgusted at the thought and John chuckled again. He remembered when his Dad had first told him that they were eating all the little critters he had found on the beach too. He had stopped eating anything for almost a whole day. Then his grumbling belly made him rethink his vow not to eat. Maybe Scotty needed to know what his other options were._

" _You know if you don't want to eat the sea creatures, you could always become a vegetarian."_

" _What's a vege …. a one of those?" Scotty asked looking thoughtful like maybe he had some choices. Children always liked choices._

" _A vegetarian is someone who doesn't eat meat, animals," John answered and saw his nephew's eyes light up with interest. He knew he needed to clarify things a bit more the way his Dad had with him. "They eat mostly vegetables like spinach and green beans and peas and squash."_

_He made sure to name off all the vegetables that he knew Scotty didn't really care for. As he continued he saw Scotty's face fall even more and a distasteful grimace cross his features. He looked down at the crab in his hands and checked it out carefully._

" _Well, maybe I won't be a vege … one of those people but I still don't want to cook this one up. I think I'll go put him back in the tidal pools where he was."_

_John smirked and replied, "That's probably a very good idea, Pal, but how about you show your sister and cousin the crab first. They might think it's cool."_

_Scotty nodded and moved the few feet to where Kristy was shoveling sand into a bucket and Torren was simply throwing handfuls of sand into another bucket filled with water, resulting in lots of mud. When Scotty approached them Torren stopped to look at what he was holding but when Kristy saw it her face crumbled and she shrieked loudly._

_John immediately wrapped his arm around her and calmed her down. "It's just a crab, honey. It won't hurt you. It's too small. Scotty just wanted to show you what he found."_

_At the explanation and assurance from her big, strong uncle, Kristy settled and actually touched the shell. Torren tried to grab for it but John cautioned him to be gentle. The toddler then reached out with just one finger and stroked it down the crab's hard shell._

" _Thanks, Scotty, you can put it back now if you want. I think your Mom and Auntie Teyla will be bringing lunch down here soon."_

_Scotty looked up, nodded and said, "Yup, they're right there. I better go put him back quick or Mom might get the idea to put him in some crab cakes tonight."_

_John turned his head and saw Teyla and Amy with big baskets wending their way through the tall sea grasses on the path from the cottage to the sandy beach. Dave was trudging along behind with a large cooler. John licked his lips suddenly realizing he was pretty hungry._

_His eyes roamed and he looked around thankful they had been able to get away and come here to the cottage. Although he had to chuckle that they called the house a cottage. It was far bigger than most typical houses but he supposed compared to some of the places they had lived, it was a little smaller. And everyone here on the island called the houses cottages. He knew they thought it made them sound more quaint._

_As Teyla approached and called out to Torren, John gazed at her appreciatively. She was wearing a conservative two piece suit and had a sarong draped around her hips but she still had quite a bit of skin showing and he was glad the beach was private. He certainly didn't want anyone else ogling his woman._

" _Thanks for keeping an eye on the kids for us, John," Dave grunted as he deposited the cooler on the sand next to his brother. "I think you deserve a beer for that. Help yourself."_

_John reached inside and drew out a Sam Adams, thankful the local beer was much cheaper than when he tried to get it in other parts of the country. He popped the top and took a long swig of the cold brew._

" _No problem, Dave. Happy to watch them. Although I will admit it is a hardship to sit here in the warm sun with the ocean breeze blowing and listening to the sound of the waves crashing on Nantucket Sound. I might need a few of those beers to make up for it."_

_Dave walked past and 'accidentally' knocked him on the side of the head. John just laughed and took another long swallow. Torren was now standing and toddling up to him to try and take hold of his bottle. John pulled it away quickly and sat the boy in his lap._

" _That's not for you, Pal. I'm thinking Mommy has something else for you to drink."_

_John reached over and opened the cooler and found a variety of juice boxes inside. He extracted one and handed it to the boy once he had stuck the straw inside the little hole. "Here you go, TJ, all yours."_

_The thirsty boy sucked heartily and John had to remind him to slow down. "You're gonna choke if you drink it too fast. And you'll want some to wash down your lunch."_

_Torren held the drink up for John to take then looked at Teyla. "Mama, eat?"_

_Teyla spread a blanket next to John and sank onto it, setting the basket between them. "Yes, sweetheart, I have some food for you to eat. Are you hungry?"_

_Torren nodded and held out his hands, this time hoping for some food. Teyla reached into the basket and pulled out a small container of cut up fruit. John knew this one was specifically for TJ since he only had a few teeth and couldn't chew things as much as they could._

" _Here, you may start with this," Teyla said and gave it to the outreached hands. Torren took it and settled back in John's lap to begin his lunch. Teyla pulled out another larger container and handed it to John. "And you may begin with this, although you must share it with me."_

_John scooted back a few feet until he was on the blanket now and set Torren's juice box and his beer in the sand next to it. Teyla moved closer and took out another container that she set between them near the first._

_John saw that they had some fruit as well as slices of cheese and ham and then she pulled out some rolls. John took the roll and added the ham and cheese and then took a huge bite. It was hard work watching children play on the beach, he thought with a chuckle._

_John watched as Teyla took a dainty sip from her water bottle then nibbled on some of the fruit. He didn't think she realized how sensual she was when she ate. The tip of her pink tongue would dart out to taste the fruit first and then she would take a small bite as the juice dripped on her lips._

_John gazed at her and after a few moments she turned her head and caught him staring. He smirked and said, "Hey gorgeous, come here often."_

_Teyla simply rolled her eyes and laughed. "I seriously hope you did not use that line often when you were trying to court women."_

_They heard Dave laugh from nearby on the blanket that he, Amy and the kids were sharing. "Are you kidding me, he didn't_ need  _to use a line. The girls came by in droves. He usually had to fight them off, when he even realized what they wanted. Most of the time he was too busy doing his daredevil stunts to even notice them hanging around drooling over him."_

_John glared at his brother. "I seem to remember that you had more than your share of ladies drooling over you, especially when you were pulling life guard duties at the Country Club."_

_Dave now grinned. "Yeah, I remember all my buddies thinking it was horrible that Dad made us get jobs while we were in high school and college. But they weren't thinking it was so bad when I had the bikini clad hotties swarming around the pool."_

_It was Amy's turn to glare at him. But she merely rolled her eyes and shook her head. She was aware that Dave Sheppard was a good catch. But she was the one who had caught him and she wasn't planning on throwing him back. And she was confident enough to know he had no intention of going anywhere either._

_Teyla took a nibble on some cheese and looked curiously at John. "And what job did you do while you were young, John?"_

" _In the summers, I worked at an amusement park and ran some of the rides. After a few years I got good enough and they let me run the Ferris Wheel. Always a favorite. I've got to get you on one sometime like I promised."_

_John and Dave reminisced some more about the times when they were younger and especially things they had done while on this island. Teyla showed an interest and John promised her he would show her all the sights while they were here._

_And that afternoon they did enjoy many of the activities to be had on the beach. John took Torren into the ocean and jumped the waves, making sure to hold the boy tight. But he seemed to love the water and John couldn't have been happier. He loved the water too and any child of his should enjoy it just as much as he did._

_Teyla was a bit more cautious as she was not a strong swimmer but she did venture in up to her waist and allow the water to pull her back to shore. She especially loved watching John and Torren splash around in the surf and make designs in the sand._

_Kristy and Scotty had fun with their uncle and John was glad he had a chance to spend time with them. It wasn't often they got back to Earth. He wasn't sure how long he and Teyla had back on the planet._

" _Uncle John," Kristy asked as they sat a few feet away from the water's edge drawing pictures in the wet sand. "How do you spell TJ?"_

_Scotty scoffed at her. "Those are his initials, silly. His name is Torren. Uncle John what does the J stand for?"_

_John smiled and answered, "It stands for John, like my name."_

" _Oh," Kristy perked up with understanding. "Cause you his Daddy. He has your name."_

_Scotty now piped in. "Like I have Patrick as my middle name because of Grandpa."_

_John nodded. "Yup, just like that. Do you know how to write your name, Kristy?"_

" _Mama tried a teach me," the little girl answered, "but the first letter is weally hard."_

" _Hmm, a K huh? Yeah, that's not an easy one," John agreed. "Let's see if we can't work on that a little."_

_He smoothed out a place in the hard packed sand and picked up the stick they had been using to draw with. He pulled Kristy into his lap and took her hand to hold it also._

" _The first thing you do is a big straight line, like this." He showed her and she had no problem making that. "Picture a very tall person standing up straight and that's this part."_

" _Like you, Uncle John. You very tall, wight?"_

_John nodded. "Well, your Dad is taller than me, and he never let me forget it when we were younger, but I suppose compared to some people I'm tall."_

_John directed her hand back to the sand again. "Now think of this next part as this tall person's arm. Put your arm in the air like this." And he lifted her arm and proceeded to tickle right under it resulting in loud squeals and wiggles._

_John settled her back in his lap and this time raised her arm without the tickles and said, "See how your arm is, this is like the arm of the letter K." Then he lowered their intertwined hand to draw what he had just described to her._

" _See, doesn't it look like a person with their arm up?"_

_Kristy nodded quickly and said, "It does. Maybe I should tickle it."_

" _But then they'll put their arm down and it won't look like that anymore. So we'll just leave this guy alone for now. The last thing we need to do is draw his leg. But you see this letter K is a bit of a wise guy and he likes to trip people so we're gonna draw him with his foot sticking out. Watch."_

_John took her hand and traced an extended leg on her letter K and Kristy got excited and started wiggling in his lap._

" _That it, I did it!" she yelled. "I made a letter K. Mama!" she screamed over at her mother a short distance up the beach. "I made a letter K!"_

_Kristy got up and abandoned John and ran over to pull her Mom back to where she had been sitting. Amy pulled herself out of her beach chair next to Teyla's and followed her daughter back to the sand drawing._

_John took that opportunity to get up and move toward Teyla who had just gotten up to fill another bucket with water for Torren. The boy was getting the biggest kick out of just making mud. John snuck into Teyla's beach chair and watched her face pinch a bit when she saw what he had done._

_She placed the bucket next to Torren then folded her arms across her chest and stared._

" _Hi!" John said with his most charming grin and a raised eyebrow._

" _You have taken my seat," Teyla stated plainly, her eyes now narrowing, knowing he was teasing her._

" _You can still sit here," John told her as he patted his lap. "I think I'd kind of like it if you did." And he reached for her hand and pulled her to sit on his outstretched legs. Teyla struggled for a second but as John's arms wrapped around her middle, she leaned back and burrowed into his chest._

" _See, isn't that nice?" John asked and lowered his nose to nuzzle the spot between her neck and shoulder._

_Teyla tilted her head slightly to one side and purred, "Mmm, yes, very nice. I do not recall this feature being in this seat before now."_

" _It's a limited time offer," John claimed and one hand slipped under her sarong to caress her thigh. "Though it does come with a few bonus features too."_

_Teyla turned her head and flashed him a sassy smile. "I think I may like some of these bonus features."_

" _I will admit they're some of my favorites." John now pressed his lips to her slightly parted ones and gave her a gentle kiss. He really wanted to do so much more but even though the beach was very private, they still had company. And Dave and Amy were throwing them funny looks._

_John kissed her a few more times but then Torren came toddling over and deposited himself in Teyla's lap, muddy sand covering most of his bathing suit clad body. But Teyla simply held him close and allowed him to snuggle against her and very soon his eyes had drifted closed._

" _I believe you are stuck with us here for the moment, John," Teyla commented as she stroked the boy's tangled curls. "Unless you wish to wake him."_

" _Never wake a sleeping baby," John quoted. "I remember hearing that from someone at some point."_

" _A very wise person, apparently," Teyla teased back knowing she had said this to John on numerous occasions. John had been so enamored of Torren after he was born that he had wanted to hold him all the time. Teyla had imparted her words of wisdom then._

_John settled back into the chair, more than happy to have these two most important people snuggled up next to him. It was more than he could ever ask for._

_Time passed and the sea breeze kicked up and John rubbed his hands over Teyla's exposed arms._

" _Maybe we should see about getting this little guy back to the cottage. It is getting a little chilly out here and he's still somewhat wet."_

_John helped Teyla up and started to rise himself._

_._

_._

"Come on, Sleeping Beauty, Athena gave you a little extra time out here today as the sun was shining. She thought you looked a little pale lately."

John felt his hands being unchained and two sets of arms pulling him to his feet. Even though he knew it would be useless, he still gave a last ditch effort to pull away. He managed to get a right cross into Guido's face and his knee into Bruno's stomach and actually take a few running steps. But he was barefoot and the cobblestone terrace he was on hadn't been swept in forever so there were a million jagged pebbles and stones scattered across it.

And of course he paid for his insolence with a few well-placed punches and kicks. Well,  _no pain, no gain_ , he always said although he couldn't for the life of him figure out what he had actually gained by his little stunt. Maybe his dignity. Then he thought about tomorrow and the fact that it would be Saturday, bath day. Yeah, there was no dignity to be found there.

He slumped in their arms and made them haul his dead weight back to the darkness that consumed him as soon as they closed the door. He waited for his eyes to adjust and then a smile came back to his face. He hated the darkness but he loved it too. For he knew that he now could go back to those who waited for him.

.


	9. Nine

**Chapter 9**

.

"Hey, cupcake," Guido called out as the dim light shone like a beacon into John's tiny cell. "It's play time."

"Today is Wednesday, Colonel," Athena's hollow voice floated in from where she stood at the door. "One of your favorite days."

John let his eyes adjust to the light after so many hours and days of complete black. He should add weeks and months but had to stop and think how many of those had gone by. When he had put up his requisite struggle and had received his requisite smacks he was dragged into the outer room. His eyes immediately moved to the wall where the alcove was and checked to see ten long marks carved into the cinderblock. He had made one each Sunday when he had been allowed to roam the room for most of the day. It had been ten weeks here in hell.

He attempted to retreat back into the nice little world he had created for himself to try and stay sane but Medusa was having none of it. She grabbed his hair which had grown shaggy and long and yanked on his head.

"You need to stay with me, Colonel," she purred in her fake nice voice which she always deluded herself into believing would make John think she was less of a snake head. It never worked though.

John opened his eyes and spotted the device. She still hadn't given up on getting this thing to work no matter how much John had attempted to truly do that.

"When are you gonna realize this thing is a piece of crap?" John managed to verbalize, his aching bones and back so blatantly painful due to yesterday's beating and the whipping of the previous day. He really needed to go back inside his head, as  _this_  reality really sucked.

"I don't believe you, Colonel," Athena growled back and her eyes lit up with anger. "Every time you use it, all the correct buttons and lights turn on indicating it's doing something. I think you're just hiding from me exactly whose mind you've been probing."

John sighed from sheer exhaustion. He had long since lost the energy to even try and trade barbs with her. But he took a deep breath and gave it one last shot.

"Maybe I've been probing  _your_  mind," he threw the words at her and saw her actually pause for a second. "And you know Guido and Bruno here would be very surprised to find out exactly what you think of them. And I'm pretty sure Bruno isn't into the type of kinky sex you've been fantasizing about with him though Guido might be more than willing as long as you do it with the snake voice turned on."

The two gorillas actually started looking uncomfortable but Athena merely slapped him across his already bruised face and snapped, "Enough! Now turn the machine on and make it work. I need to know whose mind you are reading."

John lifted his hands and placed them on the pads and it immediately started to glow and he could feel the Ancient technology hum in his veins. He closed his eyes and concentrated as best as his abused body and soul could manage. Just staying on his feet was a huge task in itself. Luckily, or maybe unluckily for him, Guido and Bruno were right there to hold him up whenever he started to sag.

John focused on the machine and for the umpteenth time tried to figure out exactly how to connect to anyone at all. He had been hoping he could let someone know he was still alive but Athena had hinted that this device only read thoughts, it didn't actually send them. But then he didn't really think of her as the honest type.

A few minutes later and she was leaning over the machine, her hands on the pads next to his and her eyes were closed as well. John thought of trying to wrap his hands around her neck and squeeze the life out of her but he knew he had already done that a few times and in seconds the two apes would have him lying on the floor with their boot prints indented in his side and back.

"Listen, Medusa," John finally said impatiently, "I've tried Woolsey, I've tried my whole team, I tried the President of the United States, heck I've even tried freakin' Osama bin Laden. I'm just not getting anything. I'm not even sure what to look for or do. Maybe you need to go back and read the instruction manual again because obviously there's some trick to using this that I haven't figured out yet."

"Fine then, if you don't wish to cooperate yet again," she said completely ignoring what he had said, "then we'll just move on to play time. You know how much I love Wednesdays."

John closed his eyes and felt like crying. But as he took a deep breath he heard a soft voice inside his head beckoning him to be strong and hold on. He listened closer and he could hear Teyla calling him and welcoming him back to her side.

His cuffed hands were pulled roughly away from the machine and dragged over his head and within seconds he felt himself hanging like a side of beef again from the bar overhead. He opened his eyes briefly and saw what Athena called ' _The Rod of Anguish'_  and tried to control the automatic tremors that always started inside at the thought of it touching his skin. And she loved to touch him in the absolute worst places, like the raw wounds on his back and finishing up with his privates. She always got a chuckle when she did that.

But John swiftly retreated and grasped for the reality he was slowly losing himself in. Someday he figured he might not actually come out. But as the rod touched his back he knew he wasn't in deep enough yet and a strangled cry erupted from his mouth.

.

.

" _God, Teyla!" John cried as he watched the beautiful woman crouched in front of his chair stroking his growing erection. "You're going to be the end of me, you know that, don't you?"_

_The smoldering look in Teyla's eyes gave her answer as she continued to pet and touch him. Then she inched in and touched her tongue to his quivering flesh and a loud moan escaped and his hands slid into her hair. He pulled her closer and sent a thought in the direction of his office door to lock it. It wouldn't do to have someone walk in while he and Teyla were doing this._

_His hands got busy on the laces and straps of her Athosian top and he wondered if she wore these at times like this just to give him a challenge. But she also knew he was always up for a challenge. And soon her top was on the floor and his hands were playing with her breasts as she slid her mouth around his arousal and sucked long and hard._

_He squeezed her mounds in response to what she'd just done and her indrawn breath told him she'd liked it. So he did it again and again. Then he pulled on her nipples and rolled them between his fingers loving that her mouth tightened around him when he did. They played this game for a while then he pulled Teyla up to kiss her moist lips._

_She straddled his lap and ran her hands through his hair while her tongue thrust inside his mouth. He responded in kind then whispered his lips down her neck and finally reached the peaks he had been playing with a short time ago. Teyla didn't complain._

_She arched her back and John had to hold on tight so she didn't fall off. His tongue licked around her perfect nipple then flicked it playfully eliciting tiny whimpers from the woman on his lap. He made sure to give attention to both and took turns lavishing them with his tongue and sucking on them. Teyla began to squirm and wiggle her hips back and forth._

" _Something you need, sweetie?" John teased as he rolled the chair closer to his desk._

_Her lips turned up in a sensuous grin. "Yes, John, I have a great need. Are you up for fulfilling it?"_

_John eyed the part of him that was_ very  _up and smirked. "Oh, I hope so."_

_He pushed her gently from his lap and unsnapped her pants then drew the zipper slowly down, his fingers skimming along as he did this. He turned her around and started tugging on the waistband sliding the gray material down over her backside. He groaned when he saw that she wasn't wearing any panties._

" _So apparently this," he waved at himself in the chair and his arousal hanging out, "wasn't really spontaneous, huh? You had plans to come in here and seduce me away from my work."_

_Teyla's eyebrows rose in amusement. "It was a slow day and I was bored. I know how good you are at relieving boredom. I thought you might like to join me instead of having me relieve myself." Her eyes flashed over her shoulder with more mischief. "Or find someone else to relieve it."_

_John grabbed her around the waist and pulled on the pants rapidly now, exposing her to his hungry gaze. "There'll be no one else relieving anything with you, Teyla. Make sure you remember that."_

" _You do not often let me forget," Teyla teased him as she moved her hips and raised her hands to lift her hair away from her neck, pushing her breasts out further for his perusal._

_John felt raw shock course through his stomach at the sight of her and her blatant sexuality. He felt himself twitch but wanted to concentrate on her pleasure for a while. He knew he'd still be getting pleasure as well._

_He turned her again and pressed his face into her curvaceous bottom, his lips and teeth nibbling on the silky skin. The noises coming from her mouth made him kiss and caress more. Then Teyla bent over his desk, leaning her head on the surface pushing her delectable bottom out even further. John thought he'd died and gone to heaven._

_He kissed and licked a bit more then used both hands to separate her cheeks and found her soft center waiting for him. His finger probed first and gently stroked her folds then explored a little more to enter inside. More whimpers floated through the air and John pressed another finger inside the already moist interior._

_He wiggled them in and out then moved in to taste the sweet nectar that Teyla had to offer. His tongue licked around the edges then dipped inside and soon Teyla was writhing on his tongue and his smile was pure pleasure._

_He looked down and saw that her pants were still on near the floor but then noticed his own pants were around his knees. He should probably do something about that. He pushed the chair back and patted her gorgeous tush a few times then instructed, "Why don't we see about removing the last of these barriers."_

_Teyla turned and slid onto his desk then reached down to kick off her shoes and remove her pants completely. John had taken little time to untie his boots and slide his pants off as well. His eyes then grew intense as he saw Teyla sitting on his desk, her legs out to the sides and she was leaning back on her elbows._

_She looked sweetly at him and her eyes changed to concern. "John, you must not forget to eat. The time will be long until you can satisfy your hunger again."_

_John nodded and rolled toward her, still in his desk chair. "Gonna satisfy that hunger right now, I think."_

_His head moved down and his lips reached again for the apex of her thighs. Teyla's feet shifted to rest on his shoulders and her head fell back with ecstasy at his ministrations. His lips sucked and his tongue flicked and soon her body was shuddering with tremors and John knew her hunger had indeed been satisfied. For now. He knew Teyla was always hungry._

_He stood up and began to stroke his own desire until she managed to pull herself together from the aftershocks. Then she joined his hand with her own and gently fondled the sensitive sacs underneath. John closed his eyes as more shock waves slashed through him and he knew very soon he wouldn't be able to hold back anymore. But he allowed Teyla her exploration and moved one hand to slowly caress her skin from shoulder to thigh down to her cute little toes._

_Finally when he could take it no longer he thrust himself inside her waiting core and saw her eyes go wide in abandonment as he pushed and retreated feverishly. In and out he plunged as he drove himself over and over and over again until they went over the edge of a steep cliff only to land softly in each other's arms, sprawled on the desk._

_John kissed her swollen lips once more and let his linger along her skin as he slowly backed away. She was a vision to behold with her ravished body and her satisfied smile gloating as her eyes travelled over his own satiated flesh._

_It was all he could do not to shove his now hardening member back inside and take her once again. But there was noise outside the door and he knew that wasn't to be._

John felt hands wrap around his arms and pull and he shook his head to see Guido and Bruno intruding into his private world. He was surprised to see that he was standing in the alcove and he'd obviously used the toilet as he felt no urgency. He quickly zipped himself back inside his pants as they dragged him past the now empty bowl of mush. He didn't remember eating that either.

But as he was chained to his cold, slimy wall, his memory did resurface and he remembered what he had been doing. The door closed with a definitive thud and the inky gloom enveloped him like a thick blanket. He felt the panic begin to grow inside as it had often lately with the obsessive solitude. Then he heard it again, the voice calling him to not give up, to hold on. And to come to her.

He had no choice but to listen.

.

* * *

.

Teyla sat up in bed, her body covered in sweat and throbbing with desire, as it had so often in the past few months. She gave a deep sigh and relaxed against the pillows as her memory reconstructed the dream she had just been pulled out of. But she could not get the passion and desire to drain from her tense body. She knew only one solution.

She got up and quietly padded barefoot to check on Torren. She wondered if she cried out in her sleep as she did in her dreams. She hoped not or she hoped that her son would sleep right through the noise if she did. He was a very deep sleeper, of that she was thankful.

She entered the bathroom, keeping the door open and allowing only the light from the candles in her room to filter their way in here. She quickly stripped as she turned the water on then stepped into the warm flow.

As she squeezed some liquid soap into her hand and began to get a lather, she felt it again; John's presence beside her. It was so real she could not ignore it. So she did what she did many nights that she awoke with such longing, she closed her eyes and stroked her hands over her skin. In her mind she saw John standing right there and it was his hands that caressed soap into her curves and brought her to a frenzy. And it was his hands that lingered near her feminine center and pushed in and out until she was so aroused and finally fulfilled.

She leaned against the shower enclosure and attempted to get her breathing under control. As she did she felt soft kisses drift across her back and down her arm. She knew he was here; she just did not know how. And why he never let her see.

Maybe it was not allowed and he was defying rules just to be with her nightly. John was never one to follow rules if he thought they were wrong.

Teyla grabbed a towel and dried herself off as she walked back to her bed and slipped back inside, still nude. The caress of the sheets brought her senses to alert again and she closed her eyes wanting John to be right beside her.

"John," her voice was soft but emotion filled. "I need you so much. I wish you were here with me now."

As she relaxed against the pillows, she felt John's arms wrap around her and a loving kiss pressed to her cheek. A smile grew on her face as slumber quickly overtook her.

.

.

" _Is he asleep?" John asked quietly as he sidled up behind Teyla who was checking Torren in his crib. He looked down and saw the angelic face of the little boy he loved like no other. He still found it hard to believe he and Teyla had created something so beautiful. But then Teyla was beauty itself and he knew anything that came from her would also need to be beautiful._

_Teyla nodded though she knew John could see that the child was sleeping soundly. She felt his arms around her waist drawing her back against his firm chest. It was a feeling she enjoyed immensely and she hated to admit that it made her feel safe and warm. She knew she did not truly need protecting but having John here near her like this just gave her that extra layer so she could relax._

_His lips moved down to where her neck was exposed by the ponytail she wore and pressed sweet kisses along the silky skin. He knew he'd never get enough of kissing and touching her if they were together a million years. At Teyla's soft sigh of pleasure he knew she felt the same way._

_He nibbled along her shoulder then pulled her out of Torren's room and into their bedroom. "Did you have anything special in mind for us to do tonight, Teyla?"_

_She turned slightly in his arms and gave him an impish grin. "I was planning to take a shower as I have an early morning and do not wish to have to get up extra early for that. What were your plans for the evening, John?"_

_John's eyes rose and he looked thoughtful as a grin appeared on his face too. "I think a shower sounds fine."_

_Teyla chuckled and shook her head. "I did not invite you to join me."_

_John whipped out his sad puppy dog eyes and gave a big pout, almost as potent as the ones Torren gave. "But I need a shower, too, don't I?"_

_Teyla sighed deeply and attempted to stifle her laughter. "I suppose but you must allow me to actually cleanse myself. Too often when we share a shower getting clean is not your first objective."_

_John looked contrite and promised, "I'll soap you up myself." He ruined the serious face with his eyebrows wiggling up and down._

_Teyla just rolled her eyes and moved toward the bathroom, her clothes pulled off as she went. John's smirk got even bigger the more skin she began to show. He pulled his own t-shirt over his head, sat down quickly on the edge of the bed and ripped his boots off, then started unbelting his pants as he followed Teyla._

_When he got in the bathroom she was already completely nude and adjusting the water temperature. She pulled the band from her hair allowing it to fall around her shoulders. She turned her head and gave him a saucy look then stepped inside the tub enclosure closing the glass door behind her. John's hands froze on his zipper as he watched through the clear partition. She was standing with her hands up pushing her hair back as the water sluiced over her upturned face and her breasts were pushed out prominently. He took a shuddering breath and tried to remember he promised he'd help wash her first._

_His pants were removed in record time and he took a tentative step inside the enclosure closing the door behind him. He moved up closer to her but made sure he wasn't quite touching._

" _Fancy meeting you here," he quipped as he knew Teyla loved it when he gave her ridiculous and tacky come-on lines. She'd never admit that she loved it but he knew she did. The little smile that always lit up her face when he threw one out at her was hovering over her lips at the moment._

_Teyla gave him a long suffering look and he leaned in even closer putting his lips within a breath of hers. "Hey," he whispered seductively, "If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?"_

_Teyla couldn't stop the laugh that came out of her mouth this time. She usually tried not to encourage John with his ribald humor and silly lines, but sometimes he was just so cute when he tried them that she couldn't help herself. She knew he would never say things like that in public._

_She reached up to touch his cheek and answered in a sultry tone, "I will hold it against you all night long if you so desire."_

_The breath John took in was more than a little shaky and he actually shuddered as he released it. "Oh, what you do to me, woman!"_

_Teyla ran her hands down from his shoulders to his chest then lower until they were just within reach of his growing arousal. "Or what I plan to do to you." And she gave him a quick stroke but then turned around to allow the water to run over her front again._

_John just stood there wondering how he had ever managed to get this unbelievable woman to love him. And he planned on letting her know in every conceivable way that he loved her just as much if not more. He squeezed some of the liquid soap into his hands and rubbed them briskly together to make a lather then he positioned them on her shoulders and began to knead her skin with his fingertips._

_Teyla's head fell back and she gave a low moan as he moved his fingers and hands down her back scrubbing and kneading and caressing. The lubrication of the soap felt amazing and so sensuous and John knew he could just stand here cleaning her all night long. Though he was hoping to move to a few more intimate spots along her body._

_He got more soap and placed his hands on her rounded bottom then knelt behind her to scrub along her upper then lower legs. As his fingers worked their way back up her legs they lingered on the inside of her thigh teasing and tormenting as they swirled in tiny circles. Teyla actually placed her hands against the shower wall to keep herself and her shaky legs from collapsing._

_John chuckled as he thought of her earlier comments about needing to be clean first. At this point he knew Teyla could care less about that. Her stance widened a bit and he took the invitation to allow his fingers to travel even further north. He knew what she wanted now but he thought he might make her wait a bit._

_He put more soap on his hands and lowered them back to her feet and scrubbed along the front of her legs now even though he was still behind her. He let his lips linger on her curvaceous rear as his hands crept up and approached the apex of her thighs. They played in the curls that protected her core as his teeth nipped and took tiny bites of the delectable skin in front of them._

_Teyla leaned further into the wall and her bottom thrust further into John's face, though you'd never hear him complain. He moved his hands back to her bottom and kneaded the skin then opened her to his eager tongue. Fingers played and his tongue caressed and licked and tasted her unique flavor. Moans and whimpers floated to him through the misty water that rained down on them both. Yeah, being clean was not her priority right now._

_John grinned as he stood and left her sagging against the wall. When she felt him move away and not return she looked at him with censure and puzzlement in her unfulfilled eyes. John's grin turned potent._

" _You said clean first, right?" And he squirted more soap on his hands that then moved toward her heaving chest._

_Teyla's eyes narrowed fiercely but then her mouth twisted crookedly and she also took soap in her hands and began to rub his chest as he caressed hers. They continued with this for several minutes maybe longer until they were both breathing heavily and their eyes were filled with longing._

_Teyla lowered her hands to John's generous erection and began to stroke and squeeze as his hands returned to the curls he had been playing with earlier. He backed Teyla against the wall and lifted her slightly to rest on the shelf where the shampoo bottle was. He continued scrubbing and caressing her feminine folds as Teyla moved her hands up and down his elongated shaft._

" _John!" The cry was torn from her mouth and she pulled at his shoulders to come even closer and she guided him right where she wanted him. He could never accuse Teyla of not letting it be known exactly what she wanted. And he was happy to please._

_The feel of him inside her made both of them groan in ecstasy and John began pumping back and forth as his mouth lowered to capture hers in a bone melting kiss. Her hands grabbed at his slim hips and helped him to keep rhythm as her tongue battled with his though certainly not for freedom. It was quite satisfied where it was._

_More minutes passed as skin slid against skin and breathing and heart rates sped up. Words of love and longing passed between their mating lips and soon fireworks erupted in their minds and they held each other tight as the inferno slowly was put out. But embers still lingered and John's lips touched lightly on Teyla's shoulder and neck as her fingers kneaded his back and hips._

_When breathing slowed down and strength somewhat returned John lowered Teyla away from his body and pressed a last kiss to her lips. "Guess I might need to rewash a few spots, huh?"_

_Teyla let out a big breath and nodded. She stood up and wrapped her arms around John's neck and rested her damp head on his shoulder. John pulled her in and held her close, knowing no words were needed between the two of them. They knew what they meant to each other and nothing would ever change that._

_John helped Teyla wash her hair and she reciprocated then they did a final rinse to truly clean off. The water was shut off and large towels gathered to begin drying. But John didn't want to just let her go, not quite yet. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom, despite her protests that she was too heavy._

" _Never, Teyla," he responded as he lay her on the bed, his towel falling off in his travels. He turned to the dresser and picked up her brush and sat down beside her._

" _Are you planning on brushing my hair for me?" Teyla asked as she stared at his extremely pleasing bare form._

" _Absolutely," he answered and grabbed her hips and slid her right in front of him. "But you need to be dressed the same way I am. Makes it fair and a lot more interesting, don't you think?"_

_Teyla chuckled as she did so often when she was with this man. He had a wonderful sense of humor and she knew so often it came about to try and lighten a tense mood. But he used the humor here when they were alone as well and she had to admit it had become very endearing. She knew she was so lucky to have caught his attention and become the focus of his love._

_John tugged at her towel and she allowed it then leaned back toward him as he ran the brush through the snarls and soon it was flowing through her hair with no restrictions. He still continued this for a while and Teyla could tell he was enjoying the sensation of combing her hair. She was getting pleasure from it too._

_Teyla's hair was soon free of much of the moisture and John put the brush down on the bedside table. Teyla made to get up but John just repositioned himself against the headboard and shifted her so she was leaning against him._

" _Did you have other plans?" John asked as Teyla looked at him questioningly._

" _No," she replied and settled back comfortably within his arms. "But the lights are all still on in the house …"_

" _That's not a problem," he said and with a grin all the lights turned off except a small one by the bed._

" _Showoff," Teyla said but smiled knowing he loved his ability to do that. But now she could simply relax and sit by him until they were tired enough to go to sleep. It was getting close to that time but she did so love just sitting with him snuggling. It was not often they got time to do it._

" _I love just relaxing here with you, Teyla," John said as if reading her mind. "I love TJ but he is definitely at a busy age now that he walks so much. And even though I don't get half of what he says, he sure does try and tell us a lot."_

_Teyla gave a tiny shiver and John pulled at the covers so they were comfortably under them, though he made sure to only pull them to their waist. His hands roamed her silky, squeaky clean skin though Teyla could tell he was just keeping a connection, not looking for more sex._

_She turned on her side and rested her head against his chest and allowed her fingers to run through the fur covering it. She felt his hands pull her in tighter and again she felt very safe and loved. Being with John this way was so wonderful and she knew she could happily live this way forever. As his lips touched her hair and he gave a deep, satisfied sigh, she knew he felt that way too._

_._


	10. Ten

**  
Chapter 10**

.

John kept his eyes closed as he heard the door creak open. He knew it was Sunday and so didn't have to worry about any further injury to his already overtaxed body. He felt his chains being undone, though they always left the cuffs on, and then footsteps walk away. He still didn't open his eyes. He wasn't sure he had the strength.

His body sagged without the chains holding him up and he just allowed himself to slide to the side and lay there for a short time. He had nowhere else to go. It had been the same every Sunday for the past … how long had it been? He'd have to count the marks in the outer room; once he got up the energy to actually drag himself out there.

He had to admit it wasn't his favorite place to go though. It's where he was routinely beaten and degraded and forced to acknowledge that he was living a daily hell and there probably was no end in sight. That thought alone, that no rescue was coming, made him want to curl up and just stop breathing.

But every time he contemplated that, he would hear Teyla's voice calling to him, encouraging him to hold on, to stay with her and Torren, to keep living. And only for her was he willing to do that. There was no other reason. No one else even knew he was alive. And somewhere in the back of his head, though he'd never actually admit it, he was aware that Teyla didn't even know.

He cracked his eyes open slowly so they could adjust to the light, dim as it was, at their own pace. He didn't need to rush things today as there would be no rough hands grabbing at him to make him use the damn machine that he couldn't figure out how to work. And no being chained up to the overhead beam so Athena could ' _play_ ' with him. He had the whole day to himself.

He knew he shouldn't just lie here on the cold stone floor, though there wasn't anything softer in the outer room either. But there was a toilet and water and hopefully some sort of soup, if history repeated itself. His stomach had stopped growling though months ago. It seemed to have resigned itself to the tiny bowl of mush he got every day, if he had the strength to actually reach for it. Often times he didn't.

He pushed on his hands to sit upright and allowed his head to stop spinning. Movement wasn't always a good thing. But today was also the day he liked to try and regain some of his strength. Twenty-three hours a day of being chained to a wall wasn't real good on the muscles. He was able to move his legs but with the angle his hands were chained to the wall, there weren't a whole lot of other body parts he could move comfortably.

He started to rise and had to lean against the wall until his legs would hold him. The left leg was still weak and he hoped it wasn't permanently damaged. He suspected it had been broken during the first week here but Medusa had focused on it more than a few times when she brought out the wooden stick. Tuesday; beating.

He managed to hobble the few feet of his dingy little cell then stopped to take a breath in the doorway. The room wasn't any bigger than a Queen sized bed. Good thing he wasn't claustrophobic, though he wondered if he was starting to develop that specific fear.

He looked into the larger room and saw his bowl sitting on the floor in the middle. Now that he knew it wouldn't be taken away from him for quite a while, he didn't rush to eat it. But he did walk to it and ease himself gently to the floor and pick up the bowl. It was still warm.

He tipped the bowl up to his face and took a sip. Mmm, pure heaven. Well maybe not heaven but it actually had a tiny bit of flavor in it. Today was a chicken noodle soup though there were less than a handful of noodles and maybe two pieces of chicken. But he'd take whatever he could get. It was better than watery mush.

He drank the broth slow then took his time chewing the noodles and chicken knowing he wouldn't get the opportunity to chew anything again until next week. This reminded him that he needed to check how long he had been here. He used to be able to keep that in his head but with the constant torture and light deprivation and solitude, his mind often got confused and it was hard to recall.

He groaned as he struggled to his feet and placed the bowl in the sink. He'd make sure to drink as much water as he could today. Too much of it though, he'd found, caused his stomach to revolt but today he had a toilet to use for much of the day and as long as he stopped drinking it a few hours before they came back in, he should be okay. It wasn't something he wanted to do while he was chained to the wall.

He had a feeling the water wasn't exactly filtered or clean but unless he wanted to be completely dehydrated, more so than he knew he already was, he needed to put some fluids inside him. Unfortunately this water seemed to have the effect of taking it right back out of him as well.

John reached inside the toilet tank and grabbed the small piece of metal he had been using to carve marks on the cinder block wall. He'd thought about trying to stab it into one of the guards but knew the other would simply knock him down and then he'd be in for even more abuse at their hands. And he knew Guido sure did like to use his hands.

He counted the lines, three rows of four then one more row started underneath. He dug the metal into the wall and started on the fourteenth mark. Fourteen weeks; three and a half months; a quarter of a year. So much of his life wasted sitting in this stinking hell hole being abused and tormented and just barely kept alive. And not so much as a freakin' X-Box to keep him occupied.

He started to laugh when he thought of what he'd just been thinking. But he knew if he gave in to the laughter he might not stop and then he'd be so far over the edge he might not come back from it. He wasn't sure he hadn't already reached that point. But the fact that he could actually still think enough to make a mark in the wall assured him he still had a tiny sliver of sanity left. He'd cling to that as long as he could.

Once done, he replaced the metal piece and started his walk around the room. At first he had to keep one hand on the wall for support but he found as he continued, his legs got stronger and managed to hold him and he could even move a little faster. Every four laps he would stop and do a few wall push-ups. Then after ten he would do a few other exercises from his basic training.

By twenty, the tainted water would have kicked in and he'd have to stop and use the toilet. That usually drained him and he lowered himself to the ground to actually try and get some rest while stretched out and horizontal.

As he lay there with his face pressed to the cold stone, his thoughts returned once more to his predicament. He tried to be positive but reviewing it he knew there wasn't much to be positive about. He was being held by a bunch of snake infested aliens and chained to a wall for most of the day. During the short time he wasn't there, he was being tortured, mentally and physically.

The small amount of food they allowed him barely kept him alive and certainly didn't give him enough strength to actually overpower anyone never mind all of them. And he had certainly tried, far too many times. The resulting beatings had been worse than some of the torture.

It was a relief to recline on his stomach and allow his back a reprieve from anything brushing against it. It never actually got a chance to heal before Monday came again and he had new added to the old. But the pain had become such a part of him that he almost didn't feel it anymore. Almost.

He rested his head on his arms, closed his eyes and tried to push away the despair and desolation that ripped through his gut and threatened to overwhelm him at times. He drifted into a land of his creation, though more and more he thought that staying there would be a much better option. There he could do what he wanted and he had Teyla and Torren and even occasionally his brother and his family. And they all got along and he and Teyla were together. It was the perfect life. Yes, there was no reason to ever come back. That thought became stronger every time he went there.

.

.

_Sweat dripped from his forehead into his eyes as his feet pounded against the ground. He lifted his hand and brushed at it with the black sweatband on his wrist. Just a short distance to go and he'd be home._

_He jogged up the short driveway and saw Teyla standing in the doorway waiting for him, her morning cup of tea in her hand. Her hair was damp from her recent shower and he could hear TJ zooming some cars around behind her somewhere. His lips formed a huge grin at the scene._

_She opened the door for him and he paused long enough to give her a quick kiss. "Good morning, John. Did you have a good run?"_

_John nodded as he walked past her and headed to the kitchen. "Yeah, I went for a little longer than usual but I've been slacking off lately and wanted to get my endurance up again. But now I really need a shower. I'm a bit rank."_

_Teyla walked up behind him as he stuck his head under the faucet and swallowed a long swig of water. He heard Teyla chuckle at his action._

" _You know, John, there is this device called a cup that is very useful when trying to procure liquid and bring it to your mouth."_

_John straightened up and wiped the back of his hand across his wet lips. His eyes narrowed at her and his lips pursed. "Really," he snorted back at her. "I'll have to try it sometime."_

" _You must teach your son of this as well. He has gotten into the habit of using the hose in the backyard for quenching his thirst. I am wondering where he learned that habit from."_

_John's eyes got wide in innocence and he shrugged. "No idea, Teyla." But the twinkle in his eyes gave away the answer._

" _Dada, home!" Torren yelled and came galloping into the room to throw his arms around John's legs. John reached down and scooped up the toddler._

" _Hey Pal, you being good for Mommy while I was out running?"_

_TJ held up the little car he had been playing with and ran it over John's shoulder then up the side of his face with a "Vroom, vroom!"_

" _Good enough answer," John chuckled then added. "Okay, well you continue to play with your car, Daddy has to go and take a shower. I stink!"_

_Torren made a face and held his nose and shook his head. John lowered him to the floor then moved closer to Teyla. "Too bad you already took your shower. We could have shared and saved some water."_

_Teyla blushed and pushed at his damp chest, allowing her hands to linger a bit longer than typical. "But when that happens, we usually spend even more time in there but get much less washing done."_

_John leaned in to nip at her lips and gave her a wink. "But it's a lot of fun, isn't it?"_

_Teyla just rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Go and take a quick shower. I will put some sausage on to cook. And if you take too long you know they will be burned so I suggest you do not linger."_

_He did know. Teyla was always willing to cook and her efforts were much appreciated however she still hadn't gotten the knack for making food edible. "I'll be quick."_

_And he was true to his word and managed to save the sausage and even add some eggs to be ready at the same time. He dished up the food and brought it to the table as Teyla set a bowl of cut fruit on it as well. Torren wandered over at Teyla's call and John set him in his booster seat and pushed him closer to the table._

" _You have to put the car down to eat, though, Pal," John instructed the child who pouted but set the toy vehicle beside his plate._

_John scraped some eggs into it and then shared the rest between the other two plates. He pulled a sausage off the serving dish, cut it into very small pieces and then put them on Torren's plate beside his eggs. Torren picked up his spoon and then used his fingers to place the sausage onto it. Then the spoon went into his mouth._

_John and Teyla merely looked at each other and laughed. Torren understood the concept of using utensils but still hadn't quite gotten the proper way to get food onto them. It reminded John of when Ronon first came to Atlantis after being on the run for so many years._

_The thought_ of Ronon _brought a_ bit of an uncomfortable _feeling to John and_ he couldn't _figure it out. Was_ he real _or only pretending to be_ his friend? _Images of someone_ talking to him _while he lay in a hospital_ bed floated through _his mind and again there was_ an awkward feeling _inside his stomach. He didn't_ understand it and _didn't want to try and analyze it._

_He looked over at Teyla and knew she was real and so he focused on her, and on his son chewing his sausage happily. John dug into his own food and chatted with Teyla until they had all finished with their meal. A quick clean up and they were ready for the day. And he knew it would be a good one; they'd be spending it together._

_They drove out to a nearby park and Torren immediately squealed when he saw the swing set and slides. John had barely gotten him out of his car seat when the child took off running in that direction. John quickly caught up with him and scooped his squirming body up into his arms._

" _Listen, TJ," John warned sternly but in a soft, caring voice, "You know what the rules are when we come here, right? No running off without Mommy or Daddy or we can't stay here. You remember?"_

_Torren gave a pout and his eyes filled with tears. He nodded his head and wrapped his arms around John's neck. Seeing the boy sad like this always broke his heart. He squeezed the child tight to him and kissed his damp cheek._

" _Hey, I'm not mad at you, Pal. I just wouldn't want anything to happen to you. You and Mommy are the most important people in my life and I would be so sad if anything happened to you. I don't want to see you hurt. I love you very much."_

_John kissed his cheek again and Torren pulled his head up and said, "Luh you, Dada."_

" _I know you love me too, TJ," John replied and Torren now kissed his cheek. John put him on the ground and said, "Come on, I'll race you to the swings."_

_The boy perked up and started pumping his chubby little legs in the direction of the swings. John allowed him to win and once they got there picked him up and put him inside the toddler swing with the safety straps. He made sure the buckle was snug enough then set the swing in motion._

_Teyla finally caught up with them, having carried a backpack with supplies along. She saw her son going up and down and when he realized she was there cried out, "Mama! Wee!"_

_Her smile grew large and she waved at the boy. She dropped the bag on the ground then stood near John, linking her arm in his, the one that wasn't pushing Torren on the swing._

_They stayed that way for a while, John leaning down to steal a kiss from Teyla every few pushes. She finally understood his pattern and was ready with her upturned face when he leaned down._

_After a while, John pointed to the other swings and suggested, "Teyla, why don't you have a swing, too?"_

" _I am not sure I will fit in those, John. They are made for children, are they not?"_

" _These are industrial strength swings because they're in a public place and need to be heavy duty. Besides you can't weight more than some of these kids I've seen here. And this," and he squeezed her butt cheek, "may be nicely rounded but it's not huge."_

_Teyla gave a quirky smile and sauntered to the next swing that wasn't for toddlers. She sat on it and adjusted herself to be comfortable. She pushed her feet back a short distance then picked them up to sway back and forth a few times._

" _You need to start pumping to get yourself really going high," John told her but she looked confused._

" _Pumping? I do not know what this means."_

" _It means you need to pump your legs back and forth to get momentum going," John instructed._

_Teyla tried a few times but couldn't quite get the hang of it so John gave TJ one very high push then sat on a swing next to Teyla's._

" _Watch me. When you swing forward you extend your legs and lean back but then when you swing back, you need to lean a bit forward and bend your knees."_

_He showed her a few times and she copied his movements becoming better at it as she felt herself rise higher. But Torren had slowed down and wasn't having any of this swinging by his parents if he wasn't going anywhere. And he didn't know how to pump either and was much too young to understand the process._

" _Dada! Wee!" Torren yelled fiercely._

_John slipped off his swing and walked back to give the child a serious look. "How about you ask please?"_

_Torren put on his cutest face and let his eyes twinkle as he said, "Pease Dada. Wee!"_

_John laughed at the charm this little boy had already learned how to use on his parents and others. He'd seen him do it so many times. He knew he'd be a real problem when he was sixteen and starting to like the girls._

_John smiled at him and gave him another push to get him going again. Then he stood and watched as Teyla and Torren glided side by side. Teyla had really gotten the hang of pumping and was flying very high. He loved watching the expression on her face as the wind blew past her and pulled a few strands from her ponytail. She looked like she was seventeen._

_Times like this made John so glad for everything he had. This family of his made him so happy and he could think of nothing better than spending the rest of his life just being with them doing little things like swinging._

_But Torren soon became restless buckled into the swing and yelled," Dada, do side?" Then he looked at John's face and remembered to add, "Peeeeease!"_

" _Sure, TJ, we can go on the slide."_

_John unbuckled the child and Teyla stopped swinging as well. They grabbed the bag and walked to where there were a variety of slides. John chose the smallest one and set Torren at the top._

" _Now you need to stay sitting when you're on this, remember, or you could fall and get hurt. And you know I don't want you to get hurt."_

" _Luh me!" Torren called out and patted his own chest._

_John chuckled and pressed a kiss to the boy's head. "Yes, Mommy and I both love you."_

_Torren looked at Teyla and yelled out, "Mama luh me!"_

_Teyla's wide smile lit up her face and her eyes sparkled with delight. "Yes, sweetheart, I love you very much."_

" _Dada, side?" Torren looked at John now indicating he was ready to go down._

_John nodded and said, "Sure, Pal. Mommy will catch you okay?"_

_Teyla knelt at the bottom of the slide with her hands ready for her son and John let go, though his hands followed the boy the whole way down. The squeals coming from his mouth let them know he had enjoyed it. He pulled from his mother's grasp and jumped up and down and ran back to where the ladder was to climb back up._

" _Side aden, Dada?" Torren asked and John nodded and scooped to deposit him back at the top._

_This went on for some time with Torren wanting to go on the bigger slides. They allowed him to but only if he went on with an adult. So John and Teyla took turns climbing up the higher slides and racing down them with the child in their laps._

_The highest one Teyla made John go on and as they sat at the top, Torren looked both scared and excited. John held him tight in his arm and whispered into his ear, "This one's gonna be like flying, TJ!"_

_Torren's eyes opened wider than John thought they could go and he almost quivered with anticipation. "We fy, Dada?"_

" _Well, as close as we can get without having an aircraft, Pal. You ready to go?"_

_The dark curls shook as the little head bobbed up and down. John pulled his arm a bit tighter and wiggled to get his hips past the railings at the top and let gravity pull them down. Torren let out another shriek of glee and John gave a little whoop himself. Teyla waited at the bottom, her eyes alight with merriment as she watched her two boys relishing the activity._

" _Mama, we fy!" Torren exclaimed as John stood up and deposited the child on the ground. His eyes were as round as a ball._

" _Yes," Teyla acknowledged indulgently. "I see that you did. But then your Daddy loves to fly. Perhaps you two could use a break from all this excitement to have a little lunch."_

_John nodded and they moved to a grassy area and settled down onto a blanket Teyla had packed in the backpack. Containers of food were passed around and soon John was patting his stomach and groaning._

" _I may need to go for another run after that. I'm gonna start getting fat with the amount of food you keep giving me."_

" _Did you not say you wished to hike down to the lake today from here?" Teyla questioned as John reclined on the blanket and closed his eyes._

" _Mmm," John murmured back. "You better get me going on that before I fall asleep right here though."_

" _Torren," Teyla instructed the toddler. "You need to wake Daddy up so we can go on a walk through the woods to the lake."_

_Torren needed no further directive. He hopped over to John and tapped on his belly. "Wate up, Dada!"_

_John bolted upright and grabbed the little boy around the waist and blew a big raspberry into his neck. Teyla just sighed with happiness at their antics and began to clean up and repack their lunch. Soon they had Torren tucked into a carrier and strapped to John's back. They knew he loved to walk now that he could but at fifteen months they also knew there was only so much hiking this child could manage. And the lake was over a mile away._

_And sure enough by the time they had reached the sparkling water, Torren was out cold. John carefully settled himself on a large outcropping of rocks that overlooked the lake and pulled Teyla to sit in between his legs once she had removed the back pack she had carried._

" _I'm guessing this will replace his afternoon nap," John said as he wrapped his arms around Teyla and pressed his lips to her exposed neck. He couldn't move too much or he would dislodge Torren from his comfortable position on John's back._

_Teyla relaxed against John's chest. "Hmm, as long as we have a few minutes to sit here and enjoy the view and each other, I will not complain. I love our son but I also very much cherish the time we have together, just you and me."_

" _Me, too," John agreed and they lapsed into silence appreciating the serene scene and the comfort of each other._

_John couldn't believe how lucky he was to be here with them both. It was better than anything else he'd ever experienced. He wanted to stay here forever. At that thought a pleasant smile crossed his handsome features._

.

"Why is he smiling again?" Guido asked as he and Bruno hoisted him from the cold, stone floor and dragged him to his cell.

Athena hovered and her smile was twisted. "I have a feeling we are slowly losing him to mental instability. Perhaps too many days of being alone and in the dark have finally driven him to lose his mind. If that is the case then he will be no good to me in using the Ancient device. But my next phase is just about ready. We will need to begin with that tomorrow."

She looked around the tiny cell one last time as Sheppard was chained to the wall. He hadn't even attempted to escape or thrown any insults at them. His eyes were blank and the little smile that had been playing around on his lips when they came in was still there. He had looked that way more and more lately. Yes, it was definitely time to use Colonel Sheppard for the other reason she had taken him.

.

* * *

.

"Mr. Sheppard, there's a woman on the phone who says it's urgent she speak with you. She says she knows your brother, John."

David listened to his secretary's words over his intercom and wondered if it might be Teyla inviting him and the family to the Nantucket cottage. That would be nice. The Fourth of July holiday had just passed and so the crowds from that would be less. He wondered how she was coping. Hopefully better than he had been. His guilt at not communicating with his brother more was still eating away at him.

"Put her through, Carol," he instructed and picked up the phone.

"David Sheppard, here," he said and waited for her reply.

"Mr. Sheppard, my name is Athena and I have a little proposition for you that I'm sure you'll be interested in."

David sighed hoping it wasn't some gold digger claiming to have had John's baby. He knew there were tons of people out there that saw someone rich had died and tried to profit from it. But it hadn't been highly publicized that John had been stationed out of the country for over six years. That might come as a surprise to this woman and negate any claim she had.

"Miss … Athena, my secretary told me you were a friend a John's. What can I do for you?"

"Actually it's what I can do for you. In the next few days you will be contacted by a firm that will offer to buy out Sheppard Industries. You will happily do so and be relieved of the incredible pressure of running a company that size. We will leave you with a few of your smaller subsidiaries but we want all your power companies and access to the entire power grid that you control." Then she named a pitiful amount stating that he would gladly accept the offer.

"Are you crazy, lady?" David almost shouted into the phone. No one in their right mind would sell a company for that amount or give up their biggest money maker. "Why would you even think I would consider that?"

"Because I have something I think you'll want even more," Athena replied. "Check your e-mail, Mr. Sheppard. You'll find a link to a live feed and you might want to check it out while we're discussing business."

Dave did as asked though he really just felt like hanging up on this nutcase. Sure enough he had a new e-mail from someone named Athena and he clicked on the link to see a video of a very dark room.

"Now bear with me, Mr. Sheppard," Athena continued over the phone. "And you'll soon see what I'm offering."

Dave clicked a few keys and turned on his automatic screen capture program. He figured he better just to have proof of whatever this lady thought she had over him. He wasn't too concerned. He always filled out his taxes correctly and he didn't cheat on his wife. Heck, he even made sure to pay any parking tickets he had.

A bright light suddenly turned on in the video and he saw a very small room with cinderblock walls. As the light moved across, he saw a figure chained to the wall. His feet were bare and his head was hanging down, his shaggy hair hiding his face from the camera. Dave could see bloody wounds surrounding the cuffs on the poor person's wrists and his clothes were disheveled and torn in spots.

"Who is that?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. But as she continued talking he remembered Carol had said she claimed to be a friend of John's. But it couldn't be! John was dead.

"In exchange for your complete cooperation I will be more than happy to reunite you with your brother."

And now a female hand reached into the viewing area and grabbed hold of the shaggy hair and pulled up to show the prisoner's face. The skin was covered in bruises, lips split and swollen, months' worth of facial hair and sunken cheeks and eyes. But there was no doubt; it was John!

"John!" the exclamation escaped from his mouth before he could stop it. This wasn't right. "I don't know what you're trying to pull, lady, but my brother died over three months ago."

"Yes, that is what you were made to believe and truthfully the military certainly believed it to be true. But I managed to rescue Colonel Sheppard right before the explosion and he has been my guest ever since then. But I'm willing to trade him back to you for your cooperation. What do you say, Mr. Sheppard? Do we have a deal?"

Dave wasn't sure he could even breathe never mind respond to this woman. Could this really be John? It sure as heck looked like him but maybe it was some video taken years ago when he was in Afghanistan.

"How do I know this is really my brother and you aren't just using old footage of him?" Dave demanded.

"Fair question. I will let you speak with him. You may ask him something that only the two of you would know."

Dave saw the female hand put a cell phone up to the prisoner's ear. "Colonel Sheppard, your brother wishes to speak with you."

Dave watched as John struggled to hold his head up and his eyes were vacant and bewildered. It made him wonder exactly what he had endured the past three and a half months. His stomach rebelled at the very thought. John poked his tongue out of his mouth and tried to moisten the dry, cracked lips then croaked softly, "Dave."

"Oh, God, John!" Dave cried out when he heard his brother's voice over the phone and on the computer speakers. "John."

He had to stop, his emotions were riding so high but he knew he needed to ensure this was really his little brother. He swallowed hard and continued, "John, I need to know this is really you. What did I give you for your tenth birthday? Do you remember?"

John's head lifted a bit higher, his eyes drifted off in remembrance and his mouth curved into a crooked grin, there was no doubting that grin but Dave waited for his answer.

The tongue poked out again and he dryly chuckled, "A broken arm. You gave me a … broken arm and a … day at the hospital. Never … wanted a piggy back ride … from you again."

Dave felt moisture well up in his eyes and before he knew it he could feel tears streaming down his face. "John," he cried out sorrowfully. "I am so sorry."

John's mouth crooked into a bigger smirk. "I asked for the ride. Not your fault."

At this point Dave saw the phone taken away from John's ear and he heard the woman's voice again. "Are you convinced, Mr. Sheppard? Do we have a deal?"

"Yes," Dave answered succinctly.

"Good, my people will be in touch in a few days once we get the paperwork drawn up. Once I have the papers signed, I will hand you the GPS coordinates of where your brother is being held. I feel that's very fair. Until then, Mr. Sheppard," and the phone disconnected.

As the dial tone rang in his ear, Dave saw the video feed also shut off. He immediately pressed a few buttons and was relieved to see his program had captured the whole thing. He inserted a flash drive to make a copy then rifled through his desk for a card he had haphazardly thrown in there. In less than three minutes he was on the phone again.

"I need to be connected to General O'Neill immediately. This is David Sheppard. Please let him know I have some important information about my brother, Lt. Colonel John Sheppard and it's urgent that I speak with him."

.

 


	11. Eleven

**Chapter 11**

.

"What is so gosh darn important that we have to come here for a meeting?" Rodney whined as they rode down in the elevator of the SGC. "This place is so gray and depressing."

He, Teyla, Lorne, Ronon and Woolsey had been contacted just this afternoon on Atlantis and within an hour had arrived here in a cloaked puddle jumper. They hadn't been given any information other than that their presence was required for an urgent matter.

"You were given as much information as I was, Dr. McKay," Woolsey told him for the fifth time. "I'm sure General Landry has a good reason for this. He said General O'Neill would be waiting here for us to fill us in."

The elevator doors opened and Sam Carter was standing just outside them. She gave a tiny smile as she greeted them. "Thanks for coming so quickly."

"Sam," McKay said as they followed Carter down the hallway. "What's going on and what's so damn important that you couldn't tell us on Atlantis? And it couldn't wait until tomorrow? It's just about dinner time."

"You'll see. We're almost there."

They followed along a few more corridors then entered a large conference room that already had several occupants. Rodney saw O'Neill, Landry and Carolyn Lam but there was a fourth person he couldn't place right away, though he did look familiar. Teyla solved the mystery.

"Mr. Sheppard, David…" she corrected when she saw his smile. "What are you doing here?"

Dave walked over to her and gave her a small kiss on the cheek. "I'm a bit confused by things myself. General O'Neill said he'd clarify a few details for me. But he wanted to wait until you and your team got here. Thank you for coming so quickly."

Teyla looked up at O'Neill then glanced around at Landry, who she had only met once before and then the others. She gave them curious looks but allowed them to speak when they were ready. Rodney did not quite have that patience.

"What's going on? Why is Sheppard's brother here?"

"I'm about to get to that," Landry started, "we're just waiting for…" he trailed off as several others entered the room.

"Dr. Daniel Jackson, Colonel Cameron Mitchell, Vala Mal Doran and Teal'c, I'd like to introduce you to David Sheppard."

The new crew nodded at Dave then Landry said, "For any of you who haven't met, Richard Woolsey, Dr. Rodney McKay, Major Evan Lorne, Ronon Dex and Teyla Emmagen?"

The few who hadn't been acquainted gave nods of greeting but then all looked at O'Neill who had moved to the front of the large conference table. He motioned for everyone to take a seat and cleared his throat.

"Mr. Sheppard here had an interesting phone call earlier today and I wanted to share it with all of you. It was from a woman who identified herself simply as Athena."

"Athena!" Jackson exclaimed with disgust on his face. "I was hoping we had gotten rid of her with some of the others. Is she still using Charlotte Mayfield or did she find someone else to control?"

O'Neill glanced at Sheppard's puzzled face then said, "We don't have visual confirmation but the voice sounds right.

"And what did Athena want?" Vala sneered, having come across the woman before in a not very pleasant situation.

"She wanted to buy out Sheppard Industries for a pitiful amount," Dave answered them. "Mostly she seemed interested in controlling the power grid I own."

"So what exactly is The Trust up to?" Mitchell questioned suspiciously. "We haven't had a lot if Intel on them lately."

"Not really sure at the moment," O'Neill said. "But the reason you're all here is due to a different problem, though taking them down will hopefully be another mission objective."

O'Neill clicked on the large screen behind him as the lights were dimmed and a video came up of a dark room. "Athena sent Sheppard here a link and this is what he saw. He was smart enough to record the interaction and bring us a copy."

A light came on in the video and you could hear a woman's voice.

" _Now bear with me, Mr. Sheppard, and you'll soon see what I'm offering."_

The camera moved to a lone figure hunched on the floor, his hands chained to the wall. They took in his ragged appearance and McKay muttered, "Who is that?" right as you heard Dave's voice on the tape say, " _Who is that_?"

" _In exchange for your complete cooperation I will be more than happy to reunite you with your brother_."

"What?" Ronon shouted as his eyes scanned the screen. "Sheppard's supposed to be…"

"Just watch," O'Neill ordered quietly.

And they did and saw the hand reach for the hair and pull up. Quite a few gasps rang through the room as they truly saw that it was John Sheppard.

" _John_!" they heard Dave Sheppard's voice exclaim. " _I don't know what you're trying to pull, lady, but my brother died over three months ago."_

" _Yes, that is what you were made to believe and truthfully the military certainly believed it to be true. But I managed to rescue Colonel Sheppard right before the explosion and he has been my guest ever since then. But I'm willing to trade him back to you for your cooperation. What do you say, Mr. Sheppard? Do we have a deal_?" the faceless voice demanded.

" _How do I know this is really my brother and you aren't just using old footage of him_?" Dave Sheppard now asked.

All in the room continued to watch as Dave spoke with John and answered his question correctly, proving beyond a doubt that this was indeed their friend and fellow soldier.

They saw the phone removed from the viewing area and Athena continue, " _Are you convinced, Mr. Sheppard? Do we have a deal?_ "

" _Yes,_ "

" _Good, my people will be in touch in a few days once we get the paperwork drawn up. Once I have the papers signed, I will hand you the GPS coordinates of where your brother is being held. I feel that's very fair. Until then, Mr. Sheppard._ "

The screen went blank and the lights were turned up again. Most faces were in shock though Teyla's had tears running down her cheeks.

"How were they able to capture him?" she asked, her voice a bit shaky.

"Most likely an Al'Kesh," Teal'c replied. "There are rings aboard that could possibly have been adjusted to procure Colonel Sheppard from the hive ship."

"Looking back at the data we got during that time," Sam informed them, "we did notice a power surge right before the hive ship blew. We didn't really think anything of it at the time, figuring it was from the nuke powering up to blow. Looking back now, it was probably John being transported off."

Most of them simply shook their heads but Dave was very confused. They were talking about ships? He decided to get to the heart of the matter; rescuing John.

"They won't get in touch with me for a few days but can you be ready to go get John as soon as this woman gives me the coordinates?"

Sam gave a crooked smile. "We don't plan on waiting that long, Mr. Sheppard. If at all possible, we'd like to get him as soon as we can and you won't even have to sign over any of your company."

Dave was even more confused. "I don't want to do anything that could cause John to be killed. I already lost him once, I don't want to do it again. I'd never forgive myself."

"Have we been able to track him?" McKay spoke up his eyes intense and hopeful.

O'Neill winced a bit then said, "As soon as Sheppard called me, I contacted the Daedalus and had them start scanning for his transmitter. Unfortunately, wherever he is, it seems to be jammed."

Sgt. Harriman walked in at that minute and handed Carter a data pad. Her face lit up and she took over. "We just got lucky. I whipped together a little program that looked for anomalies and could possibly identify jamming frequencies and it looks like we got a hit. It seems that the shield they're using to keep us from finding the Colonel's transmitter isn't fully powered. It has a millisecond every few minutes where it flickers. We've been able to pinpoint his location. It's in the middle of Russia in a very isolated area."

"Can we beam him out?" Mitchell asked.

Sam shook her head. "The Daedalus said they couldn't get a good lock on him and it would be too dangerous. But we have the location and they can send us there and we can go in on foot to get him."

"Let's go!" Ronon said and started to stand.

"Down boy!" O'Neill ordered. "Believe me you'll be on the extraction team. But …"

"Jack," Daniel interrupted. "If we can get a look at her operation and maybe get inside her computer …"

"I was getting there Daniel," Jack grouched at him. "You always ruin my fun. I plan on sending in two teams. I assume Sheppard's team will want to get  _him_ and then I was thinking Teal'c, Vala, Mitchell and yes, you Daniel, to see if you can get any Intel and maybe throw a little wrench into anything The Trust has up their sleeves. I want to know why they want a power grid."

"Who wouldn't?" McKay asked and Sam glared at him.

"When will you leave and how long do you think it will be before you can get him back here?" Dave asked his voice filled with concern. "John looked terrible. It's like he was completely out of it and he was covered in bruises and cuts. I'm really worried about him."

"I agree," Carolyn Lam finally put in her two cents. "His eyes were unfocused and his skin tone was too pale. He looked like he'd lost quite a bit of weight and Colonel Sheppard never had any extra to lose. The sooner we get him back here the better."

"Wait, why can't we bring him back to Atlantis to the infirmary there?" Rodney argued.

"We can get him there eventually, McKay," O'Neill replied. "But for now it's easier to get you all back here, especially as trying to transfer you with the cloak up will be a little difficult. Once Dr. Lam has him stabilized he can be moved."

They all nodded and Dave again brought them back. "Why don't we worry about that after you've gotten him? If he's in Russia it'll take you half a day just to get there and who knows how long to get inside where he's being held. Then flying him back here. He could be dead by the time you people actually do anything. Not that I don't appreciate everything but I want my brother back."

"Actually, Mr. Sheppard," Landry said and stood, indicating he should follow him out of the room. "That's where those non-disclosures I told you about come in. Why don't you come into my office and Walter can get those for you and I can explain a little bit of what you've heard today. I imagine you must be more than a little confused."

Teyla got up and moved quickly to catch him before he left. "David, I swear we will bring John back to you. Thank you for bringing this to our attention instead of just trying to handle it yourself. It is possible this woman would not have carried through with her promise of returning John to you. This way we have a much better chance of getting him out alive."

Dave looked down at the petite woman who was now wearing some sort of military pants and a gray matching jacket. Her sturdy hiking boots looked well-worn and the determined expression on her face made him think she would keep that promise. He reached over and squeezed her hand.

"Thank you, Teyla. Bring him back for both of us, huh?"

Teyla gave a solemn nod and Dave walked away to follow Landry. She turned around and took a second to process that John was still alive. She could not even describe her relief yet the fact completely eliminated all thought that his ascended self or his spirit had been visiting her the past three months. But there was not time to analyze it now.

She found the others all leaning over the table to see the tablet Sam had been looking at. It was time to start planning.

.

* * *

.

"As soon as you're all ready, give me the signal," Caldwell instructed the two teams who he had beamed aboard the Daedalus just a few minutes earlier.

"Just as soon as I download this map with the coordinates of where you're sending us to and where Sheppard supposedly is," Rodney answered. "It wouldn't do us any good to get lost and wander around the woods for a few days."

Mitchell pointed to the screen that showed where their drop off and pick up point would be. "It's less than a klick so I don't think we have to worry too much, McKay. Plus it's still daytime down there. We still have a few hours left of sunlight before it gets dark. Hopefully we can get Sheppard, do our jobs and get back out before then."

Rodney just glared at him and Teyla moved in closer to Mitchell to explain, "It will take far less time to simply allow him to do this than to argue with him. We need to go as quickly as we can. John has been down there far too long."

Everyone there nodded solemnly and finally McKay looked up and said, "I heard that you know. But for your information, I'm done. So now we can go."

"We'll send you down in two groups. Radio back if you have any problems."

Caldwell looked over at Major Marks and nodded. Marks responded, "Yes, Sir," and Lorne, Rodney, Teyla and Ronon disappeared.

The Colonel now faced Mitchell, Vala, Teal'c and Daniel and said, "Good luck with your objective. I'd like nothing better than to know we got more of those snake heads off our planet."

"With pleasure, Sir," Mitchell snapped back and he and his team disappeared too.

Caldwell looked at the group of people on the bridge. "Keep your eyes open for anything suspicious down on the ground and up here. They got Sheppard off the hive ship somehow so my guess is they have some sort of cloaked ship."

Everyone snapped to attention and kept their eyes on their monitors. They didn't want to be caught unawares.

.

.

The beam of light fizzled out and Mitchell saw that the others were already checking out the area. Lorne, Ronon and Teyla had separated and were scouting the perimeter while McKay tapped away at his data pad.

"Anything?" Mitchell asked as he moved closer.

Rodney shook his head and pointed. "The closest life signs are in that direction, maybe half a kilometer. They're consistent with the energy readings I'm picking up. Must be whatever cloak they're using to keep Sheppard's transmitter hidden."

"Then we should proceed," Teal'c said and began walking in the direction Rodney had pointed. The others all joined in the procession, guns at the ready.

Lorne also had an LSD and was keeping an eye on how close they were getting to the recorded blips. Pretty soon they had the complex in sight. It had a high barbed wire fence surrounding it but no power was running through the wire so they simply cut a large hole in it and continued on.

Several large buildings were off to one side with a large courtyard abutting it. It was built up on a plateau and there was a deep drop from the courtyard to the surrounding vegetation. The group stopped before they got there.

"According to my research this was a medical facility used for psychiatric patients who were extremely violent," Daniel Jackson issued the information as they approached even closer. "It's why it was placed so far away from anything else."

"Well, according to MY research," Rodney tried to sound more knowledgeable, "it was actually used for political prisoners that they didn't want anyone to know about. They were labeled insane and sent here where they figured no one would take anything they said seriously."

Jackson was about to reply but Lorne moved between them and challenged, "Maybe we should worry about what it was used for later and think about getting the Colonel out of there. I don't imagine it was very pleasant regardless of what it was originally used for."

"How many life signs are you reading?" Teyla asked and came to stand beside Lorne and Rodney who both were looking at the Ancient equipment.

Lorne was about to answer when he saw McKay take a breath to do so. He figured it was easier to allow the scientist to do that than argue with whatever answer he had.

"I'd say about a dozen give or take a few," the man answered very unscientifically and Lorne wanted to pat him on the back for not taking the time to actually count. "They're located in two separate groups inside this building and then there's one in the courtyard almost above us."

"A guard probably?" Ronon suggested as they became quieter the closer they got.

The others just nodded and moved stealthily to the edge of the vegetation. Ronon grabbed Teyla and lifted her with his arms around her thighs. "Take a peak and tell us if there's still only one guard and what he's doing."

Teyla balanced herself with her hands on Ronon's shoulders as he pushed on her foot to lift her higher and carefully peaked over the edge of the courtyard. She only saw one person but it wasn't a guard. It was someone kneeling in front of a metal pole and they were trying to wiggle the pole back and forth.

She looked down and motioned for Lorne. "Field glasses."

Lorne pulled them out of his vest and handed them to Teyla who lifted them to her face. She focused on the figure in the distance and saw the person was actually chained to the pole. She sucked in a deep breath when she saw the hair sticking up on the back of his head. It was John!

She twisted and Ronon lowered her to the ground. Her eyes were frantic as she told them, "The one person up there is John and he is chained to a metal pole in the ground. We should go get him immediately."

She was about to tell Ronon to hoist her back up so she could actually get onto the courtyard when they saw Vala running back from a short distance away and she waved for them to follow her.

"There's a set of stairs around this corner that leads right up to the door of the building. I didn't see any of the guards. Seems the only person up there is chained to a pole enjoying the brisk weather."

"It is Colonel Sheppard," Teal'c announced to her.

They all moved to the stairs and cautiously climbed until they were crouched on the top few steps. All eyes surveyed the area checking for any other people. Lorne looked at the LSD and said, "No one else around although there are a few people moving inside. If we put a few of our people over by the door to stand watch then the others can simply go and get Colonel Sheppard."

Mitchell looked uncomfortable and softly cleared his throat. "The problem with that is the people inside may very well be able to see Sheppard from where they are and that would alert them to our presence. Part of our mission is to get as much Intel as we can from any Trust computers we find; and then to blow the place up if at all possible. If we grab Sheppard now we may not get the chance to infiltrate their systems."

"We cannot just leave him there," Teyla gave an impassioned plea. "Look at him struggling. And it is obvious his strength is not what it should be."

Vala placed her hand on Teyla's arm and assured her, "We will not leave him there. I promise. Right now he's not in any immediate danger. But it is imperative we find out what The Trust has in mind and any future plans. Anything we can do to shut them down, even slightly, is vital."

"We'll take one team inside," Mitchell started laying out the plan, "and head to where their base of operations is. We'll keep in touch by radio and when we think we have most of what we need, we'll let the other team, who stays out here keeping an eye on Sheppard, know to move in and free him."

"I hate to say this," Daniel almost winced at his words, "But it might be better if McKay were in the group to get the Intel. He's even better than I am at hacking systems and it would make things move quicker."

Rodney got a smug look on his face and said, "Sure, if you need me, I'm happy to go."

Mitchell was just about to take another step up when Lorne held up his hand and motioned to the door. "We've got two life signs approaching."

Everyone ducked back down behind the top steps and watched as two big thugs came out and crossed to where Sheppard was chained. They saw him turn his head in their direction and slump down almost in resignation. Teyla cringed when she saw how defeated John had become with the approach of these two. She started to rise but Lorne touched her shoulder and shook his head.

As the men approached and unlocked the chains to the pole, they saw John lean on the pole to try and stand and then actually pull the pole out of the ground. He swung it in the direction of one and managed to hit him across the head and knock him to the ground. The second man grabbed for him and earned a slice from the jagged metal across his arm. But after too short a time of John swinging the pole at them they saw him begin to slump in exhaustion and soon he was overpowered and thrown to the ground. He received a few kicks and then was hauled up by his arms to be carried inside.

Ronon had almost lost it when he saw the men beat Sheppard but Mitchell motioned for them to remain still and whispered for the first team to follow Sheppard when he was brought in and take care of the guards quietly. The second team would move in behind and find the command center.

As they stealthily crept up to the building behind the two men, Lorne looked over and suggested, "How about we get Teal'c if you get McKay. We might need the help to subdue those guys."

"Not really an even trade," muttered Mitchell but nodded agreement.

Once inside the building Lorne, Teal'c, Ronon and Teyla moved silently through the halls and down the stairs trying to follow the men without being seen. It wasn't difficult as they could hear them taunting John as they walked. Lorne kept his eyes on his LSD to make sure there were no other surprises either in front of them or behind but so far the two goons were the only ones in this section of the building.

The men pulled on a large wooden door and left it open. Ronon peeked in to see them disappear into another room, maybe the cell they had seen Sheppard chained up in. When they went in, Ronon waved for the others to follow and they stationed themselves with two of them on each side of the inner door.

When the guards came back out Lorne casually said, "Okay guys, you want to stop right there."

The men immediately sprang into action and attempted to attack the team. In seconds, light flashed and Ronon had taken down one with his weapon and Teal'c had used his Zat on the other. They lay motionless on the ground.

While Teal'c and Ronon dragged the two further into the larger room, Teyla and Lorne rushed inside to the Colonel's side. His hands were chained to the wall and his head was hanging down.

Lorne started to pull at the chains as Teyla knelt by him and called softly, "John."

John's head rose slightly and a tiny smile crossed his features. "Teyla."

His eyes remained closed though and Teyla caressed his cheek as she pleaded, "John, open your eyes. We are here to take you home."

John's eyes opened to tiny slits and he seemed to notice Lorne but his face grew confused and he shifted as if unsure. "No, not Thursday. Friday, outside. Thursday, tricking, Wednesday, shooooock, Tuesday …"

"John, we are truly here," Teyla reasoned with him as she heard him say the strange words but in a sing song voice the way he read Torren's book about the silly animals. "We are going to get you free and bring you back home."

Ronon appeared in the doorway and Lorne flicked a hand to show him the chains that needed removing. Ronon moved closer and carefully pointed his weapon at the chains and soon John was tilting to the side. Teyla quickly grabbed him and took him in her arms. She looked woefully up at Ronon and he helped her raise their friend up and move him toward the door, with the unfortunate metal cuffs still attached. They would take the time to remove them carefully later.

"Man, this cell is small," Lorne commented as he got a good look at it on their way out. "And it doesn't have a window. I can't imagine staying inside this for so long."

"Sheppard's tough," Ronon grunted as he took most of the weight from Teyla. "He'll be fine."

Teyla truly hoped he would be but she was beginning to see that John had indeed been abused in many ways. He had lost much weight and he still did not seem to really comprehend that they were rescuing him. He kept muttering that it was not Thursday and singing the silly song.

When they passed through the outer room, John actually pulled back forcefully and fear was etched onto his features. "No… Friday … outside!" His head shook back and forth and his breathing grew ragged. He backed up and tried to go back to his little cell.

Teyla and Ronon held on tight and Ronon grunted, "What's he doing?"

Teal'c looked around and surmised, "I believe this is the room where he received much of his torture." He pointed to the overhead beam that still housed a chain where his cuffs could be easily attached and then the blood stains on the floor. "He appears to think that he will be tortured some more."

"Colonel," Lorne moved in front of him. "We're getting you out of here. No one's gonna hurt you anymore."

That seemed to confuse him even more. His head shook from side to side and he muttered again, "Thursday, tricking. Friday, outside."

Teyla slipped from holding his side and moved so she was pressed against his front. She lifted her hand to stroke his cheek. He closed his eyes when he felt it and his expression softened.

"John," she spoke softly to him. "No one will hurt you. I will not allow it. But we must leave. You must come with us."

At the sound of Teyla's voice, John slid from Ronon's grasp and encircled her with his arms. He pulled her in tight and sighed into her hair. "Teyla. God, I need you so much, Teyla."

Teyla felt his arms and his presence so strongly and it was exactly the presence she had felt for over three months. The deep emotions welled up inside her and she began to feel overwhelmed. But she knew they needed to leave soon before it was discovered that they were here and releasing their prisoner.

"Come, John, I will take you home." And he started to move with her but paused again when he saw the two guards out cold on the floor. Teyla rubbed her hand up and down his side and assured him, "They have been neutralized. They will not harm you. I promise."

Teyla could feel the tremors that shook his body but was unprepared for when he reached for her side arm and pumped a bullet into the larger of the two men. He stood shaking with the gun still pointed at him and held Teyla in his other arm, using her for support for his lack of strength.

Lorne moved to stop him but Ronon held up his hand and said, "No, let him do this. We just planned on blowing them up with the building, right? This is more merciful if you need to look at it that way."

Teal'c bowed his head and merely said, "Indeed."

Teyla could tell Lorne felt uncomfortable and she understood but she could tell by the way John was acting that these men had been directly responsible for much of his suffering and anguish. Perhaps it was one way to get him to put some of this behind him, though she knew that would not be an easy task.

John continued to shake but the next bullet that flew out shattered the same man's hand and John actually let out a relieved laugh when he saw the damage he had done to it. He continued to laugh and everyone in the room knew that what he had done had significance. They didn't dare ask. They weren't sure they really wanted to know.

"If you are done, we should go," Teyla whispered into John's ear so as not to startle him.

Ronon glanced at Lorne and questioned, "Did anyone hear that gunshot?"

Lorne reached for his LSD and took a look. His eyes became alert and he held his weapon high as he nodded and faced the door. Sure enough it was pulled open and standing there, eyes glowing, was Athena.

.

 


	12. Twelve

**Chapter 12**

.

"You want to tell me why exactly we're heading in the direction of all the little dots," Rodney complained as Mitchell kept glancing at the Life Signs Detector in his hand. "I would think we'd want to  _avoid_  running into anyone."

"Just a guess, McKay," Mitchell snipped back quietly, "but I'm thinking that's where we'll find most of the data storage we're looking for. If they're using any computers, it's probably where most of these people are."

McKay narrowed his eyes but followed the man and muttered, "Or it could just be the cafeteria and they're all eating supper, which I have not had yet, by the way."

Vala rolled her eyes and stared at Daniel. "And you thought I talked too much on missions."

Daniel gave a pained expression but lifted his weapon, a Zat, higher when they heard voices in the distance. Mitchell motioned for them to duck into an empty room and they waited until several people passed by the doorway and moved far enough away so they could proceed.

"Only two people left in the room they were all in," McKay informed them. "Let's hope it isn't that dinner just ended."

"More likely that dinner is just about to begin," Daniel said. "A few of them were speaking in Russian and they said something about going to get some food after a long day."

"Oh," McKay said deflated that he hadn't been right. Jackson just sighed at the unbelievable competitiveness of this man. It didn't seem to ever end.

They moved further down the hallway and stopped outside the door where they had seen the larger group earlier. Mitchell and Vala held their guns at the ready and Daniel crouched down to twist the doorknob as McKay simply held back looking nervously at the LSD for anyone else approaching.

The door was pushed in by Mitchell's foot and guns were trained on the two men sitting at a large computer terminal with large screens and data flowing across it. They looked startled then one reached for what looked like a panic button but Vala managed to put a bullet in his shoulder. When his eyes glowed, she growled and put another one right in his forehead. The glowing stopped as he fell to the floor.

The other man stood up at Mitchell's gesture and he also dropped to the floor with a blue flash of light from Jackson's Zat. McKay gazed around the room and suddenly flashed his scanner in the direction of the corner.

"This is Ancient and it seems to still have power."

Mitchell looked at the shoebox sized device and shrugged. "You can play with it later. Right now we have a job to do.

Daniel quickly crossed the room and sat at one of the computers. He pulled out a flash drive and quickly started running through files and copying them. McKay scurried to the second station and began a similar procedure.

Mitchell and Vala kept their eyes trained out the door as the two men worked feverishly to procure as much information as they could. Once they seemed close, Mitchell started placing C4 in strategic places around the room, especially right under the computer terminals. Vala wandered across the hall and put some near other equipment that looked important.

"Are we just about ready?" Mitchell asked as he saw the men tapping away frantically.

"Just … another … minute," McKay stalled for a little more time.

"One minute is all you're getting, McKay. We can't risk staying here much longer. There are still almost a dozen people in here and who knows when they'll be back."

Mitchell reached for his radio and clicked it once, waiting for a reply click from the other team. Nothing happened. He waited a short time and clicked again. Still nothing.

"Snap it up, Jackson, McKay, we could have problems on the other end of things."

"Just … about … done." McKay pulled the flash drive from the computer and Jackson gave a few last taps and did the same thing. "Got as much as we could."

Rodney started for the door then turned abruptly and grabbed for the Ancient device. "This could be important you know."

Jackson stared at McKay's retreating back and wondered if he would even get a chance to study it once the other scientist got his hands on it. He certainly hoped so he thought as he started off back down the hall wondering why the other team didn't respond.

.

* * *

.

"Colonel," Athena purred as she saw the group surrounding her prisoner. She had another large guard right behind her and his weapon was drawn. "You couldn't possibly be planning to leave me so soon. Not after all the fun we've had."

She turned slightly and ordered, "Kill the others but leave Sheppard alive."

Lorne, Ronon and Teal'c already had their weapons up and wondered at the audacity of this lady to think she could just get away with this.

"Even if you shoot, he'll get one of you," she warned. "Which will it be?" She started to smirk but they heard a click on the radio and suddenly a shot rang out and a hole appeared in her neck, blood slowly dripping out. John stood shaking ready to drop the weapon he had just fired.

The sudden shot gave Teal'c a chance and he took out the guard with a blast of the Zat. They watched as Athena dropped to her knees and her mouth opened wide. Suddenly the Goa'uld symbiote inside her shot out of her mouth and headed for the downed guard. Ronon's red blast took care of the creature while Teal'c blasted the guard two more times until he disintegrated. He then took a few shots at the unmoving symbiote until it too was gone.

Teyla felt John start to wilt and moved in closer to remove the gun from his hand then try and hold him up. His eyes still stared intently at the woman who was lying on the floor but looking completely bewildered, like she had woken up from a nightmare only to find herself in another nightmare.

"We must help her," Teal'c insisted and moved closer to assist the woman.

Ronon growled and said, "Why? She's the one who tortured Sheppard."

Teal'c shook his head. "No, she was possessed by the creature and it is now gone. This woman is innocent and we must save her if possible."

Ronon looked uncertain but Teyla nodded and said, "Yes, we should. I will start with John back to the rendezvous point. Ronon help me."

Ronon scowled at the woman but grabbed Sheppard's other side and tried to move him past while Lorne pulled a field compress out and assisted Teal'c in wrapping it around the woman's throat.

John started pulling against them again glaring at the blonde on the ground. Ronon sighed and stood back a few steps. "He's gonna fight us the whole way. This will be easier."

He pushed Teyla away and shot John, making sure the weapon was on stun first. Then he hefted him over his shoulder and began to walk away. Lorne looked at the LSD and saw there weren't any life signs in the direction they were headed and allowed them to go.

Teal'c finished up the bandages and lifted the woman in the same way Ronon had and started after. Lorne finally remembered the click of his radio and clicked back twice.

"We're on our way," Mitchell's voice came through softly. "Did you run into any problems?"

"None we couldn't handle," Lorne replied. "We're on our way to the rendezvous point. ETA, six minutes."

"As long as we don't run into any trouble," Mitchell responded, "we should be right behind you."

Lorne doubled timed it and caught up to the others, checking the LSD along the way. There was one time they needed to stop and duck inside another hallway but once they took out the two people who had come along, the rest of the journey was smooth sailing. Lorne took only a few seconds during this time to set some C4 of his own.

They got outside and to the hole they had cut in the fence right around the six minute mark and within thirty seconds, McKay and his team had shown up. Rodney looked at Sheppard, thrown over Ronon's shoulder and asked frantically, "Is he all right?"

Ronon nodded. "He was putting up a little fight so I thought it was easier this way."

Vala had a similar face though hers was filled with disgust. "Why do we have  _her_ here?"

"Colonel Sheppard shot her and the parasite removed itself from her body," Teal'c informed her. "I believe it was injured but it was killed before it could take a new host."

Vala seemed to calm down at that and actually looked concerned. "Well, then let's get her back to the Daedalus for treatment."

Rodney led the way using the coordinates that he had downloaded and all followed. Lorne and Mitchell took up the rear and when they were far enough away, checked that the C4 had been placed accordingly then both pulled out their detonators and with a smile on their faces, flipped the switch, whispering, "Fire in the hole." A large explosion rocked the area.

Soon they caught up with the others and within another ten minutes they had reached the beam up location. Mitchell turned on his radio and said, "Daedalus, this is Mitchell. We have ten to beam aboard."

"Ten?" came the curious voice from his radio.

"We'll explain when we get there," Mitchell answered. He looked over and Vala, Teal'c, Mayfield, Lorne and McKay disappeared in a flash of twinkling light. Teyla moved closer and took John in her arms as Ronon lowered him to the ground. Then the rest of them were beamed up as well.

.

.

Caldwell watched as the first group was beamed aboard. His eyes grew concerned when he saw the woman in the arms of the Jaffa. Teal'c moved from the front of the room and Daniel explained, "The Goa'uld left her. But she's been injured and needs medical attention."

Caldwell reluctantly nodded and said, "We'll beam her down to the SGC in a second. How's Sheppard?"

"He didn't look good," Rodney said nervously and turned to see the second group beamed aboard.

Caldwell took a few steps down to see Teyla and Ronon attempting to hold Sheppard up. He'd seen Sheppard pretty beat up but this time was most definitely the worse. He was far skinnier than usual and he couldn't tell where the bruises ended and the hollows of his face began. He was just about to order them beamed down when one of the techs yelled a warning.

"Sir, we've located a ship charging weapons. It was cloaked and we didn't notice it until it started powering up."

"Get it up on screen," Caldwell ordered but before he could give any more commands the tech yelled, "It's firing weapons."

"Shields up! Brace for impact!" Caldwell moved back to his command chair and started giving orders to fire back.

Teyla grabbed John and sunk to the floor as the Daedalus rocked with the force of the blast. Her arms held him tight and she could feel his ribs against her hands as she tried to protect him from any further trauma. She looked around hoping they would be able to triumph in this situation. She could not have found John only to lose him again.

Caldwell shouted more orders as the ship shook again with the impact of several more hits. "I want that ship gone!"

"The cloak's been disengaged. We've got it!" yelled Major Marks and he pressed a few keys and in seconds a stream of energy poured through the sky and the now apparent Al'Kesh exploded and shattered into millions of pieces.

"About time," Caldwell mumbled then looked at his crew, "Good job, people. Let's get our friends here back to the SGC. And I want scans of the buildings they just blew up on the ground. If there seems to be even a battery left with power, I want it destroyed."

Caldwell pressed his comm on his chair and said, "Stargate Command this is Caldwell. We just took out an Al'Kesh that attacked us after transporting our teams back on board. Now I have a few groups to send to you. The first has a seriously wounded Charlotte Mayfield,  _without_ her Goa'uld symbiote. Then we'll send Colonel Sheppard down with his team. We'll beam them straight to the infirmary."

He got confirmation and nodded at Marks. Teal'c and Mayfield disappeared. Rodney started to stand from his position hiding during the attack but looked at John and cried out, "Holy crap, his back!"

Teyla twisted to see what Rodney was shouting about but was at a weird angle. She saw all eyes on John's back and moved again to see a small area of his t-shirt that had ridden up. Vala moved to pull it up a little more and gasps rose in the air as they saw the pink scars and red lines crisscrossed on his skin. Teyla's heart sank even more and she steeled herself to keep her tears at bay. She was not sure how long she could last.

"Send them down," Caldwell ordered softly and closed his eyes with a big sigh. They had managed to rescue the Colonel today and take out a large portion of The Trust but he knew that would be small potatoes compared to what Sheppard would have to go through. Getting him back to where he was before both mentally and physically might just be the most difficult mission the man had ever faced.

.

* * *

.

The knock on the door roused Dave Sheppard from his drowsy state. He checked the clock and found it was well past midnight but then the teams to go find John had only left shortly before. And this was a different time zone from where he was used to anyway. The long hours and worry had finally taken their toll and he had dropped off.

He looked around the guest bedroom he had been shown to and heard the knock again. He had left one small light on and used that to find his way to open the door. A security officer stood there, his arms behind him waiting.

Dave nodded at him and he snapped back to attention. "The extraction team has returned with the Colonel, Mr. Sheppard. General O'Neill figured you'd want to know. I can take you to the infirmary if you'd like."

Dave shook his head to clear the cobwebs and ran a hand over his hair. He stepped out into the hallway and said, "Thank you. Lead the way."

Dave tried to straighten his clothes and tuck in his shirt though if he really thought about it he figured it wouldn't matter. What he'd seen of John on the video, his clothes hadn't looked too clean or pressed. It took only a few minutes and a short elevator ride until he entered what was a sort of waiting room. Teyla and several of the others were inside either sitting or pacing up and down.

Dave nodded his thanks to the airman who had brought him here then moved right toward Teyla. He had seemed to bond with her the most for some reason.

"You got him back?" He checked and at her nod asked, "How in the world did you do that? It hasn't even been two hours since you left. I know the Air Force must have some fast planes, but …"

"General Landry did not explain?" Teyla looked curious as she knew he had gone with the man to sign some papers.

"He said something about having technology in orbit to locate John but then after I signed my life away he sent me to get some rest and said he'd explain more later. Is he okay?"

Teyla's expression was one of sadness. "He is alive but as you saw from the video, he is injured and weak. And he was very confused."

Major Lorne stood up and moved toward Dave. "The Colonel's cell was incredibly small and I'm thinking he was in complete darkness for a lot of the day. Something like that can do a number on your mind. Being deprived of your sight and having no human contact for too long can cause someone to have hallucinations and become very paranoid. It's not an uncommon tactic in warfare when someone is taken prisoner."

Dave had to wonder if the US Military used it at times. But he didn't dare ask. These people had jumped right into a rescue mission for John and got him back in a fraction of the time it would have taken him to do it by giving up his companies. And now he still had his companies  _and_  his brother back. But he knew he would have given them everything he owned if it could have returned John to him. He knew money and power had lots of advantages but they sure couldn't bring people back from the dead.

Only this time John  _had_ come back. He just hoped he'd be in shape enough to enjoy life again.

"What are they doing now? Can we see him?"

"They are assessing his condition," Teyla explained. "I am sure someone will apprise us soon of his injuries and hopefully let us see him."

Dave nodded and dropped wearily into one of the chairs against the wall. Teyla sat next to him and patted his hand. She gave him a warm smile then rested her head back and closed her eyes.

And so the wait began. They could see and hear lots of activity coming from inside the infirmary. McKay sat tapping away at his computer checking out some of the information he'd retrieved from the data base at the Trust Headquarters. Ronon paced and paced and would occasionally sit for a few minutes then he'd get up and pace some more.

Major Lorne had left a few times and could be heard speaking with Mitchell or Jackson in the hallway. Teyla simply relaxed against the wall, allowing her body to rest so she was ready and able to sit with John when they finally allowed her to. Dave tried to rest but the busy atmosphere he heard inside made him curious.

"Seems there's a lot of stuff going on in there. I heard the word surgery. Does John need surgery?"

Teyla lifted her head and sighed. "John is not the only patient. We brought back a woman who was injured and I believe it is she who needs surgery."

Dave lifted his eyebrow. "Was she a prisoner too?"

Teyla looked thoughtful for a second then replied, "Yes, in a way she was very much a prisoner but not like John. She did not receive the physical abuse that he did. But now she is free and I hope she survives to enjoy her freedom."

Teyla felt a little guilty about the Mayfield woman. She did not condone John for shooting her. She imagined his time with the woman had been unthinkable. But she too had been a prisoner being held by a sinister parasite that completely controlled her body. But perhaps John had done her a favor by shooting her. It had forced the creature to leave her, allowing them to bring her back and perhaps save her. She knew she would prefer to be dead than to be forced to do such horrific things.

After another twenty minutes, O'Neill walked in with Sam next to him. Teyla caught sight of their hands disengaging and hid the smile that came to her face at the thought of her former leader in a romantic relationship with the General.

Sam looked around and said, "Carolyn just called up and said she'd have her preliminary report on John in just a few minutes."

Teyla sat up straighter and gazed intently at the door that led to where they had taken John. Dr. Lam appeared momentarily along with a short, older gentleman who was also wearing a lab coat. Dave stood up and looked at the two with a concerned expression.

"This is Dr. Perlutski," she introduced to the non SGC personnel. "He did much of the preliminary evaluation on Colonel Sheppard while I managed to stem the bleeding wound on Ms. Mayfield. It looks like she'll make it. The gunshot may have been a blessing if it removed the Goa'uld symbiote. But there wasn't an exit wound. Was the bullet in the symbiote?"

Lorne looked thoughtful then nodded. "It could have been. Might be why it left her knowing it was also injured and didn't have the strength to cure Mayfield and itself. Ronon and Teal'c took care of it though."

Carolyn grimaced. "Can't say I'm upset about that. Now I just looked in on Colonel Sheppard and we still have lots of tests to run to find out exactly what was done to him. But I'll let Dr. Perlutski fill you in on what we found so far."

She looked at him and the doctor cleared his throat and started, "One of the most obvious physical injuries are the lacerations on his back. Some are only a few days old but some of the scarring is possibly a few months old. My guess is he's been whipped pretty regularly over the past few months. There are a few spots that have become infected but surprisingly it looks like he wasn't sitting in squalor like I've seen with many long term prisoners or refugees."

"There was a sink and toilet in the outer room," Lorne contributed. "I'm not sure how often he had access to those."

Dr. Perlutski nodded, took a deep breath in and continued, "But it does look like he might have been in the same position for quite some time. He has a few pressure sores on his backside that must be pretty painful. He started to gain consciousness when we began to clean them and he got more than a little agitated so I gave him a sedative. He's sleeping comfortably now and we have him propped on his side so both his back and the pressure sores aren't constantly aggravated."

Dave shifted his weight from one foot to the other and said, "When they showed us his cell, he was chained while sitting on the floor. His hands were just above his shoulders."

"It was how we found him as well," Teyla imparted. "Although we first saw him chained to a pole outside and he was on his knees. But they soon brought him in and placed him in the sitting position in the tiny cell."

"Well, I'd say he was very lucky that he got a chance to change positions occasionally, although I know nothing was lucky about his circumstances. But I've seen pressure sores that are big enough to put your fist into. His aren't nearly as bad but they do need some attention and he needs to stay off his back and bottom for a while."

Carolyn now added her observations. "Just by looking at him you can see that he's severely dehydrated and malnourished. He's lost more than twenty pounds and the Colonel was always a bit underweight anyway. It was difficult inserting an IV due to the severe dehydration but we managed to start him on a saline drip and are also giving him a variety of antibiotics. He has a low grade fever and I'm not sure yet what it's from. Who knows what they've been giving him for food or water. It must have been something or he wouldn't have made it this long. But I can't imagine it was a whole lot either and it probably had little nutritional value."

"I've ordered a whole batch of blood tests along with X-rays, CT scan and MRI," Perlutski said once Carolyn had finished. "He's got a whole host of bruises all over his body as well as some strange looking welts. They almost look like burn marks but I've never seen anything like them before."

"I have," Carolyn informed him. "I didn't have time to fill you in, sorry. They look very much like the pain stick the Goa'uld use for torture."

O'Neill audibly winced. When eyes turned to him he shrugged. "Been there. Not fun."

"So, right now I've got people cleaning him up and tending to the obvious wounds. I plan on keeping him sedated for a while so I can get some fluids into him and allow him time to get some actual rest. If he was chained to a wall for most of the time, I don't imagine his sleep was all that consistent. And right now he needs all the rest he can get. It's going to be a long road to recovery and that's just the physical recovery. We have no idea how much this has affected his emotional wellbeing. Only time will tell with that."

"Thank you, Doc," O'Neill said. "Make sure you keep us informed if you learn anything new. I plan on having a few guards around Mayfield also. I know she doesn't have her little guest anymore but you can't be too careful."

Carolyn looked about ready to head back inside the infirmary when Dave asked, "Can I see him?"

Carolyn nodded and apologized. "Yes, sorry, it's been a long night. I don't really want too many at his bedside at once though. Maybe a quick peek for all of you, then leave it at two with him. He really does need rest more than anything else. I've got the lights dimmed knowing he was in dark quarters for most of the day. His eyes may be a bit sensitive to light for a while."

The lot of them followed her in and saw their friend propped on his side one arm under a pillow and one over, the top one sporting needles and tubes. Several monitors were attached underneath the hospital gown and they could see the back was left open; to allow his back to heal most likely.

McKay frowned and grimaced when he saw the typical hospital paraphernalia. "Maybe I'll go see if Jackson has gotten anything important from looking over his data. You'll call me if he needs anything, right?" He looked at his friends for confirmation. They nodded to him and he walked out, a sad expression on his face.

Sam noticed the barely contained fury emanating from the Satedan as he stood looking at the man who had been an absolute friend to him. She knew he would have a hard time just sitting here watching John sleep.

"Ronon, why don't you go to the gym and see if you can't interact with a few punching bags for a while," she suggested. "It might help. Maybe Teal'c is even still up."

"I'll show you where the gym is," Lorne offered. "I'm a bit too wired to try and sleep myself."

He smiled at Teyla and Dave. "The Colonel would probably appreciate the two of you being here with him more anyway. I'll check in here later."

O'Neill moved a bit closer and frowned then looked at Teyla and Dave. "I know it's probably a moot point but we do have guest quarters if you need to sleep. My guess is neither one of you will be leaving here soon. Am I right?"

Dave just nodded but Teyla stood and took his hand. "Thank you, General O'Neill, for allowing our team to go and retrieve John and to spend time with him now. And yes, I do not think I will stray far from John's side for a while. I need to be here to see truly that he is alive and with us."

"I understand, and you're welcome." He gave a nod to them both then guided Sam with a hand to her back out the door. Teyla saw Sam's hand slip back inside his as soon as they left.

Dave took a chair and drew it so he was near the head of the bed then moved one for Teyla to be right near John's hand. He waited for Teyla to sit then took his own seat and gazed at his brother. He still couldn't believe that John was alive though looking at him now he realized how close to death his brother had really been. He looked horrible.

His pale, dry skin was stretched across sunken cheekbones and spotted with bruises and cuts that even the scraggly beard couldn't hide. His wrists were scraped raw and covered in some sort of clear ointment and Dave cringed when he thought of John being restrained for such long periods of time. He was pretty sure he never would have survived as long. But then he knew John was made of way tougher stuff than he.

He saw Teyla lean forward and run her fingers through the shaggy hair drooping into John's eyes then brush it back. Her eyes also searched John's face to assess the damage done for herself. And he could tell she was equally as dismayed as he was. He didn't understand who could do this to a human being.

"Teyla," Dave asked after sitting quietly for a good long while. He spoke softly not wanting to disturb John, though he knew his brother was sedated. "Tell me a little about The Trust and these things everyone was talking about. I have to admit to being more than a little confused. They used words like symbiote and Goa'uld. What exactly are they? And you never did explain how you got there and back so quickly."

Teyla rested her hand next to John's on the pillows and touched his fingers with hers. She needed a connection with him right now and knew this would have to suffice until John regained some of his strength.

"Some of this I have limited knowledge of as they are of your world and not mine. But as to how we retrieved John so quickly I have your answers."

Dave looked even more confused and Teyla knew she might need to do more explaining later. "There is a ship in orbit called the Daedalus and it has the capabilities to transport matter, humans or supplies, from one location to another within moments. We were simply transported from this base to the ship and then down to a location very close to where John was being held. When we had rescued John we were transported back to the ship then down here. The transportation part was minimal. Most of the time was used in getting to and from the transport area and getting inside to release John from his captors."

Dave took a minute to process all the information then an angry expression crossed his face and he said, "So the people who did this are still down there. You just grabbed John and left."

"No, they are not," Teyla said resigned. "Those responsible have been taken care of and the facility destroyed. Much information was also gathered during that time which is why the second team was dispersed along with us. They hope to find information to rid this world of this organization and its corrupt power."

Dave narrowed his eyes. "You keep saying  _this world_ , what do you mean by that?"

Teyla sighed knowing this would be a long discussion. She was unsure to what extent General Landry would wish disclosure to be given. But she truthfully thought this man should know what his brother had been doing for so long and why he had been taken.

"I am from a planet called Athos thought it has been far too long since I set foot on the soil of that world."

"You're … wait!" Dave sat up straighter his eyes focused fully on Teyla. "From another planet? So you're an … alien?"

Teyla chuckled softly. "I am human if that is your concern. But I am not from your world but a world in a galaxy  _far, far, away_ , as John would tease me. But we are kindred, sewn from the same seed but just cultivated on different sides of the universe."

She waited to see what his reaction would be but he just stared at her intently then gave a tiny chuckle himself. "You know John always had a habit of picking girls who were  _out of this world_. Why should anything change? So how did you come to this planet?"

"I did not originally," Teyla said with one eyebrow raised. "Your people came to us."

Teyla then gave him a brief rundown of the Ancients and how the expedition found the city of Atlantis and how they had come to her people for help only to be attacked by the Wraith. She kept her account of the Wraith succinct as to not frighten him too much but she did mention how the one hive had discovered the location of Earth and that it was John who kept them from succeeding in their mission when he detonated the bomb from inside the ship.

"So when O'Neill said he had saved the lives of millions of people he really meant billions, basically the whole population of the planet." Dave was dumbfounded by this thought. His brother really had saved the entire planet.

Teyla gave a simple nod.

"And John has been living in your galaxy in the city of Atlantis for the past five years?" Dave asked as he glanced at his brother lying so peacefully on the bed. "No wonder it's been impossible to get messages to him."

"Yes, the first year they were completely cut off from your planet with no possible communication or contact. It was quite difficult for many who served. Yet they all were aware that this was a possibility when they volunteered for the expedition. Once your people finished the Daedalus, travel became possible though it was still a very long journey."

Teyla didn't try and explain about the Stargate as she knew it was an even longer explanation and at this moment she was exhausted and needed to rest. But she did not wish to leave John's side. She leaned closer and pressed her lips to John's fingers that still lay snuggly in her own.

"I will give you more information later. General O'Neill or Colonel Carter will need to fill you in on The Trust and the Goa'uld. For now I wish to rest my eyes. When John awakens I would like to be near if he needs me."

"Of course," Dave nodded and leaned back in his own chair and stretched out his legs. "I may see if I can close my eyes for a few also. Thank you for the information, Teyla. I appreciate it. And for keeping me company while I sit with John. I'm sure he would appreciate it too."

Teyla thought of all the times she had sat at John's bedside and nodded. "He always does."

She laid her head on the pillow and pressed John's scarred fingers against her lips and closed her eyes. She wondered if she would have dreams again tonight. She had not had time to truly ponder what had transpired for so many months with her feeling John's presence but right now she knew he was actually here and his presence was real. She would take comfort in that.

.


	13. Thirteen

**Chapter 13**

.

_John sank further into the large, comfortable pillows scattered in front of the roaring fire. He looked down at his rough hand intertwined with the much smaller, softer one. Teyla's lips pressed a kiss to his fingers then stroked his skin and he gave a deep sigh._

" _I didn't think I'd ever get warm again but this is nice," John murmured his gaze moving to the flickering flames in the fire place. "Nice and cozy and the most beautiful woman sitting here with me."_

_Teyla's smile warmed his heart even more than the flames as she snuggled deeper into his arms. "Yes, it is quite chilly outside. I am glad we are able to spend this time inside here with this lovely blaze."_

_John pressed his lips to the top of Teyla's head and sighed. He gazed into the crackling fire and his thoughts revolved around this woman and all she had done for him. Without her he would have perished long ago._

" _I want to thank you, Teyla," John whispered in her ear as his hand ran along her arm and across her back. "For rescuing me."_

_Teyla cocked her head and seemed puzzled. "Rescuing you?"_

" _You saved my life," John replied in answer. "You saved me from a dark and lonely existence and brought light and beauty and happiness to me. Whenever I felt like I couldn't go on, I just thought of you. Your being here with me and being here_ for  _me was what got me through the lonely, dark days and nights. I wouldn't have made it without you."_

_Teyla smiled and caressed his cheek. "Yes, you would have, John. You are stronger than you know. I have faith that you can get through anything that is thrown at you. But you know I will always be here for you. You are vitally important in my life as well."_

_John just nodded and lowered his head so his lips were just skimming hers. Kisses were shared and then the warmth of the fire lulled them into a companionable silence where they each just soaked in the presence of the other._

_Time passed and the embers dimmed but John knew the love they shared with each other would never follow suit. His arms gathered her close and he reveled in her companionship. He wanted her to know just what she meant to him._

" _You're everything to me, Teyla."_

_._

_._

"Every…thing," John murmured and Teyla's eyes fluttered open at the scratchy voice nearby.

She had been having a dream that she and John had been sitting cozily by a warm fire and he had just said, …

"Everything … Teyla."

Her eyes opened wider as she realized that John had just spoken the words of her dream. Could it be that they had been having the same dream? How was that even possible?

She moved closer and saw John's eyes drift open for the briefest of seconds then close again. She reached up to touch his face and whispered his name.

"John, are you awake? I am right here if you need me."

A tiny smile crossed his features and his eyes flickered open again, squinting even though the light was dim. "Hey."

Teyla's smile grew and she pushed back some of the hair that had slipped into his eyes. "I am so happy to see you again. It has been very difficult without you here."

John's eyes narrowed in confusion and he looked around at his surroundings. He saw the IV attached to his hand then noticed Dave who was just stirring in the nearby chair. His eyes grew confused and scared and he started shaking his head back and forth as he attempted to sit up.

"You shouldn't be here, Teyla!" he whispered harshly then looked around frantic that anyone would see her. "You have to wait, wait until they're gone. You can't come  _here_! You need to be  _there_! I'll come to  _you_."

"John, what's wrong?" Dave asked as he came fully awake and saw his brother groaning with the pain of trying to push himself upright.

John's eyes flew open even wider as he saw Dave moving toward his bed. He looked frantically around and then grabbed the IV and began trying to rip it out of his hand. Teyla attempted to stop him but he struggled even harder and finally managed to get it free.

"John! Stop it!" Dave yelled and noticed a few of the medical personnel had come to see what was happening.

"Colonel, you need to keep that in and stop moving around so much. The IV has much needed fluid and antibiotics that will help you." The nurse on duty rushed in and tried to get him to lie back down to no avail.

John narrowed his eyes suspiciously and gave a derisive snort. "Right!"

He began to push aside the blankets that covered his legs and then slide toward the other side of the bed from where Teyla and Dave had been sitting. His eyes roamed all around the room as he slipped off the bed. Within seconds Dr. Lam had entered with two guards who immediately moved in his direction.

John looked at them panicked then gazed back at Teyla and hissed, "You need to get out of here, Teyla. You can't let them get you. I promise I'll get back to you and TJ. Be patient okay. Go, now!"

His last words had barely been audible and his eyes had begged her to do what he asked. Dr. Lam stood close by assessing the situation, realizing that the Colonel wasn't fully cognizant of where he was. But she also knew he needed to be in bed, resting. In this state he could seriously hurt himself.

"Colonel," she began softly and slowly. "I need you to get back in bed. We're going to try and help you to feel better but we can't do it if you don't cooperate."

Teyla took a few steps around the bed to get closer to John but one of the SO's took her arm and stopped her. "He's not stable, ma'am. You shouldn't get too close."

The other SO had silently crept closer until he had his hand about to grasp Sheppard's arm to assist him back into the bed. But when John saw the guard touch Teyla, something snapped inside him and he lashed out and belted the man in the face and tried to rush the one who had taken hold of her.

"Let her go!" Sheppard roared as he attempted to punch him too. But his strength was minimal and his legs gave out and they managed to grab him under the arms before he hit the floor. But even with his strength diminished he still struggled against them and his petrified expression pleaded for Teyla to leave.

When he saw Teyla take a few steps back, he nodded vigorously and cried, "Get away, Teyla, now. Don't let them bring you in  _here_. It's not safe. You need to go  _there_. You'll be safe there and I promise I'll meet you there soon."

John pulled against the two who now wrestled to hold him still while Carolyn took a needle that her assistant had run to get. It took quite a bit of effort as John swung his arms about and kicked out and another guard was called to hold his legs while they secured his ankles to the bed with restraints.

Teyla could see John's agony and fear and she cried out, "Please stop! You are hurting him. He is frightened and does not know where he is. Let me talk to him, please."

Carolyn took only a second to acknowledge what she said, "I know, Teyla, but I can't have him hurting others and he's likely to hurt himself if he keeps thrashing about like this. I need to give him another sedative to calm him down. Maybe you should step out for a minute."

John's eyes were wild as he continued to struggle but he took in Dave gently placing his arm around Teyla's shoulder and finally stopped resisting so feverishly. "Dave, you need to get her out of here," he croaked anxiously as his eyes flew back and forth between the needle Dr. Lam was inserting into his arm and the guards who held him down. "Keep her safe. You be safe, too. Please!"

Dave seemed to understand that his brother was hallucinating and thinking that Teyla was in danger too. He wrapped his arm more firmly around Teyla and promised, "I will, John. Don't worry. I'll keep her safe."

Then he backed slowly from the room to stand near the door. He saw John give a relieved sigh and then relax against the pillows, his eyes filled with sorrow. Dave thought he saw his lips move and a faint, "Thank you," form on his lips.

He and Teyla stayed back in the doorway as the doctor waited until the sedative started working and John's eyes closed and his body drooped with sleep. Carolyn heaved a huge sigh, checked his vitals then turned around to look at the two ashen faces staring at her from the door.

Carolyn nodded for the guards to leave and they took position right outside the door. She stared down at John once more and undid his ankle restraints. She rolled him on his side again, pillows positioned along his front, then covered him up to the waist with a sheet. She indicated for the nurse to hook his IV back up again then walked over to the other side of the room indicating Dave and Teyla should follow her.

Teyla's chest heaved as she relived what had just happened. John's reaction was strange yet something niggled in the back of her mind but she could not grasp what was bothering her. She only wished to bring him relief from his pain and suffering but it seemed it would be much more work than just healing his physical wounds.

"Why don't you tell me what happened so I can get a better understanding," Carolyn requested.

Teyla wasn't sure about the dream and wondered if the doctor would think her also mad if she mentioned it so she simply said, "John woke and was a bit groggy at first. But when he looked around and saw where he was, he seemed to panic. He seemed frightened that I was here and begged me to leave, to be safe. But when he saw the IV attached to his hand, he grew almost frantic and immediately tried to remove it."

Dave nodded in agreement. "When the nurse said something about him needing it to get better, he actually seemed like he didn't believe her. For some reason he thought Teyla wasn't safe here and when the guard touched her, I think it set him off thinking she was being hurt."

Carolyn nodded and looked thoughtful for a few seconds. "It's not uncommon for people who've been held prisoner for a good deal of time to not trust what's happening around them. The Colonel has been gone for three and a half months. And from the little I heard so far it appears he was held in a tiny cell with no light coming in chained to the wall so he couldn't even move around. Very little human contact and no light for long periods of time; that's sensory deprivation and it can cause some major problems after only a few hours. The amount of time he spent there, it's not surprising he's a bit neurotic and seeing things that aren't there."

"What can we do for him?" Teyla asked, John's well-being first in her mind.

Carolyn sighed again. "Right now, not much. I think I'll keep him highly sedated for a while so his body can have time to heal and we can get some fluids and nutrients into him. I was planning to wait until morning to get the x-rays and scans but I think maybe I'll get them now while he's out. I don't imagine he'll sit too well for those if a simple IV set him off."

She glanced back over to where he seemed to be sleeping peacefully then looked back at them. "Why don't you two get some sleep? I know you want to be here with him but for right now he's not going anywhere and I won't allow him to wake up yet. Once you're better rested tomorrow, I'll have more results and we can figure out where we want to go. I also want to call in Dr. Marshall, the base psychologist. He has lots of experience with Post Traumatic Stress and just dealing with soldiers who have been in bad situations. He may have more insight into what's going on in the Colonel's head and how best to deal with it."

Teyla turned her head to see that John was indeed resting comfortably but she knew she did not wish to leave his side. Carolyn sensed her need and touched her arm. "You won't do him any good when he does wake up if you're exhausted and falling asleep. It appears you're a large part of this fear he has so I'm thinking that you could be someone who's really useful in getting him to tell us what he's thinking. But not if you're falling asleep where you stand. Get some sleep now. I promise he'll be out until well into tomorrow. I may even give him another day just to allow his back to heal a bit while he's propped on his side."

She stared at Teyla with a pleading look and Teyla nodded. Dave sighed and nodded too. She motioned for one of the guards at the door and instructed him to bring them to the guest quarters. He nodded sharply and turned toward the door.

"I would just like to say goodbye," Teyla interrupted and walked toward the bed that John occupied. She ran her fingers through his much longer hair and bent to kiss his forehead. As she did she whispered, "Have pleasant dreams, John. If you need me there, call and I will come."

A few minutes later she was saying good night to Dave who was in the room next to hers, though she knew it was certainly closer to morning at this point. She closed the door behind her and went right to do a quick wash. Then she shed her clothing and crawled between the crisp, clean sheets. She thought of the many dreams she'd had over the past three months where she and John held and caressed each other in just such a location. Her smile was melancholy.

For so long she had refused to admit that John was dead and now she knew he wasn't. What had held her from accepting his fate? And why had his presence been so alarmingly real in so many ways? Had she somehow sensed that he was still alive? At that thought, a rush of tears flooded her eyes. Could she have alerted others to his situation earlier and kept him from having to endure the agony that she felt certain he had? But she did not know how she could have convinced anyone that her dreams were anything but her mind finding ways to keep John alive and in her memory.

She closed her eyes and attempted to relax her body with some meditation and soon she felt herself drifting off. And as she did, she thought she heard John calling her.

.

* * *

.

It was ten the next morning before Teyla awoke to the sound of a knock on her door. It was Sam offering her some clean clothes.

"It's only BDU's but I figured you might appreciate something fresh instead of putting on what you wore on your mission yesterday," she said as she walked inside and handed over the green fatigues and green t-shirt. "I'm headed to a meeting right now to discuss some of the Intel we got from the Trust computers. Dr. Lam wanted to go over John's medical condition in about an hour with the team. Do you know how to get to the conference room?"

"I believe so," Teyla answered. "Though I wish to visit with John before I go there. Have you seen him yet this morning?"

Sam nodded. "I popped in about an hour ago. Carolyn was still asleep but Dr. Perlutski was there. He's still sedated and sleeping soundly. I'm sorry about what happened last night. It must have been pretty scary seeing John like that especially as he's usually so controlled."

Teyla felt her stomach drop at the memory of John fighting and struggling against the guards and the fear and agony on his face. "He will get better," Teyla said firmly. "We will help him in any way we can and he will get better. He will just need some time."

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "Jack, uh … General O'Neill was held and tortured by Ba'al for quite a while and even though he put on a great front when he was finally rescued, I could tell it changed him. He was very quiet and reserved for a long time after."

"Sam," Teyla pondered curiously. "May I ask you a personal question?"

Sam merely shrugged and said, "Sure, I guess."

"I noticed that you and General O'Neill were holding hands a few times yesterday. Do the two of you have feelings for each other?"

Sam gave a wry grin. "Jack and I have had feelings for each other for a while but we were on the same team for much of that time. Now that he works in DC most of the time and I'm not under his direct command, we can finally do something about it. A few people know but we've tried not to flaunt it too much. It's a little awkward at times."

"It was not obvious," Teyla assured her. "It was just something I happened to notice. I know it must be difficult trying to hide feelings for another while you are attempting to be professional."

"I'm guessing you know something about that, too, huh?" Sam asked a tiny smile on her lips. "I worked with you and John on Atlantis for a year. Honestly I thought the two of you had a thing for each other when I first got there. I have to say I was kind of surprised when John told me you were pregnant and that he didn't know who the father was. I thought it would have been him with the way he looked at you most of the time. But then I realized he was fairly upset that you were having a baby and wondered if he wasn't jealous."

Teyla blushed at the suggestion and looked around the room. "Yes, my night with Kanaan was unexpected and even more so the results of it. I felt John's censure at what had happened but recently I might have to agree that perhaps he was more upset that I had been with another man than that I had become with child. But all that will need to be put on hold until he is well again."

Sam nodded in understanding then said goodbye and that she'd see her in an hour. "There's an airman stationed in the hallway so if you need directions to anywhere, just ask."

"Thank you, Sam," Teyla replied, "for your honesty and your friendship."

Teyla closed the door behind her and went to dress. She made herself a cup of tea with the supplies in the guest room then found her way back to the infirmary. Dave Sheppard was already there, sitting in the chair he had occupied yesterday and he was reading a newspaper. He looked up when she came in.

"Did you get some sleep?" he asked as he pulled the chair she had been in back to the side of the bed.

Teyla sat down and took a sip from the disposable cup as her eyes roamed over John's sleeping form. "Yes, I slept for a good six hours. Were you able to rest as well?"

Dave nodded and said, "Yeah, I got just a little under that. I had to call Amy and let her know that we got John back. I didn't want to call her in the middle of the night. I filled her in a bit on what we know of his condition but told her I'd call when we learned more."

"Are you able to stay here for a little while?"

Dave nodded. "Yeah, for a day or so right now. I  _will_ need to go back to work out a few things at the office but I plan on being available if John needs me. What about you? Who's watching your son right now?"

"He is with friends on Atlantis," Teyla answered. "For now he is fine but I am hoping that John will be allowed to return and recover in the infirmary in the city."

Teyla now took a few moments to really look at John again. It was comforting to see that he appeared relaxed and peaceful. He was still on his side and the IV was more securely attached with bandages now covering where the needle pierced his skin at the inside of his elbow instead of on his hand. There was also a splint to keep his arm straight and Teyla figured this would make it much more difficult to remove the IV if yesterday's actions were to replay.

She hoped they did not. She wished for John to wake up and realize that he was indeed home and safe and that he just needed to relax and recover. And she wanted him to know she was here to help him in any way that she could.

She reached for his hand that was under the pillow and held tightly, hoping he could feel her presence. She leaned in closer and whispered, "John, you are safe here with me. I will not leave you and David is here as well. We will make sure that nothing harms you. You just need to rest and heal."

Dave smiled at her words and went back to reading his paper. Teyla sat holding John's hand, sipping her tea and smoothing the hair back from his forehead. They stayed that way until Teyla noticed the time and said they should go to the conference room so they could discuss John's condition and prognosis.

Dave agreed and several minutes later they were escorted into a large room that was already filled with many people. Teyla saw Richard Woolsey and greeted him.

"Mr. Woolsey, I did not realize you were still here. It was very late when we got back with Colonel Sheppard."

"Yes," Woolsey responded, "I managed a bit more sleep than most last night." With this he glanced at Dr. McKay and Jackson who were sitting on opposite sides of the table looking at a computer screen.

Teyla looked reproachfully at Rodney and asked, "Rodney, did you not sleep at all last night?"

"Oh, no, no," he said quickly and took another sip from a mug in front of him. "I got a few hours but I needed to go through this data bank so I just filled up on coffee."

Dr. Lam walked in and gazed at everyone around the table. Landry and O'Neill were sitting at the front with Woolsey and Carter next to them. McKay and Jackson were by them with Mitchell, Vala, Teal'c, Lorne and Ronon. Teyla took a seat next to Ronon while Dave sat in between her and Lorne.

Just then a tall, slender man in his fifties with a head of thick silvery hair strolled in. He slipped into an empty seat while Dr. Lam did the same. The table was now full.

"Carolyn, good you're here," Landry said as his daughter placed a folder on the table in front of her. "I think everyone else is here so if you want to begin."

"Thank you, General," she answered and opened the folder. "Colonel Sheppard is currently sleeping and I plan to keep him that way for at least another day. I assume everyone heard about what happened early this morning when he woke up."

"What I don't get is," Ronon broke in, "what the heck caused him to flip out like that."

"Being kept in a small dark cell for the length of time he was," the silver haired man began, "is a form of sensory deprivation along with little human contact. This can lead to anxiety, hallucinations and paranoia."

Rodney narrowed his eyes at the newcomer. "And you are ….?"

"Oh, sorry," Carolyn apologized. "This is Dr. Alex Marshall, he's the psychologist on base. I thought it would be appropriate to have him here to listen to Colonel Sheppard's information."

Rodney just nodded and Ronon silently grumbled thinking Sheppard didn't need any shrink. But when he remembered back to the weird stuff Sheppard had been saying and the silly song he had kept singing, he figured maybe it wouldn't hurt. He looked back to where Dr. Lam had started talking again.

"We got the blood work and scans back and we've definitely got our work cut out for us. The x-rays showed several broken bones throughout his body. The top of his left tibia looks like it was fractured and with the remodeling it seems it happened shortly after he got there. It also looks like it was reinjured several times since then. A few of his ribs look like they had fractures at some point as well. Luckily the scans didn't show any signs of head trauma though it certainly looks like he was hit or slapped enough to cause the bruises and cuts that are fairly evident."

She looked down at her sheets of paper again. "Now the bones all seem to be healing to some degree but I want to up his calcium intake as I really don't think he got much while he was there. The malnutrition alone can cause his wounds to heal slower than usual."

"Which means at a normal rate to anyone else since Sheppard never seems to need as much time as anyone else to heal," Rodney added smugly.

"Dr. McKay, why don't you let Dr. Lam finish," Woolsey chastised mildly.

Carolyn nodded. "The Colonel also has a mild case of pneumonia which isn't surprising since he wasn't able to move around much and the shallow breathing he probably had to do because of his cracked ribs I'm sure didn't help. We've got him on a broad spectrum of antibiotics right now and hopefully that will fix a few other problems as well."

"What other problems?" Teyla asked anxiously.

"We found several bacterial infections as well as a viral infection in the Colonel's blood. That could also have caused the pneumonia. Apparently whatever he ate or drank or possibly even the conditions he was in resulted in the Colonel contracting these. Now bacteria can be killed by antibiotics but unfortunately viruses cannot. My concern at this point is that Colonel Sheppard's immune system has been compromised by the prolonged situation he was in. Little sleep, no activity, dehydration and malnutrition plus the stress of the imprisonment along with the torture are all contributing factors. His white blood count is very low and isn't really capable of fighting anything off right now. It's one of the reasons I need him to stay calm and rested. He could get very sick otherwise."

"I think it might be a good idea to move Colonel Sheppard to one of the isolation rooms," Landry suggested, "since the infirmary isn't really equipped to handle someone who is possibly unstable at the moment."

"That's not a bad idea to get him away from the main infirmary," Carolyn agreed, "but I'd prefer one of the smaller ones on level seventeen than one of the larger ones. If he wakes up and sees such a large room with people staring down at him from those big windows, … I think we might have an even bigger problem than what we had this morning."

Landry nodded agreement but Rodney interceded again. "Why can't we bring Sheppard back to Atlantis to recover there? I think he's less likely to freak out in a familiar setting than in this depressing place."

"If it was a simple injury," Landry explained, "I'd have a tendency to agree with you. But we have no idea what The Trust did to him. For all we know they may have planted some deep programming inside him to kill us all. Or to kill everyone once he got back to Atlantis. And right now both Dr. Keller and Dr. Beckett are away visiting family which leaves a few doctors with much less experience in this type of situation. And here we can lock down the mountain much quicker than you can lock down the city. If Colonel Sheppard were to get loose in Atlantis, it could take a very long time to find him."

"If we even could," Ronon muttered but loudly enough for everyone to hear. "Sheppard knows and controls the city better than anyone. He could hide there for months and possibly never be found."

"So, Dr. McKay," Landry reasoned, "until we know Colonel Sheppard is back to being himself in body and mind, he stays here. At some point we need to find out what he knows about the people who imprisoned him and what their plans were."

Rodney sat back and sighed but didn't argue. He truly didn't want John to hurt himself or others. He just wanted his friend back the way he was before.

"Was he really singing some weird song when you guys first found him?" Rodney asked quietly hoping maybe John was really fine and the few things he'd heard weren't really as bad as they had sounded.

"It was similar to the chanting rhythms of one of Torrens' books that John likes to read to him," Teyla informed them. "It is about animals and the food they each have on specific days of the week. But the words John was singing did not mention food."

"He said Friday was outside," Lorne contributed. "And that's where we found him and yesterday was Friday. He also seemed really upset and kept insisting that Thursday was  _tricking_  and Friday was  _outside_."

"Wait!" Daniel raised his hand and started clicking away at his computer. "That just reminded me that some of the files that are in here were labeled with days of the week. I didn't see it as a big priority so I skipped those to look at others that had stuff that seemed more important. See, here's Monday."

He clicked a few more keys and reported, "It's a series of videos. I can put them up on the screen."

All eyes turned to the screen between the two generals and they saw the men who had been with Sheppard hauling him into the larger room. They pulled off his shirt and hooked him to the overhead chains. Soon Athena was striking his back with the long strip of leather attached to a handle.

Groans and whimpers came from a few mouths as they watched then Daniel shut it off and said, "There are fourteen entries in the Monday file. Here's a much later one."

They watched again as John was hung on the chain and whipped savagely. This time he barely even grunted as he did the first time. His eyes were unfocused and a tiny smile played about his lips though he did close his eyes briefly each time he was struck.

"Fourteen entries?" Lorne repeated. "The Colonel was gone for fourteen weeks. One for each week?"

"Looks that way," O'Neill growled. "Maybe it's sadistic but we should check out the rest of the days to see exactly what we're dealing with here in terms of helping him recover."

"I hate to say I agree, General," Lam said, "but if I know what was done to him I can have a better idea of treatment."

"The same goes for me," Marshall piped in.

Daniel pulled up the Tuesday file and they quickly skimmed through several weeks of John being beaten and then Wednesday where he was shocked with the pain stick. Wednesday was the worst as even towards the end John's reaction was still one of extreme anguish. His cries of agony echoed in the room.

As Daniel shut down the video, Dave got up and stumbled from the room with a mumbled excuse. Vala immediately followed and offered, "I'll check on him. I don't need to relive any more of this. I've been there already."

And they knew she had, only she had been on the other end of the stick from John. And even though she had not had control of her own body at the time, they knew she still felt guilt and remorse for what she had done while she had been inhabited by Qetesh. Carolyn thought Charlotte Mayfield would do well with a few visits from Vala to help in her healing process.

When the Thursday videos were viewed the groans and whimpers were not present though several people had thoughtful sounds.

After forwarding through half a dozen, Dr. Marshall spoke up. "Seems like they tried very often to convince him he was rescued then gave him some sort of hallucinogenic drugs to convince him his friends were with him."

"Which explains why he ripped his IV out yesterday," Carolyn said. "This is not going to be easy making him realize he's really been rescued and we're not just tricking him again."

"Play through one more, Daniel," Sam requested knowing these weren't as hard to watch as the beatings and whippings. "I want to see something."

Daniel found another one and pressed play. As they watched it, Sam cocked her head to the side and looked thoughtful.

"You know a few of these try and make John think that Rodney or Ronon are there," Sam pointed out, "but it doesn't look like they knew about the whole team because there's no one trying to be Teyla."

"Oh, I found a few clippings and pictures of me, Ronon and John in one of these files," McKay shouted. "They look like they're from when Jeannie was kidnapped. Obviously someone was hanging around then."

Teyla shifted in her chair. "Aside from a short trip to the SGC for an evaluation several years ago, I had not been on this planet until we landed a few months ago."

"Just another reason that you should stay around for Colonel Sheppard," Carolyn mentioned. "He seemed very protective of you and didn't think you were trying to hurt him. And The Trust didn't know to use you to try and get information from him. I am wondering what Colonel Sheppard was talking about though when he kept saying that you needed to go  _there_. Where is  _there_?"

"I have a theory about that," Dr. Marshall told them. "Correct me if I'm wrong but those training for Special Forces are given training in combatting torture. I believe one way is to create a place deep inside that they retreat to whenever things get too bad. Well we saw that things were pretty bad so perhaps  _there_  is the place the Colonel created. And it seems that Ms. Emmagen was the one he chose to be with him."

"Huh?" Rodney seemed slightly perturbed. "How come he didn't pick me? I'm one of his closest friends."

"I'm thinking Sheppard wanted someplace peaceful and calm," Ronon grunted. "With you all he'd get is bickering and whining. He didn't pick me and I'm not complaining about it."

"That's because you're Mr. Action/Adventureman. That's not calm and peaceful either." McKay sat back in his chair with a huff.

"John also mentioned Torren when he told me to go back," Teyla informed them trying to pacify both. "So apparently he was  _there_ as well."

"All the more reason for you to stick around until we can get the Colonel back on his feet again, if Mr. Woolsey will allow it."

Woolsey straightened in his chair and said, "Of course she can. We all want what's best for Colonel Sheppard."

Teyla nodded but added, "I am more than willing however I would ask that my son be able to come stay with me here. I do not wish to be away from him for very long. It is why I risked the journey for him from our galaxy."

"That won't be a problem, Teyla," O'Neill guaranteed then looked back to Daniel.

"Friday you said was outside, right?" Jackson clarified and played a few moments of a couple of the Friday videos. They were obviously taken from inside but you could see John pushing and pulling against the pole in all the ones they saw. The sight of him struggling so valiantly to free himself nearly broke Teyla's heart. But he had never been defeated and had finally pulled it free on the day they had arrived for him.

Daniel clicked some keys and looked perplexed. "There's only Saturday left. I can't find one that says Sunday."

Teyla narrowed her eyes and cleared her throat. "If I am remembering correctly, I believe when John was singing the song while we were attempting to leave, he said, 'Sunday, rest,'. Perhaps they merely left him alone on Sundays."

Daniel shrugged and clicked on Saturday only to see John stripped and water thrown on him as the goons scrubbed him down with soap.

Sam sat up and looked nervously at Daniel. "Oh, um, well apparently Saturday is bath time. Maybe we don't really need to see any more of  _those_ , huh, Daniel?"

Daniel shut the files off and Carolyn finished making marks in John's folder. "I guess that explains why he wasn't in worse shape when you got him. After three months he should have been filthy and his back should have been completely infected. But a weekly scrubbing, as crude as that seemed, probably saved his life. I don't imagine he would have survived if the lacerations on his back had gotten infected and gone without treatment."

A silence fell over the room as all took in what had happened to their friend. Vala took that moment to re-enter the room.

"Is he okay?" Teyla questioned the woman, her face showing her concern.

"Yes, he just needed some air. And to empty the contents of his stomach. I made him a nice cup of tea and he's sitting quietly by his brother's bedside for now. I think the severity of what he saw was a little much for him. Those corporate types don't really have the stomach for what we do."

"Thank you, Vala," Teyla said to her and gave her a pleasant smile.

Vala moved back to her seat and settled in noisily. She plastered on one of her huge smiles and asked, "So, what are we doing now?"

"I think it's time for everyone to get back to work," Landry announced. "Carolyn, please let us know if there are any new developments with either Colonel Sheppard or Miss Mayfield."

"Of course, General," she answered then looked at Vala. "Do you think I could have you help me out with something?"

She led the woman away discussing plans for Charlotte Mayfield's recovery while the others all stood and began to move out of the room.

"Major Lorne," Woolsey addressed the military man. "I plan on going back to Atlantis this afternoon. Pressing matters unfortunately so I won't be able to stay long around here to check on the Colonel's condition. I'd like you to take me in the jumper and resume temporary command of Atlantis again. I know Major Teldy has been doing a great job as your second in command but she requested the next few weeks off and I need a ranking officer in the city who knows what they are doing."

"Of course, sir," Lorne responded in agreement though he really wanted to stay and make sure Sheppard would be okay. He'd have to trust that job to the man's team. He didn't think anything would be able to drag them away. With that thought he turned to Teyla.

"I can make arrangements to get Torren here if you'd like, Teyla. That way you don't have to take too much time away from the Colonel. I think he needs you here."

Teyla sighed in relief. "That would be wonderful, Major, thank you very much for your thoughtfulness."

"No problem. Just give me a list of anything you need for him or for yourself. I don't know how long you'll be here but I imagine it'll be longer than a few days. The Colonel's pretty beat up."

"Yes," Teyla nodded. "I will need much. Amelia and Dusty have been taking turns watching Torren and I will contact them and have them pack for the both of us."

Sam walked over as they were talking and offered, "We can have a crib brought into the room for Torren if he still sleeps in one. And I'd be happy to watch him occasionally if I'm not on duty."

"I can watch him, too, Teyla," Ronon suggested. "Looks like these creeps made me seem like the bad guy so I may have to keep my distance from Sheppard until he figures things out."

Sam patted Ronon on the arm comfortingly. "The room they're putting John in has a small observation window into another room. It's reflective glass so he wouldn't be able to see who's on the other side. It simply looks like a mirror. The room's big enough for a playpen for Torren or even has room to let him crawl around with some toys."

"That would be perfect," Teyla replied. "Though he is walking now and does not always wish to be penned in. But given enough items to play with he is often content in one area. He is truly a well behaved child and for that I am enormously thankful. Right now I wish to see John again if that is permissible."

Sam smiled her assent but before Teyla could leave Rodney walked toward her. "Listen, I heard what you said. I think I'm gonna go back with Lorne and Woolsey just to get some of my stuff and a few other items that might help me in figuring out some of what we downloaded from The Trust. Get that list to Amelia and I'll make sure to bring it all back."

"Why don't I go back with you, McKay, and we can both get the stuff and Torren much quicker. You'll need someone to hold the kid while you fly," Ronon proposed. "We can probably be back in a few hours right?"

"Maybe a  _little_  longer," McKay altered. "I don't fly those jumpers like one of those Air Force pilots. I need to take a little more time. I'm not sure how good I'll be at parking it inside the mountain."

"Then go," Teyla ordered with a false sternness to her voice. "So you may return. I will stay with John until you come back."

McKay started to walk out and they followed him. They heard him mutter, "Though it's not like he even wants to see us. We'll just set him off and he'll think we're out to get him."

Teyla said goodbye to her friends and set off for the infirmary. David and John were in the exact same positions as last time though David looked a bit paler now.

"How are you feeling?" Teyla asked and reached over to touch his hand as she sat in her usual chair.

Dave gave a wry grin that reminded her so much of John. "Better, thanks. Sorry about that. Watching what they were doing to my little brother …" He took a deep breath and glanced at John so still and pale in the bed. He gave a little chuckle. "I'm thinking I shouldn't have eaten breakfast."

Teyla squeezed his hand again. "I completely understand. You do not need to apologize. Unfortunately I have seen John tortured before though it certainly does not make it any easier to watch."

Dave's eyes narrowed. "When did this happen?"

Teyla now reached for John's hand and stroked the rough skin. "Perhaps one day I will give you more information but for now we must concentrate on helping John recover from this ordeal."

She leaned down and pressed her lips to John's fingers then rested her cheek against his hand. She closed her eyes and immediately felt John pulling her from where he was. And it was lovely so she willingly went.

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	14. Fourteen

** Chapter 14 **

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"Now I'm guessing that he'll start waking up in the next hour or so considering the amount of sedative I last gave him," Carolyn Lam stated as she checked Sheppard' s vital signs again.

He had been moved into the smaller isolation room yesterday and kept sedated for the remainder of the day. They had tried to keep the room as bare as possible while still having the medical equipment necessary to use if they needed it. Much of it was being stored in the observation room next door.

Teyla looked at the small mirror on the wall and knew Ronon was behind there with Torren. They had set up an area with a small carpet on the floor and many toys so the child could occupy his time while Teyla sat here with John. David had needed to go back home last night but said he would be available by phone and he would make plans to come back soon. He had requested frequent updates on John's condition and Teyla had assured him that she would fill him in daily.

Teyla gazed around the room as Carolyn did a final exam on John's back and wrists. It was very different here from Atlantis. There were no windows to allow sunshine to float in, the walls were all gray and made of cinderblock and the people were all strangers, though they were certainly very pleasant.

Teyla walked into the small adjoining bathroom that consisted of a large shower stall, a sink and a toilet. She hoped John would be capable of using it soon. Carolyn had just removed his catheter knowing it would be very uncomfortable once he woke up.

She washed her hands and strolled back into the room to see the doctor wrapping light gauze around John's wrists. They were still very red and raw however the short time with medicated ointment and air had allowed them to begin the healing process. They had applied bandages to his back as well. But Teyla knew the physical healing would be the easy part. Getting John past all that he had endured would be most difficult but she had to have faith that he would eventually. They had left things unfinished but hopeful when he had gone to fight the hive ship and she needed that hope now.

"I'm encouraged by his color and skin tone," Carolyn said. "Obviously the fluids we've been giving him have helped with the dehydration. But we'll need to keep that IV in until we can get him taking fluids on his own. When he wakes up, see if you can get him to drink something. And we can get him some light broth if he's hungry."

"John is _usually_ hungry when he is recovering from an injury," Teyla commented.

"Good. Now there's a nurse stationed in the next room to monitor his vitals and General Landry insisted on two guards as well. And honestly after what happened last time, I can't really blame him."

Carolyn edged closer to the bed and began adjusting the pillows around the Colonel. "I'm going to try and recline him a bit but I still want to keep him completely off that back and those pressure sores so I'm placing a few pillows along his back so he's still not laying fully on them."

Teyla assisted her in positioning John and was thankful they had clothed him in a pair of loose hospital pants though his torso was still bare to allow his back to be free for treatment. His IV was now in his right arm which was resting on a pillow also, the splint still keeping it firmly in place and his arm straight. His left arm was resting across his middle and Teyla thought he looked very comfortable. She was glad as she knew he had spent more than three months in terrible discomfort.

"Now when he wakes up, Shelly, the nurse, will let me know and I'll come down here. But I won't come in if he's at all agitated. Try and keep him as calm as you can. Dr. Marshall said that he needs to feel safe where he is before he can actually start believing anything around him. Hopefully if you're the only one here, that will be the case. I've instructed the guards to only come in if he begins to become violent. I'm trusting you to let them know if he gets to be more than you can handle. And, of course, Ronon will be watching through the window."

"Just give me the signal, Teyla, and I'll be right in," Ronon supplied from the doorway, Torren in his arms.

"I appreciate that, Ronon," Teyla replied, "but I do not wish for Torren to see John if he becomes as he was yesterday. If that does happen please make sure you take him away. I am sure the guards will be able to handle anything that happens. Hopefully that will not be necessary."

"Mama," Torren said and held out his hands to Teyla. She met Ronon halfway and took her son and gave him a sweet kiss on his cheek.

"Torren, Uncle Ronon will be taking you to play in the other room and I will be right here with Uncle John. If you need to see me then you may look through the window but you must not be loud as Uncle John needs to rest."

Torren looked down at John in the bed and pouted. "Dada. Dada booboo?"

Teyla gazed quizzically at her son. He had never referred to John as Dada before, except in her dreams. And he had not seen John in over three months. He had been barely a year old when they left Pegasus. Now he was almost sixteen months and she wondered how he could remember John. He was so young. But through her connection with her son she felt the affection that Torren had for the man lying in the bed though she was uncertain how this had happened. Could he truly remember John from several months ago? And why was he suddenly calling him Dada?

It was too much to think of at the moment. She needed to concentrate on making sure she could keep John calm and resting when he did wake. But she knew she would need to examine more closely why her son suddenly was calling John _Dada_.

"Yes," Teyla finally answered her son. "He has a boo boo and we need to allow him to rest so he can get better. So you need to play nicely with Uncle Ronon in the next room and I will wave to you at times through the window, okay?"

Torren nodded bobbing his short curls up and down. Then he started leaning out of her arms and said, "Tiss Dada?"

"Yes, you may give him a quick kiss," Teyla said and held him so his tiny lips pressed against John's cheek.

She heard Torren loudly whisper, "Luh you, Dada!" and was surprised when a faint smile came upon John's features. Could he hear Torren already? Was he waking up this soon?

Teyla stood back up and crossed to the door to hand Torren back to Ronon. But Torren was trying to remove his shoes saying, "Piddy, wee! Dada do piddy wee!"

Teyla's mind searched back and she knew he was referring to John playing with Torren's toes and calling them piggies. But she did not recall John ever playing that game with Torren for real. However he had done it many times in her dreams over the last three months. How was it her son knew of this? Had her connection to Torren allowed him to see what she had been dreaming? If so she feared that he may have also seen the many dreams where she and John had been quite intimate.

"Not right now, Torren," Teyla said firmly. "Perhaps later we can do it. Now please be good for Uncle Ronon." And she kissed his cheek and smoothed his hair back from his face.

Ronon took him back inside the next room and Carolyn gazed at John one last time. "Good luck, Teyla. Remember that it may take some time for the Colonel to know what's real and what isn't especially after all the games The Trust seemed to play with him. Be patient but also understand that we may have to use some force if it seems like he might hurt himself or anyone else."

Teyla nodded sadly, remembering yesterday and how frantic John had been and how much he had fought. "I understand and I will not take any chances however I do not think John would hurt me no matter how confused he is. That much was evident in his actions yesterday."

"I believe you're right," Carolyn said. "That's why I'm glad you're here. Right now I think you're one of the only ones who can get him to stay calm and rest."

She patted Teyla's hand and left the room. Teyla saw her speak with the guards and the nurse who were standing right outside the door but out of John's line of vision.

Teyla moved one of the chairs close to the bed but then decided she would actually sit next to John on the mattress. His new position left a little bit of room for her to slide her hip on and she could get much closer to him this way. She lifted his hand and stroked the skin as she had done so many times since he had been brought back.

Her hand wandered up his arm, running over the hair that covered much of it. She grinned as she realized how much she liked the amount of hair he was covered with. She usually needed to remind herself not to stare at his arms when they were together but now no one was here to see her do it. Well, Ronon was in the other room but she could hear him speaking softly to Torren and assumed he was playing with her son and not standing at the window staring at them.

She had a feeling Ronon knew of her feelings for John, though she had never come right out and admitted them to her friend. But he had made insinuations on occasion and had blatantly gotten up and left when it was just the three of them, leaving her and John alone together. He always made some excuse but she knew him well enough to see through his excuses.

She took this time to truly examine John, the part that was not under the sheet. He had lost much weigh but she could still see the definition of his muscles in areas and wondered if he had attempted to do some form of movement while he had been imprisoned. His arms still seemed very strong and she recalled several of the video clips showing John pulling himself up by his chains to kick out at his abductors.

Her eyes traveled from his biceps to his chest and she focused on his identification chain and tags. They sat in a nest of hair that swirled around his nipples then arrowed down the middle of his torso then swirled again around his navel. The sheet was resting along this line and she did not have the courage to investigate any further.

Though remembering the dreams she had been having every night since he had disappeared, she knew she had done more than that with him. She knew she would have to look through the notebook she had begun to record her dreams in after Jennifer had suggested it. She wondered if there was a pattern to them.

She knew many of them consisted of John and her behaving intimately in a variety of ways. But many of them, especially in the last month were of very pleasant events that also included Torren and at times David, Amy and the children. As she thought back to the details of them it seemed that John regarded Torren as his own in these dreams, the most recent ones anyway.

During the last few weeks they had begun to get more consistent in location as well. There had been a house that they were living in and a park very nearby that they often went to play in with Torren. These dreams had been so pleasant that she never questioned why they were living in a house and not on Atlantis but then they were only dreams, were they not, and dreams did not always make sense.

She heard a small sigh and looked down to see that her fingers had been playing with John's chest hair right around his navel. But the sigh had come from him. She left her hand there but stilled the fingers and leaned over to press her lips to his forehead.

"Are you finally waking up, sleepyhead?" Teyla teased and watched as John's eyes flicked open for a brief moment then closed again.

"I am right here, John," Teyla assured him in a soft, gentle tone. "It is just you and me. There is no one else around. Please show me those beautiful green eyes."

And he did. Slowly. But they did open and when he saw her face so close to his own, a smile grew on his lips. His eyes squinted slightly for a few seconds as if the light hurt but shortly they stayed open longer. Teyla saw him attempt to raise his right hand but knew seeing the IV yesterday had been part of what had set him off. So she quickly picked up his left hand and moved it to caress her cheek. He had done much of this in her dream world.

Teyla leaned in to touch her forehead to his and felt the familiarity comfort him as he again sighed. But too soon he began to look around to check out his surroundings. Confusion took hold again but Teyla swiftly tried to defuse it.

"You have a slight injury and are being treated for it. But I am here and all will be fine."

"I, …um … I don't …." his eyes told of his deep bewilderment so Teyla took a chance and leaned over and kissed his lips, hoping perhaps it would not confuse him further. John's hand pulled on her head and he deepened the kiss.

But he pulled back and said, "Maybe I need to brush my teeth a little before we take that further, huh?"

Teyla smiled. "Perhaps. I can assist you with that if you need me to."

John looked around again and this time Teyla couldn't get him to ignore the IV being held on to his arm by a splint. He scowled and tried to reach for it but Teyla grabbed his hand tighter and held it to her cheek again. She then moved her other hand to caress his bearded cheek.

"It is only there to help you," Teyla said gently and moved her face very close to his. "You must trust me, John. I would not lie to you or allow anyone to harm you. Do you trust me?"

She could see the confusion and uncertainty warring on John's face and wished for the words that would miraculously allow him to know she spoke the truth. He kept her hand in his and his eyes flew around the room, taking in every last detail. He looked back at her and touched her face again and sighed as his fingers stroked her soft skin.

Then his eyes flew up and he croaked, "Where's TJ? Is he all right? Was anyone else hurt when I was?"

Teyla pushed his hair back from his forehead and assured him, "Torren is fine. He is in the other room playing with Ronon."

As if on cue, a squeal of childish giggling could be heard floating from next door. Teyla immediately saw John's face soften and relax. She smiled as well.

"I believe Ronon is working him up again. He does so like to do that when it is almost his nap time."

"Ronon?" John asked quietly and his voice was tentative like he was trying to work something out in his head.

"Yes, Ronon," Teyla nodded. "Our friend. He was kind enough to offer to watch Torren while I sat with you. You know Torren would want to jump all over you and I do not think that would be conducive to the rest you need to recover adequately."

John gave a dry laugh and grinned. "Yeah, TJ would keep asking me to play _This Little Piggy_ over and over again."

His tongue poked out and attempted to wet his dry lips. Teyla immediately reached for the cup with the plastic straw and moved it near John's mouth.

"Take small sips for now, John," she instructed then added, "Yes, Torren was just asking for you to play that game with him earlier when you were still asleep. It was after he came in to give you a kiss for your boo boo."

The same tiny smile that had crossed his face earlier came back. "Yeah, I … think I remember that. I must have just been … waking up and subconsciously heard him. He does love to play that game. Can't give him a bath … without needing to do it when I wash his feet."

John's words were slow and stilted and she could tell he was tired but what he had just said about Torren's bath was directly from her dream. She needed to see just how much of their dreams had been alike.

"Yes, I do like when you give Torren a bath," she probed. "And later when he goes to sleep …"

John's eyes lit up and a smirk appeared. "Yeah, I like the _later_ part, too, especially when _you're_ still in the tub."

Teyla felt her cheeks grow warm and vividly recalled many dreams where John would bathe Torren and then return to join her in the still warm water. Or occasionally they would be together in the shower and take turns washing each other. She had always woken from them with an extreme need and with the feel of John's hands on her. It could not have been a coincidence that John now had this memory also. But it seemed he did not remember that it had only been a dream. She did not think it would be a good thing to tell him otherwise at this point.

"Here, have some more water. You need to make sure you do not dehydrate."

Teyla allowed John to sip more of the water but when he was through his tongue poked out of his mouth and he grimaced. "My mouth feels like I ate a batch of cotton. Did you say there was a toothbrush around here somewhere?"

"Yes," Teyla answered and placed her hand on his chest. "If you stay right here I will get it and a basin. You should not be getting up yet."

The look he gave Teyla had _suspicious_ written all over it but his eyes moved around the room again and when no one else appeared he relaxed against the pillows. Teyla quickly got the toothbrush, paste and the plastic basin and returned to his side.

She unwrapped the new toothbrush and applied a small amount of paste to the bristles then handed it to John's free hand. She then held the cup for him to sip some water from. John squinted at the brush for a second and Teyla knew he usually used his other hand but quickly enough he thrust the brush inside his mouth and scrubbed back and forth and around for more than a minute, frothy white soap bubbles appearing on his lips.

He nodded at her for the water and she held it to his lips so he could take a few more sips then placed the basin under his mouth so he could spit the excess back out. A few more sips and spits and he seemed done though Teyla grabbed a tissue from the bedside table and wiped some of the toothpaste that had remained on his face.

She quickly deposited the items in the sink in the bathroom and rushed to sit by his side again. She did not want him to think too long about why he was here.

John glanced at the IV again then at Teyla and she could see the wheels of his mind turning ferociously. He attempted to sit up a bit more and groaned at the pain that radiated through him at the action. Teyla reached over and raised the head of the bed slightly then encouraged him to recline against the pillow again.

"You said a _slight_ injury," John questioned as he winced again in pain. "Why do I feel like I've been run over by a train and I don't even remember what happened."

Teyla thought quick not truly anticipating that he would want to know what happened. She had actually thought he would begin to panic and get upset like he had yesterday. Perhaps the fact that she was the only one here had played in their favor. Her mind whirred and she thought of one of their recent dreams. She had finally admitted to herself that they had been having similar dreams.

"Remember when we went for that hike in the woods," she began speaking of a lovely moment from a few days ago, "and we climbed that small hill. Unfortunately Torren dropped one of his toys and you offered to retrieve it. But the bushes that it had fallen in hid a steep descent and you fell quite far. Your back was scraped severely as were your hands and wrists. I am sure you twisted many muscles as you fell and tried to save yourself. You were unconscious when you landed at the bottom. I feared you were not alive."

Teyla's voice broke on the last few words as she remembered how she had felt when they had been given the news of John's demise on the hive ship.

John, as conscientious as always immediately apologized. "God, Teyla, I'm sorry I put you through that. I … I don't even … remember. I mean I remember the hike but not the fall. I must have hit my head."

Teyla touched his face again. "You do not have a concussion but you did bruise your face a good deal."

John lifted his good hand to his face and winced as he touched a few obvious cuts and bruises. When he felt the facial hair he paused looking pensive. But Teyla knew in their dreams he had not been clean shaven. And sure enough he just shook his head and smiled again.

But that didn't last long as he suddenly shouted, "Wait! Wasn't I carrying TJ in a pack on my back?"

Teyla swiftly shook her head. "No, not at that time. You had taken him down so he could move around for a few minutes before we started our hike back. He is fine."

John sighed and relaxed again. It seemed he was buying all that she had said so far. She was not sure how much longer it would last though. He looked at her with puppy dog eyes and asked, "Is he allowed to come and see me or won't they let him in?"

His eyes moved to the door and Teyla wondered if it would ease his mind more if he could see Torren. She followed his gaze and saw the hope that he had. She squeezed his hand and nodded.

"I will ask but I am sure it will not be a long visit. Do not move."

John groaned again and said, "Where would I go in this condition?"

Teyla chuckled and went through the door to the other room to see Carolyn, Rodney, Sam and Ronon all in the room. They were standing by the window with Torren playing by their feet. When she walked in all eyes turned to her.

"So, he's back to normal," Rodney said positively as she picked up her son.

Teyla closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "No, he is still very confused but I have been able to keep him calm. He thinks he was injured during a fall while hiking. He is concerned that Torren might have been injured. I assured him he is fine however I think he will relax better if he sees him."

Carolyn nodded at Teyla's inquisitive look. "Not long though. If something happens to set him off, I don't want your son to be in the line of fire."

"John would never hurt Torren," Teyla argued but she nodded knowing that sometimes innocent people got hurt and she would never forgive herself if something happened to Torren because she had brought him in there. "I will keep it brief."

She moved back to John's room whispering to Torren that he needed to be careful. But she knew she had made the right decision when she saw John's eyes light up and a sheen of moisture begin to glisten in them. Torren was equally as happy.

"Dada! Dada!"

John reached out his one available arm and Teyla lowered Torren to right between John's legs warning him again to not move around too much. But the boy had already pulled off one shoe and was handing it to John.

"Dada, piddies wee!" And he began to remove the other shoe.

"Okay, Pal," John chuckled as he wiggled a sock from the boy's foot. "Very subtle. Your Daddy can take a hint though."

Teyla took another deep breath when she heard John call himself Daddy to the child. It was exactly like the dreams she had been having. As she watched John play with her son's toes and saw the child squeal with glee, she felt moisture gather in her eyes. This was real. It was not a dream; however it was what she had wished for so very long.

John gave Torren a few more tickles then noticed Teyla watching them. He saw her eyes misting and frowned at her. He pointed to the spot she had occupied earlier. When she sat down, John gave her a bright smile.

"I'm fine, Teyla, just a little tired. You know there isn't much that can take me down. You just need to give me time to get back on my feet. I'd never leave you and our son. I'm here to stay for as long as you want me."

Teyla smiled though it was still watery. "Then you must stay forever."

John looked up at the ceiling and smirked. "I think I can manage that. Now stop worrying, okay?"

Teyla nodded and agreed then saw that Torren had snuggled between John's legs on top of the sheets. "Very well, but it looks like this little boy is in need of his late morning nap. I should get him to lie down."

Torren popped his head up when he heard this and gave a deadly pout. "No, Mama, seep a Dada, peeeease!"

Teyla was about to explain to him that he could not when John said, "Sure, Pal. Just scoot over here a little and you'll be more comfortable."

John settled him in between his body and the arm with the IV and had him rest his head on the same pillow the arm was on. The child smiled happily then stuck his thumb in his mouth and closed his eyes.

John gazed mischievously at Teyla and whispered, "They wouldn't wake a sleeping baby now would they?"

Teyla narrowed her eyes at John's manipulations then saw his own eyes flutter a bit. "Are you also in need of a nap, John?"

John made a face at her then grinned wryly. "No, although since I can't really go anywhere else, I suppose I could rest for a little while. You know, allow myself to heal quicker so I can come home with my family sooner."

John's eyes roamed the room again nervously then anxiously asked, "What day is it, Teyla?"

"It is Sunday," she answered and she saw John relax again and gaze down at Torren.

Teyla reached down and smoothed Torrens' hair from his face and saw that he was already deeply asleep. In her dreams John had always had a way with comforting Torren so completely. But then she admitted that even before John had been taken, he had spent many nights holding Torren and singing to him until he was asleep. That had not changed.

Teyla glanced toward the door and saw Carolyn peeking in and smiling. She then saw that John's eyes had closed and his breathing had evened out. She turned back again and gave a curious look to the doctor who just smiled again and nodded then backed away.

Teyla settled herself more comfortably on the side of the bed and rubbed Torren's back as he slept. John's hand had moved and it also rested on the child's back. She was glad Dr. Lam had allowed Torren to stay here even if only for a short while. John was now resting again and they had managed to keep him calm even though he was obviously not quite himself.

But Teyla had to admit, she did not mind this new John Sheppard one bit. After all, she had been spending much time with him over the past three and half months and had gotten quite used to him.

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	15. Fifteen

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**Chapter 15**

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Teyla was gone. John knew she had been there when he closed his eyes but he searched the room and she was gone. Not that it surprised him. He wasn't always able to keep her with him all the time. Athena had a nasty habit of interfering when he just wanted to get away from her. Sometimes he could just ignore her but not always. Too often she was just downright vicious.

An image of a gun and Athena standing there with blood pouring from her neck flashed through his mind. He tried to pull that thought from his memory and another picture passed by his eyes. The gun had been pointed straight at the little snakehead and as he followed the arms up, he realized it was his hands that had been holding it.

Had he shot Athena? He had thought of it and wished for it so often that he couldn't be sure if this image was real or not. And another image of him shooting Guido also floated across his memory. Had that also happened?

He looked around the room and a vague familiarity crept through him but it seemed like this was where Teyla had been. Wasn't it? And TJ, he had been sitting right here in John's lap and John had been playing with his toes. But then many images of him playing with TJ and his cute little toes wafted through his mind and he got very confused wondering where exactly  _here_  was.

It didn't look like any of the rooms that Athena had tried to trick him in but it wasn't that far off. Had they tried changing the location a bit to make him finally think he had been rescued. But they never left him alone on Thursdays, tricking day. Usually there was a pretty little nurse or some fake doctor who kept coming and going to supposedly check on his condition and adjust his IV.

His head whipped over to see the IV still there as always but for some reason John didn't feel as woozy and lightheaded as he usually did when he was hooked up. But his thoughts were as befuddled as ever.

He took inventory of his surroundings then started going through his body parts and figuring out what hurt and what seemed better. His mouth definitely wasn't as dry as usual and the constant ache in his gut from too little food and the small but obviously contaminated water, had eased somewhat.

He stretched out and felt the aches and pains in just about every region of his body, especially his back. Though he had to admit it didn't burn quite like it normally did. Was it Sunday? Usually by Sunday his back was starting to feel a little better.

He reached back in his memory to try and figure out what day it was. He had a vague recollection of Teyla telling him it was Sunday. Okay, that made sense since he had spent much of the day with Teyla and TJ. He did have to wonder though why he was here in this place. Usually Sundays were in a much nicer location, like the park or playground or the beach.

But Teyla had said he had fallen trying to retrieve a toy for Torren. That made sense too as he knew they had just gone for that long hike. But what about Athena? The longer he thought about it the more he wondered if Athena and her goons had simply been nightmares that he had been having all along. Terrible nightmares but then they were right up there with being fed on by a Wraith or turning into a bug.

His eyes grew frantic as he searched his mind for the answers to all these questions. He needed to know where he was and what was actually going on. Had Teyla simply gone to put TJ down to sleep again? The boy had slept curled up right next to him early this afternoon and John sighed as he remembered the sweet feeling that was associated with it. That had been real, hadn't it? It had seemed very real right down to the feel of Teyla's hand caressing his as he and TJ had both rested.

And Teyla had brought him some broth to eat later after TJ had gone back with Ronon to play in another room. But he hadn't actually seen Ronon. Had he really been there? Confusion warred inside his brain yet again and he gazed intently around the room trying to take in every little detail he could.

As his eyes roamed the room and he saw the bathroom door open, he knew he needed to get up and explore. He couldn't just waste this opportunity alone to do nothing but lie here. He needed to act. He needed more Intel on where he was and who was truly here and how he could possibly escape.

And he wondered if maybe he really could this time. So many other times he had been thwarted mostly due to his own weakness and injury. But for some reason he felt slightly stronger today and his body wasn't screaming in agony as was usually typical. He would admit though that he was far from his normal stamina.

He kept his eyes moving around the room and out the door making sure no one was coming in and when he didn't hear any noise he started slipping from the bed. He eased his legs to the edge and slid them over to rest on the floor. The fact that his legs were now encased in scrub pants made him pause since Athena had never bothered to change him into anything like that. It had always been a dead giveaway that he hadn't actually been rescued. Maybe she was wising up. Or maybe he wasn't  _there_.

He gave himself a few minutes to adjust to his weight on the floor and made sure to keep his ears and eyes peeled for any approaching person. When no one came running in, he took a few steps away from the bed, pulling the rolling IV stand with him. He knew he needed to get rid of this but for now he would just take it with him. It might come in handy. He would never admit it was helping him to stay standing.

The bathroom was only a few steps away from the bed so he limped over, his leg still aching as it had since Athena had whacked it fiercely the first week. The bathroom was sparse but he saw the toothbrush, paste and basin he had used earlier and more fear and anxiety arose in him when he didn't expect it to be there. Was he losing his mind? Had Teyla really been here to help him brush his teeth or had he just imagined it all? Was the injury from the hike something that had honestly taken place and he was simply recovering from that and Teyla had just gone to take care of TJ?

He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths as he leaned on the sink to try and calm himself. When he opened his eyes he saw a reflection of himself in the mirror and his anxiety rose even higher. He looked like crap! His hair was sticking up everywhere, though that was hardly surprising but the length certainly was. His face was covered in bruises and cuts and his eyes looked like he'd been on a drinking binge for about six weeks. And he obviously hadn't shaved in several months.

He turned the faucet on and splashed water on his face hoping he could wake himself up from this land of confusion he had found himself in. But his thoughts remained jumbled inside with no lucidity clarifying things for him. The water didn't have an annoying smell to it though so he took the small plastic cup by the sink and filled it several times, drinking his fill.

But once he did that he realized he needed to use the facility so he pulled the IV stand in all the way and closed the door. He stood there for a second waiting for the pounding of feet and the banging of someone at the door. But nothing came. So he spent a few leisurely minutes of privacy then washed his hands feeling like this was a luxury. The water was actually warm and there was soap in a dispenser.

John gazed longingly at the shower and reveled in the idea of taking one but wasn't sure he would be able to stand long enough to get through it. And he had some bandages on his back and butt that felt like they weren't healed yet. From the fall or something else? But he also was still unsure of his surroundings and didn't want to be taken unaware while in there. This place still confused him.

He opened the door and stood there trying to figure out the best way to remove the IV without anyone knowing it wasn't attached. In the end he just unwound the bandages from around the splint and pulled the needle from his arm.

As he started to walk out he took a last second to glance in the mirror and when he did he noticed the bandage on his back had come loose. He reached up with his free hand and pulled the tape off the top then pulled harder so the whole thing came off. He'd seen marks like that before and they hadn't been from any scrapes from a fall. They were whip marks. And from the amount he had and the scarring, he'd guess those Mondays had not been in his mind. He clenched his jaw and vowed if it was at all possible he wouldn't endure another Monday again.

He tossed the used bandages in the trash then rolled the IV back into the room but left it by the bed as he cautiously made his way to the door. This was the real test. So far no one had come in but he wondered how far they would let him get outside this room.

And, as if on cue, a cute little nurse appeared in the doorway and pleaded, "Colonel, you need to get back in bed."

John didn't know if this one was a snakehead or not. Not all of them were. So he simply played for more time. And as he stopped and leaned against the wall as if he was tired, he saw two uniformed men outside the door creeping closer. If he could get them close enough, he might actually have a chance at making this work.

"I just needed to stretch my back but I think I did a little too much," he croaked out weakly trying for the sympathy vote.

"Let me help you then, Colonel," the petite blonde offered and put her arm around his waist.

John took the opportunity to act like he was falling and one of the guards immediately rushed in to assist. It was the moment he'd been hoping for. He grabbed at the standard issue sidearm in the man's holster and pushed them both aside into the room.

He moved quickly into the hallway and held up the gun to dissuade the other guard from approaching. The lights here were much brighter and John had to narrow his eyes to accommodate for this.

"I think I'm still pretty good with this so I'd back off if I were you," John warned as he backed into the hallway his eyes frantically looking in every direction. The hallway behind him was clear so he started moving slowly his eyes never leaving the three people who were staring at him in horror.

The two men had their weapons out and were pointing them in his direction but they hadn't come any closer.

"Sir, I need you to put the weapon down," the one who had come into his room, a Corporal, said calmly.

The other one, a Private, also aimed his weapon but had pushed the nurse behind him. John sneered at them as he took a few more steps away. "That's  _Colonel_ to you, Corporal," John quipped. "And if you were any kind of a soldier you'd know you should be saluting me right now."

"And I will, Sir," the Corporal answered slowly and calmly. "As soon as you put the weapon down."

John gave a low chuckle then took a quick look behind him. He had come to an intersection and heard footsteps coming from one direction so turned and hobbled in the other. Too soon he heard shouts ordering him to stop. Then a few uniformed men appeared in front of him and John knew he'd blown it again. But he had gotten so much closer to freedom this time.

He turned in a circle eyeing the dozen soldiers all pointing their weapons at him. His weapon stayed up as he rotated, the defeat in his stomach churning and making him want to wretch. Panic welled up inside him. He couldn't go through another week with Medusa. He just couldn't. But could he give up Teyla and TJ? Were they even real? Somewhere in the back of his mind he had a notion that no one really knew he was even still alive. And if that was the case, maybe it was better if he  _wasn't_. Tomorrow was Monday and it would start all over again.

The only other option had never been given to him before but maybe he could somehow manage it right now. One of these men must be trigger happy. He looked around and saw the young Private who seemed more than nervous and lifted his gun straight at him. The man's eyes grew rounder and John knew maybe he could succeed in this plan where he had failed in so many others. Because escape was escape, where you ended up didn't really matter. Any place was better than  _here_.

John released the safety and cocked the gun. When he did the silence was deafening.

Finally the Corporal spoke again. "Colonel, Sir, no one wants to hurt you. We just want you to get back in bed so the doctors can make you better. That's all, Sir, just get back in bed and no one gets hurt."

"No one gets hurt!" John chuckled almost hysterically and continued to turn slowly and everyone got a good look at his back. "Is that right? So you'll take my turn with Medusa come tomorrow then, huh?"

John felt the laughter bubble up inside him and couldn't stop it when it reached the surface. He took a few steps closer to the Private but saw the Corporal edging along nearby.

"Sir, put the weapon down and let us help you get back in bed," he tried calmly once again.

But the calm finally made John snap. He didn't want calm anymore. He just wanted this over with. "No!" he roared as his gun went up again more firmly than before and he swung it at the Corporal now. "I will not get back in bed. Tell Medusa I'm not playing her little games anymore. It's over. Either let me go or shoot me."

"Sir, we can't let you go. But we don't want to shoot you either. Put down the weapon and we'll get you the help you need."

"What I need," John breathed out slowly but his voice was filled with menace, "is for you to  _shoot_  me!"

John squeezed the trigger but moved the gun a few inches to the right as he pulled. The bullet ricocheted off a wall and he saw several of the soldiers flinch. But none of them retaliated. He sighted at the Private again and mouthed his plea, "Do it!"

But before he could attempt to pull the trigger again he felt arms wrapped around him and the gun torn from his grasp. He tried to grab hold of it again but it had been moved too far away. He struggled against the hands that held him but when he looked around he saw four men all holding some part of him.

His legs kicked out and his arms and elbows flailed and he was glad to see that he landed a few well-placed blows. But behind these men were even more standing around at the ready to jump in if needed. Within seconds he was lying on the floor with people holding him in place. That didn't stop his struggles.

"No! No!" he yelled as he thrashed about trying to dislodge even one of them. Surprisingly none of them kicked or hit him as he was used to but maybe Guido and Bruno held the franchise on that. But he couldn't let them take him back. He couldn't do it again. He wouldn't.

He allowed himself to relax and feign unconsciousness and he felt the hands on him loosen slightly. When they relaxed even further he squinted open one eye to locate who was where and then a right cross and a knee to the nose and he had managed to get up and crawl a few feet away.

But too soon more jumped on him and held him as a man in a white lab coat nervously bent over him and injected a needle into his arm. John managed to give him a small kick, though with his bare feet he knew it was basically ineffective. His vision soon began to swim and he heard even more footsteps and voices. And just as his eyes were closing he saw a large man come running down the hall toward them.

"Ronon," he whispered then blackness overtook him.

.

* * *

.

"What happened here?" General Landry boomed as he came upon several airmen hefting an unconscious Colonel Sheppard back to his room. "How did he get this far down the hall?"

Ronon had just heard about the ruckus and come as fast as he could. Sam Carter moved up behind him with O'Neill and Mitchell. They watched as Dr. Perlutski followed the soldiers into the isolation room.

Landry looked at Corporal Meyers and repeated his question. "Who was on duty, Corporal and what happened?"

"Private Barlow and myself were on duty, Sir, and I take full responsibility for the Colonel's actions, Sir."

Landry just rolled his eyes at the attempt at responsibility. He looked at the nurse who had shyly come out once the whole situation had died down.

"The Colonel woke up and got out of bed," she started to explain. "The guards on duty thought we should go in and get him back but he wasn't doing any harm and honestly the first thing he did was go to the bathroom. You can't blame a man for wanting some privacy and he seemed to be moving okay on his own so I asked them to stay back and just keep a close watch. Dr. Lam said not to engage him if we could at all avoid it."

"He spent a few minutes in the bathroom and then came out and moved back to the bed but instead of getting back in he started toward the door. That's when I went in and asked him to get back in bed. He made some comment about stretching his back out and I guess I believed him. I know he was chained up for over three months and again I couldn't blame the man for wanting to move around."

"That's fine, Nina," Sam assured the woman then encouraged, "Then what happened?"

Nina sighed and said, "The Colonel said he thought he had overdone it and it seemed like he was going to fall. Corporal Meyers rushed in to help catch him and that's when the Colonel took the Corporal's gun and pushed us away. Then he moved quickly into the hall. I didn't go after him at that point, not with him having a gun and all."

"You did the right thing," Landry let her know then turned to the variety of soldiers who were still congregating in the hallway. "Corporal?"

"I'm sorry, Sir, I underestimated the Colonel. He looked so beat up and weak that I never expected this from him."

"You wouldn't be the first to underestimate Sheppard," Ronon grunted. "He's a lot tougher than he looks and he's incredibly smart."

"He'd have to be tough to make it through three months with what they did to him," O'Neill added and dour faces were seen on all those that had witnessed either the videos or just Sheppard's back.

"We gave a warning," Meyers continued, "but the Colonel didn't seem to want to listen, he just kept moving down the hall. We finally surrounded him and it looked like he was going to shoot one of us. He seemed pretty intent on getting away. We finally managed to overpower him from behind while his attention was in one direction."

Carolyn then came rushing down the hallway with Teyla beside her and they stopped when they saw all gathered. "Where is Colonel Sheppard? What's his condition?"

"Dr. Perlutski gave him a sedative and he's being settled back in bed," Nina supplied for the doctor.

"What happened?" Teyla asked breathlessly her heart beating with fear.

Sam gave her a quick update then Landry looked at his daughter and ordered, "I need you to keep him restrained until we're absolutely certain he won't do this again. Do whatever it takes but we can't have a soldier of his caliber thinking he's in enemy territory and acting on it. We're damn lucky he didn't kill someone. He very well could have."

"Sir," Private Barlow finally spoke up. "I honestly don't think he would have shot anyone."

Landry narrowed his eyes and said, "I definitely heard live ammo go off in the hallway."

"Yes, Sir," Barlow replied respectfully. "But he had been pointing the weapon at  _me_ and when he actually squeezed the trigger, he purposefully moved the gun so it wouldn't hit anyone."

"He aimed a weapon at a fellow soldier," Landry stated plainly as if that was bad enough.

"Yes, Sir," Barlow agreed. "But I don't think he wanted to shoot anyone. It seemed to me that he was doing it so … we would shoot him."

"You're saying he wanted to commit suicide by firing squad," the voice of Rodney floated up the hallway. "Usually his suicide missions involve flying and crashing and saving millions of people."

Teyla gave Rodney a stern look and gazed back at the Private. "Why do you think Colonel Sheppard wished for you to shoot him?"

The man just shrugged. "Because he asked us to."

Surprise lit up the faces of all who had not witnessed Sheppard's attempted escape. And concern then became evident as well.

Meyers shifted in place and reported, "He said something to the effect of ' _tell Medusa I'm done playing her little games_ ' and then he said to let him go or shoot him."

"Who's Medusa?" Rodney asked perplexed. "I thought it was Athena who had him."

"Just a guess," O'Neill inserted, "He was  _referring_  to Athena. Didn't Medusa have a head full of snakes, … Athena had one snake  _in_  her head, I can see the connection."

"Of course you can," Sam chuckled softly. She then looked at Landry. "Does he really need to be restrained? The man just spent three months chained to a wall. I'm not sure restraining him will help him to realize that  _we're_  the good guys."

"I understand that," Landry said and truly looked sorry. "But I am responsible for the safety of everyone on this base. Until I know that Sheppard isn't a danger to anyone else or even himself then he'll need to be kept under tighter security. For now that means restraints and a few guards. When he starts getting better then we can discuss loosening a few of the security measures. Let me know if there are any other changes." And he nodded and walked off.

O'Neill looked at the soldiers who were still mulling around from earlier and dismissed them with a "Get back to work." He then ushered the rest inside the observation room and ordered the two who were on duty to stand guard outside.

Nina and Carolyn went inside the room and the others watched through the window as they fussed about with the IV and added more bandages to his back. Teyla moved to the door and leaned against the frame. She hated what was happening and could not stop the tears from gathering in her eyes.

When they attached the straps to John's ankles she winced and felt Sam's presence behind her. She took a shuddering breath and glanced at her friend. "I do not know how John will get better if we continue to treat him as a prisoner. He will not be able to differentiate between what we are doing and what they did."

Sam hated to see her friend so distraught. She had always admired Teyla for her strength and courage but now it seemed she had come up against something that challenged that. She knew Teyla's feelings for John had much to do with it as well.

"He will eventually, Teyla," Sam tried to reassure her. "We're not torturing him daily and we're giving him food and water and actual medicine to help him heal. But yeah, it may take a while for him to figure things out but I have faith that he will eventually. We have to give him time."

"And I will be right here while he is healing," she said decisively. "I hope your people will allow me to do that for as long as I need to."

Sam looked over to where Jack was watching dismayed as Sheppard's arms, slightly up from where his wrists were healing, were also strapped to the bed. She had confided in Jack about John and Teyla's possible feelings for the other as she knew he would completely understand.

"I don't think you'll have to worry about that. I can put in a good word with General O'Neill if I need to. Where's Torren right now?"

Teyla wiped some of the moisture from her cheeks and said, "Vala offered to watch him so I could come back and sit with John. Perhaps if I had been quicker in putting Torren down this would not have happened. He had a wonderful afternoon and I thought I could leave him for a short while."

"Don't put this on yourself, Teyla," Sam insisted as she patted her shoulder. "No one knows what would have happened in any circumstance. We should just concentrate finding the right way to get him better and trusting that he's really home. What did you do that worked so well this afternoon?"

Teyla glanced inside and noticed Carolyn was finishing up. She motioned for Sam to follow her quietly saying, "I wish to tell you something but I wonder if you will think I am crazy."

Sam laughed. "After all the escapades we've been through, there isn't much I won't believe."

Carolyn approached and sighed. "Not sure how much this'll do to his mental recovery but orders are orders and I have to agree that we can't risk him hurting anyone. But it doesn't look like he did himself any harm, at least bodily. I can't say the same to some of the airmen out in the hallway. There were a few bloody noses out there and I'm assuming they were from the Colonel. Now his lungs are still filled and I have to say I'm amazed that he could do as much damage as he did in his condition.

She took one last look and said, "The sedative he was given was a light one so if he wakes in a little while, try and keep him calm. I'll be on duty until midnight then Dr. Travis will be here in the infirmary. There will be a nurse stationed in the observation room though I don't want you to feel she's here to keep an eye on you. She'll be doing paperwork mostly and will just peek in every so often to check his vitals. But make sure you get some sleep tonight too. Promise?"

"Yes, I promise. But I may stay with him now, correct?"

Carolyn nodded and rubbed her arm then walked out leaving Teyla and Sam alone with John. Sam pulled her along and guided them both into chairs near the bed. She looked up at the mirror and said, "Now they can see us but you can't really hear what anyone's saying in here. So what is it you wanted to tell me? Something that might help John? And I promise I won't think you're crazy."

Teyla reached out and took John's hand and began to stroke his long fingers though it was a bit more difficult as his hand was strapped to the bed frame with wide strips of thick fabric.

"Shortly after John was missing," Teyla began and glanced at the door to make sure no one else had come in, "I began having dreams about him. Now I know that in itself is not unusual but the dreams were extremely real and very detailed and I had them every night."

Teyla looked at John's peaceful expression and wished it could always stay that way, the way it had been in her dreams.

"I mentioned them to Jennifer after a few weeks and she told me to keep a journal of them and perhaps it would help me in confronting my grief at John's departure. I did this but very soon the dreams became more than real at times. I began to feel what I thought was John's presence with me. In my mind I truly wondered if John had been able to ascend and he was visiting me throughout the day. Now that I see he is still alive I realize that was not the case."

Sam's eyes were perplexed but she didn't interrupt at all. Teyla knew this was one of the reasons she had first taken to this woman. She listened to all the facts before passing judgment.

"When Dr. Marshall began speaking of soldiers who created fantasy worlds to help themselves deal with the pain of torture, I had hoped that John had been able to ease his suffering in some way. But as I listened to his mutterings and actions, I realized that John was having the same dreams that I had also dreamed. I do not know how this happened but it did."

Teyla gazed at John again. "When John asked how he had injured himself, I used one of the recent dreams that I had and added to it to create a likely scenario. He remembered quite clearly the hike we went on and had no problem thinking he was injured during that. Realizing this, I worked several of my dreams into our conversation … and in every case, John thought of them as fact. There could be no doubt that every dream I have had in the last three months, was also one that John had indulged in."

Teyla stood and ran her fingers through the long pieces of hair over John's brow as she allowed Sam to digest what she said. She touched John's face and caressed down his cheek then sat back and waited.

Sam looked thoughtful and took a few minutes before she responded. "Well, we did run into that entity in Pegasus that somehow got into our dreams but what you're talking about here doesn't seem to be quite like that. You and John seem to have some connection almost like he somehow pulled you into his fantasy world along with him."

Teyla looked sheepish as she added, "And I also think perhaps Torren somehow was privy to some of the dreams as well. In the dreams John acted as father to Torren and he called him  _Dada_. They played many silly games together often over the past few months. Today when Torren saw John, he acted as if he had just seen him recently and he called him  _Dada_ and asked to play a game that they had only played in the dreams. Torren had not seen John since before he left for his mission to the hive ship. I do not understand how this is possible but it appears it is."

Sam looked concerned and she remained thoughtful. "I don't know either, Teyla, but I plan on helping Daniel and Rodney go through some of that information we got from The Trust. Maybe Athena was using something that allowed you to see each other's dreams. We've seen technology where people can actually switch minds, so I suppose it's not inconceivable. I'll let you know if we find anything. You haven't touched any odd looking stones lately, have you?"

Teyla looked confused and Sam just smiled and stood up. "I won't say anything to anyone else for now but it might not be a bad idea to have Carolyn do a few more blood tests. Maybe John's got some Wraith DNA we don't know about and it's connecting to yours."

Teyla merely smiled and nodded. Sam patted her on the shoulder again and left the room. Teyla heard voices discussing John and some of the information they had gained from the download and then Rodney came in to sit near her for a few quiet minutes.

"I figured since he wasn't awake it was okay if I was here," Rodney said. "I know he probably still thinks I'm some sort of traitor/spy/Goa'uld/faker who's only trying to get information from him."

He grew quiet again for a while and finally gave a huge sigh. "I'm not very good at sitting around doing nothing so maybe I'll go and … you know … help find useful information from the stuff we grabbed off The Trust computers. That's okay, right?"

"Yes, Rodney," Teyla said and patted his hand. "It is fine. I do not expect you to sit here and watch John sleep or watch me through the window speak to him while he is awake. You should help Dr. Jackson and Colonel Carter with their research."

"Oh," Rodney looked excited. "And I think I figured out how to get that Ancient machine thingy to turn on though I can't really get it to do anything. Snake Lady had it for some reason but I'm not really sure what it was so I need to see if she took notes about it somewhere. I'll uh … see you later."

"Good bye, Rodney, do not forget to sleep at some point."

"Oh, right," Rodney called back then disappeared through the door. Ronon appeared in it a few seconds later.

"You okay?" he asked quietly as he approached a bit closer.

Teyla turned and started to nod but knew she could not lie to Ronon. He would never believe her so her head changed directions and shook negatively. "He was so peaceful this afternoon and even though I know he was confused and possibly not truly cognizant of where he was, he did not become violent. I should not have left him alone while he slept. Perhaps he would not be lying here in restraints at this moment."

"Don't blame yourself. They put him through hell and that's what caused this. But he'll come through, he always does. I was in pretty bad shape after Tyre sold me out to the Wraith but I eventually came around to seeing what was real. Sheppard will too."

"Thank you, Ronon," Teyla smiled at him then looked back at John. "But it was painful to see you as you recovered."

"But you and Sheppard never gave up on me," Ronon reminded her. "I kind of remember yelling some pretty horrible things to both of you. Sheppard would just stand there letting me know he was there for me. I plan on being here for him, too." He looked to the mirror on the wall. "Even if I have to watch from another room until he'll trust me enough to let me in."

Teyla simply nodded and they both just watched as John rested.

.

 


	16. Sixteen

.

**Chapter 16**

.

When John finally started to stir, Ronon squeezed Teyla's shoulder and cocked his head in the direction of the other room. Then he left.

Teyla stood and adjusted the small pillow that was still wedged so he wasn't lying directly on his back, pulled the covers up a bit more then settled herself next to John's legs. She kept her eyes on his face and leaned forward to press a kiss to his hair roughened cheek.

"I am here, John" she said for what felt like the fiftieth time. But she wanted to be sure he didn't panic and thought getting ahead of it was better than trying to talk him down from it.

His eyes flickered a few times and then landed on her with a smile on his face. When his eyes moved around the room and he saw where he was they grew suspicious. Then she saw confusion warring with fear and she hated that he had been treated so poorly that he felt this way.

"I know you are confused, John," Teyla acknowledged then pushed aside a long strand from his brow. "But I will be here with you and help you in any way I can. I will not leave you again. I am sorry I was not here when you woke before."

"Before?" The words came out of John's mouth echoing his bewilderment. He paused and looked around again then stared at Teyla longingly. It took a while before he said anything more but Teyla gave him the time he needed to process. She rested her hand on the sheet that covered his chest, gave him a comforting smile and waited.

John closed his eyes and Teyla thought he seemed exhausted but then he opened them again and attempted to sit up. That's when he felt the restraints on his arms. His eyes filled with horror and his breathing picked up and Teyla could see that he was starting to struggle against the bindings.

She leaned closer and whispered, "John, you must not struggle. You will harm yourself further. Please stop and I will explain."

John lay back but Teyla knew he did so reluctantly. He gazed at her cautiously but Teyla could see the trust he had for her and was thankful for that.

"John, you are in the SGC in a private room," Teyla began gently wondering how much he would truly begin to understand and believe after all the trickery that had gone on for over three months. But she knew it was time to tell him the truth, as least part of it.

"Our team, as well as Colonel Mitchell's team, were able to locate you using your transmitter. However the signal was jammed often and it was not possible to beam you out. We came in on foot and managed to rescue you as well as destroy the facility in which you were held for so long."

"Wait, so …" John rushed in with the words then paused and looked confused. Teyla hated that he had looked this way so often since they had found him. "Athena, … did I shoot her? I have this memory of holding a gun and she was bleeding … from her neck?"

"Yes, John, you did. And the parasite inside her was killed. You need not worry about her again. She will not harm you anymore."

"And Guido and Bruno …"

"The entire complex and all who resided inside are no longer," Teyla assured him and she saw his face relax but only slightly. Confusion still remained in his eyes.

John pulled on the straps again and took a deep breath. "If I'm really in the SGC then why am I being restrained? And why were soldiers trying to kill me earlier?"

Teyla closed her eyes and sighed. "No one was attempting to hurt you earlier, John," she shook her head gently. "I believe you were confused when you awoke and I was not here. I am sorry for that. The nurse simply wished to get you back in bed. You are not in good health at the moment due to your capture and imprisonment. The guards were also only attempting to get you back in bed."

"They had their guns out and pointed at me," John said as his eyes narrowed in remembrance. His face crumpled in regret, "Did I shoot someone? I remember shooting a gun, there was blood … I pulled the trigger a few times, didn't I?"

John squeezed his eyes shut and his breath became uneven and his bottom lip trembled. When he opened his eyes and saw Teyla gazing at him with such love and caring he thought he'd lose it.

"What am I doing, Teyla? My memories are all screwed up." He pulled on the restraints again and she could see his feet move as he realized his ankles were bound as well. More panic set in and his face screwed up in turmoil. "Are you even here? Am I just pulling you into my imagination so I can forget all this crap that's going on around me? I don't even know if you're real."

The last words were said so softly Teyla almost missed them. But she didn't miss the slight sheen in John's eyes as he tried to muddle through fantasy and reality. Teyla's heart twisted that John, who had always been so strong and solid in the control of his emotions had been turned into someone with such emotional disarray.

"I am real," Teyla said with conviction as she cradled John's face with her hands. She leaned closer and said, "I am not sure how I will prove it to you, but I assure you I am real."

She then pressed her lips gently to his and saw his eyes close in relief though she was not sure he did believe or was simply enjoying the sensation. She continued to kiss him and she felt the pressure of John's lips return and his mouth open and close in rhythm with hers.

"I am here, John, and I am real," she whispered in between kisses and she knew she was doing this as much for herself as she was for John. She had been dreaming of his kisses for so long and they had been very real at the time. But now,  _these_ kisses were more real than she had ever dreamed and she did not wish to stop. But she knew in her heart she should not keep John believing that they had consummated their relationship intimately.

She pulled back only fractionally and gazed at his rapt face. And she knew, she knew she could not tell him the absolute truth now, not after having kissed him as she did. If she said they were nothing but friends after their lips had just met the way they had, she knew his bewilderment would increase exponentially and it would be even more difficult to distinguish fantasy from reality. She would have to give him information a little at a time.

And perhaps they could begin a relationship that entailed more than being friends and teammates as she helped him to heal. And she  _would_ be here to help him heal, both physically and mentally. She did know that the physical, though hardly minor, would be the easier of the two.

"Is this real enough?" Teyla asked as she nipped at his lips one more time.

"Yeah," John almost choked out and she could see his emotions riding high and that he truly wanted to believe that this was real. "I just wish I could touch you the way you're touching me. It's been so wonderful all the time we've spent together lately and I just want to hold you in my arms again. You've always been able to make everything better and all the nastiness go away."

Teyla could see John's eyes begin to droop and she knew that even though he had only been awake for a short time, he was still exhausted and could use more rest. Once his body was healed they could concentrate more fully on his mind. She gave him one last kiss then sat back, her hand still resting on his chest.

"You should rest, John," she told him sweetly and again pushed his long locks away from his eyes. "You are still very weak and need to allow your body to heal. I will sit here with you until you fall asleep and stay for some time after that."

John looked panicked for a few seconds and his eyes darted around the room again as if looking for monsters. And Teyla knew he had seen plenty of monsters since he had been captured only they had not been a manifestation of his mind.

"Please don't go, Teyla," John whispered and Teyla could hear his voice tremble slightly. He shifted over in the bed as much as he could with the small pillow tucked behind his back and the restraints that held him. "You can stay right here. You'll fit, right?"

Teyla glanced toward the door and then looked at the reflective glass though she knew she could not see through to the other side. There was no sound and John's fear was very apparent. She knew for now she would do whatever was needed to make him feel safe so she slid onto the bed in between his body and arm so she was on her side facing him. She tucked her head onto his shoulder and rested her hand on his chest.

A huge sigh escaped from John's mouth and Teyla allowed one to leave her mouth as well. The sensation of her body snuggled so close to his was even better than it had been in her dreams. The feel of his lean hard body, even as thin as it had become, saturated her awareness and every sense came alive and alert. She could see him up close, feel his skin beneath her cheek, hear his breathing become even and relaxed and smell the musky scent that managed to come through the antiseptic aroma of the room. She took a small risk and turned her head a tiny bit and allowed her lips and tongue to taste the saltiness of his skin.

John had wondered if she was real. She understood completely how he felt. She too still had trouble comprehending that he was truly alive and with her. Every morning for the last fourteen weeks, she had woken alone after a night filled with passion and loving and family time spent with John. Now she could begin to make this a reality.

Unfortunately she needed to return to her room soon to be with Torren. But Vala had assured her she would be able to watch him for several hours. As long as she had the Shopping Channel she would be fine. So Teyla allowed herself to relax and just enjoy the sensation of being close to John. She would stay for a little longer and leave once she was convinced he was asleep.

"Thank you, Teyla," John's voice drifted to her ears and she felt his mouth pressed against her hair. She expected it to leave but it didn't, it stayed there. Perhaps he was ensuring she was real also.

Several minutes later she thought he had dozed off but she suddenly felt something against her back between her top and bottom. When she turned her head to check she realized it was John's fingers trying to touch her even while strapped to the bed. She shifted slightly allowing his fingers to have better access and almost shivered at the feeling of his warm hand resting on the skin of her back. Another minute of exploration and he found that he could slide his hand inside the waistband of her pants just a tiny bit. Teyla did not object. The feeling was quite nice.

She could feel the effects of anxiety and the long day finally overcome her, though she tried to keep herself awake. She knew John had fallen asleep due to the rhythm of his chest rising and falling underneath her head. And his hand had stayed neatly tucked inside her clothes. She kept her eyes closed and tried to absorb every last minute of his closeness. She knew she must leave soon but wished she did not need to.

Those were the last thoughts she had before sleep claimed her, too.

.

.

Ronon watched as the nurse got up and peeked through the observation window. She had only done it every half hour or so since she knew she would have heard if anything was happening in the other room.

But stuff  _was_  happening and he had seen it all. But he thought it was good stuff. Sheppard had seemed freaked by the restraints and he truthfully couldn't blame him. But then he knew Landry was just protecting his people. Sheppard had gone off with a loaded weapon through the halls, after all.

But Teyla had calmed him down and he had listened to whatever it was she had told him. Ronon could tell Sheppard was still really confused and upset by the situation but Teyla had a way with their friend and he was glad she was here. He wasn't sure Sheppard would survive this if she wasn't.

Then about twenty minutes ago Teyla had crawled right up next to John and settled in beside him. He had seen the immediate effect it had on their friend. He was much more at ease and relaxed and it seemed like he had managed to fall into a peaceful sleep.

Now the nurse saw this and started to go toward the door with a frown on her face. Ronon moved to intercept her and growled softly. "They're fine. Leave 'em alone."

"But …" she began and Ronon just shook his head.

"You know lots about medicine for the body," he said then pointed to the next room. "She knows all about medicine for the soul. Sheppard needs that just as much."

The nurse looked back through the window and noticed her patient was asleep and resting very comfortably. She gave a smile and a nod. "You're right. Though he may need that even more than my kind of medicine."

Ronon grinned that she had finally understood and saw her go sit back at her little desk to look through her laptop for more paperwork.

Ronon stayed for a few more minutes then meandered back to Teyla's guest room to relieve Vala. He hoped Teyla didn't wake until morning. Both she and Sheppard could use the uninterrupted sleep. And he knew that having Teyla by his side when he woke up would be the best cure yet.

.

* * *

.

John could smell the scent of Teyla's shampoo and knew she was still snuggled up next to him. The feel of her head on his shoulder and her hand resting on his chest was so familiar yet this was so much better than he ever remembered. He loved waking up holding her and knew he'd be a happy man if he could do this for the rest of his life.

But as he took inventory, he realized he wasn't actually holding her. The fingers on his right hand moved back and forth and the silky skin of Teyla's back felt unbelievable. But as he tried to move his left hand he knew something was wrong.

First, his hand wouldn't move. Second, his body ached in every location. Why was he so sore? His back and a few spots on his butt felt tender, breathing in deep hurt his chest and he felt weak and tired. What in the world had happened?

He racked his memory and an image of he, Teyla and TJ taking a hike came to mind. Then Teyla telling him he had fallen trying to get a toy that TJ had dropped. Is that why he ached so much? But he couldn't actually remember falling though he remembered the hike.

Then images of a woman with glowing eyes assaulted his mind and memories of extreme pain and degradation crossed his vision. Nightmares or reality? Darkness and chains and foul smelling water also flashed past as he attempted to figure out exactly where he was and how he had gotten here.

He finally pried his eyes open and saw the gray cinder block surrounding him. This wasn't a typical hospital, that he could tell. But he moved his head slightly and saw the russet color of Teyla's hair spread across his shoulder and her beautiful face sleeping peacefully against him. He pressed his lips to her forehead and kissed her skin and knew this was real. Teyla was here and resting against him.

He remembered vaguely waking in the night and feeling her against him as well. But then he had many memories of being in bed beside her and they had been doing much more than resting. A grin lit his face as he thought of touching and kissing and licking every inch of her toned skin and Teyla reciprocating the pleasure. His thoughts drifted in that direction but then he knew he wouldn't be able to carry through in the condition he was in.

His stomach was empty but the thought of actually putting food in it nauseated him. As he looked around the room he felt a bit lightheaded and the aches and pains seemed to cry out even louder the more he became fully awake.

He felt Teyla shift beside him and her eyes fluttered open and a smile grew on her face. But within seconds her eyes grew wider and she sat up quickly.

She looked around then down at her watch and a startled cry slipped from her lips.

"I fell asleep here last night," she moaned. "I did not mean to."

"I kind of liked it," John croaked out and felt the dryness in his throat. He wanted to say more but he began to cough and it took several moments to get that under control.

Teyla adjusted her position, offered him some water and looked at him concerned. "I need to check on Torren and find out who watched him throughout the night. But I am worried about you. You do not sound good and your color is very pale. How are you feeling, John?"

 _Like crap,_  he wanted to say, but he didn't. It wasn't in him to confess to weakness, at least not often. But a memory niggled at the back of his mind that maybe he had recently. He just gave a forced smile and said, "I'm fine, Teyla. Go check on TJ. He'll be worried if he doesn't see one of us."

Teyla nodded and slipped from the bed. She leaned over to kiss his forehead and her eyes narrowed with more anxiety. "You feel very warm. I think I will have one of the nurses check your temperature. Please do not give them a hard time, okay, John? They are only here to help you. I will be back very soon, I promise."

"I'm fine, Teyla," John repeated though the more he thought about it the more he realized he really didn't feel fine. "Bring TJ back later so I can see him, okay?"

"Yes, I will," she promised then gave him one last kiss and left the room.

John could hear her speaking with someone in the next room and soon a young pony-tailed brunette entered with a stethoscope around her neck. John stiffened when he saw her but knew he had told Teyla he would be good. And he would have been except a uniformed man appeared in the doorway behind her with his hand resting on the weapon at his hip.

"He's not here to hurt you, Colonel Sheppard," the nurse explained calmly. "But you were a bit erratic yesterday and General Landry feels the need to be prepared in case you become confused again. I just need to check your vitals, okay?"

John's jaw clenched but he gave a short nod and kept his eyes trained on the soldier by the door as the woman wrapped a cuff around his upper arm and slipped the end of the stethoscope inside the cuff. John tensed when she started squeezing the bulb to inflate the device but he allowed it and didn't struggle. She next felt for his pulse then inserted something in his ear and frowned when she took it out.

"Your temp is up past 102, Colonel. That's not a good sign. I'll need to let Dr. Lam know immediately. Is there anything you need before I go call her?"

John still stared at the guard by the door but asked politely, "Can I use the bathroom?"

She smiled at him indulgently but John could tell right away that she would say no. And sure enough she answered, "I can't undo your restraints until I get authorization but I can bring you a container to use."

She moved past the bed and reached onto a shelf and returned with a plastic container with a long neck. John knew what it was for. He'd been subjected to them often enough while in the Atlantis infirmary. But with his arms bound he wouldn't even have the privacy of doing it himself.

John finally looked at the nurse and attempted his charmingly sad face. "Can you just undo one hand so I can do it myself?"

The nurse grimaced and looked back at the guard who firmly shook his head in the negative. She turned back and apologized. "I'm sorry, Colonel, no. But I can have  _him_ help you if you'd feel less self-conscious that way."

An image of large masculine hands groping and fondling him privately flashed through his mind and his eyes grew wide and his breathing picked up. "No!" he cried out fiercely then he attempted to calm himself and repeat, "No, please."

John averted his eyes as she reached for the covers and he hated that he was degraded again for such a basic need. It didn't take long though it wasn't easy to relax enough to actually relieve himself. But his bladder was fairly full and he tried to convince himself it was better than when he just had to go in his clothes because he was chained to a wall.

She carefully rearranged his pants and then covered him with the sheet again before she walked to the bathroom to clean up. John's eyes flew right back to the man in the doorway with his hand resting on his gun. He never moved or took his eyes off John and John began to feel nervousness creep into the pit of his stomach. And when the nurse walked out and the guard stayed, he got even more nervous.

He pulled at the restraints wondering why they had a guard stationed if he was tied to the bed. He thought of other guards and people who had come and gone through his memory and he pulled even harder. He couldn't let them touch him again. He couldn't let them bring him to Athena. After all today was Monday.

That thought alone sent chills down his spine and he began to struggle in earnest. He knew Teyla had said he had shot her but had he really? Had Teyla really been here? Where was she now? She said she was going to check on TJ but when he looked around he didn't see any sign that she had ever been here.

"Sir, you need to stop, please," the guard said firmly and John's head snapped up. He hadn't even heard him cross the room but he was now standing right next to the bed. "The nurse just called the doc and she'll be here in a minute to help you feel better. You need to just relax and calm down."

"Relax, right," John snorted as he twisted his feet to see if those straps were any looser. "Restraints always make me feel so relaxed."

A petite dark haired woman strolled in and John glared at her. Was she the one who would release him only to be dragged to the torture room yet again? He took in a deep breath but started coughing half way through the breath.

"Colonel," the woman said, "I'm Dr. Lam, do you remember me? I've been in the SCG for a while now. I've dealt with you a few times when you came through the gate from Atlantis. Do you remember?"

John knew she looked familiar but then so did Guido and Bruno. And with the most recent coughing fit his head had begun to pound and he was feeling a little dizzy. He stared at the IV wondering what the nurse had put in there when she'd adjusted it earlier. He turned back to the doc and humored her.

"Sure, yeah, I remember."

Carolyn sighed and saw that the Colonel wasn't really sure at all. But this fever he had developed probably wasn't helping his ability to focus especially topped off with the sensory deprivation and the dehydration. They'd been giving him fluids for two days now and he'd definitely improved but he'd been deprived for so long that she knew it would take a while to get all his systems back in perfect working order.

"Colonel," she started out slowly as she cautiously approached his bedside. "I need to check some of your wounds and put clean bandages on your wrists and back. I need you to cooperate as I'll have to unfasten the restraints. Do you remember why we put those on?"

She could see his face grow more puzzled but then his jaw clenched and his breathing picked up. "I … I had a gun. I … shot someone."

Carolyn saw how confused he was and really hated to have to disturb him but she needed to change his bandages especially now with whatever virus was running through him. It wouldn't do for his wounds to become grossly infected. But they would be if she couldn't clean them and reapply sterile dressing.

"No, Colonel, you didn't shoot anyone here. But you were having some hallucinations and thought someone was trying to hurt you. We have no desire to hurt you but we can't have you wandering the halls with a gun. You understand that no one here wants to hurt you. You're safe here."

John gave a tiny snort. "So everyone keeps telling me." His eyebrows rose. "No one's gonna hurt me. Everything's gonna be fine."

His words were sing-songy and obviously sarcastic and she saw him tug on the straps again and he looked like he was about to panic. She hated this, hated that he felt this way and there was nothing she could say to make him feel more comfortable with what she was doing. But it had to be done and soon so she could address his fever and what was causing it.

"I'll start right here with your wrist, okay, Colonel Sheppard," the doc explained hoping he wouldn't fight her on this. She turned to motion for Denise, the nurse, to bring in the supplies she'd need. Then she cut the old bandages off and returned the scissors to the tray behind her.

"Colonel, I'm going to undo the restraint but I need you to promise me you'll cooperate, otherwise I'll have to give you another sedative and just do this while you're asleep. I'd really prefer not to do that."

John stared hard at the hand that she was about to release from its bindings as if waiting for his chance. But he also didn't want to be sedated again. Lord knew what they could do to him while he was asleep. Who knew what they might have already done. That thought really freaked him out and he began taking inventory again as the memories of Guido giving him a bath crossed through his mind.

But the soldier on duty wasn't Guido and the doc in front of him wasn't Athena so he took as deep a breath as he could without coughing again and nodded. But his eyes followed every move she made as she cleaned the wound, swabbed it with a gel and rebandaged it. Then she moved to the other side of the bed with the nurse following along behind.

"Ma'am," the soldier at the door said as she walked. He cocked his head at Sheppard's first hand with a question in his eyes.

Carolyn nodded at him but then smiled a pleasant smile at Sheppard. "Colonel Sheppard was very cooperative with the first and I'm assuming he'll continue. Am I correct, Colonel? I'm guessing you'd like a few minutes without the restraints so you can move your arm."

John listened to her polite words and it reminded him of how Medusa used to talk to him whenever she wanted something. Or sometimes it was the sweetest tone just before she struck him with the whip or the bat or that damn Rod of Anguish.

That thought brought another shudder to his body and he felt his breath leave him and he had a hard time getting it back he was so panicked by his thoughts. But he looked around the room and only saw the doctor, nurse and guard and so far they hadn't made any move to bring him anywhere else. He swallowed hard and tried to get his fear under control but it was getting harder as time went on. His head was pounding and he could feel sweat bead on his face even as he tried to calm himself.

"Colonel," Carolyn addressed him softly but with concern, "are you all right? Are you experiencing more pain than usual?"

John paused at her words. Did she want to know how much pain he was in so she could get some sort of enjoyment from it? He sure as hell wouldn't give her that satisfaction so he just grunted, "Fine."

Carolyn just chuckled knowing that even in his highly befuddled state the Colonel still threw out his pat answers. "Maybe when Teyla comes back, you'll let her know if you need some pain meds or if anything different hurts. For now, will you allow me to clean the other wrist without needing to reattach the other one?"

"Yeah," he said with a wry grin. "I'll be good."

As she began to unstrap his left wrist and cut the old bandages off, John lifted the right arm and the guard immediately stepped closer and gripped his weapon tighter and higher. Carolyn put up her hand to stop him as she saw that Sheppard was just stretching his arm above his head and moving it around.

"It's a little stiff, huh, Colonel?" she asked in way of trying to make conversation. She saw him nod and clench and unclench his fist while turning his arm in several directions, most likely trying to get the circulation flowing again.

John grunted as he continued to move it. "Yeah, and Teyla slept on part of it last night so I couldn't even wiggle it around."

Carolyn flashed him a mischievous look as she finished the second wrist. "Yes, I heard you had a little impromptu slumber party last night. We better make sure my father doesn't hear about it. I don't imagine he would take too kindly to the notion."

"Your father?" John questioned confused at first then smiled a bit. "General Landry, right? You'd keep a secret from him for me? He could throw you in the brig, you know. I don't think it would matter that you're his daughter. He's a bit of a hard ass."

Carolyn actually giggled at that comment especially as it came from the mouth of a soldier. But she knew Sheppard wasn't really himself at the moment. "You're telling me. I grew up with the man."

"I'm sorry," John answered sincerely and Carolyn laughed again.

She put the remnants of the bandages on the tray behind her and reached down to raise the head of the bed. "Let's sit you up for a few minutes. Do you feel like eating? I had one of the airmen go and get you something. It's right outside the door."

John grimaced as his stomach protested. The aches were getting worse and he felt a little chilly. "Not really hungry right now."

"You should try and eat something, Colonel," Carolyn encouraged. "There's some toast and fruit, that's pretty light. Just a little. I'll let you keep your arms undone while you do it and if you're really good I might go to bat for you with the hard ass."

John rolled his eyes but actually smiled at her comment regarding her father. "Okay, but only if you undo the ankles too. My feet have totally gone to sleep."

Carolyn pursed her lips and said, "This isn't the bargaining table but … I guess so. Just remember, Colonel, no shenanigans."

John nodded and Carolyn waved at the nurse who left then appeared moments later with a tray full of breakfast food. John's stomach roiled at the thought of putting anything in it but he knew he needed strength and food would help him to gain that. And this stuff looked much more appetizing than the typical bowl of gruel he usually got.

A rolling table was pushed over his now free legs and he tentatively picked up a piece of toast and began nibbling at it. It had real butter on it and everything. When he looked at the tray he saw a small packet of jam, picked it up then looked for the knife to spread it with. Carolyn saw his question and she turned to the guard at the door who had obviously removed the butter knife for safety reasons.

"I can put the jam on it if you want, Colonel," the doctor offered and when John nodded took the knife from the guard and spread the jam on the other three slices for him while the guard stood tensely behind her. She knew Sheppard had freaked out yesterday but he seemed like he was okay now. She also knew it didn't mean he would stay that way.

She handed the knife back and watched as Sheppard took a bite of the covered piece. She almost cried at the look on his face and the fact that  _he_  very nearly had tears in his eyes. He tried to choke them back and grinned, "I almost forgot what real food tasted like."

She knew now was a good time to perhaps get some much needed information from him. "Colonel, I was wondering what exactly you have been eating. Obviously they gave you enough to keep you alive but your blood work shows you deficient in just about everything."

He took another bite and chewed slow then looked at her with eyes that were filled with horror and sadness. "I got a small bowl of a watery oatmeal-like food each day. That is when I was conscious enough to actually remember to eat it. Some days I … well, … I might have passed out and didn't get a chance before they came and dragged me back."

John looked around again and wondered if this was all just in his imagination. But he thought if he did imagine rescue, he'd be in the infirmary on Atlantis. Or it could just be that his imagination had died with all his hope and resistance and dignity. Or this could just be  _hell_. Strapped to a bed with Teyla coming in for a short time to tempt him then leaving him all alone again to miss her and long for her.

But he didn't think hell had strawberry jam that tasted so good. He picked up the next piece and ate it quickly, part of him wondering if someone would come along and take it away like they did his mush when he wasn't well enough to eat it. He then started on the fruit that Dr. Lam had promised. It, too tasted like ambrosia and he finished every bite, no matter that his stomach grumbled at the intrusion.

He looked at the eggs lying soggy and cold on the plate though and grimaced. "Can't manage those, sorry."

Carolyn chuckled. "I usually can't manage those when I'm feeling fine, Colonel, so no need to apologize. Now I was wondering if you wanted to try and walk around a little before we change the dressing on your back? You've got pneumonia and it isn't helping that you're so stationary. And I know that certainly isn't your fault. Just don't tell the General that I'm allowing you such privileges."

"Not a word," John said and winked as he pulled the sheet from his legs. He shivered a little as he slid his legs over the edge and so he asked, "Anyway I can get a top, doc, it's a little cold in here."

Carolyn frowned because the temperature in the room was well modulated but she did know he had a fever and figured that was the cause. "It'll have to be a johnnie since we'll need to check your back every so often. But if you're really cold we can probably scrounge up a robe or something."

Sheppard nodded and took a moment to get on his feet, holding the edge of the bed firmly. Carolyn saw him close his eyes and then look up and sway slightly. "Colonel?"

Sheppard's eyes closed and opened and he leaned back against the bed. "Just a little dizzy. Give me a minute. I don't really want to lie back down again yet. I would really love to brush my teeth."

"Understandable, Colonel," Carolyn said. She quickly unhooked the IV and offered her arm for him to balance on.

He gave a wry smile but pushed himself off the bed and put a hand on her shoulder for support. He looked at her questioningly. "Didn't I do better than this yesterday? Why am I suddenly worse than before?"

"When you were captive I'm sure you were running on adrenaline most of the time. Now that you're here and getting a little food and rest, your body is paying the price. Your immune system is compromised and the virus and bacteria inside you are grabbing hold and charging ahead full steam. The fever that you've got is a result, I'm sure."

Carolyn walked with him to the bathroom and put a dab of toothpaste on the brush for him as he leaned against the sink with both hands. He reluctantly let go with his right and took the brush. Carolyn turned the water on for him and he proceeded to scrub. She kept her hands ready in case he fell. She could see just the short walk into the bathroom had taken a lot out of him.

As he rinsed the toothbrush she saw him grimace and a familiar look cross his face. He was obviously nauseas and sure enough within seconds the small breakfast he had eaten had come back up and landed in the sink. She immediately put her hands on his waist to steady him and she felt him flinch.

"I'm just helping you stay upright, Colonel, I'm not going to hurt you."

She kept her hands there as he leaned over and heaved a few more times. But at the end they were dry heaves and she knew they were probably taking more strength out of him than he actually had right now.

"Why don't we get you back in bed now, Colonel," she suggested and tried to steer him away from the bathroom but he shook his head and reached for the water faucet.

He coughed a few times as he rinsed his mouth then the energy completely drained from him and his legs folded under him. Carolyn tried to catch him but only managed to slow his descent to the floor.

"Denise," she called to the nurse who had been changing the sheets on Sheppard's bed. "I need some help."

Denise rushed over followed by the guard who still had his hand on his sidearm. "Ma'am, just so you know he got a hold of Corporal Meyers' weapon yesterday by pretending to fall."

"I appreciate your concern but I don't think that's the case right now. I think he passed out from exhaustion. He's very weak and has a high temp. We need to get him back in bed and clean his back wounds again."

Carolyn got a face cloth and rinsed it in cold water then ran it across Sheppard's face. He began to rouse and Carolyn quickly assured him, "It's okay, Colonel, you're a little weak right now. We're going to try and get you back in bed. Just lean on us."

John glanced at the doctor then looked around him. When he saw the guard standing there he took in a deep breath that Carolyn would almost call fearful and actually pulled against them for a second. She didn't know he'd have enough strength to even get up on his feet.

Carolyn nodded at the guard who immediately backed up toward the doorway and Sheppard kept his eyes on him the whole way back. They sat him on the edge of the bed and when he started to lean sideways Carolyn cautioned him, "No, Colonel, we need you to lie down on your stomach so we can do your back."

Sheppard gazed back at her with glassy eyes and she realized he wasn't really understanding her. She moved her face closer and repeated, "We need to do your back."

His eyes opened wide and then grew dark and intense when he heard the word  _back_  and he began to shake his head back and forth and breathe heavier with a few coughs interspersed.

"No!" he roared and tried to push past her. He staggered along the bed to the end and looked around frantically. "Back … Monday … NO! No more!"

His eyes grew wild and kept darting around the room trying to figure out how to get out. Carolyn gave a deep sigh and tried again knowing her father would have her hide if he knew she'd let Sheppard roam freely in the room.

"Colonel, we don't want to hurt you. I'm Dr. Lam remember, from Stargate Command. I just want to put some cream on your back to make it heal quicker. Please, Colonel, let me help you."

He didn't seem to hear what she was saying though he was plenty aware of her presence and that of the other two people in the room. He looked like a caged animal about to be slaughtered and her stomach clenched thinking about what had been done to the poor man to make him react this way.

He finally darted toward the soldier at the door but never actually made it. He took a few stumbling steps then grabbed for anything to hold him up but when nothing was within reach, his legs buckled and he ended up kneeling on the floor. The guard turned and handed his sidearm to the soldier who had come in behind him and crouched to assist Sheppard back up.

But John didn't want back up as was apparent when he saw the guard come toward him. He started kicking and swinging his arms wildly and attempting to get up on his own but it was obvious that vertigo had made him unable to stand on his own. Carolyn and Denise started to come nearer but the guard shook them off.

"Ma'am, we need to get him restrained again and I don't want either of you getting hurt. Let us do it."

Carolyn then looked up and realized two more airmen had arrived, without their side arms and slowly wrestled with the uncooperative Colonel. She quickly instructed them to get him face down so she could clean his back wounds and within a few minutes they had managed to subdue him enough and fasten the straps to both arms and ankles.

Carolyn actually felt tears in her eyes when she saw that he was still struggling against his bindings and muttering incoherent words. She looked at Denise and instructed her to get the needed supplies from the next room.

She returned a few seconds later with a tray she placed on the rolling table and said, "Teyla and Colonel Sheppard's brother are in the other room. They seem pretty upset and the guards wouldn't let them in here while they were trying to get him under control."

Carolyn sighed knowing that what John Sheppard was going through was bad enough but all the people who cared about him were having to deal with it as well. She turned back to start replacing the bandages on his back.

.

 


	17. Seventeen

.

**Chapter 17**

.

Dave Sheppard stood at the small window gazing in as the doctor spread what he assumed was disinfectant onto his brother's back. Teyla stood beside him and he tightened his hold on her shoulder. He could hear an occasional sniff as they watched John continue to struggle against the bindings.

He had come back today after Teyla had told him what had happened yesterday. He had spent the whole day Sunday at the office making notes and arranging things so he could be free in case John needed him again. When Teyla told him about John running around trying to get someone to shoot him, he thought that was a good reason to come back.

Luckily Amy was such an understanding woman and he knew he didn't deserve her but he was so glad he had her. The kids were a bit harder to leave as it was their summer vacation and they wanted to spend some time with Dad. But they were still good kids and knew he needed to check on Uncle John although they were more than a little confused that he was alive after going to his funeral.

He was still trying to wrap his head around that one too. But he could see John in the next room though his circumstances were hard to swallow. He had heard them talk about the fact that John would be disoriented and maybe delusional for a while but he never envisioned him fighting against the people who were trying to help him. But he knew in John's mind they were trying to harm him.

"What set him off this time?" Dave asked the guard who was standing near the door into John's room.

"He seemed fine but weak as the doc let him walk around and use the bathroom though he did puke a few times. I guess he's got a pretty high fever too. But it was when the doc said to lay him face down so she could check his back that he really freaked out. But it was easier to subdue him this time apparently, probably because he's weaker today from being sick."

"He was quite warm this morning as I left to take care of Torren," Teyla commented. She and Ronon had walked down here with her son but when she saw John struggling against the guards who were attempting to strap him into the bed, she begged Ronon to take Torren away and distract him. She knew Ronon did not wish to leave but he also did not wish for the child to see John so upset and so he obeyed her command.

"They said he had a low grade fever when you brought him back," Dave reminded her. "Apparently whatever was causing that took hold and made him really sick."

"I am sure the high fever is not helping him in regards to knowing what is real and what is not," Teyla replied. She gave a deep sigh and seemed like she was going to say more but then remained silent.

Dave understood completely. What could you really say in this situation? He could just see John though scowling and saying, ' _This sucks_ ,' but unfortunately John wasn't saying too much right now. But Dave was actually relieved because it looked like his brother had either fallen asleep or passed out. He didn't think it really mattered either way.

But he knew John wouldn't want to be awake right now as the doc seemed to be working on rebandaging the pressure sores on his backside. The thought of John sitting stationary enough to actually get those boggled his mind. The man had never stayed very still growing up and he knew that alone must have been horrible while he was imprisoned.

Pretty soon Dr. Lam came out of the room and addressed David and Teyla. "At least he's stopped struggling though I think he actually just passed out again. He vomited a few times in the bathroom earlier and the dry heaves caused him to collapse right after. He has very little strength right now."

"Will you keep him in that position?" Teyla asked as she kept her gaze through the window. "It does not look very comfortable."

"No," Carolyn shook her head. "I want to transfer him to his side again and keep him propped up a bit if I can so his lungs don't get any worse. His pneumonia started out as a mild case but I don't like the looks of this new stomach bug that's caught him up. If it moves to his lungs as well we could have some problems. He's already very weak and disoriented. He doesn't have any stores left to combat this and antibiotics will only help in some areas. I did want to ask if you would come in while we were removing the restraints and changing his position. He seems to respond to you best and in a much less violent way."

"Of course," Teyla quickly agreed and followed Carolyn back into the room, David close behind.

The guard moved to the door and stood ready but Dave wasn't sure John had the energy to get out of the bed let alone attack anyone. With little fuss Carolyn, Teyla, Denise and even Dave managed to get the straps undone, John shifted so the head of the bed was raised a bit and he was on his side. But they had to straps both hands to the lowered railing on the left side of the bed to accommodate this. They also bent his right leg underneath his left and only strapped the left to the end of the bed. Pillows were added to his front and back to help him stay in position.

Carolyn figured both hands were restrained so having one leg undone would be fine. She hoped her father wouldn't freak out at that fact. She had a whole pile of medical facts to back up why he needed to be positioned this way, his scarred and wounded back not the first of them.

Teyla stared at a still unconscious John and commented sadly, "He did not awaken while we moved him."

"I know," Carolyn sighed. "Which is good because we didn't need to calm him down but it also means he's pretty weak and doesn't have the energy to even stir at something so physical. But he does need the rest so I'm hoping you can keep him calm and relaxed during the rest of the day. I'll be in to check on him occasionally and Denise will be checking his vitals every half hour. We shouldn't need to change the bandages again until tomorrow."

Carolyn placed the back of her hand against his forehead and frowned. "I'm going to add something to his IV to help get that fever down though the fever itself will help get rid of the virus. But I need you to let whichever nurse is on duty know if anything seems out of whack. And the research I did shows that the virus he has spreads by body fluid so you should be okay touching him but if he vomits or coughs up anything you want to get the nurse right away."

"Of course," Teyla said and nodded. "But we may sit with him?"

Carolyn nodded also and smiled. "I think it would be a good thing for you to sit with him. And soon we do need to start adding more people that he's comfortable with so Mr. Sheppard it would be good for you to be here as well. He seemed to trust you with Teyla the other day so hopefully that's still the case."

Carolyn sighed again, one of too many today she thought, and said, "Good luck. Just keep him resting as best you can. He said he was cold earlier, from the fever I'm sure. But if he seems chilly there are a few extra blankets on the shelf against the wall. Cover him up if he needs it."

"We will," Dave promised and moved the chairs close to the bed again and sat in the one further away allowing Teyla the one right next to John's hands. Teyla smiled her thanks but got a blanket first and covered John right up to his shoulders then sat down and picked up John's hand that did not contain the IV.

"I am here, John," Teyla spoke softly but certainly loud enough for John to hear if he could. "I will be right here if you need me. Your brother, David is also here. We are both concerned for you as you have been ill. We will be right here to assist you in any way we can."

She sat back but kept hold of his hand and smiled at Dave. "I truly believe that in his subconscious he can hear me. I like to let him know he is not alone anymore and that there are people here who care for him greatly."

"That's nice," Dave nodded solemnly. "And I think you're right. He needs to know we're here for him even in his confused state."

"Especially in his confused state," Teyla emphasized.

.

* * *

.

The afternoon passed with John sleeping on and off though when he was awake he was unaware of where he was and very disoriented. His fever had risen higher and Teyla took to running a cool cloth over his face, neck and arms to try and relive the discomfort. All the while she kept up a steady stream of peaceful one sided dialogue to keep him calm. It seemed to work for the most part.

But too often he cried out in what could only be agony or horror or fear and she was afraid he was reliving some of the monstrosities that had been carried out on him during his abduction.

But when she began to speak softly to him he would usually calm down and even whisper her name or Torren's name and almost smile. She made sure to touch him often and run her fingers through his hair and let him feel that she was truly here.

She kept hoping for him to get better but over the course of the next few days he only seemed to get worse. She and David began taking turns sitting with him four hours at a time. Ronon had even taken a turn saying that John seemed unaware of who was with him so it shouldn't matter. And maybe his voice would help their friend be used to and trust him better once he recovered.

But it took several days for him to recover just from whatever viral mess was storming through his system and by the end he had been put on oxygen just to assist his overtaxed respiratory system. He didn't seem to like the mask on his face and tried to shake it off if he was coherent enough but with his hands still strapped to the bed he couldn't get it very far. Carolyn was glad of that anyway as she knew the oxygen was helping him, though she hated that the restraints were still necessary. But with the raging fever he was more disoriented than ever.

On Thursday morning Teyla came in and shooed Dave to go get some sleep. He gave her a tiny kiss on her cheek and said, "His fever finally broke a few hours ago and Doc says it's already come down a few points. Hopefully that's the end of the worst of it. I'm going to try and get some sleep but I'd really love to see him if he wakes up and is fairly lucid. Will you send someone for me?"

"Yes," she promised. "But you do need to make sure you get some rest. And hopefully now that he is  _out of the woods_ , as your people say, you will feel more comfortable about leaving him so you may go back to your family."

David nodded. "Yeah, I would like to spend the weekend with them. Amy's been so good and she's been really worried about John, too. I know she'd like to come see him but I don't think John is quite ready for that yet, not to mention I'm sure General Landry wouldn't be real thrilled about another unauthorized person coming here."

Teyla merely smiled and watched as he left the room. She took her usual position by John's side and reached for his hand. She brushed the hair away from his face and as the backs of her fingers touched his forehead she was happy to feel he did seem much cooler than before.

She sat this way for a while just watching as John slept. She thought about her dreams the last few days while she had slept and they had been much more turbulent. She still seemed to share John's dreams but during his fevered state many of his dreams were of his torture and previous instances of pain. She had needed to relive his time with The Trust, the Wraith feeding, changing into an Iratus bug and even fighting himself while inhabited by the crystal entity. She had attempted to relieve some of his discomfort through these dreams but she did not think she had been all that successful.

But he was so much more peaceful now and his body truly seemed to be at rest. She was thankful for this as she knew his emotional recovery would be hard enough without the physical hardship added on top. But at least they had gotten him away from his captors and he actually had the chance to recover. And perhaps now Torren would be calmer. He too had seemed to be upset that John was so ill even though they had kept him away from the room. She wondered if he had sensed John's stressful dreams.

After another hour of sitting with him and chatting idly about Torren and their other friends on Atlantis, Teyla heard what sounded like a sigh. She looked closer and saw John's eyes begin to flutter. They opened briefly then closed but soon opened again more fully. She moved her head closer and continued her soft words of encouragement and saw a tiny smile play about his lips.

"Tey ..la," they whispered as though his voice hadn't been used in a while. Teyla reached for the cup and inserted the straw near his lips.

"Take a few sips, John, but drink slowly so you do not choke."

John did as instructed then smiled again, until he tried to move and realized his hands were in restraints. His eyes grew confused and Teyla knew she had begun to hate that expression on him. "What …? Where … where am I?"

She immediately ran her hands through his hair to calm him and replied, "You are in the SGC, John. You have been ill with a high fever and have been delusional and very confused. But you are safe here. The restraints are merely a precaution as you attempted to leave a few days ago and you are not well enough to do that yet. They do not wish for you to hurt yourself or anyone else. Soon, though I am sure you will not need them."

John listened to her words but Teyla wasn't sure he believed her. She leaned over and pressed her lips to his forehead and asked, "Is there anything you need me to get you? More water?"

John looked around the room and then focused inward assessing the damage to his body. The back was a bit sore and he could feel a tightness in his chest. But he really wanted to stretch out. As he attempted to move he realized he had one leg that was free while the other obviously had a restraint on it. He moved the free leg and looked curiously at Teyla.

"Dr. Lam wished for you to be on your side and it was not possible to do that with both legs in restraints. As both your hands were she thought it would be okay."

John pulled on his hands and looked pleadingly at Teyla. "Can you release them just for a few minutes, Teyla, please? I think my hands are numb."

Teyla glanced at the door then looked back sorrowfully at him. "I do not think I can at the moment but I will send for the doctor and perhaps she will allow it."

She took a few steps to the door and instructed the nurse to alert Dr. Lam to the fact that the Colonel was awake. She came back and sat next to him and allowed him to sip some more water as she started chatting mindlessly again, this time to keep his mind off the restraints.

"Your brother is here," Teyla said and ran her fingers over his. "He was sitting with you for much of the night so I sent him to get some rest. He asked that he be alerted when you wake up. Would you like me to get him?"

John looked thoughtful for a second then shook his head. "No, let him sleep. I hate to say it, but I feel like I could go back to sleep myself." His eyes drifted closed for a moment then opened again. "Wasn't I just sleeping for a while?"

"Yes, but as I said you have been quite ill with a high fever brought on by a virus or perhaps the pneumonia. Dr. Lam says there is no cure for a virus; you just have to let it run its course. But your immune system has been weakened and it may take some time before you are back to feeling yourself again."

"I couldn't have said it better myself," Carolyn piped in as she walked into the room. "It's good to see you awake, Colonel. You've had us a little worried the last few days. I'm going to check your temperature right now, if that's okay."

John nodded but gave a little snort like he had any choice with his hands bound the way they were. A minute later she gave a satisfied smile and reported, "Looks much better. It's still 100.2 but it's on its way down and that's what's important. I want to take a quick look at your back too, Colonel. I promise I'm not going to hurt you."

She moved to the other side of the bed and opened the back of the hospital gown they had put on him a few days ago. John tensed up and began to breath heavier but Teyla pressed her face closer to his and whispered, "It will be fine, John. I am right here. She will not hurt you. I will not allow anyone to harm you anymore. You must believe me."

John gazed into Teyla's trusting eyes and relaxed slightly then more so when Carolyn retied the top of the gown and moved back to where he could see her again.

"There's definite healing going on and I'm encouraged by it. How does the back feel, Colonel? Is there still a lot of pain?"

John thought about it for a second then replied, "It's a little sore but for some reason it was worse than that, wasn't it?"

"Yes, Colonel, it was." Carolyn was feeling brave and so asked, "Do you know where you are and what happened?"

His face crumpled for a second as memories rushed through his mind but he tried to concentrate and make sense of what was flashing past. The thing he grabbed and held onto was Teyla and her solid presence.

"I'm in the SGC," he repeated what Teyla had just told him a few minutes earlier. His mind focused again and he saw Athena and her thugs but then he saw the hole in her neck spouting blood and a bullet going into Guido. And Teyla was standing right by him then too. He grasped Teyla's hand tighter as he answered her question.

"One of those slimy snakeheads had me, right?" He looked for confirmation and when both the doc and Teyla smiled encouragingly, he continued. "They kept me in a small cell and had a little … playtime every day." He looked away and tried to keep his eyes away from both women as he muttered, "I didn't really like the way they played."

Teyla squeezed his hand in assurance though he could see her eyes well up with moisture. He hated to see Teyla sad though and he gave her a crooked smile and sighed, "Then you came and got me. Thank you, Teyla."

"I only wish that it were sooner," Teyla lamented softly. "But we did not realize that you were alive until Athena tried to blackmail David into giving up control of his company."

"Wait, she what …" John cried weakly, attempting to get up. "He didn't do it, right? That company … is everything to him."

"No, John," Teyla reassured him and eased him back to reclining on the pillows. "He contacted General O'Neill immediately and we were able to locate you using the sensors of the Daedalus. We retrieved you prior to the meeting where David would sign over his company to The Trust."

"He wouldn't have … done it," John muttered under his breath as his lids began to feel heavy again.

"He  _would_  have," Teyla contradicted him. "He was planning on doing it and wanted us to get you once he got your coordinates from Athena. He did not realize we had a way of tracking you. But he did not hesitate in agreeing to sign his companies over to her."

John's eyes looked at her as if to say ' _Really?_ ' and so she nodded in affirmation. "Your brother has been very concerned about you and very relieved that you were still alive. And he would have done anything to bring you back to him."

"He's been here most of the time since you were rescued, Colonel," Carolyn confirmed. "Do you remember who I am?"

John hesitated for a second as flashes of many doctors and nurses whizzed past his eyes but recognition came and he gave a small grin. "Landry's daughter."

"Yes," she chuckled. "Though I do usually like to go by my name, Dr. Carolyn Lam. You look like you're ready to crash again, Colonel. Are you tired? You've been pretty out of it for a few days."

"Yeah, but …" his eyes closed and he shook his head to try and keep them open. "I really could use the bathroom. Any possibility you could get your Dad to …" he shook his hands, "loosen up on his rules about these. Please."

The word was said as an afterthought Carolyn could tell but she could also tell that Sheppard seemed pretty with-it at the moment. But he had been okay before and managed to go off with the right trigger. She looked around and noticed the man staring at Teyla with trust and something she might even call love, though she had never heard of these two being an item. It  _would_  explain why she was able to keep him so calm.

Carolyn let out a breath and answered, "You're pretty weak so I'd prefer if someone went in with you. You can take your pick; me, Teyla or one of the guards."

John grimaced but knew if he wanted to go in instead of using the portable plastic container, he needed to give in a little. But his choice of who was easy.

"Okay," he said to Lam but then turned his face to Teyla. "Do you mind, Teyla?"

Teyla looked to Carolyn who nodded and then she said, "Not at all, John. I would be happy to assist you."

"Thank you, Teyla," Carolyn said and moved to the IV stand to adjust it. "I'm going to unhook your IV just until you come back. It'll make it easier to get in and out of the bathroom. Teyla, you can undo the restraints. Colonel, you have to promise me good behavior."

She stopped the flow of the medicine and then pulled out the tube, leaving the needle still in his hand. "If you start feeling uncomfortable with something, let us know. We don't want to hurt you but you've been through a lot and much of it we aren't fully aware of so if we do something that makes you at all uneasy, please tell us, okay?"

"Sure," John replied though still looked cautious. "Just … keep the whips and bats away and we should be all set."

Teyla finished releasing John's hands and ankle and he rubbed at the spot where they had been for the last few days. He clenched and unclenched his fists to get circulation going again then attempted to sit up further. Carolyn and Teyla assisted him and soon they had him leaning against the side of the bed.

"Would you like me to get you a wheelchair, Colonel?" Carolyn asked as she narrowed her eyes. The man was still very wobbly.

"No," he shook his head swiftly. "I can do this. I might just need a little help to make sure I don't fall flat on my face."

Carolyn and Teyla moved on either side of him and helped him stand. He took a few moments to allow his legs to stop quivering then nodded and Teyla took a small step forward with him. Carolyn went along until they got to the bathroom door and then she let them continue.

"Leave the door open just a crack so I can hear if you need anything. I'll be putting some fresh sheets on your bed."

Teyla nodded as John grasped the counter inside and leaned to catch his breath, her hands on his waist. He nodded and took a few more steps and Teyla closed the door most of the way behind her. John gazed at her awkwardly and Teyla rolled her eyes.

"This is no time to be bashful, John. Do you require assistance with your pants?"

John shook his head and smirked. "I guess you've seen it all anyway."

Teyla turned away to allow him some privacy and wondered at what he had just said.  _She had seen it all._  Was he referring to the dreams they had shared? Was he still of the impression that they had been intimate or was he referring to something else?

She heard the toilet flush and turned to see John struggling to get his pants over his hips. She reached out and adjusted them for him then stood behind him while he turned on the water to wash his hands.

"I'm just gonna brush my teeth while I'm in here, okay?" he asked as he took the toothbrush and reached for the paste. But releasing both hands wasn't the smartest thing to do and Teyla needed to prop him up again then apply the paste on the brush for him. He spent a few minutes with the brush scrubbing circles on his teeth then he rinsed it off and filled the cup to rinse his mouth.

John turned to lean back against the sink and let out a big breath. "Kissing fresh again. Want to test it out?"

Teyla just laughed and caressed the side of his face with her hand. John took that as a yes and slipped his hand into her hair and tugged gently until his lips were pressed against hers. She had kissed him briefly the other day but this time was equally as pleasant and Teyla closed her eyes and leaned into his slim body.

"God, I missed you, Teyla!" John whispered into her mouth as his lips nipped along her cheek and he held her close. Teyla felt her arms surround him and she argued it was only to keep him from falling. But his arms around her felt wonderful and she knew it was even better than the dreams they had shared.

"I thought of you every second I was in that hell hole," he continued and Teyla was confused by his words. He remembered the abduction but he also still thought they were together. But she knew she would not be the one to tell him otherwise at the moment. Perhaps later when he was feeling better. Perhaps much later, perhaps even never.

She did not want to ever go back to the way they had been before he was taken. They had been best friends and she had cherished his friendship but this closeness, this feeling she got when his arms gathered her close, it was what she had always wanted. After sharing John's dreams for so long, she had a feeling it was what he wanted too. Maybe it was the reason he still believed it to be so.

Teyla allowed her lips to touch his once more then reluctantly eased back. "Dr. Lam will be wondering what we are doing in here and I am sure you are exhausted. Let me assist you in getting back in bed and perhaps we can convince her you do not require the restraints any longer."

Teyla saw John start to shake a bit and his eyes grew almost frightened. "Yeah, I don't like having those on. I don't like not having any control. Especially when you're not here with me."

"I will stay with you, John, for a while. I will need to get Torren at some point but either David or Ronon will come sit with you. Would that be all right while I spend some time with Torren."

John seemed hesitant but nodded his head. "Do you think they'll let TJ come and see me? But I don't want him to see me all tied up. That might scare him if I couldn't hold him."

"I will discuss it with Dr. Lam and hopefully if you continue to cooperate they will allow it. But you  _must_ tell me or someone else if you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious about anything so we can figure out the best way to relieve your stress."

"Okay, Teyla," John said and lowered his head for another prolonged kiss. "Keep giving me those and I won't have a problem with anything."

Teyla gazed into his eyes solemnly and promised, "I will be more than happy to, John." And she closed her eyes for one more, lengthy kiss. Then she opened the door and assisted him back to his bed.

John shifted so he was lying on his other side and looked to Carolyn. "Can we switch it up, Doc. I'm getting flat on one side."

Carolyn chuckled and agreed. Then John stared at Teyla, pleading in his eyes and she asked, "Do you think it would be permissible to leave the restraints off for now? John is extremely tired and it appears he will simply be sleeping for a while. He will most likely be more comfortable if he is not strapped in one place."

Carolyn looked back at the guard who was standing tense in the doorway then at Sheppard whose eyes had closed already. She nodded sagely. "Yeah, I think it'll be okay. You have a very calming effect on him, Teyla and it looks like he trusts you implicitly." She looked down at him again. "He's already asleep and didn't even try fighting it. I think if he knows you're here, he'll be okay. But the guards still need to stay outside the door."

Teyla nodded. "Yes, of course. Thank you, Dr. Lam. I know John appreciates it too. And I believe he will rest more peacefully knowing he is not restrained."

Carolyn rolled her eyes as she reattached his IV and replied, "I think you're right but I have to follow orders, to a certain degree. I'll be in the infirmary if you need anything and one of the nurses will be next door with some paper work."

"Dr. Lam," Teyla softly called out as the woman began to walk away. "Do you think perhaps Torren could come to visit for a while once John wakes up? He asked to see the child but he did not wish it if he were still secured to the bed."

Carolyn looked thoughtful for a moment then answered, "Well, he did respond well to when he visited before so as long as things stay calm then I don't see why not. But check with me first and I'll do a little evaluation. I wouldn't want Torren to be nearby if Colonel Sheppard had another episode."

"Thank you," Teyla smiled at her then moved her chair to the other side so she could watch John's face as he slept. She was torn in many ways. She was happy that he appeared to be healing physically and she loved the way he held her and kissed her. But she wondered how good it was for him to believe that things had been this way before he was taken; if that was indeed what he was thinking. She did not want to probe too deeply at this point in case something set him off again.

She knew he needed to allow his body to heal in many ways. She also knew she would be here for him for as long as that took.

.

 


	18. Eighteen

.

**Chapter 18**

.

"He hasn't woken up yet?" Dave asked anxiously as he poked his head into the isolation room.

Teyla lifted her head from where it had been resting on John's hand; his free hand that was not restrained, she was happy to see. And he had not needed them as he had slept … she looked at the clock and saw it had been at least three hours.

"He was awake for a short time after you left however he immediately went back to sleep so I did not see the point in disturbing your slumber. You were with him much of the night."

Dave's eyes viewed her nervously. "And he was okay?"

"He was tired and very weak but Dr. Lam allowed him to use the bathroom and he brushed his teeth." Teyla smiled at the memory of the kisses they had shared at this time. "He seemed to be aware of where he was and even remembered the time of his captivity. He did not speak of it much but he knew it had happened. I think he is still confused in some ways but he was much improved in his mental capacity from his first days here."

Dave walked to the end of the bed and took a good look at his brother. When he saw his free hands, he smiled. "She let him stay out of them? That's a good sign."

"Yes," Teyla's smile got wider. "He was well behaved."

"Always well behaved," John's scratchy voice floated toward them.

Dave moved swiftly around the bed to face John and gave him a large smile also. He hadn't actually been face to face or had an actual conversation with his brother since a few days after their Dad's funeral. And that conversation had been more than a little awkward, though they had certainly clarified a few things and left things okay between them.

"I'm not sure I believe that," Dave teased gently not knowing what state of mind his brother was in. "But we'll go with it for now. How are you feeling, John? We've all been a little worried about you."

"Feel like crap," John groaned as he attempted to get his eyes wider. "But then I don't really remember the last few days other than puking in the bathroom then landing on the floor. It gets a little blurry after that. How've you been?"

Dave just snickered and shook his head. "I'm fine but then people didn't think I was dead for over three months."

As soon as the words left his mouth Dave wondered if he should have said that. Had they even told John that all had assumed he had died in the explosion? He watched his brother closely with more than a little anxiety, waiting to see if his little slip would send him over the edge like had happened a few times since he got back.

"Sorry," John managed to croak and Teyla moved to get him some water. "I didn't want you to go through that."

"John," Dave gently chastised. "It was hardly your fault. Don't even worry about it. I'm just glad you're actually still alive and I know Amy is ecstatic. She'd love to come see you but apparently this place is a pretty big secret and I had to sign my life away just to get in. It's worse than trying to get into the Country Club."

John started to chuckle but then began to cough so Teyla gave him some more water and they waited until John finished and had leaned back against the pillow. Just the few coughs had taken quite a bit of energy out of him. Teyla offered him more water which he took and Dave could feel his stomach clench at the thought of all John had gone through and how he had gotten in this condition to begin with. And the fact that he had very little control over any of it was very hard to deal with. He was used to having control and being able to handle every little thing.

"How's Amy and the kids?" John asked as another small cough erupted from his throat. "They're getting so big."

"They're fine," Dave answered. "Worried about you but they know I'm here and that you're getting good care now. I was thinking that if you start feeling a little better I might fly home for the weekend to spend some time with them. I should probably make sure my VP didn't run the company into the ground either."

"Dad had that company run so tight it would take a long time for someone to screw it up, I'm sure," John commented and Dave wondered if there wasn't a bit of resentment in that statement. But he didn't want to get into a fight with John. He certainly didn't think his brother was up for anything stronger than a short conversation.

"Don't feel like you have to sit around here and babysit me, Dave," John added seriously. "I really appreciate that you came, though. And you were really ready to give up the whole company to get me back, huh? Or is that just a nasty rumor I heard?" John tried to put some humor into the last inquiry.

Dave remained serious though. "You're my brother, John. I'd do anything for you. I know it didn't always seem that way and I'm sorry about that. But I realized after Dad died that not everyone is here forever and you need to take advantage of the time you have with people. You never know when they might be taken away from you."

John swallowed hard and thought of how he had felt at their father's funeral. He'd had lots of regrets and knew he would have given anything to have some more time with him; even if to just let him know he was sorry for being an absolute screw up and that he really had loved him. He looked up at his brother.

"Thanks, I'd love to have you around if you can stay. But you need to make sure you take care of that family too. You should take off and spend the weekend with them and if you want to come back later, that'd be great. But I have a feeling I may be in here for a while so there's really not much you can do except sit here and watch me sleep. Got to admit that's pretty boring."

John looked over at Teyla who was holding his hand tightly. "Luckily, Teyla likes boring."

Teyla just rolled her eyes and replied, "Nothing about you, John Sheppard, is ever boring."

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "But I am wondering if perhaps Sam is bored of watching Torren. I should probably go and relieve her. Will you be all right here with just David?"

John gave his brother an impish smirk and said, "I guess so, if I have to." Then he looked back at Teyla and asked, "Do you think they'll let you bring TJ back in here. I promise to be a good boy."

"Dr. Lam said it would be possible," Teyla told him. "But she wished to assess your condition first. I will contact her and then get Torren. Hopefully I will be able to bring him in. But be prepared to play the Little Piggies game with his toes. He has demanded this constantly in the last few days but I do not think anyone does it as well as you."

John's smile was genuine and Dave could see how much the child meant to him. Teyla gave John one last kiss and left. John leaned back more comfortably against the pillows and closed his eyes.

Dave allowed him his rest and sat in the chair that was nearby but he had barely settled himself when John's eyes popped open and he grinned at Dave. "Have you met my son, TJ, yet?"

Dave was startled that John had called him his son. No one here had referred to the child as John's but he had never heard anything about the boy's father either. Had John and Teyla hidden the fact of his parentage from the others due to regulations? Teyla had been introduced to him as part of John's team.

He smiled at John and answered. "Yes, a few times. The first time was when he was trying to escape from having his shoes put on in the hotel right before your … funeral. He's adorable, John."

John smiled like a proud papa and chuckled. "Yeah, he really doesn't like to wear shoes too much. Until he could walk it wasn't a huge deal but now … it's a little more important."

Dave nodded. "Yeah, I remember that Kristy was like that, too. We'd wrestle her into her shoes and the second she was in her carseat, they'd pop off again. As soon as we'd get her in the house they'd be off, too. It was like this magnetic force as soon as she walked through the door. She's a little better now but she still keeps them off as long as she can. Luckily she's old enough to get them on by herself now too. That makes it a little easier."

John smiled at the normal conversation he and his brother were having and kind of liked it. Maybe now that they were both Dads, they had more in common. How had he not noticed this before? John pushed into his mind and confusion warred again. Images of Teyla pregnant and himself holding the baby swirled with memories of Teyla and him taking TJ to the park. But something wasn't right and he wasn't sure he wanted to delve too deep to figure out what. He knew he wasn't up to that physically or emotionally yet.

Dr. Lam came in and got John's mind away from his bewildered thoughts. "Colonel, you had a nice long nap. That's excellent. Let me check your vitals and then we can see if that little boy in the hallway can come visit."

She put her stethoscope in her ears and pressed it to his chest in a few locations then had him lean forward so she could listen to his back. She had him take a few deep breaths in that made him cough then allowed him to settle back again. She took the other vitals quickly and started asking him questions as she did.

"So just a little quiz. What's your name?"

John rolled his eyes at her and said, "Lt. Colonel John Sheppard. My middle name is Patrick and this is my brother David Sheppard. His middle name is also Patrick. Apparently our parents had very little imagination.  _You_  are Dr. Carolyn Lam and you are the daughter of General Landry. Would you like my date of birth and social security number as well?"

Carolyn just glared at him as she took the BP cuff off his arm. "Seems like you're definitely feeling a little better if you can start dishing out the jokes, Colonel. I'd like to get you up and walking a bit before Teyla comes back in with Torren; perhaps a trip to the bathroom. We need to get that fluid in your lungs from sitting right where it is. But I don't want you attempting to move around without help for a while."

"Do you want me to help you, John?" Dave offered and John nodded. Carolyn thought that was a very good sign that Sheppard was allowing someone other than Teyla to help him and didn't even seem nervous about it.

She watched as David helped the Colonel out of bed and they both walked to the bathroom. A few minutes later and the sound of flushing and rushing water, they came back out. Carolyn knew the man shouldn't stay stationary for any length of time but she could also tell that just the short walk to the bathroom had worn him out.

Once back in bed she assessed him further. "Do you think you're up for a visit from a toddler? He looks very active to me and I don't want you getting too over tired."

"He'll be fine," John assured her. "He's really a very good boy and if we tell him to settle down, he will. Teyla said he wanted to come see me so he'll stay calm if that's his choice."

Carolyn nodded and moved aside the IV that she had unhooked so he could use the bathroom. "I'll leave this off for now but I don't want this visit to be too long and wear you out. And I want you to have something to eat as well. I'll have someone send up some broth and a nutrition shake. I want you to start having a few of these each day along with your regular meals. Though the meals will be light for a while to ease you back into eating again but we need to get some weight back on you, Colonel."

John smiled and repeated, "Regular meals, I like the sound of that. Just … no oatmeal for a while, please."

"Absolutely, Colonel," Carolyn agreed. "I'll go and tell Teyla that she can come in with Torren. But remember no wrestling around with him too much. You still have bandages all down your back."

As she left John started to shift on the bed. Dave saw him grimace in pain and immediately moved closer. "What are you doing, John?"

John grimaced again as he lifted the head of the bed and bent one leg under him to settle on his hip. "My butt's still sore from too many hours of sitting on it. I'm just trying to find a position that's comfortable but where I can still hold my son."

Dave got a small pillow from the shelf and positioned it behind John's back to keep him from leaning too heavily on that or his bottom. John leaned against it and sighed in relief. "Thanks, Dave, that's better."

"Dada!" came a little voice from the doorway and both men looked up to see a beaming Teyla moving toward them with the little boy in her arms. "Dada!"

The smile on John's face was bright enough to light up a whole stadium. He held out his hands and Teyla eased the child into them. "He was very excited when I told him we would possibly be able to see you. He has been asking to come so often since he visited the other day. He did not understand why he could not visit you while you had your fever. If Dr. Lam had said no I am not sure I could have controlled him to get him back to the room."

"Well, I gave her my name, rank and serial number and promised not to go fruity on her," John reported as he gave Torren a great big hug. The boy wrapped his arms around John's neck and held on tight as if he might be taken away at any time.

Dave noticed this closeness and attachment and how the child had called John, Dada. Again questions of this child's paternity reared up in his mind. He would need to ask Teyla at some point when neither John nor the boy was around. He didn't want to ask any of the other people around here in case it was something John and Teyla had been keeping to themselves. But how could anyone not see how much these two cared about each other?

"Hey Pal, have you been good for your Mom while I've been sick?" John said as he pressed a few kisses to the child's face.

Torren nodded and said, "Dada, dot boo boo?"

"Yeah, Pal, Daddy's been a little sick lately but I'm starting to get better. Soon I'll be great and then we can go to the park again."

Torren's eyes grew wide at John's words. "Do side and wee?" he asked excitedly.

"We can go on the slide and the swings, sure. But it might be a while before Daddy is able to go there so you need to be patient, okay. Can you be patient?"

Dave could tell Torren wasn't exactly sure what that meant but he nodded anyway. He watched as John and the boy chatted for a while though he really didn't understand most of what the child was saying. But John seemed to know or at least he put up a real good show if his responses were anything to go by.

Dave also watched Teyla during this time as she helped John eat the broth that was brought in and kept Torren occupied. He could see all the emotions play across her face. She was relieved that John was well enough and lucid enough to be with Torren and she absolutely loved seeing them interact. He even noticed a few tears slip out of the corner of her eye on occasion when either John or TJ would snuggle against the other or say something heartwarming.

He found it very heartwarming too. He hadn't seen John too often with kids and didn't realize his brother had a nice way with children. His interaction with his niece and nephew had been sporadic and usually during a very trying time, like right after the funeral. He'd like John to really get to know them better, once he fully recovered that is.

After a while he began to feel like a third wheel so he walked closer and patted Torren on the head. "It looks like you've got plenty of company now and your fever isn't making you nuts anymore. I was thinking maybe I'd head back home and see my wife and kids. I'll make sure to stay in touch with Teyla daily so I know what's happening. I can come back next week or even sooner if you need me."

"That's fine, Dave," John answered solemnly. "I really appreciate your coming and hanging out. But I'll be fine. I've got Teyla keeping her eye on me and she doesn't let me get away with anything. Hopefully I'll be out of here soon and we can get the whole family together."

Dave smiled. "Amy would love that and I know the kids are anxious to see you as well. You're sure you don't mind?"

John just shook his head and said, "Go! Give Amy and the kids my love and we'll see you soon."

Dave stuck out his hand and John shook it but he paused again. He gave a big sigh then smiled at John. "Don't let me hear that you've been causing trouble again, okay little brother."

John just rolled his eyes and lifted TJ in front of him. "Say good bye to Uncle Dave and tell him to stop worrying."

"Bye!" Torren shouted and Dave leaned down to give him a tiny kiss on his chubby cheek. Dave then gave Teyla one too saying, "Please call me and let me know how he's doing."

"I will," Teyla agreed and smiled at him. Dave took one last look at his brother and left the room, asking one of the guards to let General Landry know he was planning to leave. Then he headed back to his room to pack.

John watched as his brother left and his face showed more confusion. It had been a short visit but it had been kind of nice. But it was just one more thing that had seemed out of place. Hadn't he, Teyla and Torren gone to Nantucket with Dave and his family recently? And if so, why did he feel like they should be awkward around each other. It just didn't make sense like so many things around here.

But what did make sense was TJ playing in his lap and trying to pull his shoes off. John was surprised he had lasted this long with them on. He looked down at the little boy and helped him with his socks, making him fall over when he did this. The child just giggled his little baby laugh then stuck his feet in the air so John could play with them.

John obliged and grabbed his tiny feet and stuck them next to his nose. "Oh, pew, pew, pew pew, stinky toes. What do we do with stinky toes?"

Torren waved his feet in the air again and cried out, "Piddies wee, Dada, wee!"

"Wee, huh," John teased the boy the pulled the toes closer to his mouth. "I think I need to eat these pigs."

John opened and closed his mouth in a chewing motion and Torren squealed happily then kicked his feet. Teyla just watched and tried to keep from laughing herself. The two of them so loved to be together and it did her heart good to see them that way. They had been like this before John was taken and for whatever reason Torren had been a part of John's fantasy world that he had created for himself and had not forgotten the man. For this Teyla was truly thankful though certainly very confused.

She stood up while they played and refilled John's cup and straightened a few things in the room. As she moved she noticed Ronon standing near the door but trying to stay out of sight. She knew he was missing his friend and maybe since John was in such a good mood it would be a good time to introduce a new person back into John's life.

"John," Teyla interrupted the man playing with her son. "I am wondering if you would be fine with seeing Ronon. I know he has been anxious to see you and make sure you are recovering well. Is this something you would be comfortable with?"

"Ronon?" John said and for a second something like pain flashed across his mind. But he knew Ronon was his friend, right? They covered each other's back, didn't they? "It's really Ronon?" John asked cautiously.

Teyla moved closer and ran her hand over his hair. "It is really Ronon. Of this I am sure. You must trust me, John. I would not allow anyone to come in here who would hurt you. Do you trust me?"

John looked down at the little boy in his lap who was so real and was drooling real spit onto his hand so Teyla must be telling the truth. This would really be Ronon. He looked up at her and gave a cautious smile.

"Sure, it'd be great to see Ronon. And I do trust you, Teyla. You know that, right? I know you'd never hurt me just like I'd never hurt you or TJ."

Teyla nodded, leaned down and gave John a small kiss then moved toward the door. He watched carefully as Teyla spoke with someone outside the room then he saw a large figure move to stand in the doorway. It certainly looked like Ronon but John had been fooled before.  _What day was it_? John wondered.  _Was it Thursday?_  But then all his days had been mixed up lately. If today was Thursday then he should have had his shock therapy yesterday. But he didn't remember that. Come to think of it he didn't remember much of the past few days but he knew he hadn't gotten his whipping or beating lately.

And Teyla and Dave had been here all day and they had brought Torren. Had he finally succumbed and just stayed inside his escape world for good? Was this really his escape or was this reality? He and Teyla had been together every day for so long that he now thought of this as real, wasn't it? He and Teyla and Torren; they were a family. And if that was the case then Ronon could be here, right? He was a friend of the family. Yeah that worked. In John's mind it worked.

But there was still a tiny bit of doubt that plagued John. He looked up and gave Ronon a smile. "Hey!"

Ronon's mouth twisted into his version of a smile and he repeated, "Hey." Then he took a small step forward as if not wanting to come too close too fast. But then he smirked and said, "When are you gonna get your lazy ass out of bed, Sheppard? You been lying around here for almost a week."

John actually snorted when he heard this. No one but Ronon ever spoke to him this way. Oh, McKay might insult him but he'd do it in a much more derogatory way using longer words. But this was Ronon not some snakehead pretending to be him. He was pretty sure. And some of the anxiety went away.

"Been waiting for you to come break me out of this place," John snapped back and he saw Ronon's face grin even more. "They've had me restrained for most of the time. Where the hell were you and why didn't you get me out of here?"

Ronon now walked right up to the bed and apologized. "Sorry, Buddy, they wouldn't let me near. Said you were delusional and stuff."

John heard Ronon call him  _buddy_  and also  _Sheppard_. The memory of the other ' _Ronon_ ' came into his mind and how he had called him ' _Colonel'_. That had been one of the telling signs that had let him know he was being tricked again. Ronon had never called him Colonel; he usually called him  _Sheppard_ or  _Buddy_  and even occasionally  _John_.

"Yeah, it's um …" John tried to explain but felt confusion war inside him again. There were too many images and memories floating around in there. "I was , uh … not feeling too great. Hoping I'll get better soon."

John felt TJ crawl toward his chest and lay his head on John's shoulder. It must be getting close to nap time. John smiled at the feel of TJ snuggled against him. "They keep letting my son come visit and I'll get better much quicker. That and a few of Teyla's kisses; those always seem to work."

Ronon swung his gaze to Teyla at John's words and Teyla's frantic eyes glared at him not to say anything. Ronon knew enough about Sheppard's supposed fantasy world that he may have created to keep himself sane that he stayed quiet and didn't make a comment. But had his friend created a world where Torren was his son?

When he thought about it, it made complete sense. He had always thought Sheppard had been kicking himself when he found out Teyla was pregnant. He knew John had major feelings for their teammate for a long time but the man was too professional and maybe even too scared to make any moves on her. But in his fantasy world, he could do whatever made him happy. And he knew having Teyla and Torren be his would make the man very happy. Now he just wondered what Teyla planned to do about it.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed and had been holding Sheppard's hand and running her fingers through his hair since the man had gotten in here. He had even seen her give him a few chaste kisses. They had certainly never done that before Sheppard had been taken. Was Teyla just planning on playing along hoping Sheppard would eventually remember everything? Or was she hoping that he wouldn't remember everything and they could continue on from where Sheppard's fantasy world left off?

Ronon knew this stuff was complicated. Right now on the surface Sheppard seemed like he was fine. But if he really though Torren was his kid, then he wasn't fine; he was still delusional. And Ronon wondered how long that would last. And looking at how Sheppard was acting with the kid right now, he wondered what the fall out would be when he  _did_  finally realize the child wasn't his.

He stood and watched as both Sheppard and Torren began to nod off and he knew enough about his friend to know that Sheppard wouldn't want anybody around when that did finally happen.

.

 


	19. Nineteen

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**Chapter 19**

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John slowly crawled back to wakefulness but didn't want to open his eyes just yet. He figured he'd take inventory first and assess the situation. He started with the fact that he was in an actual bed and had a soft pillow under his head. He also had a few pillows in front and behind him keeping him on his side. That alone was nice.

Next he tried moving his hands and feet and discovered there was nothing keeping them in one place; no chains, or restraints of any kind. Also nice. Things were looking up. He began to focus on the body and could feel some uncomfortable soreness in his back and a few of his limbs. His chest felt tight and a few ribs were also sore. The throbbing in his left leg was minimal but still present and he was extremely weak. But overall he didn't feel half as bad as he thought he should. Nowhere near as bad as he usually did.

He decided it was safe to open his eyes and slowly focused on the room around him. Hospital bed and an IV attached but the gray cinderblock walls indicated this wasn't Atlantis. Little memories crept back in and he knew he was in the SGC in a private infirmary room. Teyla and TJ had been here. So had his brother Dave, and he had seen Ronon, hadn't he? Yeah, for a short time but he definitely remembered the big guy telling him to get his lazy ass out of bed.

He checked the clock on the wall and saw that it was early morning. Teyla was probably with TJ, either getting him breakfast or giving him a bath. Hopefully they would both come and visit soon. He turned his head slightly and saw a shadow in the doorway and his breath sucked in for a quick second of fear.

But when he looked closer he saw that it was McKay and he was busily dragging his finger across the screen of a data pad, his brow furrowed in concentration. John watched him for a few minutes trying to ascertain if it really was McKay and not some doppelganger attempting to get information from him. But the man didn't seem concerned with talking to him, just hanging out in the doorway. And that was pretty much McKay's style of support. He would be in your presence but he had much better things to occupy his time than idle chit chat.

"You just gonna stand there all day, McKay or are you planning on saying  _hi_  at any time?"

Rodney looked up quick and seemed very nervous as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn't have been. Had he been told not to come in here? John knew they were all treating him with kid gloves and he was sure there was probably a good reason but he tried not to go too far back in his memory to figure out what it was. His memory right now held way too many scary and terrifying things and he'd just as soon forget them and keep them buried way in the back, behind all sorts of other garbage.

"Oh, I um … no, I was … just …" Rodney hemmed and hawed and looked around anxiously. "I uh … thought I'd just stop in and … see how you were doing." He gave an awkward smile and asked, "How are you doing?"

John gave a little chuckle. There was no doubt in his mind that this was Rodney. No one could do baffled and dysfunctional like McKay. "I'm okay, Rodney. Really tired even though it seems all I've been doing is sleeping but better than I was. You want to come in and sit down or are you holding up that specific part of the wall for a reason?"

Rodney stood up straight and looked curiously at the doorframe he had been leaning against and shook his head. "Oh, no, the wall's fine, I think. I just didn't want to disturb you if you were sleeping."

"Well, I  _was_ sleeping but I'm not anymore so why don't you come in and sit down." John shifted in the bed and a new dilemma arose so he looked at Rodney and said, "Actually, is there any way you could give me a hand in getting to the bathroom. The doc says she doesn't want me trying to do too much on my own for a while and I really hate the idea of face planting on the floor again."

Rodney's eyes darted around the room frantically but he put his data pad on a nearby chair and said, "Uh, … sure, I guess. You don't need a nurse or a … I don't know … medical professional to help you?"

John moved to the edge of the bed and shook his head. "No, McKay, Teyla was helping me the last few days and my brother had a few turns also. Neither one of them have medical training so I'm sure you'll be fine. I don't need help IN the bathroom, just in getting there."

"Oh, okay," Rodney responded a bit more relieved when he realized he didn't have to get too involved in this.

John laughed and reached for Rodney's arm and held on for a moment to get his balance then began the short few steps to the door. He made sure to make it quick though getting the IV stand in and out of the small room wasn't the easiest thing to do. But he managed.

As he was walking back to the bed, the nurse he'd come to know as Nina came in and smiled at him. Rodney just rolled his eyes and John jabbed his elbow into McKay's side. He was with Teyla now, there was no reason for McKay to think snide thoughts.

"Colonel Sheppard, I see you already took care of business," Nina began then helped him to settle back in the bed. "I sent for breakfast and it should be here any minute. Dr. Lam ordered something light but she would like you to try and eat as much as you feel comfortable with. I just need to check your vitals and I'll leave you to eat your breakfast. If you need anything, just let me know, I'll be in the next room."

"Thanks," John responded then smiled as he saw one of the guards bring in his breakfast tray. He noticed the man stayed a good distance from him and kept his sidearm away from him at all times. John felt a stab of guilt as snippets of memory flashed through his mind of him grabbing a weapon from a soldier and then firing it in the hallway. He pushed it away as these little bits and pieces only made to confuse him more. He knew some day he'd need to sit down and take them all out and evaluate them and piece them together. But he wasn't ready for that now. Now he just needed to get his body back to being able to move around and function properly.

"Would you like me to spread some jam on your toast, Sir," the soldier asked respectfully once the tray was settled in front of Sheppard.

"What?" McKay squawked. "He isn't strong enough to spread jam on toast?"

John smiled awkwardly and answered, "They don't trust me with a knife. Think I might go postal again."

The soldier just stood at attention waiting for orders, though John knew if he ordered him to let him leave the room, the man would blatantly disobey. John gave a sigh and said, "I'm fine, Corporal, thank you. I can probably use the spoon if I really want jam. You can go back to being bored out in the hallway."

"Yes, Sir, thank you, Sir." And the man left.

"What was he thanking you for?" McKay asked curiously as John did indeed use the spoon to spread some jam, this time blueberry, onto his toast.

John shrugged and took a big bite of the toast then chewed as if he were eating lobster. "Probably for not grabbing his gun and shooting him or trying to get out of the room. If they haven't told you, I've had a few flip outs. I'm trying to cut back though, bad for the moral."

Rodney looked uncomfortable and so John took the opportunity to drink some of his juice and take a few bites of fruit. There wasn't much else on the tray. But he honestly didn't think he would be able to eat much more. After three months of only a small bowl of watery mush every day and then a few days of puking and fever, he figured his stomach must have shrunk to the size of a pea. As much as he'd love to wolf down a great big steak, he knew it wouldn't be happening for a while.

"So what cha' got cooking there, McKay?" John indicated the small computer that Rodney had been trying to pretend he wasn't looking at. John knew better. It was rare that McKay spent much time not working even when he was trying to be social.

"Oh, uh, …" Rodney looked up with a guilty expression, knowing he'd been caught. "Nothing really. Just uh … some of the stuff we pulled off the Trust computers when we got you, too."

"So, I was just an afterthought, huh?" John teased and saw more guilt come into McKay's eyes.

"No, no, of course you weren't," Rodney asserted. "We didn't even know where the Trust headquarters were until Athena contacted your brother. And then we only found out because Sam wrote some brilliant program that managed to find the millisecond interruption in their power grid that was masking your transmitter. But Landry and O'Neill decided if we were going all that way to get you back, well then we should probably try and get a little Intel too. So they sent SG-1 to go along with us."

John finished his third piece of toast and leaned against the mattress acknowledging that his back wasn't quite as bad today as it had been. He shook his head at Rodney. "I was just kidding, you know. It would be kind of silly not to try and get something else out of the rescue mission if they could at all do it."

John narrowed his eyes and images crossed his mind. "So tell me again what you did to the facility."

Rodney looked around the room like he thought John would know or maybe he wasn't sure if he should tell him. "Uh, we, um, blew it up."

John felt relief wash over him and he closed his eyes and gave a deep sigh. He thought he had remembered someone telling him that but his thoughts were still so foggy and unclear. He really hated this but he knew he wasn't ready to get the absolute truth on everything yet either.

McKay sat silently looking at him and his half eaten meal. "Are you going to finish that toast?"

John chuckled again. "No, Rodney, go ahead and take it if you want it. I've got two pieces of melon here if you want that too."

Rodney snatched at the blueberry topped bread and took a bite. "It's just that it's been a few hours since I had my breakfast and my hypoglycemia, well, you know."

John just nodded glad to have some things back to normal. And as he watched McKay he knew he was still feeling guilty about something. Sure enough he got the courage and spit it out.

"Listen, John, I just want to say I'm sorry."

John looked at him puzzled and raised his eyebrow. "For what?"

"For what?" McKay cried. "How about not getting here in time with Atlantis so you had to go all heroic and do your Sammy Suicide bit with the hive ship. How about not realizing that you had been beamed off the ship and were still alive. How about not rescuing you sooner and allowing you to go for three and a half months being … you know, … not in a good place. Is that enough to be sorry about?"

John just started laughing and Rodney looked perplexed. "McKay, none of that stuff could be helped. We didn't expect the hive ship to get here so fast and you had no way of knowing I had been beamed off the ship. You need to stop beating yourself up over it."

"Oh, right, says the Guilt King himself," McKay snapped back and they both started laughing.

"Did I miss a joke?" Teyla's sweet voice inquired as she walked into the room.

"Oh, hi Teyla," Rodney greeted her. "No, Sheppard here was just telling  _me_ not to feel guilty."

Teyla strolled closer to John and reached for his hand. "Yes, because we all know he  _never_ has that problem."

She then saw his empty plate and gave him a bigger smile. "You ate well this morning, John. And it is not bothering your stomach?"

"No, stomach is doing fine so far," John replied then looked at Rodney. "And how's your stomach doing, McKay?"

Teyla gasped and her mouth gaped open. "Rodney, you ate John's breakfast."

"Just one little piece of toast," Rodney defended himself. "And a few pieces of melon. And he wasn't going to eat it. You can't let food go to waste; it had blueberry jam on it!"

Teyla narrowed her eyes at him then she looked at John with a more pleasant expression. "And how are you feeling today?"

"Better," John answered. "I can lean against the back without it being too sore and Rodney helped me  _to_  the bathroom but I did the rest all by myself." His voice mimicked that of a little kid.

Teyla shook her head and laughed then leaned in and kissed his cheek. She saw Rodney squint in confusion at the gesture and knew she would most likely need to explain to him at some point.

Rodney looked down at his computer and then up at John again saying, "Uh, well, since you seem like you're okay, do you need me to stick around? I can but I promised Jackson and Sam that I'd help go through more of the Trust data bank that we swiped."

"You go help then, Rodney," John instructed. "I'm sure I'll manage without you."

"Okay, great," Rodney said as he got up and moved toward the door. He paused before he left. "Oh, and I'm glad you didn't think I was a Goa'uld. You didn't, did you?"

"No, McKay, nobody could fake being you this good."

"Oh, good, … I think." And he looked confused as he walked out of the door.

John saw Teyla was cleaning up his tray and he knew he wanted to kiss her soon. It had been too long as there were always people around and he knew they needed to be discreet. He pushed the covers off his legs and slid them over the side of the bed. When Teyla saw him she looked curiously at him.

"I thought you said Rodney had helped you earlier."

"He did but now I want to brush my teeth since I finished eating. I had to make due with using the edge of my t-shirt with putrid smelling water for so long that I want to make every effort to use the toothbrush when I can."

"I can assist you in getting there," Teyla offered and slipped herself under his arm as he held onto the IV stand and rolled it along.

Teyla stood just inside the door as John quickly brushed his teeth. Then he glared at himself in the mirror and said, "You think Dr. Lam will let me have a razor to shave this thing off?"

He thought about what he'd said then finished, "Maybe you could shave it off for me since I really doubt I'll be allowed to have anything that sharp for a while and I don't think an electric razor will even make a dent in this nest."

Teyla smiled at him and ran her hand over his beard. "I will be happy to, John, though I will admit it does give you a bit of a rakish appearance."

"Rakish, huh?" John said as one eyebrow rose mischievously. Then he pulled Teyla further into the bathroom and closed the door. "How long do you think we can get away with being in here without anyone pounding on the door?"

Teyla felt her  _heart_ begin to pound at the thought of being in here alone with John. They had exchanged a few kisses yesterday but she knew they had not done more except in their dreams.

"What do you have in mind for us to do while we are here?" she asked not sure if she was nervous or excited.

John pulled her in close and allowed his lips to skim across hers. She happily joined in and allowed her own hands to slide around his sides. She was dismayed at the ribs that stuck out so prominently but quickly forgot that as John's tongue stroked along her bottom lip and tempted her own to come out and play. And it was happy as it played, for some time.

Teyla felt John lean back against the sink and wondered if he was getting tired. She knew just a few minutes of standing left him quite weak. "Do you need to get back in bed, John?"

"If you'll join me, sure," he winked and his mouth twisted into a grin.

Teyla rolled her eyes. "It is just I do not wish for you to overly tax yourself. Standing for too long can do that."

John glanced around the bathroom then smirked again. "Then maybe I should sit down." And he pulled her so he was sitting on the cover of the toilet seat and she was in his lap.

"This is lovely," Teyla said facetiously and stroked his cheek. "Do you take all your dates to places this elegant?"

John pulled her head down and his lips moved toward hers. "Only the really special ones."

Then he began to kiss her again. Teyla twisted her body so she was facing him and her lips aligned perfectly with his. She was enjoying kissing him so much. It was a shame they had not begun doing this much earlier in their friendship. Though she knew then they would have been much more than friends.

She felt John's hands caress her back and then slip under her stretchy tank top to explore her bare skin as his mouth devoured hers. She ran her own hands along his broad shoulders and neck and into the hair at the back of his head. His lips tasted and nibbled on her lips and then began to travel softly across her cheek to her throat and then down to her neck.

Teyla arched her neck and then her back as he pressed light kisses and licked sensitive spots along the way. Then his hand moved from her back to the thin strap of her top and pushed it aside to explore the skin that had been revealed. Teyla's breath picked up as his lips continued to play and then became harsh and fast as they lowered to the mounds he was slowly exposing.

The other strap was now lowered and Teyla could see John's hungry gaze fastened to her heaving chest and she knew they should probably stop. They were in a bathroom after all. But the memories of their shared dreams were still so real and fresh in her mind that she wanted desperately to know if they had done justice to reality.

John continued his pursuit of her exposed curves and Teyla wrapped her hands around his head and tugged closer. John did not even pause just accepted the invitation and lowered her top even further. Rough hands smoothed over silky skin and his thumbs flicked her nipples to make them even tauter than they had been. Then his tongue snuck out and licked along the bronzed globes only to zero in on the pert centers.

Teyla cried out and then quickly stopped herself from further noise when she thought about where they were. The door was closed but it was not locked and too much noise could have one of the guards bursting in on them while they were such engaged. She knew that would be more than a little embarrassing and she did not figure Dr. Lam would be happy with how she was allowing her patient to get so worked up.

And she could feel that John was getting worked up, the hard surface under her bottom growing as they sat here. But this was so much better than the dreams had ever been and those had been amazing and passionate. But she knew they could not continue much further. John was not strong enough yet and it was not the right time or location.

"John," Teyla's voice was barely a whisper. "Perhaps we should continue this another time, when you are stronger and have more energy."

John pulled his mouth from her breast but kept it so she could still feel his breath upon her skin. "I don't know, Teyla, I don't seem to be getting tired from this at all."

Teyla laughed and was about to say something when a short knock on the door sounded. They both turned toward the door quickly and Teyla pulled her straps back up and over her shoulders.

"Colonel, are you okay in there?" Nina's voice floated into them. Teyla stood up and flushed the toilet them turned on the water.

"He is fine," she called out trying to keep her voice from sounding too breathless. "We are just washing up a bit."

"Okay, I was just checking."

Teyla helped John to stand and thought it was good that the hospital gown was very loose so it hid the reaction he had had during their contact. John just smirked and leaned down for another quick kiss then nodded for her to open the door. Nina was across the room straightening his bed and Teyla hoped she hadn't heard them while they were kissing.

She looked up when the two walked to the bed, IV trailing beside them. "Colonel, I was wondering if you might be able to get a nutritional drink down. I know you had breakfast only a short while ago but Dr. Lam really wants you to have a few of these each day in between your meals."

Teyla deposited John on the side of the bed and pulled the sheets down for his legs to slide under. He looked at Nina and answered, "Can you give me another twenty or thirty minutes? I know it was only a few pieces of fruit and some toast but that was much more than I've had in a long time."

"Sure, Colonel, I'll bring one in then. Would you prefer chocolate, strawberry or vanilla?"

John seemed unsure. "Too much choice. Maybe we should start with something mild like vanilla and then I can work my way up to chocolate or strawberry, huh."

Nina chuckled and nodded then left the room with a, "If you need anything I'm right out here."

John shifted on the bed so he was on his side but sitting up and he reached for Teyla's hand. She happily sat next to him on the space he had provided for her. He leaned in a bit only after checking the door that no one was peeking in on them.

His smile was content. "The only thing I really need is already in here."

.

* * *

.

"Sheppard, I really need you to help me figure this thing out," Rodney burst into John's room much later after supper.

John had just taken a short trip around the room all by himself with Denise now, watching. Teyla had brought Torren in for a little while and he and the boy had taken naps together again today. But Teyla had gone to feed him and he knew she would be another hour before she came back. He figured he was due for another nap himself. He'd been awake for several hours and was starting to feel lightheaded, possibly from too much exertion. He looked up when Rodney came in and had to blink a few times as the man was a little blurry. Either he was moving too fast or John was really exhausted.

"Let me get Colonel Sheppard back to his bed and then you can speak with him, Dr. McKay," Denise instructed.

Rodney bounced on his feet impatiently while John settled just on the edge of the bed, his stocking clad feet barely touching the ground. John wondered what he could possible need help with. They weren't on Atlantis so nothing here was Ancient and that was usually what he was needed for. It was one of the main reasons Medusa had plucked him out of the hive ship.

"What do you need, Rodney?" John asked quietly hoping whatever it was didn't take long. He was wiped.

"Well, Jennifer is finally coming here and I haven't seen her in close to two weeks and she's due here any minute and I want to see her but I am just about on the brink of figuring out what this thing does and so I need you to just help me since I saw that you had played with this little toy before."

McKay's rapid fire speech made John's head swim and he grabbed hold of the mattress under him. "What?"

McKay looked like he was about to repeat his little rant but just waved his hands wildly in the air and said, "Just sit there and don't move. I'll get it."

And he followed Denise from the room and came back in a second later with a device that John knew only too well. It was the Ancient thingy that Medusa had wanted him to get working almost every day. And when he couldn't she always took her bad mood out on him. And the result was usually painful; very painful.

John stared at the device and then at McKay and felt his vision go blurry again and the room begin to spin. He didn't like this feeling as he had felt it too often, especially on Thursday, tricking day. Was it Thursday? He didn't think so since he hadn't had his shock yesterday … or had he? He tried to think and knew some of the last few days were a blur and he had been very sick and barely conscious. Had they put something in his IV again?

John swallowed hard and took deep breaths to try and stay calm. Hadn't they rescued him? He was in the SGC, wasn't he? He stared at the device again and could almost feel the whip on his back after Medusa hadn't gotten what she wanted from the machine. Maybe all of this had simply been one long dream and he was still back in his cell and he was about to experience hell once again.

But he knew he couldn't let on that he knew. He needed to think and try and outmaneuver them. It was just this McKay imposter. He didn't see anyone else nearby. But then he knew that was never really the case. There was always someone else nearby. He'd need a weapon of some sort.

He gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile to the imposter and nodded. "Sure, I can help you. No problem. Let me just move this IV out of the way." As he did, he unhooked the tube from his hand.

He checked the doorway and saw the pretty young nurse wasn't there so he twisted on the bed making room for the device, keeping one foot on the floor and the other folded under him. As impostor McKay placed the machine in front of him his gaze scoured the room. He didn't see much but he thought maybe the IV stand could be useful. He knew it came apart and if he could somehow managed to get the top half off, he could use it as a kind of sword or at least swing it around a bit. It might get him close enough to the guard to grab his weapon again.

The memory of facing a dozen soldiers all pointing weapons at him, surfaced and panic hit him again. He hadn't wanted to face another Monday with Medusa but they hadn't let him go. They hadn't shot him either and that would have been preferable. Wouldn't it have been? But then he would have given up on being with Teyla and TJ. But they weren't really  _here_ , were they? Confusion swirled through his mind as he glared at the piece if equipment near him.

"Well, what does it do, Sheppard?" McKay whined impatiently. "You have to touch it to turn it on, don't you? I don't have all day, Jennifer should be here any minute and I really want to see her. And I told Jackson that I had it figured out already, so don't make a liar out of me, okay?"

John lifted his hands cautiously and placed them on the pads of the device and as he knew they would, the lights on it started glowing. He could see imposter McKay's eyes light up though they didn't glow so he figured this one wasn't a snakehead. It didn't matter though. They were only here for one thing and that was to make his life miserable.

He concentrated on the device and immediately knew he wanted to escape so he could see Teyla. He needed her again. He needed her now. He could feel her presence beckoning to him. But he didn't want her coming here. He'd go to see her. They'd be in their little house and take a walk to the park and let TJ play on the swings. Maybe he could talk Teyla into playing on the swings too as she had finally gotten the hang of pumping. But he knew he'd be the one to take TJ down the really high slide, though Teyla would never admit to fear of the thing.

"So what's it doing? Jackson said the corresponding text was something about communicating but he hadn't finished translating yet. I was hoping I could come up with the answers first so he didn't think he was better than me. I'll admit the guy is smart but let's face it he's no astrophysicist. He's got a doctorate in  _archeology_  for Pete's sake."

"It sometimes takes a few minutes to warm up," John tried to stall as the man's greedy eyes stared at the glowing buttons on the machine. "Do you think you could get me a cup of water, please?"

McKay picked up the plastic cup and pitcher on the bedside table and said, "There's water in here."

"I know but it's warm. My throat's a little sore; could you get me some cold water, from the tap in the bathroom is fine. But rinse the pitcher out a few times first."

The imposter gave a big sigh and John thought he sure did sound like the real McKay but the room was still wavering in front of his eyes and his limbs felt weak. That's always the way it was when they tried to trick him. This time was no different.

As McKay walked away John reached for the IV stand and quickly pulled it apart and slid the long slim pole behind his back on the bed. He only had a second before McKay was back and handing him the now filled cup. He took it and noticed the man's face fell when he saw that the lights had gone off now that his hands were not touching it.

"Hey, it turned off."

John set the cup down and touched the surface again and the lights came back on immediately. McKay's face squinched in confusion. "I don't get why I can't turn the thing on. So what does it do, Sheppard? What did Athena want this thing for?"

John took in a deep breath and a little plot began to form. He knew he would only get one shot at this and it better work. He knew the punishment for trying to escape if it didn't and he didn't think he had the strength for anymore beatings or whippings. He was truly at the end of his rope.

"Well, once it's all warmed up," John began his little story, "there's a little thing, door maybe underneath that opens up. Help me pick it up and I'll show you."

McKay moved closer and began to lift the machine though his voice was filled with bewilderment. "Why the heck would they put a door underneath this thing? I swear those Ancients …"

He never finished his sentence as John shoved the machine against him causing him to tumble to the floor. He had twisted trying to make sure it didn't fall and break and that gave John the opportunity to grab the long metal pole and hit him on the side of the head with it. John knew it was only a glancing blow and wouldn't actually knock him out but any extra time it would give him was needed.

He then moved stealthily but swiftly to the door and noticed the nurse was sitting on the far wall with a laptop on the table in front of her. She was facing away from him. He didn't think he could have been any luckier when he continued to move and saw two guards and they were both on the same side of the door, talking. He thought he might make it when he heard McKay shout behind him and both guards looked up and drew their weapons.

John almost laughed when that worked out more to his advantage. He swung the pole in their direction and managed to knock the sidearms right out of their hands. He didn't wait to see what would happen next. He just ran as fast as he could down the empty hallway.

.

.

"So have you figured out what the dreams were that you were having?" Jennifer asked Teyla quietly after they had greeted each other and were walking down the hallway. A young airman was escorting them to Dr. Keller's quarters and they were catching up on what she had missed the last two weeks.

"There is a pattern and I have a vague idea of what they meant but  _why_  is still a mystery to me. But my concern now is making sure that John begins to heal physically and to keep him from being anxious or distressed from emotional confusion."

"Yeah," Jennifer sighed. "I still can't believe he was alive all this time … and being tortured daily. I don't even want to think about what that did to him, both physically  _and_  mentally. I've gotten a few reports from Mr. Woolsey about the incidents he had. Have things improved at all?"

Teyla smiled though it was far from enthusiastic. "He has been much better the last few days though he spent much of the days before that in the throes of fever and was very delusional. He seemed much less disoriented today and yesterday …"

Jennifer heard Teyla trail off and tilted her head curiously. "But …"

Teyla sighed and slowed her steps so the airman in front of them did not hear. "John is under the impression that he and I … that we …"

Jennifer's eyes grew wide. "You mean he thinks that … Wait, does this have anything to do with those dreams?"

"I am …" Teyla trailed off and Jennifer saw her eyes grow wide with what could only be called fear. She stopped in her tracks and turned in the other direction. "It is John. Something has happened. He has much fear in him right now."

And she tore off down the hallway, Jennifer staring at her back.

.

.

John ran down the hallway, his limbs heavy and his breathing rough. He tried to hold in the coughs that threatened to slow him down but moving quickly wasn't helping. He could hear the footsteps behind him and it was like déjà vu. But he didn't even have a loaded weapon this time, just this crummy piece of metal.

He'd swung it a few times when anyone had tried to come close to him but his arms were like lead and he was having a difficult time keeping the thing in the air. He knew soon he'd be surrounded again and he couldn't let that happen. He had to get out of here. He put as much effort as he could into moving his feet along the corridor and staying ahead of those behind him.

He'd made it further this time than he had before and he wondered why he was in better shape now. Or was he? He didn't ache all over like he had each time he had tried to escape from Guido and Bruno but he was having a hard time breathing and he could barely stand up. The IV, they had put something in it again, he was sure. That stuff always made him feel lightheaded and dizzy. And that was how he felt now.

He trudged a few more steps then shook his head trying to clear his vision. But he could hear the people who had appeared in front of him and they were asking him to stop and put down the pole. But he wouldn't do it. He couldn't. It would all just start over again and then he'd be chained to the wall and beaten and tortured then left alone in the dark to sit and wallow in his misery and his soiled clothes.

He glanced down and saw that he wasn't wearing his military gear. He was in a pair of scrub pants and a hospital gown with a pair of thick socks on his feet. He paused and wondered when he'd been put in those. It didn't make any sense that he'd be wearing hospital clothes. Medusa never changed him into anything else even when she was trying to trick him. Maybe she'd gotten smarter and knew it was a dead giveaway.

He looked up and quickly swung the metal piece in the air as he saw soldiers trying to move in closer to him. He couldn't let them. He needed to get out of here. He took a few more steps but then felt hands on his shoulders and some on his arms. The metal pipe was torn from his weakened grasp and he yelled out, "NO!" as more hands grabbed for him.

He put up a valiant fight but the hallway was whirling around his head and the dizziness grew worse. His hands lashed out and his feet kicked. He could feel them connecting with something or someone and so he kept moving them. And he would for as long as he had breath in him.

"Stop!" he heard someone scream from far away and it almost sounded like Teyla. He could feel her presence and knew she was coming for him. But he wanted her to wait until they were all gone, at least from his mind. Then they could be together.

But her voice rang through the hallway again. "Please release him, you are hurting and scaring him."

"Ma'am," a low, deep voice interrupted and John struggled a bit more. "We need to contain him and we don't want you to get hurt. He's not stable right now."

"He will not hurt me, I assure you," Teyla said with authority and John loved how formidable she was when she wanted something. "Release him and I will get him calm and back to his room."

"Ma'am," the voice warned again but John now saw Teyla moving toward him and she pushed past the blurry figures and he felt her warm hand on his arm. His struggles ended. This was where he wanted to be. With Teyla.

"John," she whispered softly to him, "I am right here. You are safe now. I will not hurt you and I will not allow any of the others to harm you either."

John felt Teyla's arms slide around him and he leaned his head to rest against her side. He could smell her tantalizing scent and wished he had the energy to take her in his arms and kiss the daylights out of her. But his eyes would barely stay open and his limbs sagged.

"Teyla," he pleaded softly and she leaned closer so she could hear him. "Please, … take me … home."

Teyla was here with him and she would never allow him to come to any harm. Her lips pressed to his temple and when John felt it he allowed his eyes to close and blackness to overtake him.

Teyla felt when John finally succumbed to the exhaustion of his overtaxed body and became unconscious. She cradled his torso and pressed another kiss to his forehead as those around her looked on in concern.

"Get a stretcher and we will bring him back to his room," she instructed then glanced up and saw Rodney standing nearby, his expression one of horror.

When he saw Teyla look at him he immediately burst out, "It was my fault. I did it! I don't know what I did, but I did something and it set him off and he flipped out and oh God, I'm so sorry. I should never have gone in to see him. But I wanted to see you, Jennifer," and he looked at the doctor who had followed Teyla to this destination, "and so I was in a hurry and maybe I didn't think. But I don't think he even knew it was me. He did this morning. He even said so but right now, he actually hit me. He hit me with that pole, see, right here."

Jennifer looked at the tiny scratch on Rodney's forehead and frowned. "No one thinks you purposely went in to set off Colonel Sheppard, Rodney. And your head will be fine. That IV stand isn't very heavy and it looks like it barely touched you."

Rodney started to sputter and Teyla stood up and placed her hand on his arm as John was loaded on a stretcher and carried back to his room. "Rodney,  _please_ , this is about John, not about you. You need to stay calm and I need to see that John is settled."

Teyla followed alongside the stretcher and kept her hand on John's arm as they walked. Dr. Lam met them at the door and Teyla was dismayed to see General Landry coming down the hallway from the other direction. She sighed when she thought of what this man would now insist upon again, John in restraints.

And sure enough when he heard what had happened he ordered the restraints to be attached again regardless of Carolyn's plea that his pneumonia would never get better if he was kept in one place.

"We need to figure out what the hell happened and then we can revisit the restraints but for now he keeps them on."

Teyla insisted on being in the room with John as Carolyn, Denise and one of the guards strapped John to the bed, Carolyn saying his back was healed enough for now that it wouldn't be too painful for him to lie on it for a short while. Teyla just stood by morose, her jaw clenched as she felt again the fear John had been feeling.

Out in the observation room, Jennifer was wondering about that. "What I don't get," she said to Landry, Rodney and the two guards who had been told to stay close, "is how Teyla knew something had happened. We were walking down the hallway to my quarters and all of a sudden she stopped and went running here, like she knew exactly what was going on."

"I think I have the answer to that."

Jennifer turned and saw a man with shaggy hair and glasses standing behind her in the doorway to the hall.

"Dr. Jackson," Landry addressed him. "Do you mind sharing?"

"It would probably be best if we had all the people involved there so I only have to explain it once," he said. He looked in at Teyla and Carolyn and indicated them.

"Carolyn," Landry called in to the room. "Get him settled then conference room. We need to discuss this and Dr. Jackson has something important to tell us." The general then turned and said, "This is your party, Dr. Jackson, you get to invite whomever you want."

As the general left, Daniel looked around the room thoughtfully and said, "Right, uh, you and you," he pointed to McKay and Keller then looked into where they were taking care of Sheppard, "um, can you tell Teyla also. I need to go get a few things and tell a few more people."

He started walking out of the door then stopped and added, "Oh, uh, as soon as you can. Conference room and bring that device."

McKay just stared at the empty spot where Dr. Jackson had been. He found the man very strange.

.

 


	20. Twenty

 

**Chapter 20**

.

"Is everybody here that we needed?" Landry asked as he walked into the conference room. O'Neill and Carter were sitting to his left while Jackson and Carolyn were to his right. Teyla, Ronon, McKay and Dr. Marshall rounded out the group.

Jackson looked around and nodded.

"Good, well before we get to your discovery we need to spend a minute discussing what happened with Colonel Sheppard. Carolyn, you assured me taking the restraints off would be a good thing for the Colonel."

"And it was a good decision,  _General_. He has pneumonia and he won't get any better if we keep him chained to a bed. The human body wasn't meant to sit around and not move. And that's what he did for three and half months. I'm honestly surprised he isn't in worse shape, though he certainly isn't in  _great_ shape."

"But we can't have him becoming violent and attacking people in the hallways. We have to figure out what is causing this and stop it or keep him in restraints until we fix it."

"If I may," Dr. Marshall broke in, "we've already discussed the effects of sensory deprivation topped off with malnutrition and dehydration. That alone can cause Colonel Sheppard to act as he is. But the man was tortured almost daily for fourteen weeks. He created a fantasy world to go to whenever things got too rough and right now he is most likely trying to figure out what's real and what isn't."

Marshall opened a folder in front of him and consulted some notes. "Now the first incident occurred right after he was brought in correct?"

"Actually," Ronon grunted from his seat across from the doctor, "he kind of freaked when we first got him. He didn't want to leave his cell."

"Yes," Teyla concurred. "The larger room in which we went through was where he was tortured or so we surmised from the overhead chains and blood on the floor underneath. And John actually grabbed my sidearm to shoot one of the guards even though the guard was unconscious at the time."

"And he shot him not only in the chest but in the hand. Weird," Ronon added.

"Large, dark skinned man with long sideburns?" Marshall questioned. At Teyla's nod he continued thoughtfully, "I went through and watched all of the video footage of the Colonel's torture sessions. I thought I could perhaps get a better understanding of how to help him once he's ready for that. I know right now he isn't yet. But this guard, he was especially brutal to the Colonel and he also had a nasty habit of physically molesting Colonel Sheppard during this time, especially while they were bathing him. Shooting the man's hand that  _did_  most of this, that seems very symbolic to me."

"Which explains why he really doesn't trust any of the guards to help him in and out of the bathroom," Carolyn said. "He trusts Teyla the most."

"Right," Marshall agreed, "because Teyla was a part of the fantasy world that he created. Now the next incident happened here when he was first brought in, correct?"

"Yes, Dr. Perlutsky attempted to clean his back," Carolyn informed them. "But I can hardly blame him after what had been done to his back. It's what set him off again a few days ago. He was fine but when we tried to get him to lie down so we could change his bandages, he wouldn't allow it. Although he was pretty good when Teyla was there talking to him and assuring him he'd be fine."

"So what happened today that set him off?" O'Neill asked.

"That would be me," Rodney said his face red with guilt. "I brought in that machine and asked him to see if he could get it to work." He pointed to the device that was now on the table behind him.

"So what does it do?" Landry asked.

"I have a feeling that what it does isn't the reason Colonel Sheppard became delusional again," Marshall said. "I watched quite a few of the videos and almost every day the Goa'uld woman asked the Colonel to try and get it to work."

"I know she did," Rodney interceded. "Which is why I asked him. I figured he'd gotten it to work and just hadn't told her."

"Well, I figured something out when I looked at the time stamps on the videos," Marshall proceeded. "Even though the clips of Colonel Sheppard using the device were in a separate folder from the torture ones, I saw that each time he was unsuccessful in getting the device to work, he was subsequently tortured according to what day it was."

"Oh, God!" Rodney squealed and went pale. "And I just strolled in and asked him to get it to work. He must have thought he'd be tortured again when he couldn't do it."

"More than likely," Marshall agreed.

Carolyn cleared her throat. "Looks like he had plenty of reason to go nuts today. And Denise said he was already worn out from being awake for a while and she thought he seemed a bit lightheaded and dizzy even  _before_  Dr. McKay came in. He was trying to push himself a little further physically. I can't imagine what he must have been feeling when he saw the device."

"He felt fear," Teyla stated bluntly. "Terror, uncertainty and fear."

Everyone looked at her puzzled but Landry was the one who spoke up. "Dr. Keller said you had known that something was happening with Colonel Sheppard. How did you know this?"

Teyla shrugged. "I do not know the reason. All I know is that for the past several months I have felt John's presence with me and today I felt very clearly that he was afraid and that I must get to him to help him."

"You felt his presence?" McKay squeaked. "What do you mean and why didn't you ever tell anyone?"

"I told Dr. Keller," Teyla replied, "And I told Colonel Carter a few days ago. Dr. Keller thought I should write down my feelings and dreams and see if there were any patterns to them. And I believe I have found some."

"Dreams? What kind of dreams?" Carolyn asked curiously.

"Shortly after Colonel Sheppard disappeared I began to have dreams of him. They were not nightmares of him dying but dreams of us being together. Sometimes just he and I and often times Torren was with us too. And then during the day I would sometimes feel his presence. I discussed this with Jennifer and wondered if it could be John's spirit coming to me. I had heard many of your people's stories of ghosts and could not help but think perhaps that is what it was."

"Or Sheppard had ascended," O'Neill suggested. "It's not like we haven't seen  _that_  before." He looked pointedly at Daniel.

"I had considered that as well," Teyla said.

"But ascended people have all sorts of rules they need to follow," Daniel filled in glaring at O'Neill.

"Yes, but John has never been one for following the rules," Teyla pointed out. "But obviously that was not the case and I am confused since it seems that the dreams I experienced were similar to the fantasy world that John created."

"How do you know this?" Carolyn asked.

"In speaking with John over the past week I have ascertained that what he believes to be true line up with what I experienced in my dreams."

"And  ** _I_**  figured out why," Daniel said smugly and tapped away at a few keys on the computer in front of him. "That machine."

They all looked at the device and Rodney scowled. "So you figured out what it did?"

"Yup," Daniel responded with a grin and Rodney narrowed his eyes hating that an archaeologist had figured this out before him.

"I found the notes Athena had written about the device and then the file that had the Ancient text she had supposedly translated. But she didn't really translate everything perfectly."

Daniel sat back and folded his arms across his chest. "Athena got the part where the device would get into the mind of your enemy to help you win battles but what she didn't realize is that it didn't work on just anybody."

"So who did it work on?" O'Neill asked.

"The Wraith," Ronon mumbled loud enough for all to hear.

"Um, yes, the Wraith," Daniel confirmed surprised that Ronon knew that. "Athena thought it would work on any enemy but she didn't take into account that this item had come from Atlantis at some point and the enemy of the Ancients there were the Wraith."

Sam smiled like she now understood. "So it only worked to get inside the mind of a Wraith."

"Or someone with Wraith DNA, like Teyla," Ronon contributed again.

"But wait," Jennifer called out confused. "Colonel Sheppard got inside Teyla's mind but how did Teyla have the same dreams?"

Jackson grinned. "Now see that's why the Ancients ditched this little experiment; because it started working both ways. They could get inside the mind of a Wraith but the Wraith could also get inside their mind as well. And it seems the effect lasted for a while even after the machine was shut off. They never figured out how to make it work only one way."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "They had a nasty habit of doing things like that."

Marshall looked very interested. "So Teyla began to see and experience the fantasy world that Colonel Sheppard had created. This could be helpful in treating him for the emotional part of his recovery …. if Teyla's willing."

Teyla nodded her head. "I will do whatever is necessary to assist John. I can truly see how very confused he is and it saddens me."

"Tell me a little about this world he created," Marshall implored. "Was it just snippets of different events and how did it relate to what he was going through? You mentioned a pattern to the dreams you had."

"The patterns were related to the day of the week that I experienced the dream. On Tuesday I found that often we were engaged in sparring with bantos rods."

"And that was the day he was beaten with a stick," Ronon threw in as the others saw the correlation.

"Friday was always somewhere outside," Teyla continued. "We went to the park or on a hike or walked through some wildflowers."

Rodney wrinkled his nose. "Sheppard imagined himself walking through wildflowers?"

"I'm sure it was better than whatever Athena was doing to him," O'Neill said as he thought of what Ba'al had done to  _him_.

"Sunday was varied but it almost always included Torren and a very long outing to some place relaxing and fun."

Rodney made a face and asked, "How in the world did he make  _whipping_  into something good?"

Teyla blushed deep red and looked around the room uncomfortably. "I … would be … perhaps scratching his back or giving him a message."

"At a guess by your heightened color I'm assuming some of the experiences were intimate in nature,"  
Marshall speculated.

Teyla gave a tiny nod.

"Did you and Colonel Sheppard have this type of relationship prior to his being abducted?"

"No," Teyla quickly denied. "We did not."

Marshall looked pensive and Ronon spoke up. "But Sheppard's had a thing for her for a while, years."

Marshall smiled at Teyla. "I don't mean to get personal Teyla, but do you return the Colonel's feelings? Because if you don't it could get a bit tricky when he begins to differentiate his fantasy world from reality."

Teyla looked apprehensively around the table. She knew Ronon was aware of how she felt and she was certain Jennifer and Sam did too. She was not sure how the others would take her revelation.

"Yes, my feelings for Colonel Sheppard are similar to his. Right before he left we had decided to speak of it when he returned. Obviously that did not happen. I do not know exactly what to do though. Should I act as though the dreams were real or should I try and let him know they were all in his imagination?"

Marshall smirked. "I'm guessing since Dr. Jackson said the device worked both ways that not  _all_  the dreams were the Colonel's imagination. Perhaps some of them were yours?"

Teyla blushed again. "Perhaps. Though I wonder if some of them were Torren's. My son also carries the Wraith gene and even though he had not seen John in the many months of his absence, he was quite overjoyed at his return and immediately wanted to play games that I only remember them playing in these dreams."

"Wow! Really?" Jackson exclaimed. "That's actually pretty neat."

"I guess that answers your question about why Torren was calling John, Dada," Sam said. "He was having some of those dreams too."

"Wait!" Rodney waved his hands frantically. "The kid thinks John is his Daddy?"

Teyla nodded awkwardly. "Yes, as the dreams progressed, John, Torren and I became more of a family. There was even a house where we lived with a park down the street that we liked to play in. Torren remembered this as well and asked John to go there just this afternoon."

Teyla looked at Dr. Marshall and asked, "What should I do?"

Marshall frowned and sighed. "For now I know Dr. Lam would like to concentrate on getting him back to good health. And I think that should be the first priority as well. I assume, Teyla, that you're willing to stick around and help us keep him calm. I think you'll be imperative in getting the Colonel back on the road to emotional recovery as well."

Teyla nodded and smiled. Ronon looked confused.

"But Sheppard mentioned being tortured when he was with me. So he remembers that stuff. But, what … he also remembers being with Teyla?"

"I'm not sure exactly how his mind has this worked out," Marshall admitted. "The physical abuse is hard to deny given the wounds on his body but I'm guessing he doesn't want to give up what he had to escape to, either. You see, Teyla was part of his life before he was captured though perhaps not in exactly the same capacity so just adding that extra feeling and emotion to it isn't all that difficult."

"Especially if that feeling and emotion was already there before," O'Neill added sagely and Teyla saw him glance wistfully at Sam.

"Well and he and Teyla were always hanging around together with the kid anyway," Rodney said. "He did a bunch of Dad-like stuff already. Not a huge leap there."

"Well, doctors," Landry addressed Carolyn and Marshall, "what are the plans for the Colonel's continued recovery?"

"Like Dr. Marshall said," Carolyn pointed to her colleague, "we get his body healthy first and to do that we need to keep him calm and happy. Teyla, I think, is the key to that. And he seems to respond really well to having the boy with him too. The two of them takes naps together. I have to admit it's awfully cute."

"I assume you're fine with that, Teyla," Landry stated and Teyla nodded. "Good, then let's see if we can keep anything that reminds him of his time in captivity as far away from him as possible. I do still want the guards outside the door but I guess I understand that today's events don't warrant complete restraint."

"Perhaps once he gets a bit stronger he may be allowed to leave the room and walk through the halls," Teyla suggested. "Just so he does not feel like a prisoner confined to the room."

Carolyn nodded. "That's a wonderful idea, Teyla. Let him see that he's really in the SGC and not some mockup that The Trust put together. We can even get him a wheelchair and take him out until he's strong enough to walk further on his own. Right now he can do a few laps around the room but he doesn't have the energy to do much more. I would like to get him up more though and see if we can move that fluid in his lungs."

"How about we move him back to Atlantis where he can actually see outside," McKay had his own suggestion. "You people don't realize how dreary and depressing this place is."

"In due time, Dr. McKay, in due time," Landry said then dismissed everyone.

Teyla moved from the room quickly wanting to get back and make sure John was okay. He had passed out earlier but she was not sure how long that would last even with him being exhausted. Carolyn followed her down the hall and soon they entered the small observation room to see Denise standing at the window looking in.

"How is he?" Teyla asked with concern in her voice.

Denise looked up. "I think he's starting to come around. I wasn't sure if I should go in there. He really hates to be in those restraints and I think it causes more confusion than anything."

"I agree," Carolyn responded. "General Landry said we could remove them. But I think maybe Teyla should go in and do it and get him calm first. I can come in maybe in a few minutes, Teyla, if you think he'd be okay with a visit."

Teyla nodded as she walked quickly into the room. She sat on the side of the bed and began to speak softly to the man lying there whose eyes were starting to flutter.

"John, I am here. There is no need to worry, I will be right here with you."

Green eyes opened to show confusion as he pulled against the straps. Teyla leaned over him and attempted to calm him.

"John, you are in restraints but I will remove them if you stay still. I will take the ones off your ankles first."

She reached down under the sheets and undid the thick, fabric straps and saw John pull against the ones attached to his arms. His face crumpled as it had so often lately and the look of uncertainty settled there again.

Teyla moved to his hands and leaned down to press a kiss to his lips. "Please stop struggling, John. I am here and I will make sure you are fine."

John shook his head back and forth and whispered, "They're not gone, Teyla. I thought they were gone, but they're not. They're still here."

His eyes darted around the room and then landed back on her face. Teyla undid the last restraint and ran her fingers down the side of his still bearded cheek. She kept her face close to his and assured him, "They are not here, John. You truly are in the SGC. The device you were asked to use was found by the team sent to rescue you and brought back. Rodney did not realize it would cause you concern. He feels very guilty that he worried you. But you must believe me, you are safe. The soldiers in the hallway were only trying to keep you and everyone else safe."

Doubt reflected deeply in John's eyes as he stared at Teyla. She could tell he was not sure of her words. And she was not sure how exactly to make him truly believe her.

She raised the head of the hospital bed and moved closer so her forehead was touching John's. His hands immediately reached for her shoulders and clung to her like a child. She could see his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he tried to swallow and keep himself in control. And the fact that it took great effort to do that told her just how much damage his captors had done to him.

"I will stay with you, John, if you need me. There are others who will gladly watch Torren for me tonight. I do not wish for you to have any fear while you are here."

"I do need you, Teyla," John croaked his voice low and like gravel. "I need you so much. I don't want you to leave me. I have all these images that keep floating through my head and I know the only one that's real is you, right? You have to be real, you  _have_  to be. If you're not, I don't know if I can hold on any longer."

Teyla twisted her body so she was resting between John's arm and body and she swung her legs up and bent her knees so they were leaning on his legs. She felt John's arms immediately wrap around her.

"I am real, John, very real. And you can hold onto me as long as you need to. I will be right here. Always."

John's arms tightened around her and pulled her even closer, resting his nose against her hair. He inhaled and sighed in relief as her scent wafted into his nostrils. "Thank you, Teyla, thank you."

Teyla snuggled more firmly against him and soon felt his body relax even more and his breathing become even indicating he had fallen back into sleep. It was what his body needed to heal and she knew she would do whatever was needed; she would do it for John.

.

* * *

.

"Why don't you go take a few minutes break, Nina," Sam told the nurse who was on the late shift as she and Jack walked in. "We'll stick around here and make sure everything is fine."

Nina closed the laptop she was making notes on and said, "Thanks, Colonel, they're both asleep though so hopefully you won't be needed. I do need to check in the lab for the Colonel's latest blood tests results. They should be ready and Dr. Lam will want to see them in the morning, I'm sure."

"Take your time," O'Neill added, "we'll be fine."

Nina left and Jack placed his arm around Sam's shoulder, pulling her in close to his side. Sam gazed up at him and smiled. He didn't do this often, certainly not when they were in the SGC.

Jack looked in at Sheppard and Teyla curled up together on the bed. He felt more than a little envious. Not just that they were together but that it seemed like it was okay for them to be that way. He and Sam had never had that luxury. Even now they kept their relationship fairly private, though a few people were aware.

"Who's watching Teyla's kid?"

Sam leaned further into Jack and said, "Well, Teyla put him to sleep before this whole episode happened but Teal'c and Mitchell were in with him. I think they were playing poker. Ronon went in to join them and I think he said he'd stay overnight so Teyla could stay with John. They all agreed it was a good idea to have someone with him all the time over the next few days."

"Yeah," Jack responded. "I saw a few more of those tapes. With what he went through, I'm surprised the guy didn't go completely whacko. I know he had a few … incidents … but aside from the gun one, they were fairly minor compared to what I've seen with some POW's. He seems very lucid and calm when Teyla's around. But I'm guessing he'll still need a lot of support over the next few weeks and maybe even months."

"He's got Teyla and I know she'd do anything for him. Of course he'd do anything for her too. I told you how he crawled off his death bed and was willing to give up his career to rescue her from Michael. I pretty much knew then that he had it bad for her."

"Like how bad I have it for you?" Jack teased quietly into her ear.

Sam turned in his arms and slid her hands around his neck. Her mouth twisted into a smirk and she lifted one eyebrow. "How bad do you have it for me,  _General_?"

"Pretty bad _, Colonel_ ," Jack said his own mouth grinning. "Of course you could make it better."

Sam's grin grew. "I'm not sure that would be appropriate right here,  _General_."

Jack looked around and saw that the guards were outside the door and turned away from the room, not really in sight of where they were standing. "I could make it an order, you know."

Sam wiggled in closer and whispered suggestively, "Well you know I have to follow orders, Sir. What exactly do you want me to do?"

"You could start with a kiss, I suppose."

Sam moved her mouth closer and licked her lips. Then she slid them along Jack's lips and allowed her tongue to trace the outline of his. She pulled his head in closer and opened her mouth to capture his. He seemed to get into the spirit of things and wrapped his arms around her back and allowed his tongue to play along the outline of her lips.

After a few minutes, things seemed to heat up a bit and O'Neill looked around. "Think we could take this somewhere a little more private, Carter?"

Sam's eyes lit up but then her face fell. "We promised Nina that we'd hang out here until she got back."

Jack made a face at her then pulled her back close. "So we can keep ourselves busy until she gets back, right?"

Sam pressed her lips to his and smiled, "Sounds good to me."

Their lips danced around each other and then met and frolicked and battled then pulled apart only to meet again. They kept doing this until they heard voices in the hall and quickly separated. But as soon as Nina had entered and asked if everything had been quiet, Jack grabbed Sam's hand and started for the door.

"Quiet as a mouse," he replied.

Then Sam added, "Have a good night."

As they swiftly moved through the doorway and down the hall, Nina chuckled and muttered. "I'm guessing  _you'll_ be having a good night too."

.


	21. Twenty-One

.

**Chapter 21**

.

The next week passed without any other major incidents but everyone could tell that John was still anxious around new people and a bit paranoid at other times. But he was able to stay awake for longer periods of time and he had been steadily walking around the room as much as he could.

Ronon and Teyla had taken turns staying with him overnight though where Teyla snuggled up with John in the bed, Ronon settled himself in a chair with his booted feet resting on the bed frame. When John started having the nightmares that had been plaguing him, Ronon would nudge him with his foot and after a few times of John waking up and seeing Ronon watching over him, the nudge was all he needed.

Teyla had her own way of calming him down and she suspected John liked that much better than the nudge. She touched and kissed and whispered in John's ear sweet words of comfort. And that had not been the only time they had touched and kissed.

Once the lights had been dimmed in the room so they could sleep, John had a habit of allowing his hands to do some exploring. With Teyla spooned up against him, he would run his hands over her curves and sometimes slip them under her stretchy top or loose bottoms. Teyla would try to keep from becoming too aroused but he always managed to get her going to the point where she wiggled her bottom right up against his front. And she could feel the effect it had on him. But they hadn't dared go much further with the nurse and guards right nearby.

Teyla had finally shaved off John's facial hair and he was allowed to use an electric razor each day to keep it off. Teyla had continued to help him clean up but he had yet to be allowed a full shower. Dr. Lam worried about his back still and his ability to stay standing while in the stall. She had promised him one very soon, with help. Teyla knew John wished for her to help him. And she did not have a problem with it at all.

The best part of all was that they had removed the IV. John was sucking down nutrient drinks several times a day as well as eating four or five small meals. He reveled in every little drop he got and the gaunt look finally began to disappear. He'd only put a few pounds back on but with that weight came more energy and strength.

And they had slowly begun introducing more people into his daily routine. Teyla, TJ and Ronon were constants but Carter and O'Neill stopped by a few times, Jennifer came in, though Rodney was still too upset that he had caused the last freak out, Mitchell, Teal'c, Jackson and Vala said quick hellos and David had come back for a day to check on him.

They had also started to take John out of the room in a wheelchair. He never went too far or any place crowded as it seemed to get him very nervous but they could tell he was getting better at dealing with crowds and unknown people. And the more he saw of the SGC, the more he seemed to believe he was truly back there.

Dr. Marshall thought it might be time to introduce himself and see to the task of getting the Colonel on the road to emotional stability as well. He knew the man had been well behaved and social with those he had seen so far but he also knew the environment had been extremely controlled and they hadn't let anything near him that might set him off again. But it was time.

They decided to start him off with just a small visit and have Teyla and TJ come along. Teyla brought the wheel chair in and Torren was sitting inside looking as if he had won the big prize.

"Dada, loot!" he called out as John tied the lace of the sneakers they had brought for him to wear. They had finally let him put on some casual wear during the day; t-shirt and work-out pants, instead of the hospital gown and scrubs.

John smiled at the toddler. "Hey Pal, you look like you're getting a ride. Are you going somewhere?"

"Doe you, Dada."

"You're going with me?" John said humorously so the little boy would laugh. "I was hoping you'd go with me."

"But you must allow Daddy to sit in the chair, Torren and then you may sit in his lap," Teyla instructed.

John scowled as she said this. "I can walk to the elevator, Teyla. I don't need a stinkin' wheelchair."

"I know you are capable and have been doing very well in the room and around these hallways but Dr. Lam does not wish you to stand on that injured leg too long. She says it will not heal properly if it gets too much use. She says you are already pushing yourself too much physically. I informed her that you do not know any other way."

John made a face and rolled his eyes. He held out his hands and TJ stood up and jumped right in them. Then he sat in the chair and said, "Carry on, James."

Teyla did not understand what he meant but she knew better than to ask. She wheeled him out of the room and frowned as the guard followed along behind. She knew General Landry was still unsure about John's mental stability and she could hardly argue the fact as she knew he still did not know the difference between their relationship when he left and what it was like in his fantasy world. And she also knew if the right trigger came up, John could possibly have another moment of paranoia and delusions. She had often seen his eyes dart around the room in what she could only call fear.

The soldier followed them into the elevator but made sure to stay far enough away so John would be unable to get at his weapon. Teyla knew John was aware of this and she could see that it bothered him. But as typical he tried not to let it show. She had just become very good at reading John Sheppard.

When they got to Dr. Marshall's office, John looked at Teyla and whined, "Do we really need to go in there? You know I hate talking to shrinks. Maybe we could tell him I don't feel too well."

Teyla gave him a glare she usually reserved for Torren when he did something he knew he shouldn't. "We are just meeting with him for a short time today. What you went through was not a simple matter, John. You were away for more than three months. And we all thought you were … that you were not coming back."

Teyla still couldn't say it and John saw how much the thought of him dying caused her pain. He reached for her hand and squeezed it tight. "Okay, Teyla, we'll go in. But I won't promise to say a whole lot. You know spilling my guts isn't really my style."

"I know it is not," Teyla replied and leaned down to give him a kiss.

"Can I at least go in under my own steam?" John asked as Teyla opened the door.

The guard who was with them moved toward the wheelchair and said, "I can hold onto the wheelchair, Sir. General Landry said I was to remain out here."

"Thanks, Corporal," John answered and he was thankful that at least he wouldn't have some other person listening in on his session. Having to come here was embarrassing enough.

As they walked in, TJ holding both John and Teyla's hands, Dr. Marshall got up from his desk and greeted them.

"Teyla, it's nice to see you again. Colonel Sheppard, I'm Alex Marshall, welcome. I'm glad you came today. And who is this little guy," he said as TJ tried to swing in between the two adults."

John reached to pick up the tot and said, "This is Torren John," he smiled smugly and emphasized his own name.

"Hi, Torren John," Marshall greeted the child then looked at the adults and pointed to the chairs around a small coffee table. "Have a seat."

John and Teyla took chairs next to each other and Torren climbed into Teyla's lap. She knew he would stay there for a short while then climb down and insist on being in John's lap. It was a game he liked to play when there were lots of adults around and he wasn't the center of attention.

"So, Colonel Sheppard," Marshall began, "why don't you tell me a little about yourself."

John looked at him suspiciously and asked, "You haven't read my file?"

"I've read your military file but I just thought it might be nice to get to know  _you_. You can tell me about how you grew up, any hobbies you have, your family, whatever you feel comfortable sharing."

"I'm not big on sharing, Doc, just so you know," John grimaced. "And as for my family, they're sitting right here with me."

Marshall just smiled indulgently. "I thought I met your brother earlier?"

John nodded. "Yeah, Dave was here. He's married with two kids. I like his wife, Amy, she and I have always gotten along pretty well."

Marshall knew there were tons of questions he could ask regarding that but decided to allow Sheppard to lead the conversation so he just nodded and smiled and allowed the man to speak when he wanted to.

John looked around the room awkwardly then at Teyla who was speaking softly to Torren in her lap. He half rolled his eyes and said, "Hobbies? Well, I like to surf and play golf. I've been known to tool around Atlantis on my skateboard on occasion and I play the guitar; but not in public so don't ask."

Teyla looked up and smiled now. "John has played for Torren and I fairly often. But he sings the most bizarre songs and I truly wonder sometimes if the lyrics are real or if he has just made them up."

"They're real," John defended with a twinkle in his eyes, "for the most part. I might change a few words here or there just to get a giggle out of TJ. But I'm not really musically inclined in the writing department."

"And these are the things you do during your off time on Atlantis?" Marshall continued his questioning.

John did roll his eyes this time. "When I  _get_  off time, sure. But it's not like we can easily get to the mall or go out to a bar. We're floating in the middle of an ocean on a planet in another galaxy."

Marshall decided to see how far he could push some more facts. "Except right now Atlantis is floating in San Francisco Bay and has been for about four months now."

John looked at Teyla and she could tell he felt uncomfortable with the new information as it wasn't part of what he had known from before. Teyla reached to lay her hand on his arm and smile.

"That is where we landed once we got to Earth. The IOA and your government have not yet decided if they will allow it to return to the Pegasus Galaxy. They seem to think it would be better to have it here for protection of this planet."

John looked pensive for a few moments then said, "They didn't offer to take you back to your people on the Daedalus or the Apollo?"

"The offer was extended but even though I had been told you had … perished … I felt close to you here and did not wish to leave just yet. And you did leave me the lovely cottage in Nantucket," Teyla added with warmth in her eyes.

John smiled back and Teyla wondered if he was remembering their dream of being on the island with Dave and his family. She had enjoyed that immensely and could still feel the love and emotion they had shared while there. But she did not wish to get into a conversation regarding that so she gave an impish grin and squeezed his hand.

"I did hear Rodney wonder if he needed to give you back the chalet in Aspen. He has not had an opportunity to use it but I know he wished to take Jennifer there at some point."

This made John laugh. "Coming back from the dead complicates things, doesn't it? Maybe I'll let McKay keep it as long as I get to use it if we're ever back here during the winter. I'd love to teach TJ how to ski when he gets a little older. I think my Dad had me on skis by the time I was three or four."

Teyla appeared confused. "Did you not tell me once of skiing on water? Why would you wish to do this during the winter? Would it not be quite cold?"

John laughed again. "There are two different kinds of skiing. There's water skiing, which is where you get pulled behind a boat by a rope while you have skis on and you do that when it's hot out. Downhill skiing is done in winter and you go down a snow covered hill with skis on; different kind of skis though although they are similar in shape."

"Ah, yes," Teyla seemed to comprehend. "I have been to snow planets where people put special long shoes on their feet to move quicker through the snow. Perhaps it is similar. I would like very much to see this sometime."

"Then I'll make it a point to show you if we're here in the winter."

"It sounds like you're quite the sports enthusiast, Colonel," Marshall commented. "Did your parents encourage this or were you just always very active?"

John's mouth twisted into a crooked smile. "Well, I was a very active  _child_ and I think my parents encouraged the sports to try and keep me out of trouble and maybe wear me out a little. Not sure that really worked though. But I seemed to be pretty good at them and I realized I like the action so I kept it up."

Marshall nodded. "So all that  _action_ , is that what made you decide to join the military?"

John shrugged and shook his head. "Nah, I wanted to fly jets and the only place to do that was the Air Force. The rest is history."

"What else have you flown?" Marshall inquired conversationally.

John took a breath but knew that he never minded talking about flying so he began to rattle off the names of everything he'd ever flown. The list was long and he made comments about each and every one of the aircraft hoping to use up his allotted period of time with Dr. Marshall.

But Marshall seemed interested and even asked a few questions about some of them and John began to relax a little. Marshall could tell when he did and was glad he could get the man to open up even though it had nothing to do with why he was here. But he needed Colonel Sheppard to trust him and this was a beginning.

When John finally wound down talking about the puddle jumpers, darts and the city of Atlantis, which he had also flown, Marshall figured that was enough for the day. The little boy had crawled into Sheppard's lap and was now sticking his thumb in his mouth and his eyelids were lowering slowly.

"I found that intriguing, Colonel," Marshall said then pointed to Torren. "But I have a feeling he wasn't as enthralled. You put him to sleep."

John pulled the child in tighter and smiled then looked at Teyla. "Yeah I do that to Teyla sometimes, too. She was good today and managed to stay awake."

Teyla pursed her lips and rolled her eyes. "I love hearing you speak of things you have done in the past, John, you know that. Though I will admit that there are often things of which you speak that I do not quite comprehend. Perhaps you will show me pictures of some of these flying machines so I will know what they look like."

John's eyes widened in excitement and Teyla was glad to see the old spark in him. "If they let me have a laptop I can show you. And then maybe if there are a few games on it I won't be so bored when you need to spend time with TJ."

"I think having a laptop would be beneficial to your recovery, Colonel," Marshall theorized. "It will get you back in touch with what's going on in the world and help you stay focused on the present. I'll mention it to General Landry and hopefully you'll have one by tonight."

"Really?" John asked enthusiastically. "That'd be great, Doc, I'd appreciate it. Maybe I wouldn't feel so isolated all the time."

Marshall nodded his head. "Yes, I imagine being in just that one room must be very isolating for you. I was thinking of recommending a little outing. The weather's been beautiful lately and sometimes you forget that when you're in here. I'll speak to General Landry about that too. Do you think you're ready to go outside maybe just to a nearby park to get some fresh air?"

John nodded vigorously and his face almost looked pained. "Oh, yeah, I'm ready. And could TJ and Teyla come and we could find a place that had swings and a slide. TJ would love it."

"I think that would be a very good idea, Colonel, though I have a feeling General Landry will still insist on some other chaperones."

John grimaced but still had a smile on his face. "I figured that but it's okay. I'd love to get outside if I could."

Marshall stood up and moved toward the door. "Then I'll get working right on that, Colonel. You look like you need to get that little guy in a bed."

John carefully stood up so he didn't wake the now sleeping child. He moved toward the door and Teyla opened it. Marshall gently placed his hand on Sheppard's arm and said, "It was nice meeting you, Colonel. I'm sure we'll get a chance to talk more later."

"Thanks, Doc," John said in a blanket statement then walked out to see the guard pushing the wheelchair across the hall for him. Teyla helped him settle in then shook the doctor's hand and turned to begin wheeling John toward the elevator.

John glanced back to see Dr. Marshall standing in the doorway then turned away smiling. It hadn't been as bad as he'd thought it would be. He'd imagined someone asking him all sorts of questions about his time in captivity and his abuse and torture. He knew he wasn't ready to talk about that yet, if ever and he knew he'd never talk about it in front of TJ regardless of the fact that the child didn't understand much of the grown up talk. He wasn't even sure he wanted Teyla to hear. Though truthfully she was probably the one he'd be more likely to speak with about it. After all she had been the one to save him from it every day.

That thought confused him and he started wondering why. Teyla had been there to help him escape the torture but she hadn't really been there, it had just been his imagination, right? But her memory was so real and he could feel her thoughts and emotions every time they were together. How could that be? Was it just echoes of their time prior to his last mission? That must be it. He knew for some reason he didn't want to try and delve any deeper into those thoughts. He had a feeling he wouldn't like what he found.

But for now Dr. Marshall was going to speak with Landry and see if he could get a laptop and possibly take TJ and Teyla to a park. The thought of that alone would get him through the rest of the day.

.

* * *

.

"Okay, Colonel," Carolyn started her instructions, "There are a few things you need to know about a shower."

John stared at her incredulously. "Doc, I've been taking showers for quite a few years now and pretty much all on my own. I'm guessing I haven't forgotten how."

Carolyn glared back at him. "Yes, Colonel, I am aware. But remember that you still aren't up to full strength yet. Teyla says she'll be in the bathroom while you go in just in case you begin to feel lightheaded and weak or need any help. Now I think your back is healed enough to allow it in the water but you don't want to actually scrub it. We don't want to aggravate the still healing scars. Take your time and don't rush. We don't want you slipping and falling. I'm sure the last thing you want is to be laid up with another injury right now especially since General Landry has authorized that little field trip today to the park. I placed a small stool inside the shower enclosure in case you need it. And don't think you're so macho that you don't use it if you need it."

John gave a small sigh then said, "Is that it, Doc?"

Carolyn just shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Yes, Colonel, I'm done my lecture. Enjoy the shower."

John glanced at Teyla as she came out of the bathroom having just supplied it with shampoo, soap and towels. He would definitely enjoy it if at all possible but maybe not in the way Dr. Lam was thinking.

He turned and walked toward the bathroom door only limping slightly on his healing leg. Teyla followed him in and closed the door as John adjusted the water to a comfortable temperature. He reached for the edge of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. He saw Teyla eyeing him as he reached for the waistband of his scrub pants and took a step in her direction.

"Sorry, Teyla," he smirked, "Dr. Lam says no scrubbing my back just yet. She didn't say anything about scrubbing my front though."

Teyla just closed her eyes and laughed at John's outrageous words. But deep inside she knew she would happily scrub his front and any place else he wanted.

She took the t-shirt from his hand and directed, "Go, take your shower. I will be right here if you need me."

John leaned down and gave her a quick kiss. "I always need you, Teyla." Then he quickly stripped off the rest of his clothes and stepped under the invigorating spray with a deep sigh.

Teyla unabashedly watched through the clear door as John rubbed soap on his body and then squirted shampoo in his hair. He just stood there rinsing off for far longer than she thought was necessary but he seemed to be luxuriating in the feel of the water cascading down his body so that she did not wish to disturb him.

Finally he reached for the faucets and stopped the water flow and shook his head. Teyla chuckled as water flew in every direction from the hair that still had not been cut and she was glad he was inside the enclosure. She took one of the fluffy towels she had managed to find and held it up ready for him. He opened the door and smiled his thanks.

"Ah, that's the first time I've felt really clean in four months."

John ran the towel over his arms and legs briefly then wrapped it around his waist to step out. When he did Teyla held up another towel and instructed, "Turn around and I will pat your back dry. Dr. Lam said it should be treated gingerly so as not to aggravate any of the still healing wounds."

John did as asked and Teyla tried not to grimace as she viewed the ravaged surface of his skin. She did not know how he had managed to survive such brutal abuse. She knew many men would not have been so strong. She gently patted the towel to absorb the moisture on his back as John took a hand towel and ran it through his hair.

Teyla finished and folded the towel but before she could place it on the counter, John turned around and drew her inside his arms. "Now that I'm all clean maybe I can get you a little closer, hmm?"

Teyla took a sniff and grinned. "Yes, you do smell much nicer. Perhaps  _closer_ would be permissible."

John's arms tightened around her and he lowered his mouth to touch hers. Teyla allowed the contact and inhaled more of John's clean scent as his lips travelled over hers light and gentle. She slid her hands up to his shoulders and reveled in the feel of his skin under her fingertips. She could tell John appreciated her touch as well when a tiny groan slipped from his throat.

"God, Teyla, this isn't fair. I can feel your hands touching me but I need to touch you as well."

Teyla caressed the side of his face and smirked, "I am not stopping you."

The low chuckle turned into a growl as John began to unbutton the front of the sundress Teyla had donned for their outing today. He wondered if she had foreseen his little side trip into intimacy. Whatever the case, he didn't really care. More and more of her bronzed skin was showing and soon the last button was undone and he spread the sides of the dress and his mouth dropped open at the sight before him.

She was more beautiful than he had ever remembered with her ample chest that was now heaving at his gaze, her taut abdomen and her curvy hips that were draped in just a tiny scrap of lavender lace. He felt himself shudder knowing soon he would be able to help himself to this delicacy.

"You're so gorgeous, Teyla," John breathed out, his voice barely a whisper. He saw her smile at the compliment then reached out to touch the deeply golden skin of her neck and trail his fingers downward. They skimmed the top of her rounded mounds then circled them and held them in his hands as if they were a precious gift. In his mind they were; the most precious gift of all.

Teyla kept her eyes on John and could see that he was mesmerized by the sight of her near naked body. She had to confess to being pleased that her looks were appealing to him. But she could also tell that perhaps what they had in mind might be too stressful for his still recovering body. She knew there was a way to keep his strength from waning too quickly and she steered him over to the closed toilet seat cover and pushed lightly to make him sit.

Then she stood in front of him and allowed the dress to glide off her shoulders. She placed it neatly over the towel rack then raised one eyebrow in invitation.

John didn't waste any time in answering. He grabbed her hips and pulled her so his lips were exploring the skin he had just caressed. Teyla attempted to keep her cries of pleasure from echoing in the room but his tongue had found her nipple and was flicking it until it was hard and erect. The sensations coursing through her started a fire burning deep inside her stomach and then moved lower to inflame her core. She held John's head close against her and ran her hands over his shoulders and through his thick hair.

John didn't linger too long though; his tongue took a final lick then stroked along her skin down to investigate her navel. As his mouth, lips and tongue nipped and licked along her abdomen, his fingers snuck inside the elastic on her hips and tugged until Teyla felt the fabric pool around her feet. She subconsciously moved each foot until the offending cloth was kicked away and she stood before John in her natural state.

He gave a low moan, grasped her bottom and dug his fingers into the curvaceous flesh that had been exposed. "It's been too long, Teyla," he cried softly then licked along her stomach some more. Teyla knew he was thinking of all the dreams where they had been intimate but she did not wish to dispel his belief right now. Her body was clamoring for his touch and fulfillment and she hoped it was not wrong of her to want this to go to completion.

Her fingers dug into his shoulders and she lowered her head to press her lips to his once again. As she did her hands moved to loosen his towel and she found his arousal hard and eager. She knew she was moist and ready also and did not wish to prolong this any further. This was as private as they would get for a while and she wanted, no  _needed_ to be joined with John this way. She had desired it for much too long a time.

She felt his strength in her hand and heard his groans as she rubbed up and down his length. His mouth moved back to her rigid nipple and sucked long and hard making her hips buck in anticipation. John slipped his fingers between her legs and slid along her wet folds and she knew she would finish too quickly if he did that much longer.

Teyla pushed at John's head and saw his confused expression. She took a little nip of his lips with her teeth and warned, "We cannot be too loud. I do not know who is in the outer room but I am sure there is a nurse and a guard right outside that door."

Then she straddled his lap and pressed the tip of his erection against her waiting center and allowed herself the pleasure of it just sliding warmly in and out. John's jaw clenched and his hands gripped her hips snugly.

"You're killing me here, Teyla. That feels so incredible but it's been so long I'm not sure I'll last very long if you keep that up."

With an impish grin, Teyla slid so he was completely sheathed inside her tight walls then she held him close to her chest. John heaved a sigh and closed his eyes but soon opened them to continue his ministrations of that chest. Teyla arched her back at this and began to move her hips in a gentle motion. But soon that gentle motion started an inferno burning that couldn't be controlled and John thrust up inside her as she gyrated on his lap, both beating out a rhythm that was innate in all lovers.

Too soon they felt the flames explode into a series of fireworks and they held each other tight as they felt the cinders burn down to ashes and then flutter softly to the ground. But it still took a while before their breathing returned to normal and they pressed sweet kisses along the other's skin while they waited.

"You are incredible, Teyla," John whispered as she stood and began running the water to tidy up. John moved up behind her and kissed her shoulder then reached for his electric razor. "I should've shaved before we … got together. Did I rough you up at all?'

Teyla shook her head and smiled seductively. "I will admit that I enjoyed the sensation."

John nipped at her shoulder again then finished his clean up as Teyla located her panties on the floor. She slipped them on along with her dress as John put his own clothes on. They had gotten him some jeans and a light colored t-shirt for today.

Teyla splashed some water on her face to try and correct the flush she knew was there from the heightened activity then looked to see that John was ready too. Teyla's face grew red once again as she opened the door and saw Ronon sitting in the chair next to the bed. The smirk on his face told them plainly that he knew exactly what they had been doing.

"Ronon," Teyla said as casually as she could manage, "Is Torren ready to go to the park?"

"Yup," Ronon grunted. "Vala was changing his diaper and Mitchell was trying to find some balls we could play with while there. You two done?"

John returned the grin and moved to put on his socks and shoes. "Yeah, I finally got a shower today. That's a big moment."

Ronon heaved his huge body from the chair and muttered, "Is that all you got?"

Both Teyla and John looked sharply at him and he just shrugged and rolled his eyes. "Come on, let's go before Landry changes his mind."

John tugged the last lace tight and nodded. "Yeah, I'm looking forward to this. You can't even imagine how much."

They moved toward the door where their escort was waiting and John thought about what he and Teyla had just done. It had been amazing! In his mind he knew they had done this before, many times but there was a little niggling thought that something was wrong. He didn't want to dwell on it too long for some reason though, especially as today would be an absolutely wonderful day and he didn't want anything to ruin it.

.


	22. Twenty-Two

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**Chapter 22**

.

John leaned back against the seat of the Town Car that had been sent to pick everyone up from the park. He smiled remembering how great it had been. The day was sunny and warm but not too hot and he had soaked in every ray of sunshine he could get.

He peered down at TJ asleep in a car seat next to him, knowing the child had used every ounce of energy he'd had while they were there. His eyes had lit up at the swings and slide and he had seemed nervous but excited when they put him on the see saw. Of course Teyla had needed to go on with him while Vala sat on the other side. John remembered how much they had enjoyed going up and down and he realized that both of them were not from this planet and had never used equipment like this before. Seeing the new experience from their eyes had been great.

While Teyla had pushed Torren on a swing, Vala had gone on too and liked the swings almost as much as the see saw. He, Ronon and Mitchell had thrown a small football around during this time. John had been slightly perturbed when he had recognized a few of the SGC guards strolling around the perimeter of the park, in civilian clothes of course. But he knew it was for his safety as well as anyone else's. He just hated to acknowledge that he still wasn't back to ' _normal_ ' and was seen as a potential threat.

But being out there today was so much closer to normal than he had been for a long time and he started to feel like maybe he could fully recover. He didn't even want to admit to the fear that he might never be able to. He knew his thoughts were still scattered and confused at times but he was beginning to feel more  _with it_. He knew maybe part of that was regaining his strength and energy. His back was still tender in spots and his leg and ribs ached occasionally but he was getting regular sleep and his appetite had increased to the point where he could eat larger portions than before.

And he had done the packed lunch justice today. It was just sandwiches but he had managed to eat an entire one that had been stuffed with meat and cheese. And he had shared a bag of chips with TJ though Teyla wondered if the child should be eating such things. John had made sure to break them into little pieces for the boy before he gave one to him and he had loved them. And John had loved the whole day.

They had been able to stay for quite a few hours and John hadn't even minded when Dr. Marshall had shown up shortly after they arrived. Especially when John had approached him and he had explained. "General Landry was still a bit skeptical but I told him I would come along. I just didn't tell him that I had no plans of riding with you here or interacting. Truthfully I thought it would be a great opportunity to get a little fresh air and sunshine and finish this book I've been reading. And I get paid to do it."

Marshall had held up a mystery novel and true to his word hadn't bothered them. John had glanced his way often and noticed the man truly was engrossed in finishing the book. So John had enjoyed the day with his friends and family. He'd gotten to know Vala and Mitchell a little better and he and Cam had traded war stories and tales of flight training and they had listened to some stories from Ronon as well.

Vala and Teyla spoke of many things and debated the benefits and disadvantages of being foreigners among the Tau'ri. John listened intently when he was nearby so he could understand and make things easier on Teyla once he got out of his temporary confinement.

Looking around the back of the car, he had to believe it was temporary. They couldn't keep him in the infirmary, isolation room or not, indefinitely. And he hoped to God that they wouldn't stick him in some institution for the mentally unstable, though at times he certainly felt that way.

But not today. Today he felt good. No, he felt great! He had gotten some fresh air, sunshine, activity and had people around him to share it with. And he was finally beginning to believe all this was real. He was finally truly free of Athena and her goons and the variety of torture they had inflicted on him for far too long. His belly was full, his body was healing and he even had the pleasure of kissing Teyla a few times throughout the day. All that was definitely real.

He leaned his head back against the seat and watched the view pass by the windows. The others were chatting amicably but he just sat and listened. Occasionally Teyla looked at him with concern but he would simply squeeze her hand and smile letting her know he was fine. The day had been so perfect and he wanted to remember it all as much as he could.

Too soon they had reached the SGC and were standing in the elevator going down. His leg had begun to ache a bit and he asked Ronon to grab a still sleeping TJ so he could take some weight off it. No guards had entered the elevator with them and John felt freer than ever.

"Carolyn said you should check in with her when we get back and Landry wanted a synopsis of the day," Mitchell explained as the elevator stopped and the doors began to open. "But I bet you could go and put Torren down first in Teyla's quarters before you go there. I can take my time getting to Landry as well to give you a few extra minutes before you check in."

John smiled his appreciation as he exited. "Thanks, Mitchell, and you too Vala for coming today. It was great!"

"It was our pleasure," Vala responded her eyes showing that she really meant it. "I've gotten used to this little guy and I'm so pleased …"

Vala stopped mid-sentence when she saw John's face grow hard and fear enter his eyes. Charlotte Mayfield was walking down the hall toward them with a guard by her side.

John's eyes scanned the area and his breathing grew rough. He eyed the weapon the guard had strapped to his hip and tried to figure out a way to get at it.  _Why didn't these people see who she was?_

John whipped his head around to where Ronon was standing with TJ on his shoulder and growled, "Get him out of here, now! Teyla, go with them."

John felt Ronon move back a few steps but Teyla took a few forward and he felt fear scream through his gut. He couldn't let Teyla near Athena.

Teyla saw the woman who had once been the host of Athena, John's captor, and knew this was not good. Her eyes flew to John's face and immediately saw the fear in them. She could not let him begin to have delusions again but having the woman here, face to face, was certainly something that would most definitely trigger another episode.

"John," Teyla said calmly as she faced him and held out her hand to touch his heaving chest. "This is  _not_  Athena. I know you believe it to be but do you recall that you shot her? Remember you took my gun and shot her in the neck. Your actions forced the parasite to release its hold on Charlotte Mayfield, the host. This is the woman who was being held prisoner by the Goa'uld, Athena, but she is no longer. She is free and you can see her wound as evidence."

Mayfield touched her neck as she stared horrified at John and Teyla knew she did not wish to cause John any further distress. She had not visited with the woman but Vala had been seeing her quite often and had told Teyla of the shame she felt at all she had been forced to do while inhabited. The woman's eyes filled with moisture and her lower lip trembled.

"I am so sorry, Colonel Sheppard," she cried softly as the man stared at her agonized. "I am so sorry for what I was forced to do to you. I know you can never forgive me and I …"

Vala took a step closer to her now. "You are  _not_  the one who should be apologizing, Charlotte. You did nothing wrong. It was Athena and her control over you. I know how hard it is to get the images of the horrors she put your body through but remember, you are not responsible."

Vala turned to John who was standing tense and still, staring at the woman. His hand had reached for Teyla and pushed her slightly to the side. But Teyla had stood firmly by him and kept her hand on his arm to assure him of her presence.

"John," Vala addressed him informally hoping he would snap out of his trance long enough to hear her. "This is Charlotte Mayfield and yes, she was host to Athena during your captivity. But I can assure you she is no longer inhabited by a Goa'uld. I have been visiting her every day since you were both brought back and attempting to help her overcome her grief and guilt at what was done to her. She is as much a victim of this as you."

Vala shook her head and pleaded emotionally. "You've got to believe me. This is  _not_  Athena and this woman has no desire to harm you. If you recall I also was a host to the Goa'uld, Qetesh for many years and I can tell you that the parasite completely takes control of your body leaving you helpless. She is not responsible for what happened to you."

Teyla watched as John glared at Mayfield but she could see confusion and uncertainly dancing in his eyes. She was not sure how she would help him to understand but she knew she must. This was a large part of John's recovery.

"John, think back to when you were rescued and you shot Athena," Teyla prompted. "Do you recall how the symbiote exited from this woman and both Ronon and Teal'c shot it and made it disintegrate? I know you saw this; you just need to search your memory and understand that the Goa'uld symbiote was the villain but is now gone. Athena will not return again."

John looked around and saw all eyes on him as he gazed into the face of his torturer. But as Teyla spoke to him he had images of shooting her and her neck bleeding. So how was she here now? But then another image of a long snake like creature slithering from her mouth and attempting to reach one of the guards came into his mind too. But Ronon had shot it then Teal'c had blasted it with his Zat a few times until it had become nothing but dust. That had really happened, right? All these people right here were telling him that it had.

He wanted to believe them, he really did because then it would mean that Athena was really gone and couldn't hurt him again. But he had been tricked too often by her and he didn't want to get his hopes up only to find himself hanging like a side of beef from the rafters waiting for the crack of her whip.

But as he looked around again and saw the grass stains on his pants he knew he had spent the day outside in a park and not chained to a pole. His back was fine and his body barely ached. He felt rested and well fed and stronger than he ever had while captive. Was this all a dream? But if it were why was this woman standing in front of him? And why was she crying and looking as if she were heartsick?

He stood there a few more minutes and was surprised when everyone simply allowed him time to think. He could tell they were on edge and curious as to what he would do but they still gave him time. That was something Athena, Guido and Bruno never did. So maybe this wasn't Athena. He hadn't seen her eyes glow and she sounded softer and more gentle than he'd ever heard her and she was still crying and distraught. He didn't think Athena had any emotions other than anger and impatience.

John felt Teyla's hand squeeze his arm and her body move closer to his. He looked down at her face which was filled with worry and concern but he also saw something else. Warmth and caring and was it … love? And it was shining brightly for him to see so clearly that he almost forgot that Athena was standing there in front of him.

He gazed around again, wanting more than anything for this to be true, for this to be real where this woman was merely a victim too and she had no desire to hurt him or use him for her sadistic amusement. Teyla held tighter to his arm and lifted one hand to his face.

"We are all here for you, John. We are here to support you and help you in any way we can. No one here will cause you harm or allow anyone else to cause you harm."

John heard Ronon clear his throat and mutter, "We've got your back, Buddy."

At the sound of Ronon's solid voice and Teyla's calm and sweet one, John felt moisture coat his eyes. They were really here and they had all just had a great day outside in the park and Teyla and Vala had played on the see saw like kids. That had been real. This was real. And he needed to trust them. Because they had trusted him enough to go to bat for him with Landry and get him out of this depressing place.

John moved his eyes to see Mayfield attempting to wipe the tears from her face as she begged forgiveness. He wasn't sure he was quite ready for that yet but he could take a small step and maybe it would help him in his recovery too.

"I um …" John began then swallowed the lump that was growing larger each second. "I … know that it wasn't really you … and I get that you're sorry. And I'm sorry for … everything … Athena did to you too. Right now I think … that's all I can give you."

John cleared his throat and knew he just needed to get out of her presence before all the memories of what she had done exploded in his mind and caused him to flip out again. But for now he was holding in as much control as he could muster. "I … uh, hope you don't take this the wrong way … but I … don't think it's a good idea … for me to see you right now. I … I'm not sure I'll ever be ready."

Mayfield nodded vigorously and croaked, "I understand. Really. And I don't blame you."

"I uh …" and John let out a very shaky breath, "I don't blame you either. But the memories are still far too recent for me."

"We completely understand, John," Vala said firmly and began to guide Mayfield away from the area, the guard following closely behind though only after a nod from Mitchell that they had everything under control with Sheppard.

"You okay, Sheppard?" Ronon moved up closer to his friend, the little boy still sleeping soundly through the whole ordeal.

John gazed at TJ and smiled as best he could though it was a little warped. He took another deep breath and nodded. "Sure, I think so. I didn't flip out and take anyone's gun so I guess that's a bonus, huh?"

"A definite bonus," Cam replied and carefully patted John on the shoulder. "Now why don't you go and get that little boy of yours down for a nap. You look like you could use one, too. I'll let Landry and Carolyn know where to find you if they need you."

John nodded his thanks and Cam started down the hallway. "You know, Sheppard, … I think you're gonna be just fine."

Teyla began to steer John down the hall to her quarters and John allowed himself to be led. He followed Ronon as he placed Torren on the bed and sat next to the child rubbing his back to settle him back from being disturbed.

"I might take Mitchell up on his suggestion and lay down too if you don't mind," John whispered quietly although he knew Torren had slept through the whole scene in the hallway.

"Of course, John," Teyla answered sweetly and began to move around the room emptying TJ's diaper bag and tidying things.

Ronon lifted his chin and insisted, "Get some rest, Sheppard. You did good. I'll make sure no one comes in to disturb you," and he moved toward the door.

John nodded his thanks but Ronon had already gone so he reclined next to TJ and wrapped one hand around the child's prone body. He smiled when he saw TJ move closer to his warmth. He closed his eyes and thought about what had just happened. His first instinct was to grab the guard's weapon and shoot the woman … but he hadn't. He knew it was mostly because the guard wasn't close enough to him but he hadn't even attempted it. Especially not after Teyla had soothed him.

He knew it was awful but he hoped he never had to see the Mayfield woman again. He hated the memories that resurfaced so clearly at the sight of her. But he also knew she really wasn't to blame for what had happened to him. She was a victim too. He and Caldwell had had a discussion about what it was like after it had happened to him.

He felt sleep pull at him and he knew he should succumb however part of him hated to give up control. But he knew Ronon was at the door and he could hear Teyla moving quietly around the room and his anxiety lessened and he began to feel safe. He then thought of what Mitchell had said as he'd walked away;  _'I think you're gonna be just fine'_  and for the first time in many months, John actually believed that.

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* * *

.

"And where is Colonel Sheppard now?" Carolyn asked as she sat in her father's office with Cam Mitchell.

"He went back to Teyla's quarters to put the kid down for a nap. Both Teyla and Ronon were with him so I wouldn't worry. They won't let him do anything and honestly I think between the long day outside and the scene with Mayfield he seemed pretty wiped. I wouldn't be surprised if he was out cold next to the boy."

Landry scowled. "And you're telling me seeing Mayfield didn't affect him at all."

"I didn't say that," Mitchell corrected. "The man was wound tighter than a drum and his eyes kept darting all over the place. He kept looking at the guard's sidearm but he never actually did anything about it. You could see the gears grinding in his mind and we all just gave him time to process while Teyla and Vala tried to convince him it wasn't Athena. They did a good job too but I don't think it was just what they said. He understood the circumstances and what was going on once it was explained. I don't think he even realized that Mayfield was still on base and it took him by surprise."

"We never told him that," Carolyn supplied. "I honestly didn't know if that would set him off further and make him feel unsafe while he was here. But she has her own little problems trying to deal with what she was made to do. She agreed to stay here and heal and start seeing Dr. Marshall since he knows all about the situation. She knows there aren't any psychologists who can deal with what happened to her."

"And you said he was fine all during the outing," Landry clarified. "He didn't seem paranoid or nervous at all?"

"No," Mitchell shook his head. "Well, maybe a little annoyed when he saw some of the SGC guards strolling the perimeter of the park but he just rolled his eyes and brushed it off. He had a great time with Torren and played ball with Ronon and me and ate an entire sandwich, which I guess is pretty good since he hasn't eaten big meals lately, right?"

Carolyn smiled. "We've been trying to increase his food intake but it'll take a while to get him back to eating what he was before and we don't want to rush it. And I'm very encouraged by his reaction to seeing Ms. Mayfield. Honestly I would have thought that was a huge trigger to setting him off on another rampage."

"Oh, it triggered something all right," Mitchell told them. "But it sure wasn't any rampage. Like I said before, he conceded that she was a victim too but he also admitted that now wasn't really the best time for him to see her and that maybe it never would be. Then after Vala took her away he actually joked that at least he hadn't grabbed anyone's gun. Sounds like he's getting pretty close to where he was."

Landry just stood nodding his head looking pensive. He finally glanced up toward his daughter. "What do you think, Carolyn?"

Carolyn smiled encouragingly. "I think today's little trip went a long way in helping Colonel Sheppard begin to heal in more ways than just physically. It might be a good idea to see if we can get him outside more often and into more normal circumstances. Lets' face it, sitting in a hospital bed with guards outside your door isn't typical. And we should see about getting him back with a few more of his constituents from Atlantis."

Landry chuckled. "You know Jack is always looking for a good reason to throw a party. Maybe we can talk him into a belated welcome back party for Sheppard. Speak with Teyla and see who she thinks would be good to have come from Atlantis."

"Yeah, that's an excellent idea," Carolyn replied. "Though maybe not too many but a dozen or so people altogether wouldn't be bad." She raised her eyebrow and quipped. "I could use a nice day out as well. Maybe I'll see if I can get on the guest list."

"Hey," Mitchell cleared his throat. "Maybe that guest list could include a few SGC and not just Atlantis personnel."

Carolyn smiled. "I'll try but you may have more pull with O'Neill than I do. I may have to get  _you_  to get  _me_ invited. And no, Dad," she looked over at her father, "I don't think having you there would be the relaxing time that Colonel Sheppard needs."

"What?" Landry objected. "I can be fun. Right, Mitchell? Didn't we have a great time at my hunting cabin, well once we got that vicious creature taken care of, that is?"

Mitchell just laughed and walked toward the door. "I'm pleading the fifth on that one, Sir."

Carolyn laughed too at her father's indignant face. "Oh, please, don't get all bent out of shape. You're the boss. No one wants to be hanging out with the boss. Get over it."

As Carolyn walked out behind Mitchell, she heard the general mutter, "Fine, see how many of them I invite up to my cabin again."

She allowed the door to close without answering.

.

* * *

.

"So I heard Sheppard had a great day today," O'Neill said as he and Sam walked up to Ronon who was hanging out in the hall talking to Teal'c outside Teyla's quarters.

"Yup," Ronon grunted. "Great day at the park but back here, well, that could have been better if he hadn't seen the lady who tortured him."

At Sam's look of rebuttal, Ronon nodded. "I know it wasn't really her but in Sheppard's mind it still was."

"And he exerted much control in his actions and decisions," Teal'c added. "Colonel Sheppard is indeed making progress if he can differentiate between the one who harmed him and the victims she entrapped. I believe it is a cause to celebrate."

Jack chuckled. "You know apparently Hank was thinking the same thing. I've been enlisted to throw a party at my place in honor of Sheppard getting back on his feet and I need to invite some of the Atlantis crew. Ronon, maybe you and Teyla could come up with a short list; Lam doesn't want too many but more than he's been exposed to yet. Baby steps I guess."

"Amelia," Ronon blurted. "You should invite Amelia."

Jack looked confused but Sam smiled knowingly. "Sure , I think we can invite her. Maybe you can think of a few more who John would want there. You can discuss it with Teyla and let us know. I believe Jack was thinking next weekend."

"Teal'c, you're going to come, too, right," Jack asked the Jaffa.

The man gave a bow. "Undomesticated equines could not keep me away," Teal'c said with his typical straight face but Jack shook his head laughing knowing the phrase was a running joke with them. "Perhaps you could have that kielbasa that you cook on the grill. I have found that very appealing."

Jack pursed his lips. "Sure, Teal'c, anything for you."

"I'll even make my potato salad that you like," Sam offered.

"Sheppard likes potato salad," Ronon commented, "though on Atlantis it's sometimes made with kabella plants. Sheppard said they're similar but he says he prefers real potatoes."

"Good," Sam nodded. "Then I'll definitely make any extra batch. Is he in there with Teyla?"

Ronon bobbed his head. "He fell asleep with Torren. I told him I'd keep watch. He seems to sleep a little easier when he knows someone's got his back."

"I understand that," O'Neill muttered. "Well, keep watch then and we'll see you later." He took Carter's hand and steered her away from them down the hallway to her quarters. He stopped in front of the door and saw as Teal'c engaged Ronon in some animated conversation, or as animated as Teal'c could ever get. He knew he was allowing them to enter without the Satedan noticing. Jack didn't really care but appreciated the gesture.

Once inside Jack pulled Sam into his arms and whispered, "How about we have our own little private party right here."

Sam looked scandalized and teased, "Right now, Sir? It isn't even dinner time."

Jack's lips began to nibble on her neck and his hands moved to unbutton her uniform shirt. "But I'm hungry now, Carter. And not really for anything the mess hall is serving."

Her shirt floated to the floor and he tugged on the hem of her t-shirt. She moved to give him better access and then unbuttoned her pants. Soon she was standing before him with nothing but a smile and  _his_  smile grew even wider.

Sam looked at Jack still resplendent in his dress uniform and saluted. "General, Sir, are there any orders you wish for me to carry out,  _Sir_."

Jack's mouth twisted at her sassy cheek. "Of course I have orders for you, Colonel. What kind of a general would I be if I didn't have orders?"

Jack unbuttoned his jacket and slipped it from his shoulders then stared at her sultry frame. This woman could get him so hot and he knew it had been hell for so many years when he had to rein it in. But now, at least here in the privacy of her quarters they could fulfill every fantasy that he'd ever had.

"You know Carter having you standing there looking that way has caused me to have a little problem." He looked down and indicated the tenting on the front of his pants. "Perhaps you could do something about that."

Sam grinned at his request and studied the problem. "Well, Sir, there are probably a few things that could be done to alleviate this situation from medication to cold showers but I honestly think one of the quickest and most beneficial ways would be this."

And she knelt in front of him and unzipped his trousers then lowered them to withdraw his growing arousal. Jack stood motionless as she caressed his skin and began to stroke his strength. He was standing here still mostly in his uniform and a beautiful, naked woman was pressing her lips and tongue against his erection. Yeah, this was definitely what fantasies were made of. He thought about what Marshall had said about Sheppard and his fantasies of Teyla during his time in captivity. If they were anything like this, he couldn't imagine why Sheppard would ever come back from them.

.

 


	23. Twenty-Three

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**Chapter 23**

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"So, Colonel," John addressed Sam Carter from the back seat of her silver sedan, "No guards today, huh? Special occasion? Or is Teal'c here on duty?"

"I am merely a passenger in this vehicle and a guest at O'Neill's home," Teal'c answered in his deep monotone. "I have no other function today than to enjoy myself and the company of others."

Sam glanced in the rearview mirror and said, "I think your seeing Mayfield last week and remaining calm played a big part in that, John."

"Oh, believe me there wasn't a single part of me that was calm at that point," John confessed though he figured everyone already knew that.

"Well, you kept your cool and you responded like expected so General Landry thought getting you out more often would be a good thing. General O'Neill has a great house and yard for a cookout so he volunteered."

"I believe it was General Landry who volunteered O'Neill," Teal'c replied. "He merely agreed."

Sam laughed. "Yeah, you're probably right but when does Jack ever pass up an opportunity to barbeque? And John, when are you going to start calling me Sam?"

John looked around uncomfortably. "Maybe when you don't outrank me anymore."

"That could be sooner than you think," Sam informed him. "There's been a lot of talk about what you did. Did we ever tell you that you received the Medal of Honor from the President? It was posthumously, of course, at your funeral."

John gave a quirky smile and reached over to take Teyla's hand that was resting on TJ's car seat. "Yeah, Marshall mentioned it this week."

John thought about all the meetings he'd had with the therapist, every day this week. He'd allowed Teyla and Torren to come to the next one he'd had but had shooed them away after a short while. John hadn't been happy about that since it meant the man could start digging into the heavy duty stuff. Surprisingly he hadn't jumped right into the torture but he hadn't waited too long either.

Mostly he had John tell him about his life on Atlantis and some of the dangers he'd run into there. By the third day he had segued into other times he'd been hurt or captured and then by Thursday had attempted to get him to talk about what had happened this time. John was pretty sure he had disappointed the man though he hadn't seemed upset with what they'd discussed.

Marshall had indicated that John should open up to Teyla and speak with her about it, too. He thought it would help to let it out with someone closer to him. But he wasn't sure he wanted Teyla to know all the hell he'd been put through. He knew she'd be upset. But when he really thought about it, she'd obviously seen his back and all the bruises and cuts; she had to have some idea.

And maybe someday he'd be ready to talk about it with her. Not right now though. Today he'd be seeing some of his friends from Atlantis. He was looking forward to that however he had to admit to being a little nervous also. He hadn't seen them in over four months. Would they still look at him the same? He didn't think they would since he knew he  _wasn't_  the same. Things had changed;  _he_  had changed.

He remained quiet until they pulled into the driveway and then he actually felt butterflies in his stomach when he saw the cars already parked along the street. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe he wasn't quite ready for this yet. He hated the isolation room but it had become safe for him especially when Teyla and Torren came in to visit. What if he freaked out on these people while he was here?

Teyla saw his apprehension and squeezed the hand that had been holding hers. "Would you get Torren undone from this seat for me, John?" she asked and he knew it was to try and keep his mind off where they were going and all the people who would be there.

"Sure," he answered and began the task of clips and straps. Torren jumped right into his arms as soon as he was free and scrambled for the door.

"Hold on, kiddo," John gave a stern but gentle warning. "You can't go running off, remember. You need to be with Mommy or Daddy."

"Tay, Dada," Torren chirped back and wrapped his arms around John's neck. "Doe."

"Okay, I'll go," John said as he placed a sloppy wet kiss on the boy's cheek. Torren giggled and rubbed his moist face on John's shoulder. John quickly moved out of the car and followed Carter, Teal'c and Teyla up to the house. He knew that Ronon, Rodney and the others had come earlier to help set up.

And that's who he saw as soon as they took the steps up onto the large, wooden deck that surrounded the one story house. John noticed the nice private backyard filled with green grass and a border of tress. He smiled thinking it wasn't too different from the house he and Teyla had.

That stopped him short for a second. The house he and Teyla had. They had a house, right? He remembered it very clearly. He and Torren used to play ball in the back yard. But they lived on Atlantis, too. How could that be? He tried to search his mind for facts that supported what he was thinking but just became even more confused.

He took a deep breath and felt panic streak through him. He was about to turn around and head back to the car when Ronon came over and slapped him on the shoulder, drawing his attention away from his inner thoughts.

"Hey, Buddy," he said then tousled Torren's hair. "Hey, Little Buddy. They've got some amazing food ready to grill. Wait til you see it. Hope you brought your appetite."

"John's appetite has grown much since he has returned," Teyla inserted as she guided John further into the crowd of people who had come out onto the deck. John didn't have time to go back to thinking about houses and where they lived because suddenly he had people, though only a few at a time, come up to him to say hello and welcome him back.

"Colonel, it's great to see you," Lorne greeted him and he had Laura Cadman by his side, though John thought things felt a little out of place as everyone was wearing casual clothes instead of BDU's. "You look so much better than when we brought you back. I hope you're feeling better.'

John passed TJ over to Ronon who took him to play in the grass then held his hand out for his XO. "I want to thank you, Lorne, for coming to get me and for all the work I know Woolsey's been making you do because I wasn't around. I appreciate it."

Lorne just shrugged it off. "You couldn't have kept me off the rescue team, Sir, and I know I'd probably be doing most of the paperwork anyway even if you  _were_ around. That was never your favorite activity."

John chuckled and grinned at the words. "Okay, you got me there, Lorne. But hopefully I can get back soon and relieve you of at least a few duties."

"Truthfully, Sir, it's been a little slow around Atlantis since we've been back on Earth. Not as much to do. And quite a few of the military personnel have been working out of the SGC or been sent to other bases for now. We're still waiting on word from the IOA and other world leaders regarding the city."

John frowned. "Yeah, I've heard. Not very happy about it, though. Maybe they're all just waiting until I was ready to fly her back."

Lorne chuckled. "That must be it, Sir. So that will be soon, right, Colonel?"

John gave a crooked smile and shrugged. "Getting there, Major."

"Good," Lorne replied. "Well, enjoy the party. I'll catch up with you later. I think a few other people want to say hi."

John nodded, said a few words to Cadman then turned to start speaking with some of the others who came. Rodney was hanging out with Keller which wasn't really a surprise except that Keller was still putting up with him four months later. Ronon and Amelia seemed to be pretty tight and were keeping TJ occupied with a large plastic ball in the back yard. Radek attempted to keep from complaining about Rodney but only lasted for about a minute before he said something and then Marie pulled him away saying John didn't want to hear complaints today.

Radek merely whined, "But Colonel Sheppard is only one who can control the man. He needs to come back soon before I do something I will regret."

John smirked and realized he really had missed these people and the butterflies that had been fluttering wildly began to settle down and dissipate. He looked around and saw Carson coming out of the house with Dr. Allison Porter on his arm. When he saw John, his face broke into a huge grin and he released her to make his way over.

"John, lad," he cried as his arms went around the guest of honor. "It's about bloody time you got here. I kept telling them I'd come back to fix you up but they said to enjoy the time with me mum and that Carolyn was working her miracles with you. I know she's the best so it's the only reason I didn't fly right back."

John backed away self-consciously. He wasn't really one for public hugs especially with another guy but Carson was a good friend and he knew he should be appreciative that he had such good friends.

"Thanks, Carson," he answered. "She is taking very good care of me. And I wasn't really in the best mood for receiving company for the last few weeks. I'm sure you got filled in."

Carson just nodded not wanting to let John know all the medical reports he had been privy to. He knew John was a very private man and wouldn't want others to know exactly what he had been through. But he had worried for his friend and made sure they kept him updated along the way.

"You remember Allison, don't you?" Carson asked as he pulled the attractive young woman closer to his side. "I brought her home to meet me mum."

John raised his eyebrows. "That's a big step, Carson. Anything you want to share?"

Carson blushed and so did Porter but the medical doctor just shook his head and whispered, "Not right now but perhaps soon. Keep it hush for now though if you don't mind."

John winked at him and nodded. "Gotcha."

Just then Teyla walked up to him and after a hug Carson excused himself to go get some food. Teyla had a small plate in her hands and held it up to John as she approached.

"John, you must try this. Sam made it and it is delicious. Much better than what they make in the mess hall."

John looked at the potato salad and smiled. He loved potato salad, especially when it was real.

"That's because what we have in the mess hall is usually made with those weird tube like plants that aren't really potatoes," he explained to Teyla and took the plate to take a few bites. Sure enough she was right. This was much better than anything they made in the mess hall. It was some of the best potato salad he'd tasted.

He took a few more bites then handed it back to Teyla. "Don't let me eat too much right now. You know I still get full fairly quick. I want the chance to try a little of everything. I heard O'Neill's pretty good with the grill."

Teyla nodded. "He was just bringing a large tray with meat out to start cooking it. He said it will not be too much longer."

John saw O'Neill now standing at the grill with a big apron on and Carter standing close to his side. They were just chatting but he noticed they seemed pretty comfortable with each other. But then they had been on the same team for over eight years, they should be.

A happy squeal had him looking down to the yard to see Torren giggling as Ronon and Mitchell tossed him in the air between them. He heard Teyla let out a sigh and start in their direction.

John joined her but cautioned, "He's having fun. And he hasn't eaten yet. Let them do it now because after he eats we don't want him getting too rough and tumble or he'll lose everything he just ate."

Teyla just glared at him and continued. But when she got to where they were she stopped near Vala and Daniel and began to chat. John paused close to them and watched as the two men swung the little boy by his arms and legs and flew him high in the air only to stop him before he could reach the ground. John could see he was having a blast.

"Hey, TJ, do I get a turn?"

The boy giggled again and shook his head. "Too bid, Dada."

Ronon eyed him and commented, "I don't know, Sheppard, I think we might be able to do it. You need to eat something and put on some weight."

Mitchell grinned. "I'd have to agree with him on that one. Check out the dessert table. I made a pecan pie just like my gramma used to make. Mmm mmm, it is delicious. But it's not low fat. My gramma didn't make anything low fat. It'll put a few pounds on you."

"Sounds good," John responded. "I'll make sure I get a piece after the meal. Teyla's already been feeding me potato salad."

"And the potato salad is really good. I snitched a little myself," Amelia interjected as she came over with three beer bottles in her hands. She handed some to Mitchell and Ronon and kept one for herself. She looked at John apologetically. "I didn't get you one, Sir, did you want this one? I can get another."

John shook her off. "No, thanks Banks, I'm not sure my stomach is quite ready for alcohol yet. Hopefully soon."

"It's great to see you again, Sir," she began again after she took a sip from her bottle. "It hasn't been the same without you. Oh, and Chuck says you owe him a case of beer."

"I do?" John asked curiously. He'd purposefully avoided thinking back too much to his time on Atlantis, though he wasn't sure why but he didn't remember owing the technician beer.

Amelia grinned. "Yeah, he made sure Mr. Woolsey's schedule was such that he couldn't actually come today though he let him know he was certainly invited."

John gave a comical snort. Yes, he did owe Chuck as he knew he might not be ready to face the dour, serious expedition leader just yet. "I'll get him his beer. You tell him it's with my pleasure and I appreciate the interference."

John and the others played with TJ for a little while longer then O'Neill called out that the meat from the grill was ready and if they wanted some they needed to get in line before Teal'c or Ronon got there. He couldn't guarantee any left after that. John had to agree and hefted himself from the ground.

"Come on, Pal," he said to TJ as he hauled him into his arms and moved toward where Teyla was still speaking with Vala and Daniel. "Time to eat. Are you hungry?"

"Ya," Torren answered. "Tate?"

John laughed. "Hmm, there might be some cake or other kind of dessert for later but now we need real food first."

Torren just nodded and said, "Mama, eat," as they passed her. She nodded at Vala and joined John in the food line. Once they'd filled plates they settled into chairs near a few of the tables scattered around the yard. Rodney wandered by with Jennifer next to him and John could see that the doc was encouraging him to sit at the same table. Rodney seemed a little unsure.

"McKay," John called out and pointed to the two empty chairs near him. "Park it so the Doc can eat her food before it turns moldy."

Rodney gave a half smile and stammered, "Oh, okay, uh, yeah, sure."

He and Jennifer started to eat and Jennifer began small talk with Teyla while John broke some of the food into small pieces for Torren to chew. John noticed Rodney glancing at him every now and then and finally just stared at the man waiting for him to spit out whatever was bothering him.

When Rodney finally realized John was looking at him he cleared his throat and muttered, "Listen, John, I um, wanted to say, … I'm uh … sorry about last week."

John narrowed his eyes and said, "What, that you ate my toast? I told you that you could have it. It's no big deal."

"No," Rodney snapped back. "I didn't mean the toast. I meant when I brought in that stupid Ancient device and asked you to get it working. I didn't realize, … I mean I knew you had … but I didn't know that she … well, you know, that bad things happened after using it. I didn't mean to make you nuts again."

John looked at Rodney oddly and again he had images floating by all disjointed and separate from each other. He really hated that they did this. He knew soon he would have to sit down and figure out where each of these images went and actually get a timeline and do some serious thinking about them. But not yet. And that's why Rodney's words were puzzling to him.

He did remember the device, too many times unfortunately and he vaguely remembered something about his IV stand and then falling asleep in Teyla's arms. The rest he had apparently tried to discard into the back of his mind where all the other unpleasant or confusing stuff was piling up. Yeah, he needed to go in and clean that up soon. He wasn't looking forward to it though.

He looked around a few more times then slowly replied, "I um … kind of remember, … did I hit you with a pole?" At McKay's nod he scowled and made a face. "Ooh, sorry, McKay. That day's a little fuzzy now. I'm sure I didn't mean to do it. Are you okay?"

"Me? Sure of course I'm … oh well, I do have this small spot that …"

Jennifer interrupted his little drama and said, "He's fine. There was no permanent damage, Colonel. And he realized now he should check with the medical professionals before introducing anything new to you. Honestly, I'm a little envious. There are times I want to hit him on the side of the head but I don't think I'd get excused quite as easily as you."

John still seemed uncomfortable and gave an awkward shrug. "Well, I am still sorry, Rodney. I just get these flashbacks sometimes and I just react without really thinking things through. I'm trying though."

Rodney smiled and nodded. "Don't worry about it. After what you went through I think we can give you a free pass to go nuts occasionally."

John laughed loudly and closed his eyes. "Thanks, Rodney. Appreciate it."

"And Jackson figured out what the device was for anyway," Rodney sulked.

John looked curiously at him and Rodney explained what Daniel had found on the computers. "But in typical Ancient ways, they screwed it up and never figured out how to actually get it to work right."

"So …" John started, his face pensive, "Every time I touched the thing it hooked me up to Teyla? Is that why I constantly thought of you and felt like you were with me?" He turned and looked at Teyla for this question.

She nodded. "Yes, and I should confess that I dreamed of you each night as well. Many times I felt your presence during the day also. It was confusing for me and I surmised that your spirit was visiting me or perhaps that you had even ascended and were breaking the rules to be near me."

John smiled at this then reached for Teyla's hand. "Sounds like something I'd do though I'm not sure I'm really ascension material."

"He says this now," McKay whined, "after he tried to help me ascend when I got zapped by that other stupid Ancient machine. Like the blind leading the blind."

TJ shuffled in John's lap and called out, "Dada," as John had stopped giving him food. John rectified the situation as Teyla informed him, "I believe Torren also felt you near him during the days and had dreams at night. You were gone for a while yet he never forgot you."

John smiled and gave the child a kiss on his head. The boy looked up and puckered his lips. John took the hint and pressed a sweet kiss to the toddler's tiny lips. Rodney whined about too much mush floating around and the others chastised him.

John smirked but after that McKay seemed much less nervous and started talking about some of the technical stuff he was working on. John almost wished he had stayed silent for a while. But then he remembered over three months of silence and made sure to stay tuned in to each and every word. He spent the afternoon doing that; listening to others talk and enjoying it. The people from Atlantis had lots to say and many of them were anxious to get back to the Pegasus Galaxy.

John started thinking about that but each time he did there was some kind of wall that would come up warning him to stop. He didn't know why and he really didn't want to analyze it right now. He was enjoying himself too much. He knew there would come a time when he'd need to pull it all out but it wasn't today.

Teyla kept her eyes on John all afternoon even though she appeared to be socializing with everyone else. And she was indeed having a very nice time in everyone's company. But she still made sure she was very aware of where John was, who he was talking to and if possible what their conversation was about. She knew they had all been briefed about John's condition and that he still was confused in many instances. They hadn't been given all the information but they had been asked to not correct him on much unless he specifically asked a question. The conversations were to remain as general and vague as possible.

And she could tell that John was having a good time. He was more relaxed than she had seen him in a while though she had worried when they first got here. He had seemed a bit apprehensive when he saw all the vehicles and she thought he might not get out. But Torren had gotten his attention focused elsewhere as usual and he had cautiously made his way to the house. He continued to appear anxious but Ronon had come over and used the distraction tactic as well. And it seemed to be working all afternoon with so many people to keep John from truly thinking too much.

And Torren was having the time of his life as he was the only child here and almost everyone took a turn playing with him or reading to him or doing some other fun activity with him. It had left Teyla free to be with John or at least make sure she was close by. Dr. Marshall thought it would be good for John to be here without any administrative or medical presence though as it was O'Neill's house obviously he needed to be here. But she had to admit General O'Neill was almost as unorthodox a leader as John.

The afternoon continued on and at one point Teyla lost sight of John though she had seen him go into the house with Torren and Ronon. She knew she could count on Ronon to keep his eye on their friend and she hated to interrupt the conversation she was having with Amelia regarding Mr. Woolsey and all she had overheard about the IOA's decisions.

But when John didn't come back out of the house after a while she went in search of him. Ronon was up on the deck talking to Teal'c and she hated to interrupt but she wanted to find John.

Ronon tilted his chin at her as she walked past and simply said, "O'Neill's bedroom."

Teyla looked puzzled but went inside and sure enough when she peaked in the doorway down the hall from the living room she saw John in a comfortable reclining chair fast asleep with Torren resting against him. Her heart sang at the sight and she again felt guilty that she had yet to tell John that this child was not of his blood. She did not know if she truly had the heart to do it.

Teyla felt a presence at her side and turned to see General O'Neill standing next to her. He immediately put his finger against his lips and winked at her. They both took a few steps back though not far enough that they lost sight of the man and boy sleeping.

"He asked if there was someplace he could try and get the kid to sleep," O'Neill informed her in a soft voice. "I'm not sure if he planned on falling asleep himself but I figured he could use it. I know what he went through took a lot out of him, mentally as well as physically."

Teyla nodded. "Yes, but he has come so far since he first returned. He is able to get around completely on his own and he is not in need of medication any longer. How much longer do you feel he will need to remain in the isolation room under guard?"

O'Neill's mouth twisted sideways and his eyes looked away in thought. "Well, it is coming up on a month since he got back here and Lam says physically he's doing really well. She still wants his weight up a bit more but I think we may have covered that today. He kept sneaking the chocolate chip cookies that Daniel made though I hated to tell him Daniel buys them as premade cookie dough and just sticks them on a cookie sheets and bakes them."

Teyla smiled at the comment but did not speak herself. She was interested in what the general would continue to say.

"I know Hank is still a bit concerned since Sheppard had his few freak outs but it's been a while and it was pretty impressive how he handled himself when he ran into Mayfield. I think that went pretty far in convincing him to allow Sheppard a bit more freedom. I don't think we're quite ready to let him leave the base yet but maybe we could allow him out of the isolation room."

O'Neill's eyes twinkled and he grinned. "There isn't any way I could convince you to allow him to stay with you in your temporary quarters. That way he'd have someone with him all the time but he might not feel so cooped up and imprisoned. We'd probably need to keep a guard nearby in the hallway but honestly we usually have SO's walking the halls all the time anyway. We could just make sure they concentrate in that area more often."

"Would you really do that for him, General O'Neill?" Teyla breathed out hopefully. "I know that would go a long way in helping John feel that he was trusted a bit more. And I would be more than happy to share my quarters with him if you would not feel it improper."

O'Neill's eyes looked up as he grinned. "Who am I to say what's improper. I can have a little conversation with Landry about this. It won't happen tonight but I can make a good case for Sheppard being allowed more freedom. If he keeps going the way he has been lately, I don't see why we couldn't send him back to Atlantis soon. You've got people there to keep an eye out for him in case he needs help. And it's not like he hasn't been in difficult situations before. I know what he just went through was tough but being fed on by a Wraith, I don't imagine that's something you get over too easily either."

Teyla nodded swiftly. "Yes, John was quiet for weeks after that." At O'Neill's raised eyebrow she amended, "Quieter than usual. But he did seem to recover though his physical injuries were not severe like these were. I do believe he will fully recover from this as well though perhaps it will take a bit longer."

O'Neill just nodded. "Sheppard's a tough bastard, yeah, he'll be okay." He patted Teyla on the back and left her to gaze at her son and the man O'Neill was pretty sure she was in love with. He thought about what he had said about Sheppard recovering then he thought about all the times he had gone through tough times. The worst being when Ba'al had continued to torture him, kill him and then bring him back using a sarcophagus. Daniel had been the one to help him that time.

And even though he eventually got away and appeared to be fine, he knew it had taken far longer for his mental healing to be complete. And if he was honest with himself, he knew it still wasn't. Something like that changes a person and makes them think about their life. He knew he still had nightmares on occasion about it and he figured Sheppard would be the same. He didn't envy the man that. He knew exactly how it felt.

.

* * *

.

"What did you say to Landry so that he'd allow this?" John asked Teyla as he put some of his clothes away in the dresser of her SGC quarters. Lorne had been kind enough to bring some of his things to him at the party a few days ago.

"It was not my idea, it was General O'Neill's," Teyla replied. "He thought since your physical recovery was coming along nicely perhaps you did not require a stay in the infirmary being constantly monitored by one of the medical staff. He thought perhaps staying here with me would be acceptable so that you were not alone should you need something. I concurred and told him I would be happy to keep watch on you."

John saw the twinkle in Teyla's eyes as she said this. "Keep watch on me, huh?" John chuckled back. "Can I watch you, too?"

Teyla actually blushed. "I think I would like that. Is there any particular thing you would like to watch me do?"

John glanced over at Torren sleeping soundly in the crib that he'd been using for the past month then he looked back at Teyla. She was wearing a snug tank top and short, loose skirt and his mind traveled back to when he had been allowed to take a shower several days ago and what they had done after. Unfortunately there hadn't been an opportunity for a repeat performance but maybe now there was.

John's mouth twisted into a smirk and he suggested, "I sure wouldn't mind seeing you and me doing something like we did after my shower. You wouldn't be interested in that, would you?"

A seductive gleam entered Teyla's eyes and she strolled closer to John. "I would be very interested in that. Let me lower the lights and perhaps we could get started."

John felt himself twitch below the belt and knew he had  _already_ gotten started. Just thinking about Teyla got him started. But he watched as she lit a few candles then lowered the lights. Her hips swayed back and forth seductively as she sauntered back toward him. Her arms lifted to rest on his shoulders and she gave him a smile that could only be interpreted one way.

"Hey," John smiled back at her as his own hands rose to pull her closer. "Come here often? Can I buy you a drink? Want to come back to my place for a night cap? I can promise you a good time."

Teyla tried to hold in her laughter but wasn't completely successful. "I have been here fairly often recently but I do not wish for a drink. However I  _am_  hoping for a very good time."

John's eyes lit up with delight as his mouth lowered to hers. "I'll do my best, ma'am."

It wasn't long before their kisses became heated, hands wandered and skin was revealed. In the flickering candlelight John and Teyla tuned in to the needs of each other and began the process of fulfilling those needs. Skin became slick and glided fluidly along more skin and soon they fell back onto the bed and began the task of tangling the sheets with their frenzied movements.

Whispered words of longing and need slipped from their busy lips and breathing became deep and throaty. Arms and legs intertwined, private places were visited intimately and the slow trek to the pinnacle was finally reached with moans and whimpers and cries of satisfaction.

As sighs and breathing slowed down, they wrapped themselves in the warm arms of their lover and held tight. John had no doubt this was real and that thought allowed him to slip peacefully into slumber.

.

 


	24. Twenty-Four

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**Chapter 24**

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"I am so looking forward to this time away," Teyla sighed as she leaned back in the seat of Dave's Cessna as they approached the runway on Nantucket to land. "I am pleased that you are finally well enough to be released from the SGC and we were able to take this time at my cottage here."

" _Your c_ ottage?" John snorted as he gathered some of the toys and books TJ had played with during their long flight and stuffed them in his bag. Dave and Amy were doing the same thing with their children's toys.

"Yes," Teyla answered suspiciously. "If you allow Rodney to keep the chalet in Aspen then should I not also be allowed to keep the cottage?"

John saw the impish expression she tried to hide but knew he would continue teasing her. "So does that mean Ronon thinks he should keep the place in Hawaii, too? Then I get left with nothing. Coming back from the dead is no fun if all your good stuff has been given away."

Teyla faked a pout then patted his hand. "You know you are always welcome to come with me to the cottage whenever you wish. I will need someone to fly me there and back after all."

John playfully grabbed her around the waist and pulled as close as he could get her with their seat belts on. "Oh, thanks, so you only need me for my flying skills, huh? Nice to know I'm wanted."

Teyla flashed him a sassy look. "Oh, you have many more skills than just flying, John. I believe you have demonstrated those skills quite proficiently the last few weeks."

John's eyes sparkled and his mouth twisted. "Oh, yeah, those skills. Have to keep practicing those skills so they don't get rusty." He heard Dave and Amy chuckle at their conversation.

John thought back to the last week or so since he'd been allowed to stay in Teyla's SGC quarters. He'd woken every morning to the feel of Teyla's soft skin pressed against his and her warmth making him feel safe. It had been great. Especially the times either at night or in the morning when he'd start kissing her lips, her skin, trailing his tongue over her curves and flicking it across her taut nipples that puckered tighter when he did it.

Then his hands would explore every delicious curve and valley and so many times they had ended with him deep inside Teyla, gyrating to the beat of their hearts and spiraling out of control, together. He couldn't wait until they were at the cottage. Dave and Amy would have one of the bedrooms, Scotty, Kristy and TJ would share another and he and Teyla could have one to themselves. Not that he didn't love his son but having him wake up while you were trying to rock your woman really ruined the mood at times.

And they had a whole week where he didn't have to think about anything military or what he'd gone through. Though he knew he was kidding himself if he thought the memories of that would just stay away because he wanted them too. Even with Teyla beside him in bed every night, the nightmares had come and bombarded him full force. He'd wake in a cold sweat his breathing harsh and uneven and his nerves frazzled. The feel of Teyla's arms around him and her soft voice in his ear had been his only saving grace. He'd even spoken with Marshall about it, though mostly to see if he had suggestions on how to make them stay away. Marshall had suggested a few things but had said  _time_  would be the biggest factor.

John hated to admit the man had been fairly helpful in getting him to try and sift through what had gone on during his captivity. John had talked about it a bit and remembered some of the harsher parts but he knew he still had so many puzzle pieces that were floating around needing a place to go. Maybe this week, here on this quiet island, he could finally make some sense of all he'd tucked way back in his mind. Maybe he would finally allow himself to do that.

.

* * *

.

"I want to thank you again for inviting us to come along on this trip, Teyla," Dave said as he joined her on the porch while John and Amy got the kids ready for bed and a story. And he truly meant that. They had been here several days and it had been more than pleasant. Not only had the kids had a blast playing with each other and in the sand and surf but he and John had been able to reconnect so much more than while he was in the infirmary.

But then Dave knew that John had been walking a tightrope while in there between delusion and reality. He could tell that John was so much better now but there were a still a few questions he needed to ask.

"It was my pleasure, David," Teyla responded sweetly. "John has recovered quite a bit but I still think he needs to be surrounded by those who love him so he feels safe. He still faces his demons each night in his dreams. There is not much I can do now but be near him as the effects of the device have worn off and I no longer share my dreams with him."

Dave nodded but wasn't sure he really understood all about the machine that the evil snake lady made John try and get running. He'd been given some information but he knew there was so much he still had no clue about. He was hoping maybe he could get just a little more right now.

"Teyla, I wanted to ask you something that I've been wondering about for a while now."

Teyla smiled at him and nodded in consent. Dave took a deep breath as he said, "I'm wondering about Torren's father. You've never actually said who he is but quite a few things have made me believe it might be John. And John himself referred to TJ as his son. But it's like no one else knows this. Is this a secret you haven't told anyone?"

Teyla looked back troubled at the house and then gently pulled on Dave's arm to lead him down to the beach. Once they were far enough from the cottage she began to speak.

"Torren's father is a man of my village named Kanaan. We had a very brief interaction and Torren was the result. He made a decision to stay on our planet when we were leaving and I took Torren with me. I did not wish to be separated from him in the event we could not return. As it has been over four and a half months I am thankful I made that decision."

Teyla took a deep breath and continued, "I informed you previously that I had named my child after John due to my trust and respect for him. As you probably surmised it was also because of my deep feelings for him. Only just before we left our galaxy did I realize that John also shared the same feelings for me. Before we came here, John spent much time assisting me with Torren. I believe that during his captivity, John allowed himself to think Torren was truly his son and I have not had the heart to tell him otherwise. I know he will need to know soon but I am unsure if he is emotionally strong enough to do so yet."

Dave nodded and looked at Teyla pensively. "Well, I can see that he cares for that child as much as any father does so I guess I can see where he might be confused. Especially if he spent his three and a half months in captivity thinking that he was. Do you have any plans to tell him?"

"Dr. Marshall seemed to think it might be better to allow John to remember these things on his own. He equated it to other forms of memory loss and I believe he called it disassociative or selective amnesia. He stated that John did not wish to remember because it would cause more pain and he had already been through so much. He also believes that when John returns to Atlantis next week it will perhaps trigger many of his memories to come back. For now I will simply go along with what John is thinking."

Dave looked worried and Teyla touched his arm. "I know that it will be difficult for John when he learns the truth but I have no plans to return to the way things were before all this started. As long as John will have me, I will be by his side, loving him."

Dave smiled and pulled Teyla in for a hug, silently thanking her. Dave knew John could use all the love he could get. He'd have to make sure he let his brother know how much he cared for him too while they were here. And he didn't want to ever go back to the divided life they had before.

A sharp whistle sounded from the house and they both turned to see John standing on the porch with Torren in his arms. He was waving them back to the cottage.

"Torren needs a kiss goodnight," John said as they walked up the few steps to the porch. "And your kids are waiting for theirs too." The last was addressed to Dave. "What were you two doing out here?"

"Just enjoying the last rays of the sun and getting to know Teyla a little better," Dave replied as they walked inside the house.

Teyla slipped one arm around John's waist and lifted her other hand to Torren's, completing the family circle. "I was hoping to persuade Dave and Amy to visit with us again here. It is so beautiful and Torren does so love being with Scotty and Kristy."

John smiled and paused in the doorway. "Thanks, Teyla, it has been a great week so far, hasn't it? We should definitely come here more often."

"And so we shall," Teyla finished and tilted her head up for John's lips to claim hers.

.

* * *

.

"Uncle John, are you gonna wead us a story tonight before we go to bed?" Kristy asked as the adults cleaned up from the dinner table and Scotty kept TJ occupied on the floor.

John threw a mock surprised look at his niece and replied, "A story? Now why would you think I'd read you a story?"

Kristy's eyes lit up like sparklers and she giggled, "Because you wead us one every night."

John gave a tiny laugh then reached down to scoop up the little girl. "Then I guess I'll have to read you one tonight too." And he blew a loud, wet kiss onto her cheek. Torren seeing the ruckus and hearing what they were saying pulled himself up and toddled over to John, book in hand.

"Boot, Dada!"

John smiled at the boy and grabbed him for a kiss after he had deposited Kristy back down. "I will, Pal, but we need to do the dishes first, then brush our teeth and then we can do some books. How about you play with your cousins for a little while? Bedtime's not for another hour."

"Tay," TJ chirped and wiggled to get back down to play with his big cousins. John was thrilled that Scotty and Kristy had been so good with him and had kept him busy throughout the week. They had even played and talked to him in the morning while he was still in his crib allowing John and Teyla a few extra minutes of sleep.

As he ran the hot water and began to pass clean dishes to Dave to dry he thought about this week. They only had a few more days until it was over and then he, Teyla and TJ would be going back to Atlantis. He knew he should be ecstatic about that but there was something niggling in the back of his mind that kept him from embracing it completely. He wondered if he was ready to go back and lead the troops.

Though according to everyone he'd talked to there weren't a whole lot of troops to lead. During the last few weeks in between long sessions with Marshall he'd been going through status reports and correspondence regarding everything Stargate related. He'd wanted to get himself up to speed for when they finally let him get back to his job. Only there might not be a job to go back to if the IOA didn't allow them to take the city back to its home galaxy.

He wondered what he'd do then. He thought about their house and how happy they'd been there and again an uncomfortable feeling surfaced. He pushed it back like he always did and reached for another dish.

An hour later he was wrangling three kids who all wanted to sit on his lap, though Scotty wouldn't actually admit it. He just scooted as close to his side as possible. Torren chose another book from a pile that Dave's kids had brought and waddled over, his pajamas bottoms dragging on the floor.

John scooped the boy from the floor and placed him in his lap, the other two still at his sides. He looked at the book and his heart almost stopped. It was one of TJ's favorites and John had read it to him all the time before he was taken. He wasn't sure he could get through it tonight.

Teyla saw John hesitate and moved closer to see what was wrong. When she saw the book and remembered John's strange song while he'd been imprisoned she worried that this might be another trigger to set him off. She grabbed a book from the floor and suggested, "Perhaps another one tonight." but John shook her off.

He looked at the book and took a deep breath. This was a test for him. He needed to do this for himself to see if he could hold onto enough control to get through it. If he couldn't then he didn't think he would be ready to go back to the city just yet. He opened the book and began the chant-like words.

"Today is Monday, Today is Monday. Monday, string beans, all you hungry children, come and eat it up."

His voice was slow and soft but TJ didn't seem to care as he piped up at the end, "Ea up!"

John nodded at Teyla who was standing there with concern written all over her face. Dave and Amy were unaware that anything was amiss. He turned the page and his voice grew slightly in volume.

"Today is Tuesday, Today is Tuesday. Tuesday spaghetti, Monday string beans, all you hungry children come and eat it up."

John let out a huge breath once he'd gotten through the next page.  _He could do this. He could!_ It wasn't easy but he was damned if a children's book would cause him to have another freak out especially in front of these kids.

He read through the next few pages and as each page progressed he could feel his strength coming back and his confidence return. It felt good. Just a few more pages and he'd be done and he'd have proven at least a little something to himself. He took another deep breath and finished off the story.

"Come and eat it up, come and eat it up. Come … and … eat … it … up!"

As John said the last line, TJ threw his hands up in the air and collapsed against John's chest almost as if to say  _he had done it_. John couldn't have agreed more. He had gotten through the book and though there had been a few moments where he'd wanted to scream at the memories that had assaulted the back of his eyes and threatened to rip him apart, he hadn't. He had kept that control, the control that he had worked so hard as a child to master. He knew maybe it wasn't always a good thing but today he knew it was. He could take some of that pain and file it away and keep it at bay if he needed to.

But he also knew that Teyla would be there for him when he couldn't. And looking around the room he saw that Dave and Amy were smiling at him, though they had no idea the huge mountain he had just scaled. But he also knew they were here for him too. They were aware of what happened and had let him know he could count on them for support any time he needed it.

Kristy took the book from him and flipped through the pages, muttering under her breath all of the words as she looked at them. TJ stood up and turned around to wrap his arms around John's neck. The thumb went in the mouth and the boy's head rested on John's shoulder. A definite sign it was bedtime.

"Okay, ready to head upstairs," John announced as he stood up, Torren still clinging to his neck. Scotty slipped off the couch to give his Dad and Mom a hug. Kristy took her time finishing the story again then laid it carefully on the couch and lifted her arms for her Dad. John and Dave had gotten in the habit of putting the kids to bed at night and it had become a familiar routine, like the story.

As Teyla approached to give her son a kiss, John's phone went off. He handed the sleepy boy to Teyla and pulled it from his pocket and looked at the caller id. "It's McKay."

He opened the phone to answer as he kissed TJ's head and whispered, "Love you, Pal."

Teyla headed up the stairs as John heard, " _Uh, love you too, I guess_." in McKay's strangled voice.

"Sorry, Rodney," John apologized. "I was just saying good night to TJ. What's up?"

John walked outside so he didn't disturb the others with his work talk and by the time he came back in Teyla was downstairs again with a curious look on her face.

"What did Rodney need?"

John's face must have looked dumbfounded because Teyla's face grew worried. He gave her a smile and replied, "The IOA finally came to a decision. They're sending her back."

Teyla's face beamed and her eyes grew as wide as her smile. "They are? That is wonderful."

John tried to smile and he knew it was a good decision but again that tiny fear in the back of his mind starting coming closer and he didn't know what to do about it. "Yeah, it's great."

Dave didn't look as pleased. "So this means we go back to being anonymous brothers again?"

John shook his head swiftly. "No, Dave, we won't let it get as bad as it was, I promise. Whenever we get a chance to come back to Earth we'll make it a point to come visit. And we'll e-mail better this time."

Amy still looked shocked. They had confided in her where John had been for five years and where Teyla was from but she still had a hard time getting her head around it. They had kept the info from the kids though as they were too young and couldn't be trusted not to blurt out that Uncle John and Auntie Teyla lived on another planet.

"Do you know when this will happen?" Teyla asked as she came closer to John.

"McKay said maybe as soon as a few weeks. They need to recall all of the troops and they were thinking of trying to fill the city with a few more scientists in some different areas. Rodney wasn't so thrilled with that. He thought it was just more idiots to babysit. His words, not mine. And I guess they want me to fly her back though Carson should be coming along to relieve me at times."

"But we may finish our vacation here first?" Teyla clarified knowing both she and John had enjoyed their time immensely. Plus if they were leaving the galaxy it would be good for John to spend as much time with his brother as possible.

John nodded. "Yeah, we have a few more days here but they do want me back to start running tests on some of the city's systems. Rodney sounded petty but had to admit I could ' _read_ ' the city better than anyone else and they needed me to talk to her."

Teyla chuckled softly but knew John did indeed have a connection to the city that no one else seemed to have though perhaps it was simply because he had truly felt at home there for the first time in many years. She hoped he would still feel that way when they returned.

"It will be good to see my people again," Teyla said as she sat down on the couch next to John. "Colonel Ellis was able to inform them of our plight when he traveled there a few months ago. They were grateful that we had thwarted the hive ship and wished for our speedy return. Colonel Ellis did not have the heart to tell them it was possible we would not. He simply told them it could be some time due to repairs."

John just nodded and pulled her close. Amy started asking questions about Teyla's people and John just sat and listened. Dave also had questions and several hours later John finally yawned and called it a night.

"I don't know about you but those kids wore me out in the ocean today. If I'm going to take them to the beach again tomorrow I'll need some rest. Don't feel you need to stop because of me though."

Dave looked at his watch and nodded. "Yeah, it is getting late and I will also admit that the kids wear me out more than is typical at the office. I don't think any of my employees have as much energy as Kristy and Scotty."

John went about shutting off lights and locking up as the others headed up the stairs. He heard them check on the kids first then go into their rooms. He followed up a few minutes later and did his own check of the kids. Dave's kids were in the twin beds and they had gotten a porta crib for TJ. Luckily the boy was so worn out from his days in the sun and surf that he didn't complain about the change in location. But then he was used to that from being at the SGC and also going back and forth to the Athosian village.

As John stood staring at the slumbering child that strange uncomfortable feeling came rushing back and this time he couldn't push it away fast enough. He had been thinking about going back to Pegasus and with that came memories of when they had been there.

He could picture Teyla shortly after she had delivered TJ in the hospital room with him. He had been injured too, rescuing her from Michael. But as he thought of that rescue an image of someone else came creeping in trying to embed itself painfully in his mind. He tried to push it away but it attacked and attacked and he had no defenses against it. John's breath caught in his throat as he finally acknowledged what it was that had made him so nervous and filled with anxiety. It was Kanaan.

.

* * *

.

Teyla pulled her pajamas from the drawer and slipped them on knowing John would be coming in soon. It had been wonderful sharing his bed these past few weeks and she knew soon she would need to actually sit and discuss their living arrangements on Atlantis. Once he was back he would quickly figure out that they had not lived there together. She was not looking forward to that conversation as she did not know exactly how John would react. It would soon become apparent and he would most likely recall what their relationship had been prior to his abduction. And then he would realize that Torren was not his biological child.

Teyla pulled the covers down and opened the windows a bit to allow the late summer breeze to freshen the room up then slipped into the soft sheets. After a while she wondered what was keeping John. She had heard him come up the stairs but he still had not come into the room. Perhaps one of the children had woken and he was attempting to get them back to sleep.

She got up to check and saw the door to the children's room open and as she moved closer she could see John standing over Torren's crib just staring down at him. She took a few steps in and he looked up and Teyla could see his ravaged face, his eyes filled with intense pain looking at her with accusation.

"He's not mine," John choked out barely above a whisper. He swallowed a sob as he asked, "Why did you continue to let me think he was mine?"

Teyla's heart broke at the sight of the man she loved in such agony. And she could see it written clearly on his face. She glanced around to make sure the other children were still asleep as she called to him, "John, I am sorry."

John heard Kristy turn over and he knew it wasn't place for this. But then he didn't think any place was the right place to tell him that the child he loved more than life itself and who he had imagined raising was not his flesh and blood. He took one last look at TJ then pushed past Teyla and went down the stairs and out the door.

Teyla knew she could not allow John to go wandering around in his condition and so she made the decision to go after him. Dave and Amy were here and she knew they would handle anything if Torren woke up. She did not even take the time to gather shoes, she simply ran down the stairs as quietly as she could and hoped John had not gotten too far ahead of her.

.

* * *

.

John felt his legs carry him down to the beach though he hadn't consciously thought of a location to flee to. And he knew he was running away but the pain that was lancing though his chest and his gut was worse than anything Athena had thrown at him. He'd gladly go back and take a few more Mondays to have TJ be his again.

John's vision grew blurry as he slumped into the sand a few yards from the roaring surf. He could feel something wet on his cheeks and blamed it on the spray of the ocean waves. But he didn't really care what it was, right now all he could think about was TJ, Torren John, his namesake but  _not_  his son.

He lowered his head into his hands as all those memories that he had been trying to shove into the recesses of his mind finally roared to life and came flying at him faster than the speed of light.

Teyla telling him she was pregnant and his feelings of betrayal even though he had never told her how he felt. Making sure she was okay during the quarantine by climbing the central tower. Taking her to every market place to try and find information about her people. Going into the future and risking everything to come back and save her from Michael. Being buried alive in the rubble of Michael's compound then sliding off his hospital bed to go and rescue her.

Then the images of Kanaan came. The hybrid who helped them escape. Teyla and Kanaan and Torren being a family around Atlantis. Teyla taking Torren to visit her people on New Athos. Kanaan being on New Athos waiting for them.

He felt her presence behind him and stiffened. He knew Teyla had followed him but he wasn't sure if he could talk to her now. He had thought TJ was his for all this time and she had never said one word. Why?

He could now remember that he and Teyla had never been a couple and that thought hurt just as much as the thought of TJ not being his son. In the span of a few minutes he had just lost his family. How did you deal with something like that?

"John," Teyla's tentative voice drifted his way and he stiffened as she placed her hand on his slumped shoulder. "Please, we must talk. It was not done to hurt you. You must understand how confused you were when we rescued you. It was simply easier to allow you to believe your fantasies had been real at first. You did not seem to think anything was real yet you responded well to Torren and to myself when we visited. Dr. Lam thought it was essential to get your body healed first and then healing your mind would come later."

John ran his hands through his hair then scrubbed his face feeling the wetness more than before. He turned his head slightly and saw Teyla kneeling in the sand next to him, her hand still on his shoulder. "All this time I thought TJ was mine. I thought I had a son. Did you sleep with me to help me get better, too? I thought you and I …"

"There was  _nothing_ false about you and I, John," Teyla insisted firmly. "That you must believe."

John's eyes grew intense as he spit out, "What about Kanaan?"

Teyla then realized that perhaps he did not recall their conversation before he came back to Earth. "John, you need to remember when you were packing to come back to this planet. I came to your quarters and we spoke. Do you remember what we said?"

John paused and his mind drifted to that time. He had warned her to leave and take TJ and Kanaan. She had said … His eyes rose swiftly to meet hers. "You said you and Kanaan weren't together. I told you we'd talk about it as soon as I got back."

Teyla nodded tearfully. "Yes, but you did not return. I mourned your loss all the while feeling your presence beside me in my bed, in my shower, many times during the day. It was all I had of you and I cherished  _every_  moment of it. The dreams you had during your imprisonment were mine as well as yours. They were what I wished and what I escaped to when real life became too painful. You were not the only one who created a much better life than what we had."

Teyla's voice was now cracking and she felt tears run down her cheeks to match those on John's face. "When you returned, I allowed you to believe that your dreams had been real because I  _wished_  them to be so. I hoped that when you fully recovered we could have the life that we both dreamed of. I was being selfish, I know, but it made you feel safe and calm and I would do anything to keep you from the anxiety and fear you were obviously feeling."

John narrowed his eyes and the confused expression he had worn so often in his first weeks back reappeared. "Wait, TJ was calling me Dada. He never did that before I left. How is that possible?"

Teyla caressed his shoulder. "As I said before, because Torren also has Wraith DNA he was exposed to some of the dreams as well. Before you left you were an integral part of his life and so when the dreams continued he did not forget you but rather continued and enhanced your relationship. Perhaps you were the one to create the familial bond between you, however Torren felt it strongly too and I believe he had as much to do with keeping it alive in our shared dreams as you did."

"But I'm not his Dad," John rasped and in the moonlight Teyla could see more moisture gather in his eyes. It pained her to see him so distressed.

"Torren may not be of your flesh and blood but in many other ways he is indeed your child. Even before you knew Kanaan and I were not a couple you gave Torren love and attention and showed how much you cared for him. He is just a child yet he could see and feel your love for him. He can still see and feel it. You have certainly played the role of parent and I hope you continue to do so."

"I do love him, Teyla," John whispered and bent his head to touch hers. "I can't imagine not having him in my life. But when we get back to Pegasus …"

"Nothing will change between Kanaan and I, John. He has chosen to live with our people on New Athos and so I will bring Torren to see him when it is convenient for him. And I am hopeful that you will help me parent him while in the city."

John raised his eyes and lifted his hand to touch the side of her face. "And you want us to do this together, you and me? This … what we feel for each other … wasn't just part of a dream, right?"

Teyla touched her lips briefly to his. "I would not have continued our intimacy if I did not have deep feelings for you. I learned from my brief night with Kanaan that some things are not meant to be. I truly believe that you and I are. I am hoping that you feel the same."

John straightened up realizing that he had never really told Teyla how he felt. He certainly had never said it before they got to Earth. He had just found out that Kanaan wasn't involved with Teyla and after his capture and rescue he had been too much of a basket case to really even think about it. Plus, he thought she had known by their dreams.

"Teyla, I owe you so much. You don't even realize how much. You saved my life, you saved me. It was you I thought about whenever Medusa started whipping me. It was you I escaped to when I was beaten or shocked or stripped down and degraded. You were always there in the back of my mind calling out to me. Whenever I thought I couldn't go on any longer, I swear I could hear your voice telling me to hold on. And I did. But only because of you."

Teyla knew the tears were now running down her face at John's admission of what had been done to him and how deeply he had relied on her. "You are strong, John, and I know you would have remained strong even had I not been there. But I am glad I was. I will always be here for you if you so wish it. You need only ask and I will do what I am able. I will stay by your side for as long as you need me."

John thought for a few minutes as he and Teyla held each other in the warm summer breeze. "Would you stay here on Earth if I asked you to? Live in that little house we had down the street from the park? We could take TJ there every day and play on the slides and swings."

Teyla looked curiously at him. "Is this what you truly wish, John? If it is then yes, we will stay. I would miss my people but for many months now I have resigned myself to not seeing them again and though it was sad, I knew my true family was here with you and Torren. I need no one else."

"Wow," John exclaimed at Teyla's statement. "You'd really just stay here and hang out with me?"

"I had several opportunities to go back on the Apollo or the Daedalus but chose to stay here for the time being. First, because it was here that I felt closest to you and needed to keep that bond with me for a while. After you were rescued it was never an option to go back without you. I need you in my life as you needed me to get you through your daily torture. My love for you is not conditional, John."

"Your love for me," John repeated and knew he should let her know how he felt too. He really sucked at this displaying emotions thing, though. But Teyla just said she would actually stay here on Earth with him if he asked. He hadn't really asked, not really. But now he thought about what he really wanted. Did he want to stay here and play house with Teyla and TJ or did he want to go back to kicking Wraith ass in Pegasus?

If they stayed here then Torren would only know  _him_  as father and he would never have to worry about Kanaan muscling his way in. But that really sucked for Kanaan and he had a right to see his child too if he could. John didn't have the right to take that away from him. He had just felt bereft when he remembered that TJ wasn't his. He couldn't even imagine what Kanaan was feeling not knowing if he would ever see his son again.

But he still hadn't made any moves to tell Teyla what he felt and he knew she had a right to know that too. They'd spent the last few weeks sleeping together. But in his dreams he had told her. Why were things so much easier in dreams?

"Teyla," he began clearing his throat. "I don't think we should stay here. I think we need to go back with the city to Pegasus. As much as I loved the little life we had in our fantasy world, that's exactly what it was, a fantasy. And I need to know that you and TJ are my reality. I love you both very much and want you to be with me always."

Teyla gave him a beautiful smile that told him she was pleased with his decision. But had she heard his words of love? Okay, maybe he'd lumped them in with his feelings for TJ but somehow it was always easier to say the words to or about a child.

John pulled her to him and kissed her smiling lips. "I love you, Teyla. I don't know why I never said anything before. Maybe I didn't want to ruin things between us. I have a habit of doing that with women. But I don't want to do that with you. I'm not sure exactly how to keep from being stupid though and messing up."

"We will traverse that path when we come to it. For now we will continue to give each other love and support and I think you will find that with enough of each, there is no obstacle we cannot overcome, together. You must believe, John. And I believe also."

John kissed her again then quipped, "I believe that you'll probably kick my ass if I ever screw up and you'll let me know in no uncertain terms what I did wrong. And with the bruises to remind me, I'll never do it again."

Teyla tilted her head in acknowledgement but her mouth twitched in amusement. "Good, you understand me. We will do just fine."

John gazed at this woman who meant so much to him and who had gone through so much and given up so much just to be with him. He knew he'd do everything he possibly could to keep her by his side always and happy. Now he wanted to make her happy and he thought he knew just the way.

He deepened the kisses and leaned back until he was lying in the sand and Teyla was prone on his chest. She didn't seem to mind so he got his hands involved and pretty soon they had set a blaze on the sand as clothes flew and skin slid across skin. Breathing grew harsh and heartbeats sped up. And their bodies moved to the rhythm of their hearts until they soared together and floated back to the sandy soil underneath them.

John rested on his side gazing at the rapturous face of the woman he loved. He knew they would have some obstacles to overcome back in the city, where they would live being one of the first. But he hoped there weren't too many more. There was one he thought he had a solution to right now.

"Teyla, we need to talk about where we'll live once we get back to Atlantis."

"My quarters are slightly larger than yours. Perhaps we could stay there if you wish."

"That might do for the short term. But TJ will eventually need more space and honestly I liked not having him staring at us as I tried to make love to you each morning this week. I know you're used to it since your people live in tents but I wouldn't mind getting one of the larger apartments the city has. I've found quite a few, I just haven't advertised them since everyone would be bugging me for one if they knew."

"I will live wherever you wish."

Teyla shivered as a cool wind kicked up and caressed her heated skin. John tucked her to his side and said, "You know if we're gonna live together maybe we should do it properly."

Teyla looked amused. "Is there an improper way to live together?"

"The proper way …" John wrinkled his nose at her jest, "is to be married. So will you … marry me? I know there're a million guys out there better than me but I'm kind of hoping you'll settle."

Teyla simply closed her eyes and grinned. "I would be honored to marry you, John. And it would not be settling if you are the one who holds my heart. And you are."

John just stared at her beautiful face as she told him yes. He wasn't sure what he even expected, that she would laugh in his face. But now that he'd put that out there he needed to follow through.

"Okay, well I know it's kind of sudden but how about if we see about getting married before we go back to Atlantis. I don't really want a big hoopla. I had that with my first marriage. Can we do it quiet and simple?"

"An Athosian wedding is usually quiet and simple so I think that would be perfect. Does your world not require some form of legal document for this?"

John scowled knowing Teyla had no legal documentation and it would be difficult for them to do this. But he knew people who could probably make it happen. He would call O'Neill tomorrow. He'd seen the way the general had looked at Carter. He thought he might have a compassionate nature when it came to this type of thing.

"I think I know someone who can cut through some of the red tape. I'll give him a call tomorrow. For right now I was thinking I need to show you exactly how I feel about you. I know I actually said it but I've always been a hands-on kind of guy."

Teyla felt her body begin to react again to John touching her skin and she sighed. "Yes, hands-on, that is  _exactly_  the type of man I like."

.

 


	25. Epilogue

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**Chapter 25**

**Epilogue**

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“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to unite this man and this woman in holy matrimony…”

John heard the words but his focus was mainly on the beautiful woman standing next to him on the sand.   O’Neill had come through and he and Teyla had managed to get a marriage license.  Dave and Amy had gone to town and arranged everything else.  John had said nothing big and they had respected his wishes. 

So now here they were standing on the beach near the cottage getting married.  And it was their last day here on the island.  They headed back to Atlantis tomorrow.  But for now he would get as much as he could from this time with his family.  And he meant not only Dave, Amy and the kids but Teyla and TJ as well.  Even though he now knew he wasn’t the child’s biological father, he knew he would still be very much a parent in his life.  Being married to Teyla would assure that.

And gazing at Teyla now, he knew there was no one else he’d rather be with.   He knew his first marriage hadn’t been successful but he also knew what he felt for Nancy hadn’t even come close to the emotions that were roused when he thought of Teyla.  She was everything he’d ever dreamed of, literally.  And it didn’t hurt that she was amazingly gorgeous and so filled with passion.

He looked at her now and could feel all those emotions come to the surface again.  Amy had taken her to the quaint little shops in town and gotten this pale colored dress with narrow straps and a long skirt that flowed around her ankles as the breeze from Nantucket Sound swirled around them.  John had chosen to wear a pair of khaki pants and loose button down shirt.  Dave and his family were also in nice but casual clothes and they were all barefoot.  John had made it part of the deal.  Scotty thought it was weird but Kristy and TJ loved it.

“Do you, Teyla, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband …” the Justice of the Peace continued and John thought maybe he should pay attention to the words instead of staring at his almost wife.  He needed to make sure she said yes.

And sure enough Teyla looked at him with such love in her eyes and claimed, “I do.”

“Do you, John, take this woman …” John couldn’t stop staring at her and thinking about what this meant to them, to him.  He and Teyla forever.  Nothing to keep them apart.

He took a deep breath and staked his claim.  “I do.”

They exchanged rings, etched gold bands that that they’d gotten in one of the antiques shops in town and soon the JP was closing his book with a, “By the power invested in me by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, and before God, I now pronounce you husband and wife.  Congratulations”

The man grinned at John and said, “You may kiss your bride.”

John’s eyes gleamed.  “Gladly!” and he reached for Teyla and pulled her close as his lips sealed the deal.  They had done it!

Dave and Amy, who had been their only witnesses, quickly came over to congratulate them also.  Hugs were given and the kids made sure to get in on those as well and John didn’t even complain about so much love being so out in the open.  This was his family.  It had been a long time since he could proudly say that but right now, he could.

And it was with that family that they celebrated all through the afternoon and evening.  Huge amounts of food were consumed and Torren was overjoyed that there was lots of cake and he was allowed to eat two pieces.  John knew Dave was flying with the others back to the main land and staying at his townhouse in Boston for the night to leave John and Teyla to fully enjoy their wedding night.  And they were taking Torren too so if he had an upset belly from too much cake, John figured Dave and Amy would have to take care of it.  They already had two kids, they must be experts.

John walked out on the porch and saw his brother leaning against the railing watching the women with the kids walking along the beach.  He had planned to join them though it would be a good time to chat with his brother.  They had done a lot of it this week but he had never really said what he knew he needed to say.

“Dave,” John cleared his throat, “I um, wanted to let you know … I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

Dave shook his head and smiled.  “Don’t thank me, Amy did most of the food and helped Teyla get her dress.  I just provided the money.”

John chuckled.  “That’s not what I meant and I think you know it.  I know it hasn’t been easy on you the last month or so flying back and forth to try and visit me often.  And I still can’t believe you were planning on just handing over the business that Dad had worked so hard to build.”

Dave turned and placed his hand on John’s shoulder.  “John, you’re my brother.  I know it hasn’t seemed like it for far too long but when push comes to shove … you’re my brother.  I honestly didn’t even realize how much I’d missed you until you came home for Dad’s funeral and we had that chance to talk.  But then when I thought you died, … it just made a little part of me die, too.   I’d do anything for you, John.  You’re my family.”

John felt emotion build up behind his eyes and he grabbed at the control he was just starting to find again.  But he didn’t use it too much this time.  He realized maybe it was okay to show a little emotion, especially when it was with family. 

“Thanks, Dave.  I like having family again.  And I hope you know that I’d do anything for you too.  You, Amy or the kids.  And I’ve got a lot of my own connections now; ones that you’ve never had.  Might come in useful someday.”

Dave laughed.  “I’ll remember that, John.  And I appreciate that too.  I’m glad we got a chance to spend this week together.  It was way more fun that watching you sleep.”

“Yeah,” John grinned.  “Hopefully Teyla will be the only one who watches me sleep now.  I’ll try and stay out of trouble … if I can.”

“You’ve got Teyla to help you now,” Dave reminded him.  “Now that you’re married maybe she’ll have a bit more reason to keep you under control.  Good thing you married her.”

“Well, that and I get to keep the cottage,” John quipped as Dave swatted at his arm and rolled his eyes.  He saw the women still walking along the beach and patted Dave’s arm. 

“Come on, let’s go join the family.”

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* * *

 

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Teyla watched as her new husband stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist.  He then ran a smaller towel through his hair and turned to begin shaving.  Teyla simply stood in the doorway gazing at the man she loved more than life itself.

Her glance lowered a tiny bit and she tried to hide the wince at the sight of the pink scars still crisscrossing John’s back.  They were not red and swollen any more but they were still very evident.  She felt tears well in her eyes at the thought of what he went through but she quickly pushed them aside knowing John would not want her crying for him any longer.  He was trying to get past what had been done and not dwell on it.  But she knew that perhaps he still needed support in order to fully heal.

She quietly padded over and gently touched his back.  When he flinched and turned frightened eyes to her, she felt regret surge through her.

“I am sorry, John, I did not mean to startle you.”

He swiftly masked his emotions and smiled at his new bride.  He never wanted her to feel bad about touching him.  But he knew he still carried many demons inside that hadn’t been erased yet.  He wondered if they ever would.

He leaned down to press a kiss to her upturned lips then rinsed the residual shaving cream off his face.  “Good morning, Mrs. Sheppard.  Are you almost ready to leave?”

He reached down and wiped a tiny bit of cream that had transferred to her face when he had kissed her.  She lifted her hand and ran it over the now smooth jaw.  “Good morning, husband.  I am ready however I truly do not wish to leave this place.  It has been so peaceful and pleasant and holds many wonderful memories.”

“Good,” John replied then started for the bedroom but looked back at her.  “We’ll have to make it a point to come back next time we come back to Earth.  Or maybe we could even squeeze in a small trip before Atlantis takes off for Pegasus.”

“John,” Teyla said softly as he pulled clothes from the travel bag he had already packed.  “The scars on your back, do they still cause you pain?”

John’s eyes flew to hers and she saw despair and shame cover his features before he quickly closed them off.  He picked up his shirt and answered, “Not physically no.  I’m sorry, I should really keep them covered so you don’t have to see them.  I know they can’t be real attractive.”

Teyla stopped him before he could don his top.  “No, John, you should never be ashamed of your scars.”  She moved closer and placed her hand on his arm then stroked her fingers up to touch a few that could be seen on his shoulders.  “They are a symbol of your strength and bravery and show how determined you were to live and survive.”

John cupped Teyla’s face with his hands and pressed a sweet kiss to her lips.  “I’m not so sure about that.  If it hadn’t been for you, Teyla, I don’t think I would have made it.  I would have given up long before I was rescued.  Being with you each day, even in my little fantasy world, was about the only thing that kept me going and kept me sane.  Although I think the sanity part could be debated after the number of flip outs I had at the SGC.”

Teyla allowed John his claim though she knew he was strong enough to have survived much more.  She was relieved they had found him when they had but also regretted that they had not known sooner.  “I know you are being required to speak with Dr. Martino, the psychologist on Atlantis, for a while but I want you to know that if you ever feel the need to confide in someone closer on a more personal basis, I will be here for you.”

John gave a deep sigh and sat on the bed.  He looked up at Teyla then tipped his head to indicate she should sit next to him.

“I know I should probably talk to you about it, Teyla,” John said as he picked up her hand and held tight.  “But I worry that you’ll be appalled at some of the things I went through and I wouldn’t ever want to do anything to make you think less of me.”

“John,” Teyla breathed out his name, her voice soft and filled with sadness.  “What you were subjected to was not of your making and in no way would lower you in my eyes.   I hope someday you will trust me enough to speak of your fears and emotions so that I may better understand the best way to assist you in healing both mentally as well as physically.”

John closed his eyes and shook his head.  “It has nothing to do with trust.  I trust you more than anyone else in … well two galaxies anyway.”  He now gazed into her moist eyes.  “And I guess maybe you have a right to know, just so you can give me a hand when I start to feel anxious and crowded.  I still don’t like anyone being too close unless it’s one of the kids.  There was this guard, I called him Guido …”

Teyla listened as John described the abuse and torture he received at the hands of this man.  How any tiny infraction on his part would lead to brutal kicks and assaults from him.  He spoke of the degradation of having this man strip him naked and bath him while fondling his private parts.  “He never actually touched me with anything other than his hands but that was enough.  And there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.  I felt so damn helpless and Athena just stood by and watched.  And many times she would laugh and ask if I was enjoying it.”

John took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling.  “God, Teyla, I wanted to break her neck so badly I could taste it.  And Guido, well, you saw me shoot him even though he was already unconscious.  And then I shot his hand, yes I do remember it clearly now even though I didn’t seem too lucid at the time.  But I think the memory of that helped me to come to terms a bit with what they did.  It didn’t take away the shame or embarrassment but it gave me a little satisfaction.”

Teyla’s eyes were filled with pain and she wanted to make the pain she saw in John’s eyes go away as well.   “When I touch you, does it remind you of what he did?”

John actually managed a smile.  “No, your touch is so beautiful and gentle and I can feel every little bit of love you have for me drifting right off your fingertips.  Your touch helps the memory of his fade away.  Hopefully soon I won’t have that memory at all.   You’ll just have to keep touching me as much as you can until it’s completely disappeared.”

Teyla sent a sassy look in John’s direction.  “Should I start now?  Do we have time?”

John’s eyes lit up at her playful grin.  “Well the pilot is waiting at the airport to take us to Boston to pick up TJ but … he can wait for a little while.  As long as we’re in Atlantis by tonight we should be fine.  I don’t think another few minutes will hurt anything.”

Teyla stood up and pulled her top over her head and began to shimmy out of her shorts.  When she was standing in front of John completely nude, she pushed at him until he was reclined on the bed.  She lowered herself to align with his body and said, “What I have in mind may take much longer than that.  I hope he will not be bored.”

John wrapped his hands around her gorgeous ass and rolled so she was now under him.  “I don’t really give a crap about the pilot at this point.  I know I won’t be bored.”  And he lowered his head to capture her lips.

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* * *

 

.

“Colonel, please tell me I can take this thing off right after the ceremony,” John whispered to Sam Carter who was standing next to him on the bottom stair of the gate room.  “It reminds me of funerals and court martials.”

Sam looked at the man standing so proud and strong in his dress blues waiting to receive his new promotion.  It had been almost two months since he’d been brought to the SGC battered and fractured in more than one way but he’d been back on Atlantis for a few weeks now and she could tell he was well on his way to being himself.  The only difference was now he had a family to take care of, though she knew he’d always thought of the people of this city as his family, too.

But John’s brother and his wife had been invited as well and she thought John seemed pretty happy about that.  Both Dave and Amy though seemed a bit overwhelmed at actually being in the mythical city of Atlantis and kept looking around lost.

“But this isn’t either of those things, John,” Sam reminded him.  “It’s a happy occasion.  And maybe I’ll let you dress down if you actually start calling me Sam.  We’ll be the same rank now so don’t even try giving me that excuse.”

John smirked as he said, “It’s a deal, _Colonel_.  And you don’t get the name until I get my wings.”

Sam smiled.  “Fair enough.  Here’s Jack now.”

General O’Neill walked to the podium set up in front of the Stargate and waited for the crowd to quiet down. 

“The President of the United States, acting upon the recommendation of the secretary of the Air Force, has placed special trust and confidence in the patriotism, integrity, and abilities of Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard.  In view of these special qualities, and his demonstrated potential to serve in the higher grade, Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard is promoted to the grade of Colonel, United States Air Force, effective the 10th day of September, two thousand and nine, by order of the Secretary of the Air Force.”

O’Neill looked over the crowd then said, “Mrs. Teyla Emmagen-Sheppard, would you please come forward and help pin on your husband’s new rank?”

Teyla walked up to the podium as Sheppard took a few steps forward.  O’Neill stepped over to them and together he and Teyla pinned on John’s shiny new wings.  John now raised his hand and repeated his oath after O’Neill.

“I, John Sheppard, having been appointed a Colonel in the United States Air Force do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same, that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office which I am about to enter, so help me God. 

O’Neill looked up and smiled as he presented, “Ladies and Gentlemen, _Colonel_ John Sheppard.”

The crowd broke out in thunderous applause and John looked around awkwardly.  O’Neill stuck out his hand and said, “Congratulations John.  Well deserved.  You want to say a few words?”

John grimaced but knew he should say something.  He walked over to the podium, Teyla by his side and he cleared his throat nervously.

“I’m not real big on talking so you’ll all bear with me and I’ll keep it really short.  Looking around here today I see so many familiar faces and many of you I haven’t had a chance to actually talk to since I ‘ _came back from the dead’_.”

Soft laughter broke out among the crowd and John tried to keep from rolling his eyes.  “But I wanted to thank each and every one of you who was there for me while I was recovering.  I know most of you didn’t have a chance to come visit, which was probably a good thing as I went postal a few too many times before I finally got my act together, but I know you were there in spirit.”

He glanced at Teyla as he said this knowing the connection they’d had while he’d been gone.  Then he looked back to the assembled audience and nodded.  “I’m glad to be back home.  Thanks.”

O’Neill looked at him and said, “Short and sweet; just what I like.  Now I only came because I heard there’d be cake.  Let’s go find some.”

John nodded and put out his hand to allow O’Neill to go first.  But when he tried to follow he didn’t get very far.  He was bombarded with people wanting to congratulate him and welcome him back to Atlantis.   He wanted to remind them that he’d been back for over two weeks but he’d been stuck in the chair room for much of the time and many of the troops had only been recalled in the past few days.

It was a half hour before he was able to actually get to that cake O’Neill was talking about and he found most of it gone.  He stuck his finger in a glob of frosting that was left on the tray and stuck it in his mouth, looking around to make sure no one saw him.  As he did he saw Torren toddle over with Teyla right behind.  And she was holding a plate with a large piece of cake on it. 

“You didn’t save that for me, did you?” he asked with the best pathetic eyes he could muster.

TJ jumped up and down a few times yelling, “Tate, Dada!”

Teyla smiled as she handed John the plate.  “Yes, I knew you would want some but feared there might not be any remaining by the time everyone wished you well.  Torren has already had some as exhibited by his energy level at the moment.”

John looked down and saw the boy still hopping around with exuberance.  “He’s just excited because I got promoted today, aren’t you, Pal?  Glad Daddy finally got a big boy set of wings.”

John looked curiously at Teyla but knew she was fine with John calling himself Daddy to Torren.  The child thought of him in that regard so his title should fit.  She knew Torren would most likely call Kanaan _father_ as that was the traditional Athosian name.

John moved to sit on one of the steps and called TJ to sit near him.  “Come here, TJ, if you sit quietly for a while I’ll let you have a bite of my cake, okay?  There’re too many people around here for you to be jumping all over the place.”

TJ nodded and hopped over to sit next to him.  Teyla joined them and John ate his cake, sharing it with his new family.  He looked around the gate room noticing who was talking to whom and trying to figure out who hadn’t returned.  He didn’t know everyone that had been on Atlantis by name but he knew most of the faces and he thought a few were missing.  But there were also quite a few new ones too.  Must be those idiot scientists that Rodney would need to babysit.

Once his cake was gone he pulled TJ into his lap and began to sing him a little song close to his ear.  Teyla heard him and knew it was one of the silly ones that he had most likely made the words up for.  She was surprised that he was doing this in a public place, though she knew with the noise of so many socializing people, most could not hear him.

And she remembered all the times in the last few weeks, since they had been back and living in their new larger quarters, that John had played his guitar and sung to them.  He had even gotten Teyla to sing along a few times, keeping his promise from before.  Teyla took a deep breath when she remembered how she had hated seeing his guitar so silent and still in his room after they had heard of John’s supposed fate.  But no more.  He was here and they had finally been able to reveal their feelings to each other.

John saw Teyla twist the ring on her finger and touched his own.  He knew there were a lot of people who had been more than a little surprised when he and Teyla had come back married but he honestly didn’t care.  He knew they would still remain professional in public and what they did in private was nobody’s damn business.  And he had to admit he really liked what they did in private especially now that TJ had his own room.

John noticed Dave speaking with O’Neill and General Vidrine and wondered what they possibly had to talk about.  But then both Dave and Amy had been very curious about the city and had been asking a million questions since they had gotten here.  He wasn’t sure if they were actually getting any answers.

The party started to wind down and John found himself back in his quarters with Dave, Amy, Teyla and TJ.  Teyla and Amy were cleaning the child up and getting him ready for a nap and John took Dave out to the balcony to show him the great view they had.

“Although the planet we were on before you couldn’t actually see San Francisco,” John told him remembering the wonderful few days they’d enjoyed there last week courtesy of O’Neill and Carter.  They’d insisted they needed at least a small honeymoon.  John hadn’t been able to refuse nor had he wanted to.

Dave rolled his eyes at John’s jest and shook his head in wonder.  “This is truly amazing, John.  I can’t even begin to describe what a magnificent place this is.  I can’t believe this is where you were all those years.  No wonder you didn’t always get my messages.”

John gave a tiny chuckle.  He really didn’t want to think about the times when he and Dave were at odds or the fact that he hadn’t been able to make up with his Dad before he died.  That was a regret he’d just have to live with.

“You seemed awfully cozy with General Vidrine and O’Neill earlier, Dave,” John jokingly accused.  “Anything interesting you learned from them?”

Dave got a glint in his eye and John grew suspicious.  “Well, John, now that you asked, I should probably tell you that I made a little business deal today with your two generals.  Seems they’ve been looking for a company to manufacture some of their power components and Sheppard Industries might just fit the bill.  And it was just an added bonus that I already knew all about this secret stuff and that I can work Ancient Technology.”

“Wait!” John cried.  “How do you know you can work Ancient Tech?  I mean, I figured you probably could since you’re my brother but …”  He picked up an LSD that was lying on a nearby table and handed it to Dave.

“Your friend McKay grabbed me as soon as Amy and I got here today.  You were still getting ready and hadn’t come down yet.  He gave me some gadget that looked kind of like this and asked me if I could turn it on.  Apparently I could.”

John grinned though wasn’t surprised at McKay’s actions.  The man was obsessed with work.  He looked as Dave turned the device on and off a few times.  “Congratulations, Dave, that’s great that you got more business and now you might understand a little more of what I do.”

“And I’ll be in contact with people who actually know what you’re doing.  And maybe I can keep better tabs on you now.”

John looked like he was about to complain so Dave cut him off with another question.  “But I was wondering, this connection you have to the city … can you actually _feel_ it?”

John paused for a second before answering.  “Well, yeah but I usually don’t tell anyone that.  They’d think I’m a freak.”

“But you can feel it, like maybe a buzzing in your veins or a … I don’t know … humming?”

John nodded and was amazed that now he and his brother had one more thing in common and they both had a connection to this city.  He heard a slight sound and turned to see Teyla standing in the doorway.  Amy was with Torren still in the living room and she looked like she was reading him a story.

“A humming?” Teyla said stepping out onto the balcony and looking confused.  “And if you close your eyes do you feel it whispering to you?”

John’s eyes were now confused.  “Yeah.  But how do you know that?”

Teyla took the device from Dave and John saw it turn on at her touch.  His confusion grew.  Understanding began to dawn as he saw her rest her hand on her flat stomach and her mouth twisted into a crooked smile.

“John, there is something I need to tell you.”

 ~ finis ~

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End file.
